Crying Woman in a Pew Poll

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“Gertabelle said:
Personally, I think most of these responses are not about helping the crying woman so much as making the other person feel satisfaction about having “done something.”
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That’s exactly the impression I received. Also, if I didn’t know from the OP’s statement that these options came from a priest, I’d bet a month’s salary they were from a Pentecostal preacher. Everything about them screams Protestant interventionism.
 
I believe in the golden rule. If it were me I would want to be left alone. Hence, I would leave them alone.
 
The options were from our priest, and he is a wonderful, holy man. I think his repsonses were trying to show some kind of scale of personal vulnerability for the purpose of his message whereas many good responses to this scenario are not on that scale.
 
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A woman - no way - not in today’s day and age -
Let another woman - make the decision.
  • while crying - no way.
 
Don’t worry, I have zero intention of disturbing you or others while you’re crying.
 
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I’ve encountered this a few times, both in the main church or chapel, or in the Adoration chapel. I don’t talk to the woman, because I figured she wants to be left alone and converse with Jesus, that’s why she’s there. I do pray that whatever situation she’s facing, for a good outcome. I myself have cried in church, but not in a loud way, just tears streaming down my face.
 
When I was trying to determine whether I should become Catholic, felt utterly lost, and felt torn apart by personal griefs and perplexities, I would often go into a Catholic church, kneel down, pray, cry, pray, and cry some more. Not once did anyone–clergy or laity–speak to me, or even act as if I were there. Now, no one owed me a moment’s notice … but it sent the unmistakable (to me) message that Catholics didn’t care to know about other people’s problems, and certainly couldn’t be bothered with the pain of others.

In the end, I became Catholic anyway … but not with the expectation that anyone would ever have my back, or that I could realistically come to anyone with any burdens. I still think I’ve done the right thing by converting, but shall only ever get to unburden myself to God alone. Coldness towards our brothers & sisters seems more like the rule than the exception.
 
I’m so sorry that was your experience and so glad you found your way to the church afterall. I hope you are eventually surrounded by friends of faith who would shoulder burdens with you.
 
I’m sorry you felt uncared for. It’s likely that people did care but didn’t want to intrude. I wonder if the Holy Spirit was nudging some of them to reach out to you but they were too shy or felt awkward.

Don’t judge everyone by that experience, as lonely as it must have made you feel. I hope you can find some friends you can talk to. I am also praying for some good, real life friends.
 
I’m sorry you had that experience. It is a challenge to get used to people not greeting me with smiles, hugs, and kind words. The Catholic Church experience is definitely more interior, but still very edifying.
 
I said ignore but I might put my hand on her shoulder or back.i did that at a prayer service after 9/11. But I’m a woman. Nothing wrong with crying. I can’t talk when I cry. I would be taken aback if people wanted to stop my crying if it were me.
 
I remember being at Mass one day – .not in my own parish. I had just come from visiting my mother in the hospital and was worried about her and feeling overwhelmed by all that was happening. The tears fell. At the end of Mass a woman I didn’t know leaned over to say “I’ll keep you in my prayers.” It was the perfect response.
 
Le_Cracquere said:
When I was trying to determine whether I should become Catholic, felt utterly lost, and felt torn apart by personal griefs and perplexities, I would often go into a Catholic church, kneel down, pray, cry, pray, and cry some more. Not once did anyone–clergy or laity–speak to me, or even act as if I were there. Now, no one owed me a moment’s notice … but it sent the unmistakable (to me) message that Catholics didn’t care to know about other people’s problems, and certainly couldn’t be bothered with the pain of others.

In the end, I became Catholic anyway … but not with the expectation that anyone would ever have my back, or that I could realistically come to anyone with any burdens. I still think I’ve done the right thing by converting, but shall only ever get to unburden myself to God alone. Coldness towards our brothers & sisters seems more like the rule than the exception.
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I’m so sorry you felt and continue to feel so alone in your parish. I pray God will help you reach out and connect with others in a meaningful way, and grant you a true circle of support.

I guarantee you that you were probably prayed for more than you could ever imagine.

If you really want to see change, be the person you wish had approached you in your time of need. Reach out and make a difference in the life of the next person. Don’t allow yourself to become bitter and full of self-pity. Let your suffering strengthen you to help others.

