Crying Woman in a Pew Poll

[TheOldColonel]

I sit in a pew a few feet away and start crying too.

 

[Bluebright]

I’d ask her if she was ok…Id maybe offer her a tissue or some water if she was sobbing or looked ill. if she wasn’t a regular at my church she may not know where there bathroom is (it’s a little hidden). I would not offer to pray for or with her because that’s awfully intrusive and I’d hate it if anyone did that to me. Also it’s quiet in the church and a smallish church so it would be disturbing others generally, though if she seemed in need I would try to help. If she wanted to talk though I’d take her outside so as to not disturb anyone else. I have no problem talking about my faith.

I cry all the time in front of the Blessed Sacrament ( adoration and at various points in the mass) as it is soo beautiful and I also cry because I have an illness and sometimes when I first arrive at church I am quite sick. I prefer if no one notices and usually they don’t as it is not sobbing and I’m discreet. A woman once got up during adoration and lay down on the floor in front of Jesus and let out a cry and when she got up she went off to the bathroom I am pretty sure she was crying. I just kept an eye on her but assumed it was ‘a moment’ between her and Jesus. It’s very emotional after all, I get beside myself too at times.

I get your priests point of how comfortable we are with discipleship and I think I am reasonably but not in that situation. But having coffee in the parish rooms after mass, just try shut me up

 

[DeniseNY]

When I would cry regularly in church when my mother was sick, I did have a couple of people come to me and ask if I were ok, and they said they would pray for me. I didn’t much feel like talking, but but I did appreciate their kindness. I don’t know if I would have the courage to do the same thing ( I would be too afraid the person would get angry at being bothered). I would just say a prayer for them.

 

[Peeps]

I would approach her and ask, “What can I do to help?”

Here’s the deal–that woman crying is Jesus. EVERYONE I meet is Jesus.

Would I walk away from Jesus crying? I hope not, although in reality, I probably do everyday when I ignore others and stroll along in my own little world.

Remember when Jesus was in agony in the Garden? Afterwards, did He thank the disciples for leaving him alone? Remember, He took them to Gethsemane and asked them, “Stay awake with me.” And later when He found them sleeping, He asked, “Could you not stay awake with me one hour?”

In our society, there are many people who are at the end of their rope, even suicidal. These people often feel utterly alone and abandoned. Also in our society, crying is usually a sign of sorrow, need, desperation, and grief. Yes, there are times when people cry tears of joy (weddings, births, etc.), but we can’t assume that a crying person is filled with joy. To walk away without offering to help would be unthinkable. My offer to help might be the beginning of her recovery for a desperate person. I might prevent a suicide.

I would NEVER assume that the woman was “like me–just wants to be left alone.” If that’s the case, she (I) would be at home by herself (myself), or out in the woods somewhere, not out in public in a CHURCH full of people who are trying to obey Jesus by reaching out and helping others. Those of you who think that you have a right to be in a church and be left alone when you are crying, and everyone in the church with you ought to realize that you want to be left alone are expecting too much. If you must be alone with Jesus in a Catholic Church, then go to the office and ask the staff if you can be in the nave for one hour undisturbed by anyone else. Or put up a sign.

As for those who are crying alone because they are overwhelmed by the splendor and majesty of Our Lord Jesus and the love that prompted His sacrifice for us–why would you be offended if someone else came to join you? Wouldn’t you want other Christians to share your tears of unabashed love and joy for Jesus?

 

[michaelArc]

I would quietly pray for her but without interrupting her. I guess that would fall under the choice of “none of these things.”

 

[Mi_Rose]

My tears are private. If they come out in a private moment with Jesus in church and someone asks me what’s wrong I will say nothing is wrong.
Why do I have to go out in the woods to be alone with God?

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

There was definitely a HUGE window of possibilities in our priest’s scenario. This is so hard because people’s needs are so different and it’s so easy to misread a situation.

Once I was at the park with my children eating lunch. I had two tacos for myself and as I was about to eat the second taco I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I felt I should go give him the other one. It’s the taco version of if you have two shirts one is for you and one is for your neighbor.

