Complimenting women

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Batman2.0 said:
Is it good for young men to compliment a woman on her appearance?
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This thread is unusual to me only because I’ve had exposure to a lot of different cultures.

Ask an Italian man if it’s OK to compliment a woman on her appearance, and he’ll look at you like you just spit in his soup.
 
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Agnus-Dei said:
I even avoid being in the same place at the same time without a witness. I will not even speak to one without a witness present.
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If I were a manager, that would cause serious repercussions, having a team member who refused to speak to other members.
 
No. I am 71 and have never felt comfortable commenting on anyone’s appearance, male or female, especially females, and a big no no these days. I always felt it was kind of patronizing and creepy. Unless you are really close with the woman and you have a helmet on.
 
Women I know and trust have told me they prefer to be complimented by other women, rather than men. As some have already said, the words “creep” and “cringe” are commonly tossed around with scorn. There is a general culture of suspicion now, for better and for worse.

Unless she’s family, a friend, a date/fiance/spouse, or it’s clear that you are completely disinterested and not in a position of authority over her in any way, shape or form, (careful here), avoid complimenting women.

Some men have an artful talent for charm and may get away with compliments without being cringy or creepy in the moment; but if someone else saw or heard it, they might see it differently.
 
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Batman2.0 said:
We must all be aware that it doesn’t matter if the social norm is complimenting a woman or not, shouldn’t we be worried on whether or not it is the natural and virtuous thing to do?
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Why would it be “natural” to compliment a woman on her looks?

Whether or not it is a “virtuous” (ie. Good) act will depend on one’s intentions and the foreseeable consequences of expressing the compliment. The consequences will depend on the circumstances including accepted norms.
 
How about not refusing to speak altogether but refusing to speak in a one on one situation with nobody else present? Lots of males at work no longer want to be alone with a woman in a conference room or office.
 
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At work - don’t. There is no situation I can foresee where you should need to or it would be appropriate. Outside of work - provided it’s respectful and you are sure it won’t be misconstrued, why not .
 
Just leave your office door open unless you have a third party present (two other people, one man and one woman, is ideal) and avoid areas where there are no witnesses. Deliberate avoidance or ignoring is bad policy and, more importantly, uncharitable.

Usually there are cameras around now too, so you would have recourse if it ever (hopefully not) came to some accusation of impropriety. Still, they often don’t pick up audio.
 
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phil19034 said:
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Batman2.0:
Okay so this may be kind of a weird question, but I really need a good Catholic perspective on this. Is it good for young men to compliment a woman on her appearance? Is that a good and virtuous thing for Catholic men to do? And of course, I am talking about appropriate compliments. Thank you all so much!
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This is not really a religious top. It’s a societal one.

In today’s American society* (esp post #MeToo) it’s becoming dangerous for a man to compliment a woman based on her appearance - esp if she’s a feminist.

*Perhaps there are others Western countries where this is an issue too.
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TYPO alert - I meant to say: “This is not really a religious topic. It’s a societal one.”

I really wish this site would allow us to fix typos much longer. ☺️
 
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Agnus-Dei said:
I will not even speak to one without a witness present. The man will not be believed as his word is doubted from the start.
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I think that’s quite sad. Men and women are not enemies of each other, that we should treat each other with automatic suspicion.
 
I never thought I’d say this but the more cameras in the workplace the better. I’d even welcome audio recordings. It’s the same reason I am for police having cameras. Number one if there are cameras people will be less likely to misbehave. And two if there are any accusations the cameras can be checked.
 
It’s a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t, if you’re a man in the workplace with women.
 
Yup. And cameras in your car/on your dash are priceless; the police aren’t always your friends, either.
 
What women who wear a lot of black want to hear (maybe) “wow – did you lose weight? You look great!”
What we actually hear: “is this a funeral? Why’s everyone dressed in such drab colors?”

Just kidding 😁.
 
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It’s not all bad. I remember not so long ago hearing stories from men about how they treated women and how they got away with it. Those “glory stories” aren’t so glorious anymore (they never were). I’m ashamed to say I rarely confronted them about it, although I did lose some friends that way when I did. If the suspicion gives women a better sense of what’s appropriate and that they have a right to be comfortable, that’s a good thing. Also it’s better for our own virtue to be vigilant.
 
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Cameras are definitely useful in such situations, though I draw the line about cameras in restrooms. That’s an invasion of privacy.

We must remember, today, that cameras are everywhere – so don’t go picking your nose in public (not that one should do that, anyway, cameras or not).

Big Brother is watching you – no longer fiction.
 
I love to tease the cameras in department stores. I know they’re there, and when I spot one, I deliberately face it and stick my tongue out at it.

Childish, I know – but FUN.
 
Unless you are courting her, or unless she just got over an illness, I wouldn’t.
 
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