I’ve done it myself, because in my 50+ years, I have known such depths of suffering, and I have endured much of it alone. But I refuse to let coldness be the rule. No.

Bring some warmth to your parish – God will show you the way – and watch the warmth spread. It really does work.

Praying for you.
 
It’s hard to answer this poll because the circumstances around the crying woman would very significantly influence my reaction.

If she appeared to already have a friend or family member near her supporting her, I would probably not approach her.
If she was crying softly before the blessed sacrament and did not appear to be extremely agitated, I’d probably sit behind and on the side to keep an eye on her in case I needed to assist.
If she was weeping loudly or with great distress, and did not already have someone assisting her, I would certainly approach her immediately to ask if she needed help. And I’d probably escort her out of the church, both for her sake (it’s humiliating to weep in a quiet public place) and for the sake of the others in the church being able to pray.

These are just a few possibilities I can think of, but the number of variables here is very large.
 
A little while ago something upsetting happened and I had a bit of a quiet sob on a train. A lady turned to me on her way off and said something along the lines of “it’ll be okay” and “Something good will happen”; it meant the world to me and I still feel better looking back at it.
 
Sometimes all it can take is a few kind words 🙂 You feel cared about ,as though you do matter.
Sometimes though if someone had asked if I was alright just because I looked sad ,then the tears wouldn’t have been able to stop :confused: I think that’s why I’m embarrassed to be caught crying in a pew because the floodgates would probably swing open and I’d feel like leaving.
Perhaps for a woman to just sit quietly next to another woman ,that physical quiet presence could help,a kind smile and silent prayer for them .Or an older gentleman,I would be comfortable with that.
It really depends on the personalities of what they are comfortable with ,and that can be hard to gauge sometimes.
 
Depends on the kind of tears. If they are tears of The Holy Spirit, because the woman is having an encounter with God, and is crying about how much He loves her, etc, then I would praise God. If they are tears of distress, my response would depend. If possible, I would prefer a mature Catholic woman would be close by that I could grab. It would be better if a woman talked with her. But if not possible, then I would ask her what is bothering her and would sit in silence with her and eventually pray with her.
 
kill051 said:
I am a man, and men have been so criticised in recent years that I would be very careful about approaching a woman I didn’t know. It is not beyond the pale that a simple offer of help could result in harassment or even assault charges, if the woman chose to take my offer the wrong way.
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This is so sad… As a woman, I’d like to apologize to you and other men who have to fear that today. Our society has become so anti-men, it makes me sick. That’s not of Christ.

Also, to many of you who are saying that “asking if someone is OK is stupid,” I highly disagree with you. Have you ever been so thankful for the Lord answering your prayer that you wept? I have. That would certainly make me more okay than a lot of people!

I am very shy, but I try to get out of my comfort zone and care for others. I think looking at the bigger picture of the message this priest was giving, it is wonderful. Maybe someone wants to be approached, maybe they don’t. You should firstly listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and/or just ask the Spirit what you should do, but I also think that just offering your prayer and saying you’re here if you need them is a wonderful thing to do. It reminds us that Christ reaches out to us when He sees us in our pain. If they refuse, then pray for them on your own and move on. In the long run, they will probably appreciate your kindheartedness.
 
I’m with others that I’d say a prayer, but not go up to her. I’m awkward enough with crying people I know.
 
I think I got a bit confused between the thread title and the OP. The OP never stated that the woman was crying in Church, even though the title mentioned a “Crying Woman in a Pew Poll”. After reading the OP, I was thinking it was a “Pew Poll” that the Priest was asking parishioners to think about. I know there are some companies out there that often conduct polls to gather info on various religious subjects, so I thought that’s what it was referring to. With that in my mind, I answered, “Ask, ‘Are you OK?’”. Unfortunately, I couldn’t change my answer. :confused: 🤦‍♀️

If someone was crying in a public place, like at a store, or on the street, I might respond that way. But, if she was sitting or kneeling in Church praying, I might not approach her at all if she was just softly crying. If she seemed as though she was really distraught, or upset, then I might ask that question, or, “Can I help you?”. Since I have been known to start crying when I’m just sitting and praying in Church (or at home), or at some point during the Mass, I wouldn’t necessarily see that as a sign of there being a problem, as much as someone having an outward emotional response during prayer. The “gift of tears” is a frequent occurrence during deep meditation, especially when people are praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament.
 
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