Compulsive gambling and marriage

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I noticed that people try to get what they think they need legitimately and if that doesn’t work then illegitimately. Someone with low self esteem needs to be helped to rethink, perhaps through small successes in alternative and innocuous ways. Maybe even through voluntary work, or a creative exercise, maybe even through exercise.

It would be a long term problem I would imagine. This is why professional help Is required I think. Often people close to you are too close to you to help, because they may reject your help, but family can assist, provide the right supportive environment where healing can take effect. We can support the professional too in this way I think.
 
Adgloriam., thank you so so much … and yes coming here has helped me see my role & to find strength to open up to him and he is open to talking later tonite .
If coming here helped me greatly I can only imagine how a professional can help my husband if he’s willing to receive that help.
 
I will leave here 2 resources that I found the most helpful and comprehensive after countless hours of research. If they “hit home” you’re probably “not far off base”.

I find the first by far the best (it gives a procedural approach of how to conduct yourself in dealing with it):


The second is an article by a medic, what is perhaps even more valuable are the hundreds of spouses that go on to to recount their experiences in the comments (most of them give accounts that those affected can relate to)

 
Thank you…I will read them …
God bless you for all the work you put in past 2 days…
You’ve helped me connect the dots with PAD and CG.
So grateful to you and everyone that has reached out and offered their thoughts.
 
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JMMJ said:
It won’t get better. It will get worse. Get, at the very least, a legal separation to protect yourself.
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In most states, that is simply not necessary.

There are ways of handling property management, support, and paychecks short of this.

She should, however, consult a lawyer in her own state (rather than what people claim on the internet).
Augustinian said:
I don’t know what people can do nowadays, direct deposit and all of that.
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For openers, an agreed writ or order depositing part of it to an account under her control.

In the extreme form, whatever the local version of a guardian of the estate but not the person is
Lilimo67 said:
He has to give me the cheque and I deposit it.
I feel like his mother and not his spouse.
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We do this for our children before they are old enough.
We do this for our parents if they lose the ability to handle their own.
Why not for our spouse; this is just a version of “for worse.”

Or an adult child might manage his finances for now.

If he is an incompetent (legally speaking, due to the gambling), it may even be possible to put his earnings into a spendthrift trust or something similar, allowing the purchase of a family home that he can’t encumber.

Talk to a probate/guardianship lawyer. Your state or county bar association probably runs a referral panel for this.

hawk, esq.
 
In my state, spouses are jointly responsible for all debts either one of them incurs.

We had a family friend whose husband had a gambling habit that caused them to lose the house and everything they owned. When he gambled away everything, he turned to loan sharks. One cold January day he disappears. Later that spring, when the thaw came, his body was found floating down river from where his car was. He had been shot and thrown in the river.

The wife had set things up so he didn’t have access to his paycheck. He took out bank loans and credit cards without her knowing about it.

Gambling is an addiction like no other, with regards to the way it can impact a family. OP needs legal advice, ASAP. She needs to protect herself and any children they may have. She didn’t promise to stay with an addict when she took her vows. She can love, honor, and cherrish from afar.
 
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JMMJ said:
In my state, spouses are jointly responsible for all debts either one of them incurs.
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Yes, but . . .

I probably don’t have a license in your state, but there are probably provisions (recorded postnuptial agreement, domestic court order, guardianship/conservatorship) that take a married couple outside of this, or even strip the addict of the legal capacity to incur debt.

In most states, a spouse is liable for the necessities of life of the other, but not general debts. (a state could make the law otherwise, but this would be a major deviation from Common Law . . )

In community property states, far fewer debts are community property than are commonly believed. Generally speaking, only debts for community purpose (food, housing, vehicles, etc.) are CD to start with. I think that it’s Texas where there is no such thing as CD (in all fairness, Texas CP law is quirky in a number of w2ays . . .)

hawk, Esq.
 
Have you considered going to Al-Anon? It’s for relative & friends of addicts.
 
That’s great news. I hope it helps you do whatever you need to do and gives you strength when you need it. 🙂
 
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