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Agnus-Dei
Guest
So far, 19 years same place, well respected, with no issues with anyone.
Dominus vobiscum
Dominus vobiscum
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Agnus-Dei
Guest
Not at all. The post was about to compliment or not. I said I do not. My wording might be a bit off here. To offer a general compliment if no body parts are mentioned,(even “hair” is off limits) is still too big of a risk. I might rephrase my first post to prevent confusion.
Dominus vobiscum
I altered my first post for clarity.
Dominus vobiscum
I altered my first post for clarity.
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Agnus-Dei
Guest
When a woman accuses a man of practically anything, the man usually has no means to refute her word against him. An accusation, even successfully defended leaves doubt for those present.
Dominus vobiscum
Also @JanR This is exactly the point in my opinion also. Well said.
Lastly a prime example is how quickly my post was dissected to support someone’s attempt at a “Gotcha”! moment. You need no more proof to show extra caution is required.
Dominus vobiscum
Also @JanR This is exactly the point in my opinion also. Well said.
Lastly a prime example is how quickly my post was dissected to support someone’s attempt at a “Gotcha”! moment. You need no more proof to show extra caution is required.
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blackforest
Well-known member
In all seriousness, this is the one kind of well-intentioned compliment that I discourage.
In reality, you never know who has an eating disorder or is losing weight due to cancer or another serious illness. Weight loss isn’t always a good thing.
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on_the_hill
Guest
Focus your compliments on a person’s accomplishments, demeanor, comportment, ability, ethics, etc.
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Neithan
Guest
Actually being found liable for something is one thing and it’s reactive to rely on the probability of winning a legal dispute; proactive policy and prevention of any such dispute is another. There is a minefield to protect one’s reputation. That’s not new, but there are some prudent changes in workplace culture.
A harsh and overly broad decision in my opinion, but that’s your prerogative. You may be confusing prudence with paranoia. Fostering a culture of mutual respect is paramount, but preventive practices that are not unreasonably intrusive are important. “Trust is good, control is better.” Anyway, modern office design with glass doors helps.
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on_the_hill
Guest
What I’m seeing in this thread is paranoia.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Not really sure what you mean there.Irishmom2:
Seems like a double standard.
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CoffeeFanatic
Guest
I don’t know where you live, but I think you’re vastly overstating reality and what actually happens in real life vs. the tales of horror you may heard somewhere on the Internet. Precisely zero women I know (and I know a lot of them and am one myself) would care, feel creeped out, or consider themselves being objectified by someone complimenting their haircut.
Of course, if one is merely saying, “Hey, your new haircut looks good! It really suits you,” there’s zero percent wrong with saying something like that. I don’t know of anyone whether male or female that would see anything wrong with it. However, someone saying something like, “Oh, my God, your hair is so sexy. It looks really, really good,” and the like would be creepy. I’m surprised the difference even needs to be pointed out.
Men and women are biologically different, yes. However, it does hold true, what I said. Talking to women is as easy as talking to a man when you keep in mind that you’re talking to an actual person and not someone you’re condescending to, sexually objectifying in some way, or are in fear of.
Of course, if one is merely saying, “Hey, your new haircut looks good! It really suits you,” there’s zero percent wrong with saying something like that. I don’t know of anyone whether male or female that would see anything wrong with it. However, someone saying something like, “Oh, my God, your hair is so sexy. It looks really, really good,” and the like would be creepy. I’m surprised the difference even needs to be pointed out.
Men and women are biologically different, yes. However, it does hold true, what I said. Talking to women is as easy as talking to a man when you keep in mind that you’re talking to an actual person and not someone you’re condescending to, sexually objectifying in some way, or are in fear of.
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Agnus-Dei
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I have seen the situation a few times myself also. In these cases, the result being the man was immediately terminated based on the accusation. (Funny thing was that in two cases, the accusers quit within a month of their complaint) There is no paranoia if there is a valid, and proven threat.
Figuring it out in court wouldn’t make them any less “fired”, nor erase the stigma associated with the termination.
