Dealing with an adult who has Down Syndrome

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you could try growing up and consider this person a friend instead of nusiance. An try to figure out on your own how to socialize with this person instead of trying to figure out how to ditch him in social functions . Or just find a new parish to go to if you cant handle it.
 
This is a good way to phrase it. In my experience, it’s best to be both blunt and kind with individuals who have Down Syndrome. “Well it was nice talking to you, Bob. But I can’t talk to you anymore. I’m going to talk to Mrs. Smith now. I’ll see you next Sunday, OK?”
 
Lara said:
Hi Bob. I would like to talk to some other people now.

Hi Bob, have you made some new friends? Well, you’ll have to keep trying to talk to different people each time you come.

Hi Bob. Have you volunteered to help with the clean up? Please go see if you can help.

Lead Bob to his parents. Then excuse yourself to get a drink.
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This is probably your best bet, I have a sister with DS, and sometimes she can be a bit of an annoyance following me around. If you can send Bob off to do something, without hurting his feelings, that would be best. As long as you make the idea pleasant and don’t act like you really want to get arid of him.
 
There’s a lot of really good advice on this thread.
Are you and Bob the same age? Maybe that’s why he relates to you.
Or can you bring Bob to the group you want to talk to? “Meet my friend Bob”
 
Lara said:
Joeybaggz. You might be right. But at some point, I’ve reached my limit of listening to stories. When I was young, I could listen to five hours of a professor speaking for two classes back to back. But now, it exhausts me. I don’t think God expects us to listen to somebody who won’t stop talking beyond our capacities.
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It’s difficult, yes. And I can certainly sympathize with all the posters. This thread reminds me of something that occurred in my life.

I owned a store in Virginia some time back. It was on a main pedestrian mall in town. There was a certain man named, let’s call him Bob, who had terrible cerebral palsy. He was always on the mall, staggering and grunting at people, as persons with that condition do. And we did get to understand him a little. On warm and sunny days, Bob loved to watch the pretty girls go by! I think he was a normal as the rest of us.

Now it was interesting because many of us would look after him, buy him lunch, a cold soft drink and things like that. In fact, one of the lawyers in the building next door would (on good warm sunny days) give him a shave; actually give Bob a good close, clean shave. Right there on a bench in town! The lawyer was a member of my parish and had a son who was developmentally disabled himself. The upshot of this is that one day, I think I am going to see Jesus standing there with His arm around Bob’s shoulder and Bob will be smiling and just as normal and well as everyone else. And all of us who knew Bob are going to have to answer Christ’s question, what did you do for one of my brothers."
I cite that, not as condemnation of the frustration that has been expressed, but as a question I always ask myself when dealing with people who are less fortunate than myself. Again, I am casting no aspersions here, I know the frustration, but in those situations, there is a concrete opportunity to answer Christ’s question in the affirmative. And I am not saying the OP or anyone else who has indicated that frustration is wrong for feeling it. I am sure the OP is as charitable as he/she can be given her relationship with Bob.
 
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I agree with you in principle. But in reality competing interests start to take over. For instance, I look very normal on the outside, but I actually have health issues. Suddenly, I can be exhausted. The interesting question then is does Bob have an obligation to leave me alone based on Christian charity, and knowledge he gets from me that I need to be left alone? See, it’s best to treat unusual people the same as everybody else. Sometimes I want to go the extra mile for somebody just because of injustices their people experienced in the past, say for instance black people, but I don’t because of two rules I have: no good deed goes unpunished; and by doing that you actually make them feel less normal.
 
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We had a “Bob” in our parish, but an older man.
No sense of social cues, heart in the right place.
I was one of the people he would talk to.
So one day I get really devastating news 1/2 hour before I have to leave for mass.
Not rising to the level of grave enough to miss mass, but I was reeling.
So I decide to hear mass in the vestibule so I don’t have to interact with anybody.
So in he walks, sees me standing there, then comes over to talk.
I try to deflect him, and finally wind up hiding in the rest room to ditch him.
Come out of the rest room and he’s gone.
The next week, he seeks me out and apologizes to me because he thought he got me upset.
The poor man–it wasn’t his fault at all! I tried to reassure him it wasn’t anything to do with him, but I don’t know if he believed me…
 
Lara said:
Hi Bob. I would like to talk to some other people now.

