Chatting before, during, and after Mass

[amarikidd]

Thank you SHEMP for keeping on vibrate.

Interestingly, little kids making noise genrally does not distract me-most times, it sounds like they are singing with the priest. I kinda like it when they cry at the consecration-as if a toddler understands what’s happening by yelling out.

And people that leave don’t bother me. I’ve left early twice (confessed that…).

What is annoying is the lack of respect for Jesus, in the Tabernacle, on the Altar

 

[Dadof9]

It seems to me that for whatever reason people have become very casual in the presence of the Holy Eucharist. It is because of this and many other reasons that we sought a more traditional atmosphere and went to the Latin Mass. We no longer have problems with a lack of reverence before, during, or after Mass unless of course we are on vacation and can’t find a Latin Mass to attend. If it did become an issue, our priest, you can rest assured will address it. This is a Latin Mass through the Fraternity of St. Peter, so we are under Rome.

 

[Marie]

Dadof9:

It seems to me that for whatever reason people have become very casual in the presence of the Holy Eucharist. It is because of this and many other reasons that we sought a more traditional atmosphere and went to the Latin Mass. We no longer have problems with a lack of reverence before, during, or after Mass unless of course we are on vacation and can’t find a Latin Mass to attend. If it did become an issue, our priest, you can rest assured will address it. This is a Latin Mass through the Fraternity of St. Peter, so we are under Rome.

Our Lady of Sorrow’s? Beautiful parish.

 

[dutch]

The Latin Mass celebrated by FSSP is like a Ferrari or Porsche whereas your generic parish is like a Pontiac Aztec or a Labaron. Everything is better at the Latin Mass: music; reverence; homilies; disipline.

Why cheat yourself? If you can, go to the Latin Mass and you’ll have no issues with people talking. FSSP priest’s are all about business.

 

[Marie]

dutch:

The Latin Mass celebrated by FSSP is like a Ferrari or Porsche whereas your generic parish is like a Pontiac Aztec or a Labaron. Everything is better at the Latin Mass: music; reverence; homilies; disipline.

Why cheat yourself? If you can, go to the Latin Mass and you’ll have no issues with people talking. FSSP priest’s are all about business.

I appreciate both. My parish which I attend is very reverent and wonderful. I appreciate the Latin Mass, but it is not the only way to get a heavenly Mass nor is my priest any less all about business as you say, than a Latin Rite priest. Father is quite capable doing a perfect and non abusive Latin or Vernacular Mass which transcends heaven and earth. He also does just as wonderful a job in Italian.I still can and do occasionally attend the Latin Mass. I am not going to go out of my way for it though as it is no better nor worse than my parish Norm Mass.

The entire landscape is not either or. Having been born long before the new order of the Mass, I appreciate both. I get real tired of hearing how perfect one is over the other. It seems to come from a lot of people who have no clue and or just like to argue. We recently had a parish retreat and the visiting priest is a fan of the Latin Mass. He exclaimed over and over what a wonderful faithful parish we have. He saw the reverence and so I think that speaks for itself.

Those who constantly attack the Norm with swipes at the new order of the Mass do not speak for Holy Mother Church nor the Lord himself. We know who promotes dissention and it is not God. Let’s not overdo it shall we.

 

[jimfak]

I think part of the problem is that our whole disposition and protocol regarding Church and the Liturgy has become…well…casual. We chat before and during Mass because we no longer feel we’re in church: we’ve removed nearly all statuary from the church; the Communion rail is gone; churches are carpeted and constructed in the round; stations of the cross are inconspicuously placed, etc. In some churches I’ve attended one has to search to find the Tabernacle. And, is it my singular impression that in some churches, the focus of the Mass is not the Liturgy, but rather the musical accompanyment? People actually applaud the ‘band’ after Mass…argh!