Dominus vobiscum
Figuring it out in court wouldn’t make them any less “fired”, nor erase the stigma associated with the termination.
Dominus vobiscum
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Future_Catechum
Guest
I understand your situation. It’s why I now wear a chapel veil at Mass. People respect the significance of it. It means I’m here for God, no other reason.
My husband doesn’t attend Mass due to illness.
My husband doesn’t attend Mass due to illness.
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LovelyLadybug
Guest
There is nothing wrong with complimenting women, but you have to be careful to not give the wrong impression if you know what I mean. You don’t want to sound like a stalker. I’ve received compliments on my appearance from guys before, but it was the general “You look really pretty today” type of thing. It’s probably best to just stick to that.
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childinthefaith
Guest
So many variables that’s impossible to say.
Always be polite to ladies. Dont say anything to one youd not say with your priest standing there.
Lastly, be advised if you’re complimenting a married woman that u dont make her uncomfortable, then she goes home n tells her hulking husband who happens to be over protective and doesnt mind going back to prison…
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CathoRick
Guest
I’m not sure what friends you surround yourself with or what type of work environment you’re in, but at my (predominantly secular) workplace, it’s the type of environment where women use words like “sexy” or “cute” to compliment each other’s hairstyles, outfits, etc., whereas a man unwittingly telling the wrong woman “I really like your new haircut. You look a lot younger now!” could be met with an uneasy “Umm, thanks?”, a complaint being filed and the guy in hot water.
To a Catholic woman, these stories understandably sound like nothing more than paranoia, but if you were to step in the shoes of a man for a week I believe you’d be surprised at how much your interactions with women change. Going up to a female you’ve never met before and gently touching her arm or shoulder while letting out a high-pitched “Hi! My name is [blank].” is unthinkable for a man to do, whereas women do it to others all the time where I work. It really is something you have to be mindful of, as a man.
To a Catholic woman, these stories understandably sound like nothing more than paranoia, but if you were to step in the shoes of a man for a week I believe you’d be surprised at how much your interactions with women change. Going up to a female you’ve never met before and gently touching her arm or shoulder while letting out a high-pitched “Hi! My name is [blank].” is unthinkable for a man to do, whereas women do it to others all the time where I work. It really is something you have to be mindful of, as a man.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Lol, the first part, great. The second part, not so great.
“I really like those new jeans. It makes your beer gut look smaller.” How would that go over if a woman said that to a man?
Or to a woman for that matter? 
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Neithan
Guest
Then I guess you haven’t been accused of merely saying something improper with repercussions. I was, and I can honestly say I did not say it or intend anything like what I was accused of. Two people were accusers. It also lead to my swift termination at that workplace. Good riddance, anyway, and while that was a decade ago I was still very young and it didn’t have a severe impact on my career. I can only believe that more vigilance is needed now. Even if I say that I didn’t say it, someone hearing me describe the situation or reading this post could think, “Hm, he must have done/said something wrong.” That’s the fragility of reputation and the power of suggestion.
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Agnus-Dei
Guest
This often happens because the company does not want a lawsuit brought against them by the accuser along the line of “failing to act”. It’s easier to “terminate” the “problem” quickly.
Dominus vobiscum
Dominus vobiscum
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Neithan
Guest
Oh they had no grounds for a lawsuit. And then I could have brought up all their inappropriate “compliments”; although there is definitely a double standard there. Anyway, I think workplace culture has improved over the past few years because of the increased awareness and need for precaution.
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Phemie
Guest
My much younger boss told me he liked my shoes the other day. Made my day, cause I like my clown shoes too. 
We compliment him on his socks all the time. It’s a very relaxed work place.
We compliment him on his socks all the time. It’s a very relaxed work place.
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LilyM
Guest
It’s not a matter of needing it - no-one ever strictly needs a compliment, people do it because it’s a nice thing to do.
Having said that, in a work setting you are far safer (and better) complimenting someone’s work and abilities rather than their appearance.
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