Care and feeding of the SAHM

[Xantippe]

T
I’m not so sure that I agree that renting is the way to go. If you rent you do save on home repairs but you can’t deduct any property tax or mortgage interest. It might be a good idea if the job situation isn’t steady but otherwise I think owning is the way to go. And 100k seems a bit too high for me. I know I was comfortable at 54k and now that I eary 110k I feel that I have money to burn.

1. Renting is mentioned as something that a couple might need to accept, not necessarily a requirement. There are areas (for instance much of California) where normal people can’t afford to buy homes. Vancouver, British Columbia is the same way.

crackshackormansion.com/part2.html

Our family did the Dave Ramsey plan on waiting to buy a house until we had no debt, had a solid emergency fund, and had a good downpayment. It took FOREVER (or 15 years–close enough).

When you start having kids without having a running start on finances (which is what we did), it can take a very long time to be in a position to own a house, even assuming that household income eventually takes off. I find that the go-ahead-have-kids-everything-will-be-fine! brigade don’t usually mention that. It needs to be mentioned.

1. The idea is that by having other amenities (helpful family, a strong church community, helpful neighbors, etc.) it’s possible to bring that $100k down quite a bit but still enjoy a similar quality of life. For instance, let’s say that you have a neighborhood that is so full of kids your kids’ age and so many friendly families that your kids get all the socializing they need and barely need to bother with extracurriculars. That’s instantly much less expensive than needing to do a lot of extracurriculars, drive all over creation, and do drive thru dinners several times a week because there either aren’t any children in your neighborhood, they’re the wrong age, or they never leave the house except by car. Or, let’s say that the local public schools are your cup of tea. That means huge savings compared to a family that feels that they need to do private schools (assuming equivalent housing prices).

 

[TeachCatechism]

Still way off topic.

Not really, the job of a parent is to discipline kids so they act normal. If I misbehaved my parents punished me. Way too many parents don’t discipline.

 

[Xantippe]

He let me sleep in for four extra child-free hours this morning (Saturday). I feel better this morning. And I am not doing a stitch of housework until after my coffee and shower.

Awwwww!

 

[Xantippe]

Not really, the job of a parent is to discipline kids so they act normal. If I misbehaved my parents punished me. Way too many parents don’t discipline.

That’s odd. I’m out and about a lot, but I don’t see that.

Bear in mind that “normal” developmentally appropriate kid behavior is not always going to be enjoyable for grownups.

 

[TeachCatechism]

That’s odd. I’m out and about a lot, but I don’t see that.

Bear in mind that “normal” developmentally appropriate kid behavior is not always going to be enjoyable for grownups.

I always see it and the parents do nothing. I was once in a restaurant and these kids were running around and throwing food and screaming. I complained to the manager (as did others)and the parents made excuses. I then walked out and called the headquarters to complain about it. There’s no excuse for this behavior. I’ve seen behavior like this everywhere and it’s inappropriate. My parents never allowed it, they dragged us out of where we were to spank us and we learned public behavior was always to be good. If the kids can’t behave then they shouldn’t be i public. Get a babysitter or don’t go out.

 

[pianistclare]

Not really, the job of a parent is to discipline kids so they act normal. If I misbehaved my parents punished me. Way too many parents don’t discipline.

Ok, I will say it again. This is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY off the topic of ensuring that Stay At Home Moms have adequate support.
This thread is NOT about discipline, or lack of it.

 

[TeachCatechism]

Ok, I will say it again. This is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY off the topic of ensuring that Stay At Home Moms have adequate support.
This thread is NOT about discipline, or lack of it.

But the fact is this is a stay at home parent’s (remember, not all stay at homes are moms, I know a few dads) job. The parent has a job and that is to make sure the kids are raised right. Otherwise why then stay at home? Most mothers aren’t stay at home moms anyway and quite a few go back to work once the kids are in school. Sure they need support but everyone needs support.

Btw, that article is way off. I think it’s dumb to rent when having kids. I also believe in the parent being financially stable before having kids.

 

[Sarcelle]

Ok, I will say it again. This is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY off the topic of ensuring that Stay At Home Moms have adequate support.
This thread is NOT about discipline, or lack of it.

Well to get back on topic, I have often heard my mom lament the lack of intellectually stimulating adult conversation when she was a SAHM.

I’m sure she is not the only one.

 

[TeachCatechism]

Well to get back on topic, I have often heard my mom lament the lack of intellectually stimulating adult conversation when she was a SAHM.

I’m sure she is not the only one.

My mom did too, which is one of the reasons she went back to work. She thought being at home was menial and she hated it. I’m glad she went back to work and it taught me a valuable lesson. Luckily my dad worked nearby so she had him when she needed him.

 

[Xantippe]

But the fact is this is a stay at home parent’s (remember, not all stay at homes are moms, I know a few dads) job. The parent has a job and that is to make sure the kids are raised right. Otherwise why then stay at home? Most mothers aren’t stay at home moms anyway and quite a few go back to work once the kids are in school. Sure they need support but everyone needs support.

Btw, that article is way off. I think it’s dumb to rent when having kids. I also believe in the parent being financially stable before having kids.

Why the heck would you assume that some random family at a restaurant was a SAH mom or dad family? Unless you know them, you have no way of knowing that. Only around 29% of mothers are SAHMs.

pewsocialtrends.org/2014/04/08/after-decades-of-decline-a-rise-in-stay-at-home-mothers/

 

[gardenswithkids]

This made me giggle.
She’s exhausted, ready to throw in the towel, and you just gave her another chore.


