Celebrity crushes

[Cat]

I specifically haven’t mentioned childhood/teenage crushes simply because I don’t see how adolescent behavior excuses the behavior of adults. I had plenty of crushes when I was younger, real and celebrity style, but after I got married my wife and I had a talk about it one time and I saw how inappropriate it was to put some woman other than my wife on a pedestal. Like I said, though, I think you and some of the other people defending crushes in this thread can see at a basic level how these behaviors are wrong, at least in some circumstances. You just don’t want to see them as wrong when it pertains to your own circumstances. Just looking at one extreme, I know a woman who has a huge crush on one of the guys from Game of Thrones (Sean Bean?). She’s married, has three kids (7-14), and works from home. Her home office is adorned with pictures and posters of him and a friend of hers made her a body pillow cover with a nearly life-size picture of him printed on it (she sleeps with it every night). She often “jokes” with her daughters that if their dad dies or leaves her, then he’ll be their next daddy. She describes her crush on him in much the same way you describe your crushes. Would you agree that she’s setting a good example for her daughters?

I would be willing to bet cash and a 24-pack of Peeps that her daughters know that their mother is just having fun and playing. It’s possible that the 7-year-old might take her mother seriously, but older sisters would let her in on the secret and explain to her how it’s all in fun.

Women know these things. I know that my co-worker wouldn’t literally walk away from her job and her home to run off with Derek Jeter, even though she says she would. I KNOW she is just having fun.

Girls know their mothers, and they KNOW that mommy is just having fun.

As for whether Mommy is setting a good example for her girls–it depends on how she is with her husband. Is it obvious that she loves her husband? Is she a true helpmate to him, either through working outside the home or working inside the home or both?

THAT is how Mommy sets an example for her children–by being a loving wife and helpmate, and by being a good mother to the children that her husband and she have made together.

Mommy does not negate that good example by having a celeb crush.

I don’t think her level of expressing that crush is “stalking.” It’s just enthusiastic. Some people are like that–they live “large” and they not only like something or someone, they LIKE something or someone. Have you ever seen the people who paint their house green, paint a Packer’s logo on their garage door, put “Packers’ Crossing” signs at the end of their driveway, and even landscape their yards to include a concrete Packers logo? There are several families like this in my city, and we are about 6 hours away from Green Bay! They are “super fans” and express this enthusiastically. That’s just the way they are.

I’m like that when it comes to synchronized skating. When I go to a competition, I’m at the rink at dawn to watch the practice sessions, and I stay at the rink ALL day until night watching and taking NOTES on every event. I’m not a sports journalist–my notes are strictly for my own pleasure (although my daughter and her fellow coaches review my notes to get my thoughts on what the programs are like).

It’s certainly possible that the mother you are describing has some kind of psychological or emotional problem and her crush has passed over from being just a fun fantasy to being an obsession. You’ll know this by observing the lady and her family in many different settings. That’s a mental illness, not an enthusiastic expression of a fantasy. It’s not fair or accurate to compare a celeb crush with a true mental illness.

Gordon Sims, sometimes men tend to take things literally, while women are able to slip back and forth effortlessly between the real and the imagination. It would be good for you and other men to understand this.

E.g., I often talk on and on to my husband about my love for Victorian houses in small towns, and how I would love to live in one of the old houses that I often tour (I love house tours!).

When we were young, my husband used to get upset because he thought I really DID want to sell our house (a 1960s ranch-style home in the very heart of our city), and move out to a small town into a rambling Victorian home.

Finally he got wise. He realized that I’m only sharing with him my fantasies, and I have no intention of trashing our life (and our finances) to make a drastic change. He is also wise enough to realize that “sharing fantasies” is something that women like to do, and he would be wrong to tell me to stop being silly and think logically like him.

Likewise, I would be wrong to tell him to just have fun and live life large instead of discussing with me how much debt we have to pay off. I need to know these facts and I need to respect his manly traits and his need to be logical, just as he needs to respect my need to rave about my female fantasies!

Here’s the thing–a lot of men wait until they are older and then they try to fulfill their fantasies; e.g., buying a motorcycle and driving around the country. Most women, because of their need for security, never actually act on their fantasies, but instead, post pictures of their favorite movie stars, or read about Victorian house-dwellers in romance novels, etc.

Perhaps what’s bothering you is that you are afraid that a woman close to you (wife, mother, daughter, etc.) will actually ACT on the fantasy, since that’s what some men tend to do. Don’t worry. Most women never go further than just having fun with their secret fantasy. And for that matter, most men are the same way. We all know men (and women) who have destroyed their lives and families by trying to live out their fantasy, but it’s not the norm.

