Corporal punishment, tips on how to raise children

[ahollars]

***Mea Culpa ***(I can’t believe I’m about to do this…:banghead

My experience with spanking was normal, until the beginning of last year. I pled guilty to Domestic Assault and Battery of a Minor, for spanking my school-aged child. I was honest with CPS, and never claimed to have done nothing wrong. I had no record, but the state would not even consider a first offender plea-deal. I took the classes voluntarily and did everything the state wanted to see. I spent two days in jail, and have 3 years probation.

Lawyers throughout the process advised me “the state wants this generation to be the last that is spanked”. Sometime in the future, the goal will be for all spanking to be legally labeled child abuse and be prosecuted as such. In some states, the law says that the state does not need the cooperation of the family to charge a case.

Now, I don’t spank my kids. We’re all used to it now, but if I were ever tempted to, I would go to jail for another 88 days if I did. Even when my probation is complete, my thought process will probably not allow me to even think it. My view on the idea of spanking has not changed, but I know I cannot be trusted with the decision. Some things are not worth risking. My security clearance was flagged, and recertified, based on my honesty. I kept my job, and I kept my family. I deserve everthing else that happened. Suffice it to say that I am not the same person that I was a year ago. I have several more years of parenting to go and 6 kids to share them with. I cannot complain.

Why am I throwing this out there? Be careful. Society feels entitled to tell parents how to raise their kids, especially Catholic, home-schooling, conservative, traditional families.

 

[Margy1948]

I think that a child who is loved won’t be permanently damaged if their mom or dad smacks them.
I also think that common sense tells us the difference between abuse and a spanking.

I admit that the pro spanking parents on this thread sound kind of rigid and defensive and unlikable but that doesn’t mean I’ll call social service the next time I’m in a store and a mom smacks her kid for misbehavior.

I am opposed to anyone other than family correcting children in this way, no teachers, day care providers or baby sitters should lay their hands on a kid and I would report that and intervene if I saw it.

 

[Bezant]

Yes, that royal family is such a well-behaved bunch too.

Admittedly, the old Windsors behaved as badly as (if not worse than) the new; the only changes are in discretion and the power of social conformity.

Edward VII, father of George V, had a shameful playboy reptuation. (His mistress became the great-grandmother of a woman named Camilla Parker-Bowles. Compare their pictures it’s clear, for all his faults, that Edward VII had a superior taste in women…but I digress.) Prince Albert Victor, George V’s older brother, was linked to a massive political scandal surrounding a boy brothel in London.

George V himself was straightlaced, but the strict discipline he enforced left a negative impact on his children. We all know Edward VIII abdicated for love but he was also a disgusting excuse for a human being. The Queen’s father, George the VI, developed a speech impediment and social anxiety. And the Duke of Kent allegedly abused cocaine and had extra-marital affairs with men and women.

Obviously, George V wasn’t the perfect father.

However, there is something to be said about his philosophy. The parent is the adult and the child is the child. When I have kids, I’ll always love them, but I will never be their friend.

 

[Serap]

My paternal grandparents were born in 1888 and 1890, they did not spank my father (according to my father) I was privileged to live with my Nonna for a few years, she was always patient with children, yet commanded respect

My father was born in 1934, we were never spanked. He commanded respect. All my cousins respected Uncle Joe,(my dad) and would obey him, he was the Uncle who was considered the most strict by all, and he was. He had the best ballance of just giving " the look, " and getting compliance., yet being kind and gentle.

So it isn’t a parenting du jour, or a new fangled idea to not spank, there have been people who were not spanked, and grew up to be good functional members of society. It’s possible. Supposedly, my dad could be naughty as a child, according to my Nonna’s anecdotes, so he wasn’t particularly an easy child.

I wish he were still around. He was a great example that I really would have loved, now that I’m a mom.

I see nothing wrong with “not spanking” either. I am referring to the people on this thread that think that parents who spank are abusive.

 

[Serap]

I think that a child who is loved won’t be permanently damaged if their mom or dad smacks them.
I also think that common sense tells us the difference between abuse and a spanking.

I admit that the pro spanking parents on this thread sound kind of rigid and defensive and unlikable but that doesn’t mean I’ll call social service the next time I’m in a store and a mom smacks her kid for misbehavior.

I am opposed to anyone other than family correcting children in this way, no teachers, day care providers or baby sitters should lay their hands on a kid and I would report that and intervene if I saw it.

So now I’m “unlikeable”…

 

[Rico_S]

So now I’m “unlikeable”…

And defensive and rigid.

 

[28562]

So now I’m “unlikeable”…

Not to me…but maybe that is because we fall in the same camp. Oh well, at least I’m in good company.

 

[28562]

And yes, I am rigid. I have very high expectations for my children and I know what I need to do in order to do my part in getting them to my standards. BUT I balance it all with love, and lots of it. You would be hard pressed to find happier kids, even if they do get spanked every now and then…

 

[Margy1948]

So now I’m “unlikeable”…

Let me go back and re read your post, most of the pro spanking people are way too defensive and assertive about hitting other people.
OTOH, the person who was put in jail for spanking his/her child in Virginia tells a very scary story. It seems that a jailed parent would be far more traumatizing to a child, in terms of guilt, than a spanking. Unless there was significant physical damage, or substance abuse something to mitigate the horror of his/her treatment by state.

I hope the parents who say that their children feel loved are correct, of course, there’s no way they can possibly know that, if someone might hit me if I say otherwise then I’d say anything to keep from being hit.

 

[Margy1948]

And yes, I am rigid. I have very high expectations for my children and I know what I need to do in order to do my part in getting them to my standards. BUT I balance it all with love, and lots of it. You would be hard pressed to find happier kids, even if they do get spanked every now and then…

Yeah, but they may be acting happy to keep you happy and to keep you from hitting them again.

What happens when they get too big to hit, or worse, when they get bigger than you and decide that you need a few smacks to be kept in line, before you say that’s not possible consider how much elder abuse goes on.

 

[Margy1948]

Yes, that royal family is such a well-behaved bunch too.

(snicker)

 

[Margy1948]

I prefer to think that most of us get it right, or at least right enough. After all, mankind keeps marching on through parenting fad after parenting fad.

There’s too much violence for you to posit that. I’m not saying that is a result of over zealous physical correction of children but Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Saddam Hussein…all were physically punished as children. I don’t know about Adam Lanza but with the way folks are casually admitting that they hit their children it wouldn’t surprise me.

There could be something to the idea that you will produce either an angry adult or a cowed adult due to your actions, most of the time when kids do things wrong a teaching moment occurs. (by ‘you’ I do not mean you, the poster I’m responding to , but anyone who holds a similar position)

 

[28562]

Yeah, but they may be acting happy to keep you happy and to keep you from hitting them again.

What happens when they get too big to hit, or worse, when they get bigger than you and decide that you need a few smacks to be kept in line, before you say that’s not possible consider how much elder abuse goes on.

Your first paragraph literally made me laugh out loud. Anyone with common sense can tell you when kids are truly happy. And mine are. You also sound like you think I just ‘hit’ them all the time. Wrong…They get disciplined when they need it and --news flash-- it isn’t always a spanking.

The second paragraph isn’t even worth my time to respond because it is so ludicrous.

Here is the bottom line. Again. You parent the way you want to, I’ll parent the way I want to. Unless kids are in danger, myob.