Dilemma. Please give me your opinion

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Lost
Study this!
All things are possible through Christ, Jesus who strengthens ys. A power verse to memorize. Feel lust! Take a deep breath, turn a way and quote that scripture.
Learn to put this armor on.

The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
Your life is to be an Ambassador for Christ
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
Right, and because you are human you will be attracted to others after this man. What’s helped me lately to begin to accept ssa as part of me (but not who I am) is counseling and also getting involved with Courage.

But dont feel super pressured into everything st once. God simply asks us to persevere and sometimes baby steps is all we can do. Like you’re requesting to join that Courage online group is a good step 🙂 keep praying and see where that goes.

Please feel Free to pm me anytime!
 
I too, hope that you can find a way to avoid temptation and keep your job. It’s a lot to give up and I sense you are good at your profession.

I remember once having an attraction to a man when I was engaged no less, that surprised me out of the blue. A coworker. Once we were both at a conference and I talked to him after the conference and the more we talked the more I was tempted beyond what I thought would ever be possible in my life, to engage in sin. We were both staying at the same hotel which does not help the temptation factor at all, and add in a few drink. Talk about a near occasion of sin waiting to happen. We talked until 2 AM in the morning.

We both decided it was way too late to be up any longer and he said I think we should call it a night He also said I could and would like to in a perfect world invite you to my room for one last drink but I think that’s not good decision and I respect the fact you are engaged.

We both could have chosen to walk into his hotel room and commit major sin or not. I had my own room at the same hotel oddly enough. I chose to keep faithful to my soon to be husband. Best decision I made in my life. I had CHOSEN with INTENT before this happened to be faithful the rest of my life to the man I agreed to be engaged to and marry the next year. I believe Satan tried to tempt me early on to ruin my relationship with the guy I was engaged to and did marry.

So, I understand the temptations you face. Straight people face them too, perhaps not as strongly, I don’t know. You have made a conscious decision to remain chaste and I am so happy for you. It’s the best decision for a Catholic to make.

Therefore, I hope with the help of Courage, or some support you can you can keep your job, because at some point, somewhere, there could be a temptation when you least expect it. If not, leaving your profession may be the best decision.

When you have made a conscious decision to NEVER “go there” in your heart it’s so much easier to do that when you might face that decision. However, I do understand your dilemma as you most likely see this man daily or often at work which makes it that much harder.

I appreciate you sharing your dilemma as it relates to me too as a straight person who is not gay. Many heterosexuals are tempted in the work place as well.

May God bless you, and give you peace. As a a fellow Christian who is celibate after a divorce 16 years ago and will remain chaste the rest of my life I also struggle with temptations regarding the opposite sex. I will pray fo you if you and if have time will you pray fo me as well?

Romans: Where sin abounds grace abounds ALL THE MORE.
 
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Lost said:
By the way, the man I mentioned is normal guy, with a fiancée
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In that case he’s not a danger to your chastity. It would be worse if he was single and had SSA and may be open to you saying how you feel.

You are probably as safe in that situation as if you didn’t have feelings for him and it may be good for you to learn to handle them when there is no chance of your feelings being returned.
 
Even more controversial, making friends with straight male friends you are attracted to isn’t a bad idea. Knowing someone on a more intimate and level can decrease infatuation, and therefore sexual attraction, as you see them more realistically, and less idealized. This could go horribly wrong with two non straight men though.

I suggest you reflect on your attraction a little bit, What do you find attractive in him, what percieved positive qualites? IF they are positive qualities, you should not feel embaressed about findind those qualities attractive. What you do need to watch out for is allowing those qualities to fuel sexual desire. What might help is to recognize any insecurity you might be experiencing, you may be comparing yourself to him. You need to find satisfaction with yourself as you are, so that you can resist the desire to “take”, what you admire from this guy through sexual fantasy.

I’ve struggled with this too. I found myself briefly attracted to a manager, he was young, friendly sociable, friendly, and was going to have a kid. I realized I was attracted to him because of that, particularily that he was going to be a father. Something I was afraid could never happen for myself. I saw fatherhood as an epitome of masculinity, and I needed to feel accepted by this guy I was feeling inferior to. I’ve also had a bit of father hunger my whole life, I just had to come to terms with the pain of the feeliing of inferiority and the wounded hunger for male connection, embrace the need and the pain(if unable to meet the need at the moment). If you can accept the need or the pain of not filling it, there’s no need to stifle it with sex. That one was easy for me, but some attractions are harder. Sometime’s it’s best to find a distraction, particularily if the desires are stressing you out, tale a break from even worrying about them. They aren’t your fault. but if your in a safe situation, and a place of peace, looking deeper to heal your homosexual desires isn’t a bad idea.

Cutting of male relationships is a big mistake you don’t want to make. A lack of platonic same sex intimacy, affection, connection, vulnerability, honesty, ect. is only going to provide fuel for sexual fantasy, while obtaining it will should wound the erotic high, as it’s more difficult to sexualize something internalized and familiar, and you would develop a feeling of familiarity and equality with men.
Of course you can’t have close relationships with everyone, but I find my same sex attractions don’t get better when I run away from them. They benefit from a healthy does of reality. Instead of being attracted to a guy, avoiding him, and sexually fantasizing about him, I can use the attraction to try to get closer to him/know him better.
If there any catholic men in a young adult group or something, you could probably try connecting with those guys.

There’s much more to talk about, but I don’t want to dump to much at once.
 
