Chatting before, during, and after Mass

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Karl Keating:
At my previous parish I was an usher and so sat in the back at each Mass. The parish catered mainly to tourists (who accounted for 80 percent of the attendance), which let me get a sense of how people probably act in their home parishes.

One thing I came to realize is that Catholics no longer are very good at keeping their lips zipped. Before and after Mass they chat loudly in the vestibule and somewhat more softly in the nave. Even during Mass some chat.

Then something else occurred to me. If I had been asked beforehand who it was that most likely would chat vs. who most likely would be quiet, I would have said: The young ones will tend to chat, while older Catholics, who might remember old customs, will be quiet.

Not so. What I found, consistently, was that it was older Catholics, especially elderly Catholics, who chatted most–not just before and after Mass but even during Mass.

Have you noticed anything similar?
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It’s funny that you bring this up Karl. A few Sunday’s ago, I noticed an older couple chatting about how the walls of the parish had been looking worse and worse every year DURING MASS. They had obviously been going to mass for many years, and I couldn’t figure out why they weren’t paying attention. I found it very disturbing. But then during the concecration, they were both on their knees really taking it seriously. Why pay attention to one part, but not the others?
Since I am a new member of the Catholic faith, converted from a protestant church, I just figured this is how it was with Catholics. I am glad you said something. If you hadn’t, i would have probably been chatting it up with them soon.
 
Our new parish priest who was raised in this church, had the church bells refurbished. The bells were a huge expense way back when they were installed and connected toa computer system, and we had been told it would be too costly to have them “fixed”.
Withina week of his installation he had htem up and running and for the 20 minutes between masses they are programmed to softly chimed some of the oldtime music.
With the baptismal fountain gurgling and the light streaming through the upper story stained glass windows depicting roses and lillies, the peace before mass is incredible.
I noticed since he started the bells, the choir mistress has begun choosing the older traditional music on greater and greater occassion.
We sit with a number of elderly people who think I am just a kid, ( i’m 50 years old with a babyface) who attempt to engage me in talk all the time.
I’m also an artist and I usually hand them a holy card we had printed of one of the paintings either my Mom or I have done. My openprayer book also helps keep them quiet. At times I just reach out and hold one of the elderly lady’s hands for a few minutes. She always welcomes my hands because I am very warm, and hers are always so awfully cold. I feel it is an act of tender kindnes that I hope somebody will extend to me someday, if I get that old. My husband routinely helps these elderly ladies over the curbs and up/down the ramps or stairs, and opens the doors for them.
And we do invite them to the coffee and donuts after church, but many of them have a local volunteer rider service which picks them up at a specified time. Which reminds me, I mean to call the drivers and see if they could delay pick up for 15 minutes so these ladies CAN have some chitchat time and coffee…
Theresa
 
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flatliner:
It’s funny that you bring this up Karl. A few Sunday’s ago, I noticed an older couple chatting about how the walls of the parish had been looking worse and worse every year DURING MASS. They had obviously been going to mass for many years, and I couldn’t figure out why they weren’t paying attention. I found it very disturbing. But then during the concecration, they were both on their knees really taking it seriously. Why pay attention to one part, but not the others?
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Because they are old. Short term memory loss will get to you too one day. 😃

They get a bit forgetful like children as time fly’s by in their life. They saw the need of a paint job. CLICK!!! Thought process clicks into high gear. They have spent 50 years volunteering to paint the walls and give glory to God. In their day it always was perfectly painted along with all the other menial tasks that needed done for the church’s upkeep. They were there and considered it an honor to serve Him with a paintbrush while supporting the church in everyway possible and raising their children to serve God and others. Nowadays the younger generation is too busy bashing old folks to paint. 😛

The good news is their long term memory gets better with age. 😉 They know who is on the altar and who they receive. He understands their childish ways. They would never have spoken out loud in their youth. But they are faithful even as their minds grow dim on something’s. 😉

You can learn bad habits by observing them if you are not careful simply because they have their limitations in certain areas nowadays. So I am teasing you a bit here.You can learn much from them that is good also if the proper time and place arrives, as in after Mass. Get to know them, and I bet you will find a wealth of Catholic heritage no one else can give to you.
 
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catholiclady:
It would help if the Pastor would also remind people that chatting should be done outside before or after the Mass and not in the pews.

