Chatting before, during, and after Mass

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At the risk of appearing to be another curmudgeonly Andy Rooney, I have to say that one of my biggest pet peeves is the cacaphony before, during, and after Mass. The decibel level seems to vary from church to church. The biggest violators do seem to be the elderly and unruly kids. Our parish has a crying room but many young parents don’t seem to avail themselves of it. Unfortunately, they also don’t seem to exert much discipline over their offspring. One Sunday at Mass, a pair of older women sitting right behind us engaged in a virtually non-stop converstaion during the entire Mass, even the consecration. On another occasion, our pastor was giving the homily when someone’s cell phone exploded in a rendition of Beethoven’s 5th. Needless to say, monsignor was distracted and upset. With clenched teeth, he asked the violator to turn the phone off. I think our society is becoming generally less civil because it’s also becoming less Christian. The ugly head of secularism rears its ugly head even in God’s house. I can still remember the incident that taught me to behave in church, although it was 55 years ago. I was 4 and was attending Mass at our little Lithuanian parish with my parents. I was starting to fidget and the elderly–at least it seemed so to me at the time–man with a big mustache sitting in front of us suddenly turned and, without a word, slapped me on the face. My mother, though embarrassed, told me that I got what I deserved and to be quiet. I never misbehaved again in church. Please don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not advocating corporal punishment at Mass but I’m living proof that it can work. Spare the rod and spoil the child!
 
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larryo:
I was starting to fidget and the elderly–at least it seemed so to me at the time–man with a big mustache sitting in front of us suddenly turned and, without a word, slapped me on the face.
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:bigyikes: Whoa! Tough way to learn a lesson! However, I’m inclined to agree with you about the behavior of some children and their parents. Some parents expect better behavior from their kids at a restaurant or movie theater than the do at Mass. I know - I used to be one of them :o but have since learned my lesson…(long story)
 
Our parish has an interesting situation. Some Masses are in the church and some are in the school auditorium. (because the church is not big enough to hold everyone) We tend to avoid Masses in the auditoruim- folding chairs, no kneeling, lots of talking etc. This summer, the auditorium is being gutted so everyone has to attend Mass in the church. Suddenly the church has become noisier before and during Mass. —KCT
 
I am starting to wonder if our priests around here are not reading this thread. Two different parishes in the last three weeks have posted about silence before and after mass in their bulletins, including my parish. We only have a problem after Mass with people chatting on the way out. What is interesting is that seems to be quieting down with three weeks of directives on the subject in the bulletin.

Maybe the forums are being lurked by our priests. 👍
 
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Iohannes:
What is up with the morning greeting right before Mass? At at parish I visted, a cantoress told us to greet everyone before Mass. Anybody have greetings right before Mass starts?
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In our parish, the ushers greet the people as they walk into the church. I think it’s kind of nice and not at all disrepectful. It is done quietly and respectfully but only before mass starts.
 
Mary Wayne:
In our parish, the ushers greet the people as they walk into the church. I think it’s kind of nice and not at all disrepectful. It is done quietly and respectfully but only before mass starts.
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Our parish does this too, although the greeters are at the front door, not inside the church. However, I think this is referring to greeting each other at the start of Mass. At our former parish, the cantor would tell us to stand and greet those around us before Mass began. Dumb gesture :twocents: as it negates the Sign of Peace during Mass later.
 
The chatter before and during Mass gets to me, too. It’s very distracting and not conducent to prayer. Our cantor greets everyone with “Hi, you guys.”(I am not a guy)" How’s everyone this morning?" UGH! I think maybe this lack of respect to others is just because parents haven’t taught their children how to behave in different circumstances. We play and laugh at a picnic, we whisper in the library, we treat elders with respect and call them Mr. or Mrs., we don’t call everyone ‘guy’, and we are quiet and reverant in church. Some parents don’t teach manners anymore and it shows. I have started going to a Latin Mass which is just the opposite. Quiet and reverent.I love it!
 
At the parish I attended before I started going to the TLM, the cantor would ask us to stand, greet each other and to offer each other “a sign of peace” - so why repeat it later?

At another Parish I attended they would ask if there were any visitors, have them raise their hands and then tell where they were from. Then everyone would applaud. Good Grief.

A friend was visiting me and I chastised him for barely getting there before the Mass began. He said, “Oh I was here, I just stayed in the vestibule until all this greeting nonsense was over”.

I have heard people discuss where they were going to go to breakfast during the Kiss of Peace, or inquire about the health of a neighbor, all sorts of “visiting”.

