Chatting with strangers on the net: a sin or not a sin

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on_the_hill said:
Right–I’m always very careful to avoid anything that could lead to trouble, and have never done the cyber sex thing, which is kinda creepy to me anyway.
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It can’t be worse than the actual physical act. These men and women think that by not engaging in the actual physical act one is not cheating. There are no worries for std’s or hiding or emotional attachments or unwanted pregnancies. This is a growing trend.
 
pianistclare said:
What? 😛
I don’t think you said that, and I don’t remember her yelling at you. 😃
Plus, she’s a friend. A really good friend.
😃

At any rate. if the OP is still angry after all these years…maybe the relationship could use work instead of seeking friendship outside of it.

Couldn’t hurt, no?
:cool:

Prayers offered for the OP at any rate.
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Well I said this:
LethalMouse said:
You need to engage your spouse. You need to live up to the calling and hope that encourages the same. Get the “spark” back by loving in not just emotion, but in words and actions. Do the things you did long ago but have stopped doing even if he has stopped his end. It should help restart it all. After a time of acting like a fresh couple NICELY/SWEETLY mention what you need and coax it from love, not demanding. You don’t mention his evils so I assume he is a decent guy and you two have just gotten “caught up” with life.
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So basically Yeah I did say that.

I added the bold in this quote to show the important part of how I wasn’t blaming her, but trying to advise how to overcome HIS failings and any of hers if any. As I said in the response to Irish…He isn’t here so I can’t tell him to bring some damn flowers home and remember to listen to her and all that gooey stuff LOL.

And no, she may or may not have been particularly negative (Irsishmom that is) But on one hand I got that kinda vibe 🤷

On the other hand my post about it was cheeky and fun :D…something lost on the religious people…but oh well 🤷 you peeps just think I am mean or w/e…

OHHHH great convo I had once:​

Girl: you need to be more serious and mature

Me: Err no, that is how you get ulcers

Girl: THAT’S NOT FUNNY, I HAVE AN ULCER!

Me: Case and point!!!​

BAM!!! don’t get ulcers people!!! don’t do it!!! I want you to be healthy!!! :grouphug:
 
WT1 said:
My rules are simple:
  1. No personal info given on the net.
  2. My spouse knows all the sites I post on and can join or monitor should she desire.
  3. People of the opposite sex are to be treated respectfully and in no way intimately.
If you are posting on a forum that your spouse does not know about that is not good. If you are having interactions you would prefer your spouse not see that is really bad.

There is a lot of “pretending” that goes on the Internet and my advice would be to avoid that scenario as well as it is basically lying.
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I don’t know if I would go that far. If you’re in a “chat room” or on a social site where flirting / sexual talk is common, then obviously you’re in dangerous territory. But a general discussion forum? For example, I would NOT be comfortable with my wife reading my posts on CAF. I post on many topics that make her deeply uncomfortable…that would scandalize her… Such as? My devotion to the Blessed Mother…intercession of saints…the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist…to name a few. (She is not a Catholic). Yet I keep such things discreet not out of guilt, for I am simply living out my faith, but out of respect for her feelings.
 
twf said:
I don’t know if I would go that far. If you’re in a “chat room” or on a social site where flirting / sexual talk is common, then obviously you’re in dangerous territory. But a general discussion forum? For example, I would NOT be comfortable with my wife reading my posts on CAF. I post on many topics that make her deeply uncomfortable…that would scandalize her… Such as? My devotion to the Blessed Mother…intercession of saints…the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist…to name a few. (She is not a Catholic). Yet I keep such things discreet not out of guilt, for I am simply living out my faith, but out of respect for her feelings.
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I think that your “secretive” behavior is sensible. But intention is key. Plus if you are not struggling with temptation as a result it isn’t the same. The OP is, so that is a big factor.
 
Nearly ALL of my close friends IRL are men.
Always have been.
My two closest “friends” online are two women here on CAF, but the majority of people I PM with are men.
Joe has zero issues with it. IN fact, the women of the parish LOVE him. Must be that Irish accent. LOL 😉
 
pianistclare said:
Nearly ALL of my close friends IRL are men.
Always have been.
My two closest “friends” online are two women here on CAF, but the majority of people I PM with are men.
Joe has zero issues with it. IN fact, the women of the parish LOVE him. Must be that Irish accent. LOL 😉
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I thinkbthis can be a factor, parish women love him…

Parish women don’t love me, the rest do… so I guess my experiences are less trustworthy lol
 
I once had an offer to friend a male member of CAF. Out of kindness he gave me his number whereby I could reach him in case I needed help. For fear of being indiscreet i did not. I show my husband everything and I knew he would not approve even if it was just friendly talk or to help me in my situation.