Chatting before / after / during Mass is just the next in a long line of downward steps, and it may be a reflection on the church leadership. What’s wrong with reminding people from the pulpit, that we are in God’s house, and that we should refrain from talking? Here in Virginia, the church I attended for a time when I moved to DC, had signs posted at all the entrances which read simply: “Silence”.

-Traditional

 

[JCPhoenix]

ktm:

Yep, it’s the same in my neck of the woods. One day the chatter (from children!) was so bad the priest just before the closing prayer reminded folks that they should control their kids and that a “crying room” is available for uppity children. Now all we need is a “blabbing room” for the adults.!

You reminded me of not only a few annoyances I have experienced, but the following story told to me by a very good friend:

She attends Mass every week, and taught her very young son early on to respect the “Sacred Silence”. He is a special needs child with a very active mind…and yet, she found ways to keep him quiet at Mass. She didn’t let him get away with any noise-making and in fact, in order to assist him was sure to sit in the front row so that he could watch Father celebrate Mass.

I have observed her parenting at Mass and I can vouch for it. I’m not real “kid-oriented” but I have spent numerous years working with kids…troubled and otherwise. And I have learned to spot permissive parenting.

It is rampant in some places. My friend, of course, did note a child in a pew behind her who was acting up, being loud, etc…and with no corrective action by the parent.

Finally, fed up, my friend turned to the parent and politely asked the other to please quiet their child or remove them to the cry room.

The woman was apparently extremely offended and asked her how she could expect such a young child to behave during the Mass. My friend pointed to her son, who was sitting, quietly watching Father on the alter. She told that parent that if her son, who was younger than the offending child, could pay attention at Mass, then it clearly was not an issue of age, but parenting. She asked the woman again to please control her child.

I guess the parishoners around her, most of whom did not have children, “applauded” her actions. They were all terrified to intervene because they did not have children with them and did not want to appear to be rude. My friend recognized that the misbehavior was distracting and moved to correct it.

I wish all parents policed each other like that.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone by my post as I have no children and maybe don’t have a right to my opinion on young children’s behavior.

 

[squirt]

Maybe I’m just lucky, but I only recall 3 times where there’s been much in the way of chatting before Mass in the 3 years or so that I’ve been Catholic. Most times, things are very quiet.

Once was in a Church in a touristy area in the US Southwest, once was in my own parish at a ‘youth’ Mass, once was in another parish where non-Catholic guests of somebody being baptized were sitting behind me.

Usually, it’s either quiet enough to hear a pin drop, or a group is reciting the rosary (which sometimes irritates me if I had been hoping for some time of quiet contemplation, but that’s my problem).

 

[Bonnie]

I hope I didn’t offend anyone by my post as I have no children and maybe don’t have a right to my opinion on young children’s behavior.

Don’t worry - at least you didn’t offend me! I have 2 children who I taught to be quiet during Mass - going to the cry room was considered to be punishment!

A very holy man, Bill, taught me that children CAN be quiet, & that it’s usually the parents fault if they aren’t. One Sunday just before Mass my young daughter was asking questions about different things in the Church. I was very proud of her interest & answered all her questions - quietly, I thought. Bill turned around & put his finger to his lips, & smiled at me. You had to experience his smile to know how it affected me!

From then on I told the kids no questions in Church, they could ask before or after, outside of Church, but the moment we stepped into the building we would concentrate on God.

It worked - it wasn’t long before I got compliments on how quiet & well behaved my children were. Parents often don’t know what a bad example they are setting by answering questions, amusing the children, playing with them, & so on.

 

[Dolly]

Guess I’ll share a story from a different perspective. A priest who has been a missionary in mostly (what we would call) non-first world countries was the celebrant at a Mass attended by our fairly large extended family. There was concern because when the family is able to all be together in the same parish for Mass, there is usually no way of knowing which child belongs to whom. They tend to move around some during Mass (never disruptively) but it has never been a problem with who sits with whom, who holds whose infant etc.