Then there was one parish where the Priest actually said, keep talking - but the list of liturgical abuses at that parish would require three posts 😉
 
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Crusader:
This takes place at my parish before most Masses. I personally don’t care for the practice, but because it’s done outside of the actual Mass, there is no prohibition against it, other than good manners.

What I detest is when then cantor announces “Good morning. You’re all so quiet this morning. Giggle, giggle, giggle.”

That has finally stopped, thanks be to God.
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Sounds like a comedy show.
 
A couple of comments:
  1. The hard of hearing thing is a definite contributor to the cacophony of older folk. As a resident physician, I am in the hospital a lot. Walking down the hallways in the wards is sometimes like stepping into a Best Buy store, every TV is up to full blast.
  2. The older people do use mass as a social hour
  3. I have recently been in the awkward position of “retraining” my wife’s 87 year-old grandmother on going reverently to mass. She had been used to going to her local parish where it was social hour as usual and the pastor can be said, charitably, to have a “relaxed” attitude towards certain particulars of Catholic worship. She had also gotten lax on the sacraments and the like and would participate in illicit “general absolution” services and hadn’t been to a private confession in years. Bear in mind that this is a woman who had spent approximately 1/2 her life under the pre-V II mass. I guess after having a full 30-40 years of laxity, you slip a little bit. Anyways, I took her to a high mass in Latin with choir and orchestra, she is still telling me how beautiful it was several weeks later. She has returned to regular confession, and I’ve gotten her hooked on Fulton Sheen tapes (she remembers the original shows). It’s never to late to evangelize!
4)🙂 🙂 A good experience: Went to midnight mass on New Year’s eve at probably the most orthodox parish in the Twin Cities. The place was packed. After mass, EVERYONE went back to the kneelers and started praying. Not a single person got up out of their seat for several minutes after mass ended. It felt WEIRD, but weird in a good way. My wife and I just stared at each other in pleasant amazement.
 
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INRI:
A couple of comments:
  1. The hard of hearing thing is a definite contributor to the cacophony of older folk. As a resident physician, I am in the hospital a lot. Walking down the hallways in the wards is sometimes like stepping into a Best Buy store, every TV is up to full blast.
  2. The older people do use mass as a social hour
  3. I have recently been in the awkward position of “retraining” my wife’s 87 year-old grandmother on going reverently to mass. She had been used to going to her local parish where it was social hour as usual and the pastor can be said, charitably, to have a “relaxed” attitude towards certain particulars of Catholic worship. She had also gotten lax on the sacraments and the like and would participate in illicit “general absolution” services and hadn’t been to a private confession in years. Bear in mind that this is a woman who had spent approximately 1/2 her life under the pre-V II mass. I guess after having a full 30-40 years of laxity, you slip a little bit. Anyways, I took her to a high mass in Latin with choir and orchestra, she is still telling me how beautiful it was several weeks later. She has returned to regular confession, and I’ve gotten her hooked on Fulton Sheen tapes (she remembers the original shows). It’s never to late to evangelize!
4)🙂 🙂 A good experience: Went to midnight mass on New Year’s eve at probably the most orthodox parish in the Twin Cities. The place was packed. After mass, EVERYONE went back to the kneelers and started praying. Not a single person got up out of their seat for several minutes after mass ended. It felt WEIRD, but weird in a good way. My wife and I just stared at each other in pleasant amazement.
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I agree.
 
took a chance and took the entire Jr Hi CCD class to Mass on All Souls, the silence after communion was extended for a while to pray for the dead. They knelt quiet, composed, no shuffling, you literally could have heard a pin drop. I was amazed. the only noise or disturbance came from older people conversing in loud whispers, banging kneelers, searching through purses. I think these kids may be educating their elders.
 
My old parish had a social center as part of the church building. We had coffee, juice, donuts and bagels after Mass. Didn’t stop the chatter. I think many people view Mass as a community gathering rather than focus on the fact that we are there to worship.
 