 

[Joe_5859]

I don’t know, Cat. My daughter is 7 and if my wife talked this way about some celebrity, my daughter would be greatly scandalized by it. Perhaps it would be different if it were something she was exposed to from birth and it was just a normal part of daily life.

But then, I think when it comes to the “fantasy” type of thinking, my wife and I are probably the opposite of how you describe men and women. I’m far more likely that her to imagine what I would do if I won the lottery and such things. Sometimes I’ll get into trouble because I think she is just expressing some general wishful thinking when, in reality, she wants me to do something.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

So when a man fantasizes about a woman other than his wife: bad, because men are mindless brutes who can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality. When a woman fantasizes about someone other than her husband: good, clean fun. I’m learning a lot in this thread. I guess that’s why Jesus only mentioned men when he said that looking at someone lustfully was the same as committing adultery, because he knew that when women did it, they didn’t really mean anything by it. Now I’m beginning to wonder which of the commandments are contingent upon gender.

 

[Cat]

So when a man fantasizes about a woman other than his wife: bad, because men are mindless brutes who can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality. When a woman fantasizes about someone other than her husband: good, clean fun. I’m learning a lot in this thread. I guess that’s why Jesus only mentioned men when he said that looking at someone lustfully was the same as committing adultery, because he knew that when women did it, they didn’t really mean anything by it. Now I’m beginning to wonder which of the commandments are contingent upon gender.

Once again (and I think this is the third time), most celebrity crushes are not about LUST or anything sexual.

Most women do not fantasize about having sex with their celeb crush. We fantasize about meeting our crush, talking to them about their work, and telling them how much we enjoy their work, and that’s pretty much IT. Sometimes we crush about riding horses along the beach with our crush (even though I live in Northern Illinois, a thousand miles from an ocean!). But always silly stuff that makes us smile and shake our heads as we go back to our real lives!

Am I failing to make this clear? You keep bringing this thread back to lust, and lust doesn’t enter into it for most women. Not one bit. Women have a completely different arousal system than men, and just looking at pictures of a celeb does not generally arouse a woman.

If you say that men generally fantasize about having sex with their celeb crushes, well, I can’t disagree, since I’m not a man. The Bible makes it clear that lust is a sin, and that’s all there is to it. Any celeb crush, male or female, that involves lust, is sinful. A woman who is fantasizing having sex with someone other than her husband is NOT just having “good clean fun.” I NEVER said that.

I’ve said over and over that for most women, a crush has nothing to do with sex or desire. It’s just fun. Obviously there are always exceptions, but most women just have innocent fun admiring from afar an actor, singer, dancer, etc. The object of the crush doesn’t even have to be handsome (that was dealt with in an earlier post).

And Gordon Sims, please stop using sarcasm. You wouldn’t speak to me or any woman like that, would you? Just go ahead and disagree straight out, without the sarcasm. You know good and darn well what Jesus meant, and that He was talking to men and women, not just men, about lust.

And if you disagree, fine. If a crush isn’t something that makes sense to you, that’s OK. I can’t understand why anyone would want to hit a tiny ball into a tiny hole with a big long club, but millions of people around the world do it and enjoy it and that’s OK with me, as long as I am not required to do it.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Once again (and I think this is the third time), most celebrity crushes are not about LUST or anything sexual.

Most women do not fantasize about having sex with their celeb crush. We fantasize about meeting our crush, talking to them about their work, and telling them how much we enjoy their work, and that’s pretty much IT. Sometimes we crush about riding horses along the beach with our crush (even though I live in Northern Illinois, a thousand miles from an ocean!). But always silly stuff that makes us smile and shake our heads as we go back to our real lives!

Am I failing to make this clear? You keep bringing this thread back to lust, and lust doesn’t enter into it for most women. Not one bit. Women have a completely different arousal system than men, and just looking at pictures of a celeb does not generally arouse a woman.

If you say that men generally fantasize about having sex with their celeb crushes, well, I can’t disagree, since I’m not a man. The Bible makes it clear that lust is a sin, and that’s all there is to it. Any celeb crush, male or female, that involves lust, is sinful. A woman who is fantasizing having sex with someone other than her husband is NOT just having “good clean fun.” I NEVER said that.

I’ve said over and over that for most women, a crush has nothing to do with sex or desire. It’s just fun. Obviously there are always exceptions, but most women just have innocent fun admiring from afar an actor, singer, dancer, etc. The object of the crush doesn’t even have to be handsome (that was dealt with in an earlier post).

And Gordon Sims, please stop using sarcasm. You wouldn’t speak to me or any woman like that, would you? Just go ahead and disagree straight out, without the sarcasm. You know good and darn well what Jesus meant, and that He was talking to men and women, not just men, about lust.

