Crying Woman in a Pew Poll

  • Thread starter Thread starter DisorientingSneeze
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Yes, of course we go to our Savior Jesus for comfort.

But your fellow believers are Jesus’ Hands, Feet, Mouth, Kind Heart, etc. Often the Holy Spirit prompts human beings to do something to help others.

Allow them to do what the Holy Spirit prompts them to do.
 
The one who approaches a crying person is not the “fixer of all problems” and they don’t think they are and they’re not asking for a pat of the back.

I am not called to fix all problems. I am called to offer to help.

I am flabbergasted by the number of people on this thread who don’t want anyone to offer to help them and sound (on this thread) like they would actually be more upset if someone approached them to offer comfort or help. I’m just rocked back on my heels. We are the Body of Christ! I can’t believe that part of the body want the other parts to leave them alone and would be upset or bothered if someone offered to help them when they are crying in church!

I’m just…well…I just don’t recognize some of you as Christians because this is not what I was taught to do, and not what I taught my children to do with fellow believers. I’m in my 60s and I’ve been involved with church all my life, and this is not the kind of behavior that I’ve seen! I can’t even explain how troubling I find this thread.

I agree that we shouldn’t expect that the crying person would be thrilled to have me say something to do them. Do you think I help people because I want the good feeling inside and want to check off some kind of “Good Deed List” and hand it to God as proof that I am fit for heaven?!

But the idea of allowing a crying person to just cry alone–Nope. That’s not what a Christian should do.

And the idea that we should be able to sit in a church crying and no one should come up to us because we want to be alone–that’s asking too much! Unless the Lord chooses to reveal that to me, I have no way of knowing that and it’s not right for someone to expect others to be able to read their mind. Church is not a “leave me alone” place–it’s the place where believers gather as family. And family doesn’t ignore family who is crying.

Even stranger in a store or on the street or in a bar would at least offer to help a crying person. I’ve seen it over and over again, in real life and in the media!

If you find me offensive or some other negative, then…well, I just don’t know what to do. This thread disturbs me on so many levels.s
 
Last edited:
Peeps said:
I am flabbergasted by the number of people on this thread who don’t want anyone to offer to help them and sound (on this thread) like they would actually be more upset if someone approached them to offer comfort or help. I’m just rocked back on my heels. We are the Body of Christ! I can’t believe that part of the body want the other parts to leave them alone and would be upset or bothered if someone offered to help them when they are crying in church!

I’m just…well…I just don’t recognize some of you as Christians because this is not what I was taught to do, and not what I taught my children to do with fellow believers. I’m in my 60s and I’ve been involved with church all my life, and this is not the kind of behavior that I’ve seen! I can’t even explain how troubling I find this thread.
Click to expand...
I think it’s a bit much to judge us as “not Christians” because we aren’t like you. Where is a Christian supposed to pour out her heart and tears to her Lord? At home? In the car? Heaven forbid – according to you – that I be allowed to be in the presence of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament if I need to cry alone! No, I must stay away from church if I wish to cry alone. If I enter those church doors, any and every person in the building has the right to interrupt my prayers. Maybe I should wear a sign on my back?

“Yes, I am crying.
No, I don’t need to talk about it.
Yes, I will be all right, so long as I am allowed to pray.
Please leave me in peace so I can talk to my Lord.”

If I see someone crying in public in other places, I often do say something. But in church, I am much more hesitant. At those moments, I trust in the leading of the Holy Spirit; but I absolutely do not default to “I must go up to that person unless directed otherwise.”

Think of it this way. If I want to comforted by a human, I call a friend and share my pain with them. But if I go to church, I am sharing my pain with God.

I understand that you and I are very different in this. But as you pointed out, we are the Body of Christ. Why does it surprise you that its members are so different? We cannot all be hands, or feet, or arms, or ears, or eyes.

If you feel called by God to always go up to someone crying, then do so. Personally, I feel called to pray and offer sacrifices for most people, rather than approaching them.

But please don’t judge someone as “not Christian” if they politely thank you and ask to be left alone to continue praying. It’s hardly against Christian principles to pour out our hearts to the Lord, and the Church does not tell us to stay away from the church building or adoration if we wish to cry in God’s presence, rather than in the arms of humans.
 
Peeps said:
Yes, of course we go to our Savior Jesus for comfort.

But your fellow believers are Jesus’ Hands, Feet, Mouth, Kind Heart, etc. Often the Holy Spirit prompts human beings to do something to help others.

Allow them to do what the Holy Spirit prompts them to do.
Click to expand...
😮 Are you kidding me?

When I was 19 I entered a Benedictine monastery. It wasn’t my vocation, but I am absolutely a contemplative at heart. My spirituality is to be alone with God when my heart it hurting. I wouldn’t be offended if someone approached me. But I would absolutely be offended if they felt they had the right to force their “compassion” upon me in the name of the Holy Spirit’s promptings!

