Catholic husband decides he’s a woman

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It’s not unusual. Gender change often doesn’t mean the person’s sexual attraction changes to the opposite gender, or that s/he wants to lose the people s/he loves.
 
I would agree that he does not want to lose the people he loves. If she gets an annulment she can remarry.

He may see it as a threat. His wife has taken on the role of breadwinner and kept her own role as caretaker it would seem. He has an illness/disorder which seems to stem from his childhood and has created a great deal of stress in the marriage.for his wife but also for himself. Seems he never felt like a man and being married to his wife may have actually made matters worse not what she was intending to do.
 
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Apparently there has already been a decree of nullity, because the wife says: “He has appealed the annulment twice, all the way to Rome, and still does not accept it.”
 
Why would he accept it? Sounds like they have been married for about 25 plus years and he sees his life with his wife and possibly his children as over. She may remarry within the church.
 
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Yes. Thirty years of marriage, five children. But she did expect that marriage is between a man and a woman. “When he changed his name to a woman’s, grew out his hair long and started wearing women’s clothing, Elizabeth went to four priests, one of whom was a canon lawyer. “I knew in my gut that this was a beautiful friendship, but it had never been a true marriage,” she said.”
 
That is what is troubling. She knew on almost day 1 something was wrong in the marriage but did not get an annulment.
 
Yet it seems that she does continue to love him:

“I have come to a degree of healing I didn’t think possible. Part of that healing is asking the Lord to help me continue to love him as a brother in Christ, even while not accepting the disorder. We can’t approve of disordered actions. Love can only be found in truth. Christ wants to bring all of us into order and abundant life. It helps me to picture Jesus’ eyes looking at him with profound love. It’s easy to look on the surface and see the face of the offender but love requires us to look deeper to see the suffering soul. I believe that’s what God is asking each of us to do.”
 
After thirty years of marriage, possibly his going around as a woman was the last straw. It seems she felt humiliated.

Although I have seen tv shows, where some of these long term marriage couples actually do stay together and somehow block out parts of the relationship but remain good companions.
 
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JimG said:
But she did expect that marriage is between a man and a woman. “When he changed his name to a woman’s, grew out his hair long and started wearing women’s clothing, Elizabeth went to four priests, one of whom was a canon lawyer. “I knew in my gut that this was a beautiful friendship, but it had never been a true marriage,” she said.”
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While I have sympathy for Elizabeth, the Church still considers her husband a man regardless of how he dresses, looks, moves, what name he calls himself, or if he has an operation.
So the Church cannot possibly be reasoning that Elizabeth wanted to marry a man and now her husband is a woman, because he isn’t in their eyes, and will never be.

I would presume the annulment would have to be based on Elizabeth not being aware at the time of her marriage that her husband had gender dysphoria, which the Church would consider a mental illness. Not that she wanted to be married to a man and got a woman instead. He certainly functioned as a man when it came to begetting the children.
 
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gam197 said:
Although I have seen tv shows, where some of these long term marriage couples actually do stay together and somehow block out parts of the relationship but remain good companions.
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There have been Catholic people post on this forum in the past who have a spouse with gender dysphoria and they are staying together. It’s not a deal-breaker for everybody.

From my personal experience, I’m aware of people with gender dysphoria who don’t want to have surgery, might not even want to take drugs like hormones, and continue to be attracted to the gender opposite their original gender. The main change for them when it comes to “changing genders” is in their own head and in the way they dress and act in public and in the name they call themselves, picking a feminine name instead of a masculine one, etc. So there may not be much change in their actual relationship status, especially if, unlike Elizabeth, their partner knew they were that way and wasn’t bothered by it.
 
The wife sounds like a very strong woman. She’s carrying her cross with grace and dignity.

You just never know what life is going to throw at you
 
Reading the article it seems she knew there was a problem from the beginning…they did go to counseling…I’m guessing as Catholics they both wanted the marriage to work and it did until the husband wanted to dress as a woman…the church granted her an annulment so obviously they had looked into the marriage from the beginning…personally I think the husband is the one being selfish…she had tried for 30 years to make it work even though she knew of his problem…after all that is what Catholics are expected to do in a marriage…so after all those years why couldn’t he have shown some consideration for his wife…I’m guessing he is caught up in this gay agenda nowadays of “coming out”…being your true self…even though it hurt his wife…and some of his children.
 
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Seems to me there was plenty of dysfunction between the two of them. Who brings 5 innocent babies into the world knowing that the marriage is struggling with these kinds of issues? She said she knew from the honeymoon that something was very wrong.

I think it was a very one-sided article that didn’t show the full picture. So unhealthy to stay in a situation where you know something isn’t right, and you don’t bring just one or two children into it, but 5. To me, that is the saddest part of the whole story.

The moral of the story is to listen and pay attention to your instinct and intuition.
 
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From the article:
"Of their five children, some are supportive of their dad living as a woman, some are upset, and one is non-committal either way. But all treat him with kindness, something Elizabeth tried to instill in them. She challenges the angry ones to try to heal and forgive, “or you will take the bitterness into every relationship.” She has told them, “There will always be those who disappoint and hurt us. Most often people are sincerely trying to do the right thing. It’s our choice whether we will be offended and bitter or realize that we also have hurt others and we all are in need of forgiveness.”
What a wonderful example of charity.
 
Meh. I hope she discusses her own part in it with her kids as much as she discusses her ex with them. She should be encouraging them to pay attention to intuition and reality, and not live in denial. That may be the bigger lesson for them.
 
I pray that she and the children find peace and healing, and that this man gets the mental health and spiritual help he obviously, desperately needs.
 
Some people take the richer or poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part seriously.

Sorry, this was meant for @QwertyGirl :o
 
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Annie said:
Some people take the richer or poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part seriously.

Sorry, this was meant for @QwertyGirl :o
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Great. I am one of those. I have been married 30 plus years to the same person.

Doesn’t mean I would bring a bunch of innocent lives, willingly and knowingly, into a mess like that.
 
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If the husband is a true follower of Jesus he should know it is not his decision as to what gender he wants to be. G-d made him a man and a man he should be. Hopefully, the man will recognize this and seek professional psychiatric care and spiritual care to help him finally overcome the delusion. Sorry to be the ogre in the room but we really have to start showing our love and concern for the individual but stay strong to our faith.
 
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