But he was sleeping and I was pregnant so I ate it and lived in a cloud of guilt. Then…THEN! He woke up and walked over to rejoin a birthday party at a group of picnic tables. He wasn’t homeless or hungry, just somebody’s dirty, napping relative!

It’s so easy to misread things when you are trying to do good!

 

[Telstar]

I would NEVER assume that the woman was “like me–just wants to be left alone.” If that’s the case, she (I) would be at home by herself (myself), or out in the woods somewhere, not out in public in a CHURCH full of people

The question posed in the thread title, as well as the OP, said absolutely nothing about the woman being "in a church full of people". Some people, myself included, love to pop into a church at any time of day (or night) to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I would be much more inclined to think that this kind of scenario was more likely what the Priest might have been referring to, instead of someone crying in the middle of Mass. I doubt he would expect a bunch of people to gather around a poor woman that was crying during Mass and making a spectacle that would detract from the Mass, itself. I know I would be absolutely mortified if anyone approached me during Mass to ask me why I was crying.

But, I’ve certainly been wrong, before.

 

[Peeps]

Yes, you’re right, the priest didn’t specify the location of the crying woman.

In our city, Catholic parishes do not leave their doors unlocked, even on the “good side of town.” I don’t know of any Protestant churches that are unlocked during the weekdays.

So it didn’t even occur to me that someone might walk into a church to be alone. That’s just a scenario that is not even in my radar!

Maybe in the big tourist churches, but they would be full of tourists, and I can’t imagine why someone who wants to be left alone would go into one of these. Or maybe in small towns, but even there, the liability insurance would probably be a pretty good inducement to keep the church doors locked.

I’m very serious–I just can’t imagine this happening! You’re very fortunate if you live somewhere where it is allowed.

We have a 24/7 Adoration Chapel at our parish, and it is unlocked during the day, but it’s never empty. There are people signed up to adore every hour. And during the day, lots of people stop by for a visit with Jesus. So it wouldn’t be a very good place to be alone. The chapel is locked from dusk til dawn and people have to know the code to let themselves in.

Anyway, this exact scenario happened to my daughter years ago back when she was still living in her college town. She was a new Catholic, and she had just experienced a horrible breakup with her boyfriend, and at two in the morning, she drove to her parish and tried to get into their 24/7 Adoration Chapel, but it was locked and she didn’t have the code. Thankfully an elderly lady let her in, and my daughter knelt and sobbed hysterically. The lady was kind to her, and it helped immensely to have someone else demonstrate a loving, caring heart when she felt abandoned and alone.

So I’m stickin’ to my story–I would offer to help. I would rather err on the side of offering to help than assume that someone in tears truly wants to be left alone.

After our dad died, my brother told me that he would get into his car and drive around in the farm country for hours crying and working out his grief. That’s one way to be alone without any possibility of being bothered by someone offering to help.

 

[AlbertDerGrosse]

Being in a church can and often does evoke tears. It’s normative behavior and doesn’t necessarily indicate that there’s any real distress. There are two moments in church I frequently, almost always cry a little bit: when I’m reading devotionals right before confession and when I’m at adoration. These are cathartic moments for me, and yes, given the context I would be bothered if people kept coming up to me and asking if I’m OK. It’s no different than if I were to cry at the theater during a sad part of a movie. Do you also ask movie patrons if they are OK if they’re crying? Do you similarly think those who don’t are failing in Christian duty? This isn’t to say that people never cry at church due to genuine distress, but it certainly isn’t as clean cut as you’ve made it seem.

 

[abucs]

My opinion is that if I come across someone in emotional distress it is better to let them lead the conversation and interaction.

I would offer an initial indication of openness by simply asking (as was one of the options) if she is ok.

Then I would follow her lead and respect her primacy in the interaction.

 

[Gertabelle]

So it didn’t even occur to me that someone might walk into a church to be alone. That’s just a scenario that is not even in my radar!

Maybe in the big tourist churches, but they would be full of tourists, and I can’t imagine why someone who wants to be left alone would go into one of these.