Talk about outrageous!

Just because you turn to humans for comfort – finding God’s mercy and compassion in others is great – doesn’t mean that every other person on the planet is Just. Like. You.

IMO, the attitude you express above flies in the face of what it means to be a Christian. It’s one thing to wish to show compassion and kindness to someone in sorrow. It’s another thing completely to demand that someone in sorrow accept your compassion and kindness the way you see fit to express it. Where’s the humility in that?
 
Peeps said:
I’m just…well…I just don’t recognize some of you as Christians
Click to expand...
I suppose this is you shaking the dust from your feet at us. Have a good day, and please pray for us pagans! :roll_eyes:
 
Usually, the crying woman in the pew these days is me. I’ve cried through entire Masses and Adoration sessions. Very quietly so I don’t disturb others in prayer.

I DO NOT want anybody asking me if I’m okay. I pretty much want to be left alone to cry and talk with Jesus. if I run out of the building and stand outside the door heaving large racking sobs, then fine, maybe someone would understandably ask me what was the matter. But me, my mother and a lot of other women are crying in church because we’re remembering deceased loved ones or other personal situations and we DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. If I wanted to talk to a human, I have a dozen friends who all said, “Just call me if you want to talk”. I don’t. I want to go to church and be left alone and cry.

There are other people who may be moved to tears just thinking about Jesus’ passion. One time a priest said in a homily that when we ask where God is, “He’s right there” (pointing at the tabernacle), “waiting for you.” I was a blubbering wreck for the rest of the Mass. Having another person barge in on that would feel extremely uncomfortable for me and I would probably mutter, “I’m fine” and get up and leave to get away from the well-meaning person.
 
Last edited:
Gertabelle said:
I think it’s a bit much to judge us as “not Christians” because we aren’t like you. Where is a Christian supposed to pour out her heart and tears to her Lord? At home? In the car? Heaven forbid – according to you – that I be allowed to be in the presence of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament if I need to cry alone! No, I must stay away from church if I wish to cry alone. If I enter those church doors, any and every person in the building has the right to interrupt my prayers. Maybe I should wear a sign on my back?

“Yes, I am crying.
No, I don’t need to talk about it.
Yes, I will be all right, so long as I am allowed to pray.
Please leave me in peace so I can talk to my Lord.”
Click to expand...
Exactly. Posts like the one about “I don’t recognize some of you as Christians” make me feel like I have to put a big sign up if I’m going to cry, or that I shouldn’t cry in church because then people will come up and be all concerned. I don’t want that.

Kindly understand that what one person sees as Christian concern, another person might see as intrusive and unnecessary and upsetting. Also kindly understand that some of us view church as a place to be one-on-one with God, not to have interactions with other people. If you see me crying outside of church and ask me about it, that’s a different matter and I would see the concern in a different and better light. But I don’t go around the neighborhood crying on the street.
 
Last edited:
pensmama87 said:
Having been a crying woman in a pew, I have no idea, because it’s hard to articulate what would have helped.
Click to expand...
I personally would appreciate it if someone who saw me crying in the pew would offer a silent prayer for me without making a big production out of it. I have done that for people I saw crying or otherwise acting sad or upset in church.
 
Peeps said:
I can’t believe that part of the body want the other parts to leave them alone and would be upset or bothered if someone offered to help them when they are crying in church!
Click to expand...
OK, sorry for posting four times but I’m really upset the more of this tripe I read.

You’re now telling me you “can’t believe” / don’t approve of how I want to express my emotion and grief while wanting others to leave me alone?

IT’S MY FREAKING GRIEF. Five members of my family including my husband, plus two of my good friends and an acquaintance, all died in less than a year. How DARE you tell me how you think I should grieve or feel? I hope you don’t go to any of my churches because if someone like you approached me I’d tell you to get lost.

I’m muting this thread now. I see people on this forum getting on their high horse over all kinds of baloney, but now you’re getting on a high horse over MY GRIEF and telling me I’M NOT CHRISTIAN because I don’t want you coming up and barging in on me while I’m talking to Jesus and Mary privately in a church? WHERE DO YOU GET OFF?

I’ll pray for you, I think you need it. Lose the freaking ego and pride, because that’s what your whole entire post is. Good bye!!!
 
Peeps said:
But the idea of allowing a crying person to just cry alone–Nope.
Click to expand...
No one is truly alone in Church. What interference should trump conversing with Our Lord?
The metaphor about parts of the body is not a substitute for the wonder of the Eucharist and it is not a justification for interrupting communion in prayer with Our Lord.
If I felt called to reach out to a person crying in church, I would pray for their concerns silently as they cried and, perhaps, if this seemed appropriate, approach them outside of the church building.
 