And if you disagree, fine. If a crush isn’t something that makes sense to you, that’s OK. I can’t understand why anyone would want to hit a tiny ball into a tiny hole with a big long club, but millions of people around the world do it and enjoy it and that’s OK with me, as long as I am not required to do it.

Word to all of this. I feel like Rachel on Friends when Ross would wig out because she was going to be working along side an attractive man and he would always hint that the guy was a threat to their relationship. She said something like I can’t keep having this same conversation over and over.

I can’t continue coming back and explaining that a crush is not about lust or try to write something that really should be a chapter in a textbook that discusses the psycho-social dynamics of crushes, some of which are -gasp!- same-sex crushes that are also not sexual in nature. Some posters continue to exaggerate and twist a crush into something salacious and bring up extreme examples far from what Cat and I are talking about (from experience and observation). If there was some agreement about what constitutes a crush this might be more fruitful. I wouldn’t mind if concerns were in the form of questions and not framed in a way that is suggests that there something sinful about having a moment of thinking, “Hey, he’s kinda cute,” and I admit to sometimes getting a bit swoony or doing a double take when I see certain guys being sweet or silly with children or being excited when a new project is going to be released.

P.S. Bruised Reed + Loki 4ever:heart:

 

[Cat]

Word to all of this. I feel like Rachel on Friends when Ross would wig out because she was going to be working along side an attractive man and he would always hint that the guy was a threat to their relationship. She said something like I can’t keep having this same conversation over and over.

I can’t continue coming back and explaining that a crush is not about lust or try to write something that really should be a chapter in a textbook that discusses the psycho-social dynamics of crushes, some of which are -gasp!- same-sex crushes that are also not sexual in nature. Some posters continue to exaggerate and twist a crush into something salacious and bring up extreme examples far from what Cat and I are talking about (from experience and observation). If there was some agreement about what constitutes a crush this might be more fruitful. I wouldn’t mind if concerns were in the form of questions and not framed in a way that is suggests that there something sinful about having a moment of thinking, “Hey, he’s kinda cute,” and I admit to sometimes getting a bit swoony or doing a double take when I see certain guys being sweet or silly with children or being excited when a new project is going to be released.

P.S. Bruised Reed + Loki 4ever:heart:

Oh, I can talk forever about this topic. I think it’s actually pretty important, because a lot of young girls (and some young boys) develop crushes on celebrities (this has been happening forever, not just in the last few years), and IMO, it’s important for parents to recognize this as something innocent and normal and compatible with Christianity, not something that is sinful and shameful and anti-Christ.

I will talk as long as it is necessary to defend the right of children and teenagers to be normal children and teenagers.

And I also think that a celebrity crush is just one more way that those of us adults who are ordinary and kind of homely and not rich and don’t have exciting careers can have a little fun that doesn’t cost us anything in terms of investment of ourselves, our money, or our time. It gives me a little lift during my week to watch Robert Patrick on Scorpion (CBS Mondays at 8 p.m. Illinois time!). It gives my husband a little lift to look up at his “Little Mermaid” décor in his home office. No sin in any of that. It’s like a cool breeze on a humid summer day.

We need to be careful not to see a demon behind every tree.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Once again (and I think this is the third time), most celebrity crushes are not about LUST or anything sexual.

Most women do not fantasize about having sex with their celeb crush. We fantasize about meeting our crush, talking to them about their work, and telling them how much we enjoy their work, and that’s pretty much IT. Sometimes we crush about riding horses along the beach with our crush (even though I live in Northern Illinois, a thousand miles from an ocean!). But always silly stuff that makes us smile and shake our heads as we go back to our real lives!

Am I failing to make this clear? You keep bringing this thread back to lust, and lust doesn’t enter into it for most women. Not one bit. Women have a completely different arousal system than men, and just looking at pictures of a celeb does not generally arouse a woman.

If you say that men generally fantasize about having sex with their celeb crushes, well, I can’t disagree, since I’m not a man. The Bible makes it clear that lust is a sin, and that’s all there is to it. Any celeb crush, male or female, that involves lust, is sinful. A woman who is fantasizing having sex with someone other than her husband is NOT just having “good clean fun.” I NEVER said that.

I’ve said over and over that for most women, a crush has nothing to do with sex or desire. It’s just fun. Obviously there are always exceptions, but most women just have innocent fun admiring from afar an actor, singer, dancer, etc. The object of the crush doesn’t even have to be handsome (that was dealt with in an earlier post).