I have also noticed that some people take the Sign of Peace as an opportunity to “visit”.
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I absolutely agree – I wish Father would mention something. Although I don’t think that is likely at my parish.

This past Sunday during the Sign of Peae the deacon (a great guy otherwise!) came up to my 13-year-old son, who is very orthodox in his rubrics, and asked him, “So, whattya gonna do this summer?” My son, completely caught off guard, simply replied, “Nothing.”

After Mass this bothered my son so much that he, on his own, went to the deacon and talked to him about this.

'thann
 
I found a Catholic children’s prayer/missal book. It once belonged to my Uncle. The title is Jesus Make Me Worthy by Rev. Robert J. Power C. M. Published 1929. Imprimatur Patrick Cardinal Hayes, Archbishop of New York.

Chapter 27, pp. 236-239 reads as follows:

"Here are a few simple, easy rules to teach you how to act in church.
  1. Always be on time for Mass and other services in the church.
  2. Take Holy Water when you enter.
  3. Make the Sign of the Cross as you were taught, on your forehead and breast.
  4. Genuflect on the right knee, and see that it touches the floor.
  5. Walk quietly up the aisle.
  6. Kneel and say a short prayer when you enter the pew.
  7. Remember that Jesus Himself is is on the altar, in the tabernacle.
  8. Be devout. Say your rosary or read your prayer book.
  9. Pay attention to the sermon.
  10. Make a little visit to Our Lady’s altar before you leave.
… continued …
 
… continued …

These things you should NOT do:
  1. Do not remain outside until the last stroke of the bell.
  2. Do not rush hurriedly and noisily up the aisle.
  3. Do not whisper, laugh, or talk.
  4. Do not turn around in your pew to stare at the choir.
  5. Do not disturb others by coughing or scraping your feet.
  6. Do not fail to kneel or to sit up straight. Do not lounge.
  7. Do not spread your arms over the back of the pew.
  8. Do not forget that you are in the presence of God.
  9. Do not rush for the door before the priest has left the altar.
  10. Do not push or shove others in your haste to get out.
 
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TheGrowingGrape:
I found a Catholic children’s prayer/missal book. It once belonged to my Uncle. The title is Jesus Make Me Worthy by Rev. Robert J. Power C. M. Published 1929. Imprimatur Patrick Cardinal Hayes, Archbishop of New York.
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Yes, I remember that one. Excellant. Treasure that book btw. As to Karls original question
Karl:
What I found, consistently, was that it was older Catholics, especially elderly Catholics, who chatted most–not just before and after Mass but even during Mass.
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Perhaps if all the older folks had retained their copy it would serve as a reminder to them. But old age does take it’s toll on the memory, which young people do not appreciate much. I can’t say I appreciate it either but then I am old enough to have learned a bit about old age. Short term memories go with age. The mind does not remember all things as a young mind does about certain rubrics. They need perhaps a gentle reminder of a wink and a finger to the lips to remind them.
 
In our parish, we usually have not-quite-but-near silence before Mass. There is an occasional brief exchange of greetings in the nave, but no prolonged chatter. Not too many problems with children during Mass, either. Every now and then you have a toddler who could use a parental reprimand that never happens, but mostly people make their children behave appropriately. (We do have a cry room, but you need to completely exit the building and enter by another door to use it, it’s usually full of teenagers and seniors who are chatting, and it’s not air-conditioned in the summer – so I don’t blame anyone for not using it.)

Christmas, Easter, First Holy Communion, and Confimation are another story. Constant chit-chat and even calling out across the aisles before Mass is the norm. Sometimes the choir sings sacred classical and contemporary music for about 20 minutes before Mass. It doesn’t completely silence the chatter but it does help a lot. Of couse, the music only substitutes one form of noise for another, but it’s more conducive to prayer than all the hubbub. They try to stop singing about three minutes before Mass to provide a little time for silent prayer, but the timing is tricky – stop too soon and the chatter starts up again, sing too long and the Mass starts on the heals of the last note. Fortunately, even on these occasions, people are (mostly) respectful enough to remain (mostly) quiet during Mass.