After Mass at a reception the priest came up to a family member. She was concerned he would say something negative about the multiple laps that went on. He said he was so happy to see them all, because when he is in this country it usually makes him sad to watch the young children at mass. The children are made to sit still at all times, never ask a question about the liturgy and the families seem uptight and think worship has to mean total quiet and reserve. He said our family made him feel at home and that that was the way he believed to keep the children a part of the church and Mass.

It is only one priest’s comments, but I think there is a wisdom in them that may escape us. We (western Catholics and especially the US) are just a small part of the universal church, and I am not sure all Catholics world wide share this particular definition of what is proper for worship.

 

[Margaret_Ellen]

ktm mentioned that prehaps there should be “blabbing rooms” along with the crying rooms at churches. It made me laugh with a little irony, with the memory it invoked. Twenty years ago, when in the Air Force, we were stationed in Paso Robles, not too far from Crusader’s home turf. I won’t mention the name of this rather liberal parish, but you Paso Roblans know who you are. Our new baby was fussy, so, leaving older child with Dad, I took the baby to the crying room, which was on the opposite side of the Sanctuary from the sacristy.
Lo! and behold! The crying room was filled nearly to capacity with elderly ladies who were talking non-stop about such subjects as soap operas!! Since my baby was still fussing, I was asked to leave, as her crying “disturbed” them!
I was young and a newcomer to town, so I went outside (the crying room had it’s own entrance to the church), and spent the remainder of Mass pacing angrily, with a still fussing baby.
I never brought her back to that church again. Luckily, most Sundays, Dad was home and could trade off watching the baby, and taking the 4 year old to Mass.
Sitting in the back of the church was just as noisy, all old ladies gabbing.
Later, we moved to Seattle (not the parish we are now in) and the kids were upset, when sitting in the back in order to make quick exit with fussy baby, we encountered gabbing ushers discussing a pick-up truck I went to the parochial vicar to complain, telling him of the scandal it was giving to my now 5 year old. He called a meeting of the ushers, and I noticed an immediate improvement. Amen!

 

[dream_wanderer]

I can tolerate some chatting. If someone is trying to explain the service to someone quietly I kind of like that…it makes me see the Mass again through new eyes. However I don’t think people need to go into detail as to WHY we do things a certain way. If they say "We have an OT reading, then a Psalm then an Epistle, we stand for the Gospel and then the homily’ would be fine. We don’t need to tell them why we stand for the Gospel or what the little head scratching movement is… That’s for later.

But catching up on the weeks news or having a reunion in the aisle…no.

I feel fortunate in that we have a coffee and donut hour after each mass so I guess that helps the people to be quiet. They do talk quietly in the narthex but its seperated from the nave by glass so you really can’t hear them. That is a great place to take crying babies as well…you can still see what’s going on.

Our church might look quite modern by some standards but my husband’s church is in a renovated fire house. My church is a Cathederal by comparision!

dream wanderer

 

[Marines]

At the Traditional Latin Mass, the rosary is prayed before Mass, and silence is observed before, during and after.

 

[Mike_C]

I agree with most of the posters. I am a Byzantine Catholic, and for the most part people observe silence before the Liturgy. Most people wait until they get outside to talk.

yes, even libraries are no longer silent. I realize that in many cases with children its the parents. They don’t discipline them. I work part-time at a department store. The parents think we clerks are baby sitters. They let the kids play with the merchandise, they run around, and the parents even leave the kids and go shopping? (I can make extra money by selling the kids to a white slaver).

I have been to Great Britian where they had the “Handshake of Peace”, but I don’t remember it in Italy.

But I visited Cantabury Cathedral (Anglican) a few years ago. They had a sign that read “Please be quite in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament”. How about that?