And Gordon Sims, please stop using sarcasm. You wouldn’t speak to me or any woman like that, would you? Just go ahead and disagree straight out, without the sarcasm. You know good and darn well what Jesus meant, and that He was talking to men and women, not just men, about lust.

And if you disagree, fine. If a crush isn’t something that makes sense to you, that’s OK. I can’t understand why anyone would want to hit a tiny ball into a tiny hole with a big long club, but millions of people around the world do it and enjoy it and that’s OK with me, as long as I am not required to do it.

Would you agree that an emotional affair is a form of adultery? There have been plenty of threads on here about emotional affairs and how they’re sometimes even more damaging than physical affairs. In light of that, I’ve seen a lot of extremely harsh language about how having a close female friend is on the same level as, or close to the same level as an emotional affair. At the very least it’s a serious near occasion of sin. Any time the topic of emotional affairs is brought up, the person broaching the topic is told quite pointedly that even exchanging emails, online chatting or working at close quarters with a friend of the opposite sex is inappropriate and a danger to their marriage. At least a few people will point out that any and every one of the things the person does with the opposite sex friend is something that should only be done with their spouse. I happen to agree with a lot of the advice given in the threads about emotional affairs. I’m sure most of the people who have responded here would agree that crossing inappropriate boundaries is a very dangerous and flat-out wrong thing for a spouse to do. What flabbergasts me is the idea that fantasizing about someone other than your spouse is being portrayed here as a fun and healthy pastime.

For the people voicing a favorable and harmless opinion of celebrity crushes, I get that you believe there’s nothing wrong with them. A big portion of secular society believes there’s absolutely nothing wrong or harmful about abusing porn. To give it a slightly different light, if I’d started this thread and not mentioned celebrity crushes but had instead said that my wife was mad at me because I have a thing for that Duke University porn star and then listed all the harmless activities others have mentioned that they do regarding their crushes (checking her website every day, fantasizing about her, pinning pictures of her to my bulletin board, swooning every time I see her, etc.), there’s not a doubt in my mind that I would have been crucified and accused of being a porn addict. I’m just as certain that there’s not a thing in this world I could say once the negative tide started to turn it around. However, because I didn’t present it in that manner, I’m being portrayed as prudish and unrealistic. It’s baffling to me that on a Catholic forum I would have to struggle to this degree to defend the notion that a spouse should only have eyes for their spouse.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Once again (and I think this is the third time), most celebrity crushes are not about LUST or anything sexual.

Most women do not fantasize about having sex with their celeb crush. We fantasize about meeting our crush, talking to them about their work, and telling them how much we enjoy their work, and that’s pretty much IT. Sometimes we crush about riding horses along the beach with our crush (even though I live in Northern Illinois, a thousand miles from an ocean!). But always silly stuff that makes us smile and shake our heads as we go back to our real lives!

Am I failing to make this clear? You keep bringing this thread back to lust, and lust doesn’t enter into it for most women. Not one bit. Women have a completely different arousal system than men, and just looking at pictures of a celeb does not generally arouse a woman.

If you say that men generally fantasize about having sex with their celeb crushes, well, I can’t disagree, since I’m not a man. The Bible makes it clear that lust is a sin, and that’s all there is to it. Any celeb crush, male or female, that involves lust, is sinful. A woman who is fantasizing having sex with someone other than her husband is NOT just having “good clean fun.” I NEVER said that.

I’ve said over and over that for most women, a crush has nothing to do with sex or desire. It’s just fun. Obviously there are always exceptions, but most women just have innocent fun admiring from afar an actor, singer, dancer, etc. The object of the crush doesn’t even have to be handsome (that was dealt with in an earlier post).

Morality aside, what adult woman behaves this way? Who has time to feel like this? And what on earth is exciting about fantasizing about riding a horse along a beach with a stranger?

I don’t get it. I just don’t. Good looking, intense actors set off something sexual in me. I recognize this and actively think of other things-but it is just a naturally sexual feeling.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Morality aside, what adult woman behaves this way? Who has time to feel like this? And what on earth is exciting about fantasizing about riding a horse along a beach with a stranger?

I don’t get it. I just don’t. Good looking, intense actors set off something sexual in me. I recognize this and actively think of other things-but it is just a naturally sexual feeling.

