Dilemma. Please give me your opinion

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Hello everyone. Thanks for taking your time to read my concerns. Please give me your opinion/ advice.
  • I am a guy who suffers with same sex attractions.
  • I have been living a very quiet life, just focusing on my parents and job, so that I won’t be tempted.
  • I don’t even want to make friends because that’s risky. I am doing fine though, because luckily, I enjoy being alone.
  • There was time when I wanted to quit my job because even though I love the job, everyone at work are nice people, but they look down on Catholism. They are also very happy when SSM is legalised. I know it is wrong. I make my belief very clear though. Also just because of some other stress at work.
  • But I managed to stay because I love the job; some of the people who gave me a lot of troubles at work are gone; also because my manager needs me and respects me.
  • That is the issue though, I developed a crush on him. In this stressful industry, it is a surprise for me to see such a talented yet nice person like him.
  • To save me from temptation, I will quiet train up someone to get to my level and once the right time comes, I will leave this company. I am dedicated to my job, but I am not irreplaceable.
  • I might be jobless after quitting, but saving my soul is more important. I don’t think I can stop liking him anytime soon.
    A rather long post, please help me.
 
Your dedication to your faith is amazing. Once you feel that you have somebody almost trained do start looking if you do feel tempted.

However crushes can go and if you could morally pursue a relationship with your manager would you? I’m thinking of you saying something and being rejected or other general workplace romance concerns or if you were OSA attracted and he was a married woman.

If you think you would not pursue a relationship due to non morality based concerns I think you would be able to resist temptation by keeping your relationship strictly professional. Make sure that you are not in a position where you would be alone together. If it would be difficult given your job then proceeding with your plans may indeed be the safest option.
 
Thanks Elf01.
I would never tell him or pursue a relationship with him. But it hurts working together everyday.
If I were a normal man and he was an unmarried woman, I would go for her. Our company doesn’t mind office romance and there is nothing bad between us.
Thanks Monicad, I am looking up Courage.
 
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There’s already good advice here
Just want to say I’m :pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2: For you
 
Hi friend!

I, like you, am a guy who struggles with SSA. I am not sure how old you are but you sound young. I myself am 22. I used to be part of the online support group set up by Courage. I have made some very good friends from there who I talk to on Skype on a daily basis.

I am very proud of all you are doing to keep chaste. You are fighting the good fight!

Please remember:
  1. You are deeply loved
  2. You are NOT your attractions; you are a child of God
  3. You are NOT alone
  4. It is hard but it WILL get better
I will pray for you! 🙂

Do not hesitate to PM me if you would like some support.
 
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I have read that making friends, straight male friends you aren’t attracted to, can help.

Of course follow your conscience.
 
I have not found such great faith with anyone on CAF. Just remember that God will never give you more than you can handle.
 
Thanks friend.
I have requested to join the Courage forum and waiting for the approval.
Hope to meet you and others there.
 
That is absolutely true Kei.
Thanks for your reply.
I used to have some good friends before (male and female) that I am not attached to. And I was a happier person back then.
 
I think you did the right thing. Sin is when we commit it, not before. The fact that you are aware where it can lead you to, is good on you.

God bless.
 
Lost said:
Hello everyone. Thanks for taking your time to read my concerns. Please give me your opinion/ advice.
  • I am a guy who suffers with same sex attractions.
  • I have been living a very quiet life, just focusing on my parents and job, so that I won’t be tempted.
  • I don’t even want to make friends because that’s risky. I am doing fine though, because luckily, I enjoy being alone.
  • There was time when I wanted to quit my job because even though I love the job, everyone at work are nice people, but they look down on Catholism. They are also very happy when SSM is legalised. I know it is wrong. I make my belief very clear though. Also just because of some other stress at work.
  • But I managed to stay because I love the job; some of the people who gave me a lot of troubles at work are gone; also because my manager needs me and respects me.
  • That is the issue though, I developed a crush on him. In this stressful industry, it is a surprise for me to see such a talented yet nice person like him.
  • To save me from temptation, I will quiet train up someone to get to my level and once the right time comes, I will leave this company. I am dedicated to my job, but I am not irreplaceable.
  • I might be jobless after quitting, but saving my soul is more important. I don’t think I can stop liking him anytime soon.
    A rather long post, please help me.
Click to expand...
I’m adding you to my daily rosary & mass intentions.
 