 

[kamz]

I’ve been to Catholic churches (visiting relatives etc.) where they talked in the church just as loudly as in the greeting area, they also talked quite loud after church while others were still praying instead of waiting to go out into the greeting area or food area for rolls etc. I found this weird and unusual as I had never seen that before. Since being married 12 years ago and moving 5 times and being in 5 different parishes I have mostly seen that once people are in the church they smile or nod or mouth a hello or how are you to someone they know, I have also seen people quietly go up to families who have had a recent death or other serious issue and quietly hug or touch their shoulder to let them know they care, I feel like that is very nice and very respectful, sometimes that is the only time you can extend your support but I just think it should be done quietly and not distract those around you.
I know that during mass I have to sometimes hush my kids or whisper in their ears and I do see the same with other folks and after mass people in our parish usually speak in very quiet tones and welcome greet the other with a handshake or hug but always quitely without disprespecting those that are still praying. I think their is a way to find a happy medium like that, but I myself don’t like loud talking or people turning and shooting the breeze that has nothing to do with more serious issues other than asking what are you doing this weekend, that can wait.
Just my opinion.

 

[hawkeye]

Yes and it’s very frustrating, then all I can say is because the Priests have been damaged by scandals that they are afraid to speak up.
A priest in my parish years ago gave a sermon about turning the Church into a market place, and he said, those people outside the Church now, go on home.
Yes many went to Church and stood outside just to say they were at Mass.
Anyway there was a breath of fresh air at Mass today with a young priest preaching about chastity, it was a throw-back to the old style preaching.
And although we don’t want to go on about Hell, at least they could mention it once in ten years, this priest actually became a priest after a trip to Medjugorie.

 

[Trinitatem]

I think the amount of devotion to the mass by the masses is sometimes determined by the Church itself. I have been to churches that are very relaxed in atmosphere, where in the mass there is a loss of reverence. In some there have been more folk music and a tendency to chat before and after (and sometimes during) the mass. The people may dress casually. This to me is quite different from how I have grown up where people wouldn’t even clap their hands during mass. In the church I currently attend, there is little conversation, but there is a different ambiance there. The music includes gregorian chants, strings, piano, organ, a fully assembled and dressed choir, which travels once a year to the Vatican. This may or may not affect attitudes, but I have a tendency to think it does. We have no cry room, but people take their children out with the slightest whimper. The priests themselves are friendly, but devout. Their homilies address tough topics that I feel many priests shy away from. Again, this may or may not affect the masses. I think peoples actions in church are reflected in their attitudes toward church. I feel very blessed to belong to the church I do.

 

[dream_wanderer]

Trinitatem:

I think the amount of devotion to the mass by the masses is sometimes determined by the Church itself. I have been to churches that are very relaxed in atmosphere, where in the mass there is a loss of reverence. In some there have been more folk music and a tendency to chat before and after (and sometimes during) the mass. The people may dress casually. This to me is quite different from how I have grown up where people wouldn’t even clap their hands during mass. In the church I currently attend, there is little conversation, but there is a different ambiance there. The music includes gregorian chants, strings, piano, organ, a fully assembled and dressed choir, which travels once a year to the Vatican. This may or may not affect attitudes, but I have a tendency to think it does. We have no cry room, but people take their children out with the slightest whimper. The priests themselves are friendly, but devout. Their homilies address tough topics that I feel many priests shy away from. Again, this may or may not affect the masses. I think peoples actions in church are reflected in their attitudes toward church. I feel very blessed to belong to the church I do.

We have a ‘casual’ dress code here…and a folk mass and no cry room either…and yet its still very quiet and reverential before the mass starts.

dream wanderer

 

[skate]

We’re pretty good at being quiet before Mass, but after Mass, many of the middle age to older parishioners stay in church to talk. We have coffee, milk and donuts after Mass so the younger people usually head to the hall to get a donut and to talk together before religious education classes begin.

 

[Trinitatem]

From Dream Wanderer:

“We have a ‘casual’ dress code here…and a folk mass and no cry room either…and yet its still very quiet and reverential before the mass starts.”

You’re lucky to have a casual atmosphere and yet have it be reverent. In my personal experiences, it hasn’t been that way, but I’m glad it’s not a factor for you.