Who doesn’t have time? A fleeting thought as I scroll through my Pinterest feed isn’t much time. And bonus! part of the feed comes from someone I follow who has similar interests plus my flavor of the month, so I don’t even have to pin anything myself. My fantasies are about attempting to not make a fool out of myself while I analyze a character he played yeeeeears ago and but sounding like that SNL character stuck on an elevator with some celebrity and keeps asking him, “remember when…[various things].” I’m a big dork even in my fantasies. sigh

And maybe I’m weird. I don’t have a sexual reaction as much as a sensual reaction. I enjoy Emma Watson’s reading of “The Orange” as much as I enjoy Tom Hiddleston’s reading of “Desiderata”. Men snuggling babies or puppies is something that makes me smile to myself and I don’t see why one should be ashamed of this. And my two waning crushes, (characters not celebrites, but close enough, I guess) are a (legit) sociopath and a narcissist (not actually, he just acts that way). Of course, this sounds horrible. I don’t actually want a partner that is a sociopath or narcissist. (And I just know someone reading this is going to twist that into something I don’t mean. If you post about it, try to make it entertaining; give me a giggle.) I don’t want them; I want the confidence, power, etc. without the malignant aspects of their personalities; i.e., I don’t want them as much as I want to be them or have what they have.

 

[Cat]

Would you agree that an emotional affair is a form of adultery? There have been plenty of threads on here about emotional affairs and how they’re sometimes even more damaging than physical affairs. In light of that, I’ve seen a lot of extremely harsh language about how having a close female friend is on the same level as, or close to the same level as an emotional affair. At the very least it’s a serious near occasion of sin. Any time the topic of emotional affairs is brought up, the person broaching the topic is told quite pointedly that even exchanging emails, online chatting or working at close quarters with a friend of the opposite sex is inappropriate and a danger to their marriage. At least a few people will point out that any and every one of the things the person does with the opposite sex friend is something that should only be done with their spouse. I happen to agree with a lot of the advice given in the threads about emotional affairs. I’m sure most of the people who have responded here would agree that crossing inappropriate boundaries is a very dangerous and flat-out wrong thing for a spouse to do. What flabbergasts me is the idea that fantasizing about someone other than your spouse is being portrayed here as a fun and healthy pastime.

For the people voicing a favorable and harmless opinion of celebrity crushes, I get that you believe there’s nothing wrong with them. A big portion of secular society believes there’s absolutely nothing wrong or harmful about abusing porn. To give it a slightly different light, if I’d started this thread and not mentioned celebrity crushes but had instead said that my wife was mad at me because I have a thing for that Duke University porn star and then listed all the harmless activities others have mentioned that they do regarding their crushes (checking her website every day, fantasizing about her, pinning pictures of her to my bulletin board, swooning every time I see her, etc.), there’s not a doubt in my mind that I would have been crucified and accused of being a porn addict. I’m just as certain that there’s not a thing in this world I could say once the negative tide started to turn it around. However, because I didn’t present it in that manner, I’m being portrayed as prudish and unrealistic. It’s baffling to me that on a Catholic forum I would have to struggle to this degree to defend the notion that a spouse should only have eyes for their spouse.

I think that any obsession that takes over a person’s life can be harmful to a marriage.

That would include various addictions (alcohol, drugs, gambling, cigarettes/nicotine, food, online time/video games, exercise, shopping, etc.).

It would also include an excessive amount of time spent on a wholesome hobby or with wholesome friends of either sex. The definition of “excessive amount of time” will vary with each couple’s situation. My husband is an ice dancer, and he spends a lot of time at the rink. If he had done this when our daughters were growing up, it would have been excessive. Now that they are grown and gone, I have no problem whatsoever with him pursuing this passion and I encourage him to do so.

An emotional affair generally involves communication of some type between two people. This is very different from a celebrity crush, which generally involves no communication between people. Even the online communication that is available nowadays is limited; I personally believe that most celebs hire someone to actually respond to the various social media communications that they receive from fans.

I don’t agree that an emotional affair is a form of adultery. I believe it can LEAD to adultery. Adultery is a sexual relationship between two people, and just talking on the phone or exchanging “sexts” is not sex, it’s pretend sex. But it can and often does lead to REAL sex.

I think that married men and women need to be scrupulous to avoid becoming involved with people of the opposite sex other than in business settings, or in recreational settings where they are around other people. I believe that it is wise for people to avoid being alone with people of the opposite sex (unless that other person is gay).

I also think that when a married person is “attracted” in a romantic way to a real person who is accessible (not a celeb who is non-accessible), the married person should immediately break it off and avoid any situations that would put them in close proximity to the person they are attracted to. We should not play with fire when real, accessible people are involved.

Like I said, couples need to avoid being alone with members of the opposite sex. It’s dangerous.

To me, accessibility is very important. Celebs and fictional characters are not accessible, so there is no communication or possibility of sexual involvement (other than masturbation with their pictures or images. Women generally tend not to do this, but I will admit that men do, and they shouldn’t. It’s wrong.)