You’re troubled that others would not want to be approached by a stranger?

I am someone who would also prefer to cry by myself. I cry at every confession. It’s between me and God and I have no desire for outside comfort.

BUT despite that if I saw someone crying I would assess and approach if I felt their tears were something other than: “God, I sit at your feet.”

What I find distressing is people who write off all Catholics because they cried in a church and nobody approached them.
 
I’m truly sorry that I have offended and upset so many of you.

My family and I were raised Evangelical Protestant. So even though I’ve been Catholic since 2004, the way I was raised is still with me and has shaped the way I am and think. We knew almost all the people in our churches well enough to know when someone needed help and when they didn’t want help. People were easier to get to know and there was a lot of reaching out and helping or at least offering to help and so much practical love and action and life was so rich and fun and fulfilling. This way of life is still found in some Evangelical Protestant churches, although many are becoming less friendship-oriented.

My husband and I, and our daughter (who also converted) don’t see this kind of dynamic in our Catholic parishes and we miss it. We’re lonely, especially my daughter who lives far away from us and family. We try to make friends in our parishes but no one seems interested. They all have their own lives and interests. Maybe that’s why this thread attracted me–we’re the crying people in the pew, even if we’re not crying. We don’t want people to leave us alone. But they do.

I don’t think my daughter attends Mass anymore. She’s given up. She still believes, but it’s too hard to go to church and try to make friends and get involved with the parish and be ignored by everyone. She remembers what “church” used to be like and it’s just too hard for her to be so lonely in God’s house. I ache for her.

We know we are in the Church that Jesus founded, Holy Mother Church, and that’s what’ s most important–being with Him. We know that and we believe it and we accept it.

Again, I apologize for trying to open up and share my interpretations of Jesus’ teachings, and in the process, hurting and offending so many of you. I didn’t mean to imply that you are not Christians. I just thought–and I am wrong–that Catholic Christians see fellow Catholics as family and therefore, are OK with “family” trying to reach out and offer help when they think someone might need help. That’s the teaching I grew up with, but I can’t assume that this is what Catholic Christians, or for that matter, what any Christians, want or need. Some people just want to be left alone with the Lord. I’ll try to be more sensitive about that.

I hope you can someday forgive me for hurting you with my words and wrong thoughts.

I don’t cry much, BTW.
 
Good point, I can relate. Thanks, this made me laugh. Great post you started! 🙂
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Usually, the crying woman in the pew these days is me. I’ve cried through entire Masses and Adoration sessions. Very quietly so I don’t disturb others in prayer.

I DO NOT want anybody asking me if I’m okay. I pretty much want to be left alone to cry and talk with Jesus. if I run out of the building and stand outside the door heaving large racking sobs, then fine, maybe someone would understandably ask me what was the matter. But me, my mother and a lot of other women are crying in church because we’re remembering deceased loved ones or other personal situations and we DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. If I wanted to talk to a human, I have a dozen friends who all said, “Just call me if you want to talk”. I don’t. I want to go to church and be left alone and cry.

There are other people who may be moved to tears just thinking about Jesus’ passion. One time a priest said in a homily that when we ask where God is, “He’s right there” (pointing at the tabernacle), “waiting for you.” I was a blubbering wreck for the rest of the Mass. Having another person barge in on that would feel extremely uncomfortable for me and I would probably mutter, “I’m fine” and get up and leave to get away from the well-meaning person.
Click to expand...
I’ve cried during Mass a few times, getting emotional when I first returned to the Church after being away for many years.
I also wasn’t crying per se’ but got choked up after Mass when our Pastor had been reassigned, and another time during at an event outside Church. I was overcome with emotion at just being part of a Parish again.

I too was left alone…I tried to conceal me emotion and really doubt anyone even noticed. I would not have wanted anyone to come up to me to say anything. If I wanted to talk, I would’ve found a priest or deacon when they were available.
 
Many years ago when I was an altar server , @DisorientingSneeze , after Mass all had left except for a lady crying in a pew .

I went to her , but she carried on crying .

I told the parish priest who went and ministered to her .

When I got home I told my mum who knew this lady . It seems she had had a nervous breakdown .
 
I’ve been very prone to tears while in a church at different times in my life. It’s better now but the first Easter after my mom died I cried through the whole Mass. I don’t even remember at what part it was but someone sitting in the pew in front of me handed me a travel pack of tissues. It was the perfect response since I didn’t bring any (I wasn’t expecting the tears). Her gesture didn’t even demand gratitude from me but it was given. My tears were personal and while I was in a public place. My only option was to leave Mass and I’ve done that, too. I’d rather stay and have people not fuss or talk about it, but if I have to leave, I will.
 
I’ll tell you what - when I’m blubbering, I don’t want anyone approaching me. Just leave me alone! 😩
 
The last thing I want is some stranger crashing my pity party!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top