Flowers are good. They lift our spirits on the dreariest day.
Bulbs are a nice surprise indeed. No fuss. Maybe the children could dig little holes? Nice science project.
But it cracked me up.
Peace!

That was my first thought, too!

But I loved her analogy and read her whole post aloud to my husband.

Point taken. I hereby give a dispensation to tired mothers so that they don’t have to plant bulbs with their children. However, any exhausted homeschooling mother who does plant bulbs with her children CAN count that activity as “science”. The educational experience for toddlers and pre-schoolers can further enhanced by discussing with them the color “brown” in regards to the dirt, the bulbs, mud, and mom’s coffee.

 

[pianistclare]

Point taken. I hereby give a dispensation to tired mothers so that they don’t have to plant bulbs with their children. However, any exhausted homeschooling mother who does plant bulbs with her children CAN count that activity as “science”. The educational experience for toddlers and pre-schoolers can further enhanced by discussing with them the color “brown” in regards to the dirt, the bulbs, mud, and mom’s coffee.

God bless you!

 

[TeachCatechism]

Why the heck would you assume that some random family at a restaurant was a SAH mom or dad family? Unless you know them, you have no way of knowing that. Only around 29% of mothers are SAHMs.

pewsocialtrends.org/2014/04/08/after-decades-of-decline-a-rise-in-stay-at-home-mothers/

I’m not, I’m saying their job is to raise their kids.However a SAH parent’s job is to raise the kids and they should be doing it.

 

[pianistclare]

I’m not, I’m saying their job is to raise their kids.However a SAH parent’s job is to raise the kids and they should be doing it.

I think you should go back and read the OP.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I think you should go back and read the OP.

The fact is a SAH is to be raising the kids and I expect better kids from them. However, sorry but I don’t think they are any better than if they worked outside the home. I know quite a few sah parents and most use it as an excuse not to work, like my sister in law. She’s always been lazy, never cooked or cleaned or worked much then she had a kid and had an excuse. My niece is in school and she still doesn’t work. I work harder than her. Everyone needs support, that article is just pushing a view that sahm is the hardest job when it may not be. I work much harder than my sil. It might even be a bad idea for them to be sah parents because it might make them miserable. If they are miserable at home, a job, college or outside activities are important.

 

[jmjZelie]

But the fact is this is a stay at home parent’s (remember, not all stay at homes are moms, I know a few dads) job. The parent has a job and that is to make sure the kids are raised right. Otherwise why then stay at home? Most mothers aren’t stay at home moms anyway and quite a few go back to work once the kids are in school. Sure they need support but everyone needs support.

Btw, that article is way off. I think it’s dumb to rent when having kids. I also believe in the parent being financially stable before having kids.

You are being incredibly harsh and seem rather intractable in your views. This is all so far off topic. Parents should discipline their kids, yes. Many do. Some don’t. What does that have to do with taking care of a SAHM so that they are healthy enough to do a good job??

Furthermore, your opinion about renting is just wrong. Period. Many people choose to rent BECAUSE it contributes more to their financial security. Home ownership is no longer a safe bet for many Americans, not to mention other parts of the world.

 

[Xantippe]

Point taken. I hereby give a dispensation to tired mothers so that they don’t have to plant bulbs with their children. However, any exhausted homeschooling mother who does plant bulbs with her children CAN count that activity as “science”. The educational experience for toddlers and pre-schoolers can further enhanced by discussing with them the color “brown” in regards to the dirt, the bulbs, mud, and mom’s coffee.

Funny!

My 10-year-old was taking care of cilantro and dill all by himself the last couple months–he’d go out faithfully and water it. He loved it!

 

[TeachCatechism]

You are being incredibly harsh and seem rather intractable in your views. This is all so far off topic. Parents should discipline their kids, yes. Many do. Some don’t. What does that have to do with taking care of a SAHM so that they are healthy enough to do a good job??

Furthermore, your opinion about renting is just wrong. Period. Many people choose to rent BECAUSE it contributes more to their financial security. Home ownership is no longer a safe bet for many Americans, not to mention other parts of the world.

But a good parent is a financially stable parent. If a sahm isn’t healthy enough to be one maybe it’s not for her. It’s not for everyone, this is something people need to accept.

 

[Xantippe]

The article I talk about in the OP doesn’t say ANYTHING about being an SAHM being “the hardest job.”

The article is about what kind of tools and support make SAHMs more effective and what is and isn’t reasonable to expect of an SAHM.

The fact is a SAH is to be raising the kids and I expect better kids from them. However, sorry but I don’t think they are any better than if they worked outside the home. I know quite a few sah parents and most use it as an excuse not to work, like my sister in law. She’s always been lazy, never cooked or cleaned or worked much then she had a kid and had an excuse. My niece is in school and she still doesn’t work. I work harder than her. Everyone needs support, that article is just pushing a view that sahm is the hardest job when it may not be. I work much harder than my sil. It might even be a bad idea for them to be sah parents because it might make them miserable. If they are miserable at home, a job, college or outside activities are important.

 

[jmjZelie]

But a good parent is a financially stable parent. If a sahm isn’t healthy enough to be one maybe it’s not for her. It’s not for everyone, this is something people need to accept.

Your ignorance is showing. Financial stability is not one-size-fits-all. And many mothers find their physical and emotional health takes a hit and needs special attention BECAUSE of the changes motherhood brings.

Why are you presenting a view of SAHMs as lazy and irresponsible??? What are you trying to prove???