And as I said at the beginning of this post, ANY obsession can damage or destroy a marriage. Most celeb crushes are NOT obsessive and do not take over a person’s life. When a celeb crush does become obsessive and take over a person’s life, yes, of course it can and does destroy marriages.

I hope this post is helpful.

 

[Cat]

Would you agree that an emotional affair is a form of adultery? There have been plenty of threads on here about emotional affairs and how they’re sometimes even more damaging than physical affairs. In light of that, I’ve seen a lot of extremely harsh language about how having a close female friend is on the same level as, or close to the same level as an emotional affair. At the very least it’s a serious near occasion of sin. Any time the topic of emotional affairs is brought up, the person broaching the topic is told quite pointedly that even exchanging emails, online chatting or working at close quarters with a friend of the opposite sex is inappropriate and a danger to their marriage. At least a few people will point out that any and every one of the things the person does with the opposite sex friend is something that should only be done with their spouse. I happen to agree with a lot of the advice given in the threads about emotional affairs. I’m sure most of the people who have responded here would agree that crossing inappropriate boundaries is a very dangerous and flat-out wrong thing for a spouse to do. What flabbergasts me is the idea that fantasizing about someone other than your spouse is being portrayed here as a fun and healthy pastime.

For the people voicing a favorable and harmless opinion of celebrity crushes, I get that you believe there’s nothing wrong with them. A big portion of secular society believes there’s absolutely nothing wrong or harmful about abusing porn. To give it a slightly different light, if I’d started this thread and not mentioned celebrity crushes but had instead said that my wife was mad at me because I have a thing for that Duke University porn star and then listed all the harmless activities others have mentioned that they do regarding their crushes (checking her website every day, fantasizing about her, pinning pictures of her to my bulletin board, swooning every time I see her, etc.), there’s not a doubt in my mind that I would have been crucified and accused of being a porn addict. I’m just as certain that there’s not a thing in this world I could say once the negative tide started to turn it around. However, because I didn’t present it in that manner, I’m being portrayed as prudish and unrealistic. It’s baffling to me that on a Catholic forum I would have to struggle to this degree to defend the notion that a spouse should only have eyes for their spouse.

Gordon Sims, I think that the fact that the person is a porn star is the deal breaker.

Hopefully you can recognize that there is a huge difference between Gregory Peck and a porn star. Or between the teen boy band One Direction and a porn star. Or between Ariel (the Little Mermaid) and a porn star.

I think that Christians do need to be careful who they allow themselves to crush on. Christians shouldn’t be watching porn and therefore, shouldn’t even know who the porn stars are!

And I think that Christians shouldn’t be crushing on celebrities who are anti-Christian and support anti-Christian platforms. E.g., Anne Hathaway is cute as a button, a versatile and hard-working actress, and won an Oscar for her role in Les Miz. But I am repulsed by her anti-Catholicism and would be appalled if my husband started crushing on her.

I think we need to crush on celebs that, if they WERE available (which they aren’t), we would feel comfortable being friends with them and possibly even being married to them. (Hint–a lot celebs are perfectly happy with co-habiting rather than marrying–to me, that’s a deal breaker. Not interested in Brad Pitt, no matter how “cute” he is.)

I also think we need to avoid celebs who actively work to promote non-Christian politics. Susan Sarandon is a very good actress with an impressive portfolio of work and I recognize that. But her politics are shameful, and I would not attend any of her movies or watch her on TV.

There are plenty of wholesome celebs to crush on.

Same for teenagers. There are plenty of wholesome teen idols for teenagers and children to crush on. They shouldn’t be watching devilish or overtly-sexual celebrities. I personally think that parents need to use some common sense and exert their parental authority.

When great bands like One Direction are around, there is no reason to allow a teen to spend money on Lady Gaga. I respect Gaga’s talent, but abhor her lifestyle and her politics.

My girls were born in the 1980s, and they did not know who Michael Jackson was until they were teenagers. I know this is true because my older daughter’s school teachers told me that she had asked them, “Who’s Michael Jackson?” She knew who Brian Boitano, Paul Wylie, and Scott Hamilton were, but had never heard of Michael Jackson. It IS possible for parents to monitor their children’s entertainment without stifling their opportunities to be exposed to truly great art.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Gordon Sims, I think that the fact that the person is a porn star is the deal breaker.

Hopefully you can recognize that there is a huge difference between Gregory Peck and a porn star. Or between the teen boy band One Direction and a porn star. Or between Ariel (the Little Mermaid) and a porn star.

I think that Christians do need to be careful who they allow themselves to crush on. Christians shouldn’t be watching porn and therefore, shouldn’t even know who the porn stars are!