Hello to all~ I like this prayer, reminding me to pray for all who annoy me & my family @ Mass…thanks for the reminder! :blessyou:
Now, on with it…I, too, grew up during the 50s-70s…remember all the changes to our beloved Mass during this time; regretting most of it,…esp. the loss of beautiful music, Latin prayers( although preserved @ certain parishes, thankfully), and the reverent dress & attitude of people in attendance!
I see that the placement of the tabernacle is a big factor; I remind my children to genuflect whenever it is placed in the front of the church, in sight; when it is in the chapel (ie, next door or w/e) I do not, but merely bow toward the altar…
I find that people of all ages in my parish make noise before, during & after the Mass, esp. before & after…but some do not seem to see the difference whether they bother anyone by this or not; may I cite an example here of something that happened in my own family just last week?~
My children are mostly of driving age now, and one daughter had to go to a different Mass from the rest of us(we usually go to 4:30 pm on Saturday); she is very responsible about attending every week so I let her do it this time as usual…another daughter asked if she could go w/ her sister, we said ‘yes’…then, during dinner on Sunday afternoon it was revealed to us that the younger daughter was, shall we say, a bit distracting herself? :tsktsk: talking during the Offertory, etc…
So I told her in no uncertain terms that after dinner she & I were going to 6:30 Mass at a neighboring parish(one which is quite traditional & where the people are most reverent, etc)
Well, she was at first surprised, but then while we were there, she was reverent, respectful, and every good thing! :clapping: On the way home, we talked about it & she actually was happy that we went! I told her I didn’t want her to commit a sin by being disrespectful or inattentive during Mass, so she should always remember to go with her heart ready to hear God’s word, receive the Lord in Communion, and respect the prayerful attitude of those around her…God willing she will never forget this!!
God bless you all…JD.
 
There is nothing wrong with communicating before, during or after Mass if it is whispering. Also during Mass I look at the good looking women quite often.

John
 
I’m in the choir at my parish. Whoever commented that it’s the older ladies doing most of the chatting is right. I love them all dearly, they’re like a second family, but it drives me insane. Before Mass, they’re speaking in normal voice a lot of the time- so much so that our choir director has received complaints from the congregation. He has asked several times for the choir to keep quiet so as not to disturb people who aren’t there for social hour, but that only works for maybe one Mass. I love the choir, but I find myself sometimes longing to just go to early Mass and sit/kneel by myself in the pews for the peace and quiet.

I’ve found that if I keep my head down and pray silently before Mass, fewer people try to start up a conversation with me. If they do, I answer them quickly and in a whisper, and they usually get the message. But then the “peanut gallery” comments will start up during Mass- usually from the choir ladies who are not Catholics but are parishoners due to marriage. It is extremely irritating to be focusing on the Consecration and hear whisperwhisperwhisper-gigglegiggle-whisperwhisper behind me- and there’s nothing I can do because that would be more disruptive. It’s just so disrespectful, and juvenile. I’ve learned to anticipate when the giggles will start. If Father forgets to turn on his mike (unfortunately the acoustics are poor in our church), someone will comment. If the reader stumbles during the Scripture readings or the prayers of the faithful, wait for it, here it comes…and there’s the giggling. I can understand kids giggling during a school Mass, if one of their peers stumbles over the reading. But grown women? Please.

Thanks for giving me space to rant.
 
Talking, talking, talking. What is so crucial that it can’t wait an hour or so? If you need fellowship stay outside before and after Mass to do the chatting.

This is a real sore point for me. No point in coming early to say a Rosary or a few extra prayers because of the din. Some conversations are going on during the Consecration. And oh yes, the ever noisey beepers and cell phones.

My way of showing my displeasure is to refuse to give the hand shake of “peace” to those who gab or otherwise break my concentration during Mass.
 
I attended Mass in a parish with primarily (75%) seniors/retirees. Many are widows/widowers and separated by 100s of miles from their children/grandchildren. When the church was recently expanded, the the “gathering” area was quadrupaled. Father told me that for many of the older members, Mass was the social highlight of the week. Many arrived an hour before IOT see and speak with others…too many alone all week.

I’m afraid that my family’s presence didn’t help because my 4 boys were like surrogate grandkids to them all and each “surrogate” grandparent fawned over them no matter where they encountered them.
Ciao,
Dano
 
I would compare the noise level at the Sunday evening mass in my parish church to that of a dull roar similar to that of a theater before a play or a ballpark between innings. As the guitar band works out the music for the mass the “crowd” gets louder so that conversation can be heard over it.

It is very sad in my opinion. I find it very hard to concentrate on my pre-Mass prayer and I know that I am not the only one. Sadly I cannot wait until Easter Vigil when the Catecumen I sponsor recieves the Sacraments an I can return to the quieter more solemn Morning Masses.
 
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SeekerJen:
But then the “peanut gallery” comments will start up during Mass- usually from the choir ladies who are not Catholics but are parishoners due to marriage. It is extremely irritating to be focusing on the Consecration and hear whisperwhisperwhisper-gigglegiggle-whisperwhisper behind me- and there’s nothing I can do because that would be more disruptive. It’s just so disrespectful, and juvenile.
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Has anyone ever told these women not to chat before and during Mass. If they are non-Catholics has anyone ever tried to explain the Mass to them?
 
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