I’m very serious–I just can’t imagine this happening! You’re very fortunate if you live somewhere where it is allowed.

Eight years ago I suffered a traumatic hand injury – lost my index finger and mangled my other three fingers leaving them disfigured and with varying degrees of disability.

My hand was bandaged for a few weeks after the initial surgery, and I had frequent appointments to assess my recovery. At the end of one of these appointments, the nurse didn’t bandage my hand before I left. She told me there was no longer a need to wrap my hand and that leaving it unwrapped would help the healing.

I was horrified by the sight of my “new” hand, and I was horrified by the thought of what my friends, my colleagues, and my students would think. She might as well have been sending me out of the office buck naked, I felt so exposed!

The doctor’s office was less than a mile away from Denver’s Cathedral Basilica of the Immaculate Conception. I held myself together and drove to the cathedral – which I knew would be open during the day – and went inside and plopped myself in the front pew and knelt there silently sobbing. All the tears of having to endure this accident, of not knowing if I would ever be able to play the guitar, the piano, the flute, or any of my other beloved instruments again, all the anguish and regret and anger and pain just came pouring out in sobs and prayer before my Lord.

Yup, there were tourists there. Lots of them, wandering around taking pictures, chatting quietly.

I didn’t go to the cathedral to be alone, I went there to be with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I brought my tears to Him and sought my comfort from Him. The fact that other people would be in the cathedral, both tourists and those in prayer, was not going to keep me from bringing my pain and fear to the Source of my comfort and strength.

I didn’t go to the cathedral in some passive aggressive move to get attention. I went there to find the strength only God can provide. If someone had come up to me to try to comfort me, I wouldn’t have been upset by this at all. I would have just politely told them I needed to be alone in prayer and thanked for their concern. But if one person after another after another had come up to me trying to make it all better, I wouldn’t have been able to pray, which is why I went to be in the presence of Our Lord in the first place.

Maybe some people do go to church to cry, in the hopes that some stranger will comfort them. But some of us just go to church to cry because that is where He is, He who is our comfort and strength.

 

[joeybaggz]

Asking ‘Are you OK’ is ludicrous; clearly she is not OK, or she wouldn’t be weeping.

I wonder if in Christ’s story of the man attacked and robbed and beaten on the road to Jericho, the Samaritan who stopped and gave aid and comfort, was doing something “ludicrous”?

Did the two who passed him by, choose the better course of action?.

I really think asking if one is OK is, at the minimum, showing some compassion, a Christian response. Then, of course, take your cue from the reaction of the grieving person. Sometimes people feel alone and another’s minimum of concern is a needed form of reassurance that others do care, even if not acknowledged at the time.

 

[Gertabelle]

kill051:

Asking ‘Are you OK’ is ludicrous; clearly she is not OK, or she wouldn’t be weeping.

I wonder if in Christ’s story of the man attacked and robbed and beaten on the road to Jericho, the Samaritan who stopped and gave aid and comfort, was doing something “ludicrous”?

Did the two who passed him by, choose the better course of action?.

I really think asking if one is OK is, at the minimum, showing some compassion, a Christian response. Then, of course, take your cue from the reaction of the grieving person. Sometimes people feel alone and another’s minimum of concern is a needed form of reassurance that others do care, even if not acknowledged at the time.

There’s a huge difference between a woman crying in church, and an injured man lying in a ditch!

If someone is crying in a church, one must use wisdom and discretion before approaching. The fact that they’re in church may mean they just need to pray through their troubles, or are reacting to a grace God is giving them. Being interrupted, perhaps multiple times, while praying is not necessarily being shown compassion.

I think one must carefully observe the situation and not rush in to do what we think is “helping” someone who is crying in church. There are different kinds of tears – crying for attention, crying for joy, crying for healing and release, just to name a few.

This situation is impossible to describe in it entirety as a thought experiment. In real life, there are real people involved, and the real leading of the Holy Spirit.

 

[Telstar]

In our city, Catholic parishes do not leave their doors unlocked, even on the “good side of town.”