In the theoretical example I gave, nowhere did I mention watching porn. The young lady in question was all over the news for a short time so someone could have been exposed to her without being exposed to her body of work. As I said, though, this illustrates how at some level you’re able to see that fantasizing/crushing on a celebrity is wrong, or at the very least inappropriate.

I disagree entirely that a person’s profession should be the deal-breaking factor. I think it’s inappropriate across the board. As far as whether someone’s profession makes them unworthy of Christian love or attention, though, back in college I got to be fairly good friends with my one friend’s girlfriend. She seemed like a kind, wonderful person. We later found out she was a stripper who also performed various acts for money. She’d come from a horrible background, was in a bad situation and was pursuing the only path she felt was available to her. Should we have turned our back on her when we found out how she was making ends meet? I’m not tying to derail the conversation, but I think it’s important to keep in mind that the means by which a person supports him or herself shouldn’t immediately cause someone, particularly a Christian, to discount them as a person. In a similar vein, I don’t think one should assume that a celebrity’s PR-generated persona should automatically be accepted at face value. In other words, one’s opinion of a celebrity’s lifestyle shouldn’t be the deal breaker when it comes to deciding whether to give them the sort of attention that should be reserved for your spouse.

 

[Sophie_Lawrence]

I see celebrity crushes in the same way they were portrayed on the I Love Lucy episodes when they went to Hollywood.

Lucy was star struck with John Wayne, Van Johnson (sp) and Bill Holden. Ricky even brought Bill Holden to meet Lucy. I remember Lucy practically swooning, “I kissed Bill Holden!”

It wasn’t scandalous back then. Perhaps some people go overboard with their “crushes”, but I don’t see it wrong to be a fan.

 

[Havard]

I have a crush on Fox host Megyn Kelly to the extent that I think she’s very pretty, intelligent, witty, and charming. As BEL sorta put it, I just recognize that fact and move on to other thoughts. She’s a married woman, there’s nothing to be gained from dwelling on it.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I see celebrity crushes in the same way they were portrayed on the I Love Lucy episodes when they went to Hollywood.

Lucy was star struck with John Wayne, Van Johnson (sp) and Bill Holden. Ricky even brought Bill Holden to meet Lucy. I remember Lucy practically swooning, “I kissed Bill Holden!”

It wasn’t scandalous back then. Perhaps some people go overboard with their “crushes”, but I don’t see it wrong to be a fan.

I think there’s a big difference between being starstruck, being a fan and having a crush. I can’t think of more than a handful of times that I’ve met a celebrity in person, even minor ones, when I wasn’t at least a bit starstruck. Also, there are plenty of celebrities I’d consider myself a fan of. I enjoy their acting, directing, singing, writing or whatever and will even go out of my way to get their latest works the day, or soon after the day they’re released. However, I don’t cover my fridge with their pictures, devote a portion of every day to them in any sort or ever fantasize about them in any way.

 

[Cat]

In the theoretical example I gave, nowhere did I mention watching porn. The young lady in question was all over the news for a short time so someone could have been exposed to her without being exposed to her body of work. As I said, though, this illustrates how at some level you’re able to see that fantasizing/crushing on a celebrity is wrong, or at the very least inappropriate.

I disagree entirely that a person’s profession should be the deal-breaking factor. I think it’s inappropriate across the board. As far as whether someone’s profession makes them unworthy of Christian love or attention, though, back in college I got to be fairly good friends with my one friend’s girlfriend. She seemed like a kind, wonderful person. We later found out she was a stripper who also performed various acts for money. She’d come from a horrible background, was in a bad situation and was pursuing the only path she felt was available to her. Should we have turned our back on her when we found out how she was making ends meet? I’m not tying to derail the conversation, but I think it’s important to keep in mind that the means by which a person supports him or herself shouldn’t immediately cause someone, particularly a Christian, to discount them as a person. In a similar vein, I don’t think one should assume that a celebrity’s PR-generated persona should automatically be accepted at face value. In other words, one’s opinion of a celebrity’s lifestyle shouldn’t be the deal breaker when it comes to deciding whether to give them the sort of attention that should be reserved for your spouse.

And I’ve said over and over again that the type of attention that I give to my celeb crush is far, far FAR SHORT of the type of attention that I reserve for my spouse.

Here’s a math breakdown:

Cat’s crush attention on Robert Patrick: 0.0000625
Cat’s real love for her husband: 99.9999375

I’m not just talking about a time factor here. I’m talking about a Quality of love that I give to my husband. Putting his picture on my fridge would be a silly and juvenile way to demonstrate my love for him (although I do have several pictures of him in my locker at work!). Likewise sighing over pictures of my husband, and screaming when he walks in to the room would be silly and meaningless to my husband (although when he enters the ice to perform his ice dance program during an ice show or a skating competition, I scream!).

