Dealing with an adult who has Down Syndrome

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That’s a very difficult situation. They really ought to have some sort of a support worker and a long term plan for Bob to transition to some sort of independent living facility.

I think just do what you can, this isn’t your problem to solve.
 
Dlee said:
I would caution about using this phrase unless it is absolutely true. Personal boundaries might imply something sexual and that is probably not the case.
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Personal boundaries include personal questions about finances and politics, standing too close and infringing on someone’s personal space, and monopolizing someone’s personal time. It’s not always sexual in nature.
 
cmscms said:
I haven’t been clear and firm and it is time to do that. Hopefully God will give me to the strenght and grace to do it politely
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Praying for you. I’ve seen these situations before where somebody tries to be nice but just ends up getting frustrated. You do have to set some firm limits. If it doesn’t get any better, I’d suggest finding another way to socialize with your friends where Bob is not present, such as inviting them to lunch.
 
As Catholics, I’m not sure we should honour all the modern ways of describing people. Maybe, saying “a man with Down’s syndrome” shows you’re not labelling him, but the number one thing you’re still saying is that he has Down’s syndrome. But why say Down’s syndrome at all? Perhaps we shouldn’t describe people. The OP would have done better to not tell us he had a chromosonal variation, and focus on the irritating behaviour.

You will agree it’s awkward to say people of height (tall people), people of substantial weight and rotund shape (fat people), people of the feminine gender (females), people of Catholic belief. So why say, “people with Down’s syndrome?”

What is more important is that we respect everybody.
 
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cmscms said:
I want to thank everyone for their (name removed by moderator)ut. It has made me feel supported and given a lot of good ideas to try
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I responded several times to you in this thread. Somehow I got the idea that you were not the original poster, but rather someone who had chimed in with additional viewpoints. Don’t know where that came from, but if it has any bearing on what I posted, I offer that thought to you.
 
I mean this in a friendly way, your last post gave me a good chuckle. 🙂
 
@cmscms Don’t worry, I wasn’t pointing at you and accusing you of not recognizing someone’s dignity. I sincerely hope it didn’t come across that way, and I apologize very much if it did.
I was just trying to gently enlighten people about this view 🙂
Lara said:
As Catholics, I’m not sure we should honour all the modern ways of describing people. Maybe, saying “a man with Down’s syndrome” shows you’re not labelling him, but the number one thing you’re still saying is that he has Down’s syndrome. But why say Down’s syndrome at all? Perhaps we shouldn’t describe people. The OP would have done better to not tell us he had a chromosonal variation, and focus on the irritating behaviour.

You will agree it’s awkward to say people of height (tall people), people of substantial weight and rotund shape (fat people), people of the feminine gender (females), people of Catholic belief. So why say, “people with Down’s syndrome?”

What is more important is that we respect everybody.
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I definitely agree with you! What I should have said perhaps, is that we should always refer to them as a person (and respect them with all our heart). If we are going to mention their disability, I think it is always nicer to say that they have down syndrome, not that they are a downs. That is the point I was trying to make. God bless you 🙂
 
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Thanks for explaining, but I must admit (hopefully in a charitable tone) that it did come off as accusing because it is off topic. This post is about how to deal with a particular individual and not how to refer to a group of people. Thus, when you brought up a point describing how we should refer to them, it changed the focus.

Also, I had to mention Bob has downsyndrome because it is key to the issue. When I read your reply, it came across as I never should have mentioned it
 
I think in this case the fact that he has Down syndrome is relevant.
 
I’m praying for you too.
Hopefully you will be able to just firmly but nicely say to Bob “I’m going to talk to xyz I’ll be back later” and then come back later so that way he won’t be hurt and knows you were being sincere.

How do the other people there interact with Bob?
Has he singled you out as a friend because you solely are kind to him or are others there kind to him too?
How do they respond when he tells them a story etc?
 
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Other people will come by say hi talk briefly and move on. Bob responds, and once they walk away comes right back to me.

I suspect he has his pecking order. There was only one function where I saw him hang off a different person. It was the only time me and this person were at the same function so I believe she has priority over me.

I do remember a friend once telling me about a gathering I was not allowed to attend and Bob stayed with her for 2 hours. I guess she is after me on the list
 
I want to thank you for posting your question. I have been and recently been in a situation where someone just starts to drive me crazy. Not a down syndrome person but someone who maybe loves to talk and loves to keep talking. What I’ve found in myself is that, not really knowing how to manage boundaries, I get to the point where I want to avoid them completely. When it gets to that point I realize that it’s me that needs to learn how to respectfully manage difficult people. I’m glad I can now come to CA to ask for suggestions. You are not alone!!
 
I think it’s hard when a person reaches adulthood without good conversational skills, it’s probably hard to change.
 
Well… I remember being at a brunch. The group of people was so large we had 4 different tables. Each table could seat 4 people. A lady I did not know came and sat across from me. The 2 other people knew her and asked how she had been. She started to talk about her mom’s medical issues and what she was doing. At first I tried to join the conversation by sharing about what i knew about seniors homes. After 5 minutes she made it clear she didn’t want to hear anything I said. So this woman carried on her monologue and I turned to the people at the next table and asked them what they ordered and if it was good. She kept up with her monologue at the same time. When I finished my meal, I got up without excusing mysefl and sat at another table.

I felt this woman should have had enough social graces to know better and at that point did care if I was rude.
 
I’m probably being horrible but I really struggle with people who talk in monologue even though im sure a lot can’t help it. I

think conversational skills don’t come naturally to everyone and if you notice this in a child it’s so important to try and teach them about the give and take of a conversation before it becomes a habit.
 
Perhaps if you don’t answer each time he calls out your name he will give up. I was going to suggest that you say to him, “Let’s go talk to ______,” but it seems you’ve tried that.

I would not approach his parents. I would simply stop responding to him.
 
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