I do live in a pretty small country town. The 2 Catholic churches here are always locked. Many years ago, I used to drive past one of the town’s churches quite frequently, to visit some friends that lived on the other side of town. Often times, on my way home (usually very late at night), I got the urge to stop by and say “hello” to Jesus and say a few prayers. Since the door was always locked, I would drive into the driveway that made a “U” in front of the church and just park the car. I knew that the Tabernacle was in the center, so I would just sit there and pray. Jesus knew that I’d rather be inside, but I’m sure He was always happy to see me sitting there, keeping Him company for a while.

Occasionally, the police would drive by while they were on patrol. Sometimes, they’d just drive by. But, once in a while they’d drive by once or twice, very slowly. Eventually, they might decide to check out the “suspicious looking car” that was parked in front of the church, then pull up beside me with their bright light shining in my face. I can’t tell you how many times that’s happened to me. Then, I’d get the third degree, “Is there a problem?”, “Why are you parked here?”, “You know, the church is closed for the night, don’t you?” My usual answer was, “I just stopped by to visit my Friend that lives in there.” (pointing to the church). That always got some interesting responses and conversations, especially if they weren’t Catholic, and even if they were. I’m sure most of them thought I was either drunk or just plain nutz! LOL

Sooo… like @Gertabelle, I have always found it very comforting to just drop into a Catholic church (wherever I could find one open) to pray for any reason, or for no particular reason at all. If they weren’t open, I’d just park out in front and hope that the cops didn’t decide to stop and give me the third degree! Yeah, I know, I’m weird like that.

 

[Peeps]

You nailed it.

I don’t take back anything I posted. I would always at least ask. You just don’t know. But if they said they would like to be alone, that’s OK.

 

[EricF]

I would silently pray for her needs known only to her and God. Without him, I am useless to help. If more needs to be done he will reveal it.

 

[joeybaggz]

There’s a huge difference between a woman crying in church, and an injured man lying in a ditch!

Pain is pain, either in a ditch or in a church. If we are to be very careful, maybe we all need Ph.D’s in psychology or Psychiatry to know which is which by a glance. I guess the opposite of caring that is unwanted is total disregard and shunning the one in pain???

I think you are advocating caution with which I agree. But too much caution leads to paralysis by analysis, and abandonment of those who might be comforted by the knowledge that others care.

 

[Gertabelle]

Gertabelle:

There’s a huge difference between a woman crying in church, and an injured man lying in a ditch!

Pain is pain, either in a ditch or in a church. If we are to be very careful, maybe we all need Ph.D’s in psychology or Psychiatry to know which is which by a glance. I guess the opposite of caring that is unwanted is total disregard and shunning the one in pain???

I think you are advocating caution with which I agree. But too much caution leads to paralysis by analysis, and abandonment of those who might be comforted by the knowledge that others care.

Your concern for those who would feel abandoned if no one comforted them in church is excellent.

I think my concern is that a few posters here seems to think everyone who is crying needs their personal attention. My intention was to point out that some of us who cry in church need comfort from our Savior, and that is why we brought our tears to church.

One person’s “I-feel-so-comforted-by-this-stranger’s-kindness” is another person’s “why-won’t-people-leave-me-alone-so-I-can-pray?”

Well, at least no one has suggested we do as Eli the priest did when Hannah came to pour out her grief to the Lord:

10 In her bitter distress, Hannah prayed to the LORD and wept with many tears. 11 And she made a vow, pleading, “O LORD of Hosts, if only You will look upon the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, not forgetting Your maidservant but giving her a son, then I will dedicate him to the LORD all the days of his life, and no razor shall ever come over his head.”

12 As Hannah kept on praying before the LORD, Eli watched her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and though her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard.

So Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long will you be drunk? Put away your wine!”

15 “No, my lord,” Hannah replied. “I am a woman oppressed in spirit. I have not had any wine or strong drink, but I have poured out my soul before the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; for all this time I have been praying out of the depth of my anguish and grief.”

17 “Go in peace,” Eli replied, “and may the God of Israel grant the petition you have asked of Him.”

 

[Seeksadvice]

I wear many hats. I don’t wear the one that says fixer of all problems.