Working hard at my job and choosing to spend my wages on projects around the house (like food!) that benefit BOTH of us, supporting him (financially and emotionally) in his figure skating hobby, helping him to lose weight by providing him with nutritious food, praying for him, faithfully practicing Catholicism with him, making love when we have the opportunity–all of these and many thousands more are parts of the “type of attention that is reserved for my spouse.”

You are certainly right that we shouldn’t discount someone as a person because of what they do for a living. I fully recognize that the porn star and the other performers that I mentioned are creations of God and that Jesus died for them on the cross as much as He died for any of the saints.

I also agree with you that a real-life person who is working in a morally-questionable job should not be rejected and shunned by Christians solely because of their occupation.

I also agree (and I have said several time) that we don’t really know what a celebrity is like in real-life, as we only have access to the “image” that the public relations crew puts out on any given celebrity.

But even though I am required to respect and love all people with agape love, I am not required by God to have a crush on someone who has an occupation that I find objectionable. That’s what we’re talking about in this thread. I stand by my statement that Christians need to reserve any celeb crushes for celebs who are not promoting anti-Christian projects and causes.

 

[Cat]

I think there’s a big difference between being starstruck, being a fan and having a crush. I can’t think of more than a handful of times that I’ve met a celebrity in person, even minor ones, when I wasn’t at least a bit starstruck. Also, there are plenty of celebrities I’d consider myself a fan of. I enjoy their acting, directing, singing, writing or whatever and will even go out of my way to get their latest works the day, or soon after the day they’re released. However, I don’t cover my fridge with their pictures, devote a portion of every day to them in any sort or ever fantasize about them in any way.

And that’s OK.

Keep in mind that “a portion of every day” amounts to a few minutes at most.

What I object to is your implication that those of us who DO allow ourselves to have fun with “celeb crushes” are giving these celebs (or more accurately, their “public image”) attention that should be reserved only for our beloved spouses.

This is not accurate. It is a hysterical exaggeration, IMO, of what a celeb crush is for most of us.

 

[on_the_hill]

If it weren’t for my wife’s crush on Thor, for example, I might never get to watch cool movies.

 

[lerapt78]

I don’t get it. I just don’t. Good looking, intense actors set off something sexual in me. I recognize this and actively think of other things-but it is just a naturally sexual feeling.

I don’t get it either.

I guess it comes down to a subjective definition of the word “crush”. For some, it’s admiration/puppy love, and for others it’s sexual attraction/lust. I just don’t understand how anyone can say that “most women” aren’t thinking anything sexual in regards to particular celebrities.

Either way OP, if the object of one’s “crush” sparks feelings of lust, then yes it’s wrong. If the crush is innocent, then it isn’t wrong. Lust isn’t a feeling or thought that can only be applied toward someone who is in close proximity to the observer, or with whom the observer has an actual chance at committing adultery/sexual sin. If that were the case, then we wouldn’t be able to say that viewing pornography is wrong since the majority of porn actors will never come into contact with their viewing audience.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

And that’s OK.

Keep in mind that “a portion of every day” amounts to a few minutes at most.

What I object to is your implication that those of us who DO allow ourselves to have fun with “celeb crushes” are giving these celebs (or more accurately, their “public image”) attention that should be reserved only for our beloved spouses.

This is not accurate. It is a hysterical exaggeration, IMO, of what a celeb crush is for most of us.

The amount of time one devotes to a crush isn’t what’s problematic; it’s the sort of attention that I see as a problem. If I spend 20 minutes a day woodworking, that’s not an issue. If I spend 20 minutes a day lovingly carving wooden effigies of my crush, that’s a problem. By the same token, if I spend ten minutes at the end of my shift sending an email to my female coworker telling her everything that happened on my shift and preparing her for what to expect on her shift, not a problem. However, if I spend ten minutes at the end of each shift crafting an emotionally-laden email to her, complimenting her on her looks and telling her how I fantasize about horseback riding on the beach with her, that’s a problem. I still contend that any level of romantic fantasizing a person does over anyone other than their spouse is, at the very least, a near occasion of sin. And like I keep saying, the fact that you can see a problem with it when the object of the crush is someone who doesn’t meet your standards of crushworthiness shows that you can see that it’s wrong on some level. There’s no viable reason to claim that it’s wrong for me to fantasize about a porn star but it’s okay for me to fantasize about Taylor Swift (who I’m assuming is morally sound enough to meet your standards).