Well, back to my analogy - it’s like taking a job that you know you won’t stay at permanently. As long as you’re upfront with the employer and don’t pretend you WILL stay there forever, fact is you gain a lot by the experience - and they get something they need and want from you too.
Objection. It is not good to have a pointless romantic relationship (with a pre-agreed ending moment) for the sake of experience alone. I believe that our faculties which are involved in such relationships are not for free use without the proper cause for which they are intended, i.e. marriage. It may be good to some extent to use them in finding the right person or seeing if a given person is right, but not for fun, enjoyment or experience.
But settling down to marry someone without having at least some romantic experience with others IS, to my mind, exactly about ‘just getting anyone’ WITHOUT particularly making sure that they’e ‘willing and fitting’.
Objection on moral grounds. I’ve heard even very wise people telling younger ones to break up with whomever they are, then have new relationships and see what’s next. I disagree, however, with all of that. It is too objectifying and appears to be selfish.
Marrying AFTER dating around a bit is showing that you’re being more selective and careful with both your choosing of a potential life partner and with your discerning of your own readiness for marriage.
Only so long as dating around does not include kissing around or cuddling around. If it involves going to cafes or dances with many people, then sure, really, so long as there is any sense to it and it isn’t merely experience gathering (what fans of roleplaying games refer to as “exping”). We always ought to remember that the other person is not our tool.
But you’re not prohibited from working another job during the hours you’ve got spare, at least not unless the employment contract states as much, are you?
Actually, the labour law prohibits that, if your contact is full-time, regardless of most full-time contracts containing a prohibition anyway, unless your employer consents.
The analogy is not very accurate, however, since there is no romantic, sexual or reproductory part in a job. Employee/employer exclusivity is of a commercial nature, akin to being an exclusive dealer or an exclusive supplier. The reasons are purely economic.
But you WOULD try absolutely everything else before you bought, wouldn’t you?
Not really. Sometimes I just look people in the eye or listen to the pitch of their voice and I know if the deal is good. Sometimes I actually take their word on something.
Heck, I make sure to try on a formal dress that I might only wear a handful of times, and examine it very carefully to make sure it’s good quality and so on, and make sure I try other dresses to see that there’s nothing more suitable out there. How much more necessary is it to get to know yourself and plenty of people of the opposite gender before settling down to marriage!
One thing missing. Marriage is not something we wear and the spouse is not an item or a pet. Is a fully human person just as we are. He or she is not a means of satisfying our needs and is not a commercial product we buy.
Now I wouldn’t say multiple simultaneous romantic relationships are always OK.
I would say never, regardless of consent.
But in certain circumstances they are. For example, if you have a long-distance relationship and you meet someone who lives closer who may be more compatible, you can surely overlap the dating of the two a little while you’re discerning if it’s worth continuing with the long-distance one. Always assuming you’re upfront with all concerned.
Nope. Meeting and spending time, talking and so on, yes. When it crosses walks and coffees, chess and discussions about the meaning of life (
), and begins to include romantic expressions such as kissing, cuddling and others, then no, it should not overlap.
Basically, I would say that dating doesn’t need to be exclusive, but things like kissing and cuddling do need to be. Doesn’t include friendly hugs or cheek pecks, obviously. I mean the more romantic and more obvious gesture.
And that was your choice, and for whatever reason you were neither willing nor able to work other jobs during the hours you weren’t working at that one.
With no moral component to it other than I wouldn’t break a contract, especially not a valid and honest contract, and/or without a good reason. With marriage or even a simple romantic relationship the moral component is much stronger.
Doesn’t mean there would’ve been anything wrong with your doing so if you were able and willing, as long as you weren’t dishonest with any of the employers about it, and weren’t contractually bound to exclusively work for the one employer alone.
Yes, in contrast to kissing around.
.