Oh, you’re surely not alone, op :)! Others have already given good advice, and from personal experience, I would recommend Courage as well! There’s great support to be found there and an adequate means to healing from the wounds this cross often gives us.

I would like to mention though, you said you are, “living a very quiet life, just focusing on my parents and so, so that I won’t be tempted.” I think you will find healing by beginning to integrate ssa more healthily into your life. Let me explain, yes, you should avoid temptation and such but because the nature of our struggle is sexual, it’s not something that we can separate ourselves from like someone who struggles with drinking. It will always be with us wherever we are. So the situation with the man you’re training, that you’re attracted to him, I think you will be able to better handle if you are able to find ways to channel that attraction into charity/chastity. I am saying this because I imagine quitting your job is a bit extreme. Perhaps boundaries can be set if this man also has ssa? Just giving you somethings to think about. I know our emotions can easily make us make big decision too quickly.

Lastly, I am praying for you. I carry all of us who struggle with ssa with me in my heart throughout the day, in the rosary, but especially when receiving Communion. Know that yours is a most beautiful cross, though it often very painful. St. Teresa of Avila gives me hope often through this quote, “There is no weapon more powerful than the cross.” Peace, brother. Do not be ashamed.
 
Is he gay?. If so it is always best to flee temptation. Go and speak to a priest. They will guide you You could speak about it to your boss so he can support your celibacy If he doesnt - flee
 
Blessings,
Attraction does not mean love. It, mostly is lust. It happens to heterosexual single and married ppl. It’s what leads to fornucatiin and adultery. “Oh, I don’t love my husband( or wife) anymore.”
How many families have been ruined following those butterflies in the stomach. How many homosexual relationships started b/c one has a brotherly affection for a nice guy and they feel they should feed a sexual temptation
I applaud you in your love and committment to God. That is for all of us, no matter what our vocation. If I have a romantic twinge, I have to wait till I get home. It could be gone then…
Purity of mind, body and soul is our calling.
I’m married 50 yrs., by God’s grace. A long marriage can have a few tricky situations in our BOOK OF LIFE. I had a few butterflies around certain guys. I was confused. What the heck! I thought this was love?? I knew I loved my husband. I did things to kill the butterflies! I love butterflies.(the Real ones) Prayer! LOVING GOD, more than self. Say the prayer of St.Anthony for Purity. Google Purity prayers.
Carry your rosary and pray, The Chaplet of Mercy.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
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Thanks for all the kind words everyone.
(I struggle to reply without tagging someone, so pardon me).
What you and SonofJoseph mentioned is correct. What if I went to a different environment and got attracted to someone again? Will I run away again?
That is what stopping me from making the final call and asking for opinions.
By the way, the man I mentioned is normal guy, with a fiancée
 
Lost said:
What if I went to a different environment and got attracted to someone again? Will I run away again?
Click to expand...
What you have done so far is extremely difficult and I commend you for that! Please do not forget this!

BUT… as you even said yourself above this is not a permanent solution.
What you have done so far is address the symptoms. But the root cause I feel has not been addressed. Now I don’t pretend this is going to be easy or probable, but change must come from deep within to heal the underlying brokenness.
I cant explain it all here but things to bear it mind that may help are
Demystification and healthy relationships with heterosexual males.
Address any other underlying issues.
(((Reparative therapy))) —— I don’t want to emphasise this too much as it is often an unrealistic goal for some.

But perhaps try courage first and see what help they can provide.
 
Dear Lost,
That can happen. Attractions come and go.
Galatians 5:22-23 New International Version (NIV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
These are gifts we are given but not exercised. As I suggested to overcome sinful thoughts: memorize purity prayers. Memorize Galatians 5: 22-23.
Carry your rosary in your pocket. Say a decade w each tempting thought. Say the Chaplet of Mercy.
Pucture your boss w his wife and family. Be happy for him.
You can’t be happy and sad at the same time.
Chose happy. You can’t be tempted or pure st the same time. Chose pure.
You can’t be angry or calm at the same time. Chose calm. Deep breathe

5 1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.

8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
 
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