After Mass every week the socializing begins in the pews before the recessional hymn has ended. Our pastor sets the tone for this, since he always begins the concluding rite with his “joke of the week.” It’s hard to recreate any sense of reverence after that.
 
dream wanderer:
We have a ‘casual’ dress code here…and a folk mass and no cry room either…and yet its still very quiet and reverential before the mass starts.

dream wanderer
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We have a casual dress code, too, and no cry room (in fact, I have never seen a cry room except in two parishes I attended in the States). My chapel generally fills up close to 30 minutes before Mass begins, but there is little chatting. Of course, the Tabernacle is in a very visible location (not behind the altar (as I would prefer) but on a side altar in the front of the church). Maybe, as one person mentioned, this may be helpful in controlling the chatting.

Also, while I agree that elderly people who are hard of hearing may compensate by talking louder, it doesn’t always work that way. Many people who are hard of hearing tend to mumble instead of talking more loudly.

Just my :twocents: :twocents: (inflation).

John
 
Margaret Ellen:
I went to the parochial vicar to complain, telling him of the scandal it was giving to my now 5 year old. He called a meeting of the ushers, and I noticed an immediate improvement.!
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Sometimes, that’s all it takes. I know that I (as a teacher) will often ignore the chit-chat in the back of the room until it is “brought to my attention” by a student who is bothered by it. It’s not that the chit-chat doesn’t bother me; it does. But I feel that, if they want to fail, fail they will.

When it comes to people chatting in Mass, if the people are near where I am, I pull out my Rosary, give them a long look, and then ask if they would join me in praying. It helps. Some people will just be quiet, but many times they join me in my prayers. Recently, I went to a daily Mass that I hadn’t had a chance to attend in a while (scheduling conflicts), and one of the former “chatters” came up and asked if I would be willing to join them in their Rosary. 🙂

John
 
I’ve tried to deal with this problem recently. I got so annoyed with the chatter at the back of the church, I emailed my parish priest and asked if there wasn’t something he could do. I like to go to church early and pray and it’s almost impossible to concentrate with this racket. I told him I try to teach my grandaughter that she must only whisper in church, but it’s hard when there are adults talking loudly with no concern for anyone else. To my surprise, he had the inside doors closed and notices put up everywhere to respect other people’s prayer time. God love him, he tried and I was very impressed, it still goes on but not as bad. I grew up with the Latin Mass and I don’t remember anyone talking, you could hear a pin drop. What happened to the reverence we used to show for God’s church.
 
It has been my experience that at The Pauline Rite there is a lot of jawboning going on - especially before Mass. Libraries are much less noisy. Try to imagine folks tolerating that tradition of silence in a library being violated vs our toleration of jawboning in a Sacred Space consecrated to the worship of God and one begins to realise the “success” in the descralisation of the Liturgy wrought by the Perpetual Liturgical Revolution.

In contrast, when I am, thankfully, able to assist at an Indult Mass, I am able to prepare for Mass in peace.

Before Mass we ought be engaged in preparing ourselves for the PART (s) of the Mass - Petition, Adoration, Reparation, and Thanksgiving.

How does one prepare to actively particate in Mass when your fellow pew denizens are blabbering about “sex in city” or the latest Miami Dolphin trade rumor?
 
I have yet to discover a Catholic Parish that doesn’t have people yakking away before and after the Mass.

I have a difficult time praying before Mass due to the conversations that go on around me. I can’t concentrate on my prayers. Maybe I should bring in my bright orange noise-canceling ear muffs to let people know?
 
The chatting thing is pretty hard to ignore, and detracts from what we’re all actually there for. As far as I know, in my parish, nothing has been done addressing this.

The things that bugs me the most, more than the chatting, is
  1. The people who leave immediately after communion. A lot of the time, i see the same people doing it. Now, I don’t know what these people have to do that is so important that they can’t stay 5 more minutes until the mass is over.
  2. The people who leave during the closing before the priest gets to the vestibule. Now, I don’t know what these people have to do that is so important that they can’t stay 45 more seconds. And maybe there isn’t anything against it, it just looks bad.
Maybe I need to have more patience, maybe this is the way it always has been. I wasn’t raised Catholic, I was raised to believe what I wanted. I am a Catholic convert, and these things just seem rude and in poor taste IMHO.
 
I thought a parish was a communal place, a family and that the members gather at the mass to celebrate Christ together. At any family gathering I know we all chat with each other before the main meal (or event) and afterwards some members hang around longer than others because they are enjoying their time bonding with the people there.