I chose to go on a chat site for the anonymity; I wanted to talk and reach out to someone who would listen and I did. Only problem is that more can develop. Usually when someone is hurting they are vulnerable and that makes them prey.

Again, I will be judged not because I chose to go on such a site but because I am vulnerable and weak. People can’t handle this. I will be made strong again. I have been through hell and back.
 
LethalMouse said:
I thinkbthis can be a factor, parish women love him…

Parish women don’t love me, the rest do… so I guess my experiences are less trustworthy lol
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Are you kidding or do you just wanna fight? 😛

Because I might like you…but then…I might not…
HA!
 
Still_Hoping said:
I once had an offer to friend a male member of CAF. Out of kindness he gave me his number whereby I could reach him in case I needed help. Red flag. For fear of being indiscreet i did not. I show my husband everything and I knew he would not approve even if it was just friendly talk or to help me in my situation. Why would he approve? A man on CAF is not going to be able to give you the help you need.

I chose to go on a chat site for the anonymity; I wanted to talk and reach out to someone who would listen This seems to be an ongoing thing for you, this need to be listened to. and I did. Only problem is that more can develop. Because the very nature of your problem does not allow you to talk to men on just a “friendly” basis. You are looking for male attention. Usually when someone is hurting they are vulnerable and that makes them prey. The way to avoid being prey, is to avoid going where the predators are, and to avoid going into things wearing blinders.

Again, I will be judged not because I chose to go on such a site but because I am vulnerable and weak. People can’t handle this. I think that what people can’t handle is why you think you can handle chat sites. it is like an alcoholic thinking he can go hang out in the bar with his friends as soon as he gets out of rehab. It is not a wise choice. I will be made strong again. I have been through hell and back.
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It is funny though. How people can connect here and flirt and it is ok. Yet I connected with few women and more men on that chat site. And while most of the men advances were clear many were seeking help from lonely marriages and just loneliness. Yet, when I witnessed to them I am compromising myself?

My dilemma was with one particular guy who for hours listened to me and I too him with no solicitation to sex. This has not been going on long despite what some of you think. I did not let this drag on to some affair. It has not even been a week.

My problem is that we both felt a strong connection and it started to get romantic. As soon as that happened I came here for help. I know what I must do, and I am taking measures to stop it. And if I have to fall a hundred times to learn I will.

I leave it in God’s hands. Peace.
 
Still_Hoping said:
It is funny though. How people can connect here and flirt and it is ok. Yet I connected with few women and more men on that chat site. And while most of the men advances were clear many were seeking help from lonely marriages and just loneliness. Yet, when I witnessed to them I am compromising myself?

My dilemma was with one particular guy who for hours listened to me and I too him with no solicitation to sex. This has not been going on long despite what some of you think. I did not let this drag on to some affair. It has not even been a week.

My problem is that we both felt a strong connection and it started to get romantic. As soon as that happened I came here for help. I know what I must do, and I am taking measures to stop it. And if I have to fall a hundred times to learn I will.

I leave it in God’s hands. Peace.
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Sounds like you have answered your own original question. Good luck!
 
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Irishmom2:
It’s exactly what I thought too about the CAF member. Ok Irishmom you made your point. I am glad for it.

God bless
 
Still_Hoping said:
It is funny though. How people can connect here and flirt and it is ok. Yet I connected with few women and more men on that chat site. And while most of the men advances were clear many were seeking help from lonely marriages and just loneliness. Yet, when I witnessed to them I am compromising myself?

My dilemma was with one particular guy who for hours listened to me and I too him with no solicitation to sex. This has not been going on long despite what some of you think. I did not let this drag on to some affair. It has not even been a week.

My problem is that we both felt a strong connection and it started to get romantic. As soon as that happened I came here for help. I know what I must do, and I am taking measures to stop it. And if I have to fall a hundred times to learn I will.

I leave it in God’s hands. Peace.
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Well, you’re more vulnerable.

Also, a lot of the time on CAF, we don’t really know people’s genders for a while.
 
pianistclare said:
Sounds like you have answered your own original question. Good luck!
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I think so. I am not afraid of being judged. I more afraid of being weak. Feelings are useless. I must learn again to grow in God’s Grace. Yes I am broken. Aren’t most of us?
 
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