Hi Bob, have you made some new friends? Well, you’ll have to keep trying to talk to different people each time you come.

Hi Bob. Have you volunteered to help with the clean up? Please go see if you can help.

Lead Bob to his parents. Then excuse yourself to get a drink.
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As many people have suggested, there are are really good ideas. Hopefully, I will find the strenght to do it charitably next time
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Can’t you talk to other people with Bob around? Maybe include him in the conversation?
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Nope, there will be people sitting beside me and I will make a comment to join their conversation and Bob will call out my name when he notices I am not paying attention to him
 
Dacinom said:
God bless you! I’m not sure exactly how to respond, since at the end of your post you wrote you don’t “want him around anymore.”

Do you wish to cut off contact completely? Are you simply venting out of frustration and perhaps willing to help him make new friends?
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I do think after a cooling off period and I trust some kind of ground rules are established, I could give him a 5 minute hello
 
Tis_Bearself said:
I am presuming if he is being allowed to interact on his own in a social gathering, it’s not a case of someone needing to “take responsibility” for him, and I’m not saying the OP needs to do that. Simply that we need to respond to these adults more as a community and less as “you’re his parents, you take care of it” as if he were an unruly child.
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I agree which is why I have no problem with my taxes paying for group homes where once Bob’s parents are gone professionals will parent him
 
idifacs_john said:
you could try growing up and consider this person a friend instead of nusiance. An try to figure out on your own how to socialize with this person instead of trying to figure out how to ditch him in social functions . Or just find a new parish to go to if you cant handle it.
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Seriously? Not everyone hits it off we everyone else in the best of circumstances. And it is not up to me to constantly put myself through the treatury of socializing with people I have no desire to be around
 
joeybaggz said:
Now it was interesting because many of us would look after him, buy him lunch, a cold soft drink and things like that. In fact, one of the lawyers in the building next door would (on good warm sunny days) give him a shave; actually give Bob a good close, clean shave. Right there on a bench in town!
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Giving Bob a shave sounds a LOT easier than putting up with his chatter. All the activites listed are where the ‘giver’ has total control over the situation. I bet the lawyer went to give Bob a shave when it was convenient for the lawyer and then went back to his office wihtout worrying Bob would follow him.

Trust me, I would have no problem buying Bob lunch at a time that was convenient for me. But when I go to a gathering hoping to socialize with certain people and I end up being cornered by Bob all evening, it is a different ball of wax
 
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
There’s a lot of really good advice on this thread.
Are you and Bob the same age? Maybe that’s why he relates to you.
Or can you bring Bob to the group you want to talk to? “Meet my friend Bob”
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Bob is in his 20s and I am a woman pushing 50. I really have no idea what he sees in me
 
When I said what would Jesus do in this situation I didn’t mean healing. I meant that Jesus would be patinet. sorry for confusion
 
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
Not rising to the level of grave enough to miss mass, but I was reeling.
So I decide to hear mass in the vestibule so I don’t have to interact with anybody.
So in he walks, sees me standing there, then comes over to talk.
I try to deflect him, and finally wind up hiding in the rest room to ditch him.
Come out of the rest room and he’s gone.
The next week, he seeks me out and apologizes to me because he thought he got me upset.
The poor man–it wasn’t his fault at all! I tried to reassure him it wasn’t anything to do with him, but I don’t know if he believed me…
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With all due respect it does have to do with him. His approaching you is why you went to the washroom
 
Patient yes, but where in the bible does it show that Jesus was patient to the point of spending hours on end with someone when he had other things to do?
 
I like the idea that this man can be included in conversations with others at a social event. Introduce him to other people who you are meeting at the church social. Someone with down syndrome can be interesting to talk to. This is something that people stupidly believe cannot be possible:
  • How many have actually talked to someone with down syndrome?
  • How many know what he does for a job?
  • His ideas in God?
    This man with down syndrome can be asked many interesting questions.
People who are superficial are SO boring that they don’t realize these things. Please consider these possibilities. Open your mind.
 
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