At nearly very mass I’ve ever attended the priest has always mentioned in one way or another during the homily that we are family, we are brothers and sisters.

I am not offended at chatting before or after mass, even though it is annoying as all get out when those of us who remain behind in the chapel to pray the rosary over some of the laughter from the main area. Still, even then, I thank God that those people are bonding and that they feel welcome enough in THEIR home, HIS home, to do so.

During mass, is less acceptable, though I must confess, my family and I are guilty of this on occasion. Sometimes we comment on the priest’s lecture or on a particular song we just sang. We’re working on not doing it so much anymore.
 
The noise level in our church can be quite loud at times. Unfortunately, the worst offenders seem to be the EMs socializing in the the narthex! Our organist always starts playing quite loudly about five or ten minutes before mass starts, too. I don’t mind some music, but I wish it was softer and more reverent. I try to concentrate on my prayers or the readings, but I’m afraid those prayers sometimes consist of asking God to give me patience and better focus on why I am there. That is my failing and I try not to blame others – not always successfully.

While babies can be distracting, I can understand their behavior and sympathize with their parents unless they let it go on and on and don’t remove themselves to the cry room. I have to admit that I love to see the tiny ones being carried by their parents when they receive the Holy Eucharist. It always brings a smile to my heart to see them receive a blessing from the priest. I live in an area that has a very large retired population (including me) so there aren’t as many children as in other parishes.

When I do get annoyed at noise in church, I try to remind myself that at least those people have come to mass instead of skipping it.
 
you’re certinally right about the older people, the worse part is they either gossip or state the obvous
In the small chapel where I go to Daily Mass the first row with kneelers is unoffically left for the five Sisters who come, however the rest of the pews are crowded and so when I know they will be gone I sit in that row: typically overheard:
“the kid is sitting in the nun’s seats”
“dosn’t she know better??”
“teenagers!”
“no respect I tell ya, no respect!”
“Can you *believe *her lack of respect for her elders?”
…minutes later
“I don’t think the nuns are comming this morning”
“I still don’t think that girl shouldn’t of sat there”

lol…that always make me laugh
 
At our parish, the ushers are the ones that stand in the back and talk with their friends…being in the back of the church is like being at the circus! It is dreadful! On more than one occasion, when I have had a child out in the vestibule, I have hushed everyone. I encourage them to kneel during the consecration and to participate in the Mass instead of being noisy by standers.

I am a convert and love the Mass, so perhaps I do not give enough nice-ness to those who party in the back of the Church, but if I can learn, anyone can learn!

God Bless
 
My parish church underwent an extensive and extremely expensive renovation about two years ago that resulted in, among other things, two cry rooms. At almost every Mass, there are parents who will not use the cry room and who will not leave for a bit with their crying or noisy child. This is cruel to the child to not either take the kid for a brief walk or move to one of the cry rooms.(We have nursery in the parish hall for at least one of the two main Sunday Masses, as well.)

We’re also the downtown parish, so we get lots of tourists and visiting relatives. Unfortunately, many of our visitors apparently come from parishes in which chatting is okay after receiving the Eucharist and before the end of the Mass…

And we share the chatty usher problem. Not only is that incredibly distracting, it’s also embarrassing to the parish!

I’m a convert who is also an adult with ADD. Because I have ADD, I wasn’t born with the filters that most people take for granted.

Elizabeth
 
Good Morning Church

I thought I would share a few words that have helped me when folks have annoyed me at Mass.

Babies crying: Wow, Thank you Lord for this little one. I pray for all the aborted ones who never get the chance to make noise and annoy me at Mass.

Teenagers: Lord, they may dress a little different, act a little different but I thank you that we haven’t driven them away by boredom or indifference toward them. I pray for all the ones who have left because we have neglected them.

Old folks: Lord, thank you for allowing these folks to still be with us. I often see their lonliness. I pray for those that are rarely visited, rarely get away from home and whose demeaner has become tiredsome. I mostly pray for those who are in nursing homes and rarely see their loved ones. Thank you for the blessings of their presence at Mass.

Lord, always let me remember that I am part of Your family. Thank you that they overlook my large faults. Lord let me see my family through your eyes.
AMEN
 
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