I sincerely thank each and everyone of you for the prayer, the advice, even sharing your own personal experience with me. I feel honoured.
  • After talking with people here, I have more strength. I don’t feel that stressed when around him as much as before.
  • I guess the reason why homosexuals ‘have stronger feelings’ is because of loneliness.
  1. straight people might like someone that is not their spouse but able to stop and will get over it easier because they still have their spouse, the person they love and love them back. But for us gay, we are alone. I have to keep reminding myself that I have God beside me.
  2. the media and straight people who support gay keep bombarding us with the ‘happy images ’ of gay couples. They think they are being considerate towards gay people, but clearly, that just does more harm than helping.
  3. I avoid having friends not only because I am scared of falling for them or they would find out that I am gay, but also because of the loneliness I feel around people, when I have noone to call my love. So I really have to work on developing healthy relationships.
  • As for my situation, I am still training someone up to replace me in the near future. If by that time, I cannot hold my emotions anymore, I will quit. Which is very likely. Unless miracle happened, so that we will no longer work in the same team or the same city, or even the same country anymore.
  • The fact that I am responsible and am good at my job is a disadvantage. Because my manager and I just keeps spending more time together (about work of course), that is uncomfortable for me.
  • These are feelings I can never share with anyone around me, so thanks again for helping me in this forum.
 
Hello there.
I think I am attracted to him because he is very talented yet humble and polite. I am a very sensitive and artistic man. Growing up, my original dream was to become a musician. I don’t like the industry, that’s why I gave up and picked up a technical major to study. I think most guys I know so far, are either too full of themselves or too ‘dry’. That is why I find him special. Getting to know him more as a person just makes me like him more.
I am also not very masculine.
 
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It’s interesting - for me - to read this thread -
I’m a somewhat tough guy -
but I read everything that you jotted, with a compassion.
 
I don’t think you homosexuals have stronger feelings 🙂 . Don’t alienate yourself any further than you need to. We are all the same, we all experience loneliness and we all experience crushes on people we shouldn’t. No offence but even if you were a single available girl you should not crush on him as he is engaged. If you were a married woman you could not crush on him either. But both of those situations could happen. It is not only people in relationships that have crushes, lonely single people do too. So really in this case being homosexual has no bearing, it is ‘unrequited love’ and I doubt there is one of us on this site that hasn’t been there. If there is, they are blessed. It’s a tough place to be. You are handling it very very well. Asking for advice from people you can trust (other Catholic’s - who will be guided by God as they have said they are praying for you) and you are praying about this issue. If you deal with all the trials you have in life, including SSA by turning to God and the people who follow Him then you are very likely to do well.
Lastly, crushes pass… don’t feed the fire and it dies. Also there are people who are straight who by choice or necessity have to remain single/alone all there lives for their religion, just like you. They too, must call on God to be by their side to fight the temptation of crushes and forbidden love too. Don’t think you are the only one. They also see happy families that they will never have right in front of them that they cannot be part of - for love of God and salvation of their soul. You are not alone. God bless.
 
Ah no, there was a reply earlier saying that homosexuals may have stronger feelings, therefore I put that term in quotation marks and explained what I personally think of that impression some people might have about gay people:)
But your analysis is so true.
 
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Oh I see. That’ll teach me to skim read the posts! I just hope you don’t feel alone.
 
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Good counsel! May God clear your minds and Spirits to see life through God’s eyes and not man’s eyes. Man is exposed to Satan, ruling the earth. What is felt is real! But we are OVERCOMERS, through Christ, Jesus.
Uncomfortable moments happen in all lives. God help them to heal uncomfortable moments.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
Ah, I am attracted to my manager.
I am training some junior to take my job before I quit it.
 
No he doesn’t. I think I hide it well.
He likes working with me and being my friend though.
 
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Just maybe something to consider is letting him know you as a person. It’s one thing to get to “know” someone better, another thing to open up yourself. Otherwize there is a distance,which insecurities(If he knew me…) will fill, . I would think about this for every relationship, but you might be right to hold off in this case. Not sure. What might be going on is a “What I wish I was”, attraction. I meet someone who reminds me of myself, but is a more desirable age, talent, profession/vocation. Ect. It’s the comparison again. I feel so broken for not achieving what they achieved and not having what they have. In this case, you seem to be feeling insecure about your own canceled career, when you compare yourself to this guy who suceeded where you quit.If that is the case, The thing to do now is to stop feeling ashamed of yourself for your decision and your career, and your “masculinity” as it compares to him. There are two ways to do this.
  1. debunk your reasons for being ashamed of yourself:
    for example, re-examine your reasons for giving up your music career, if you come to the conclusion that it was the right thing to do, then there’s no reason to feel ashamed for it. realize that just because you aren’t your idealized versions of masculintiy, a man is not defined by those things.
  2. If you did make a mistake, have self compassion and forgive yourself, and remember that everybody makes mistakes, for various reasons, but we all share the same dignity.
If this is a very secular job situation, such honesty might not be possible. He may well be the wrong guy to reach out to, but you need men you can be yourself with. If so, the advice for those relationships would follow the same principles I am using.

If my assumptions seem wildly incorrect and my advice unapplicable, please let me know, but I’m guessing from my own experience with same sex attraction there would be some similar patterns.

But If you ever need someone to overthink something, that’s me.

I hope you have though about this, but there’s a difference between seeing someone as attractive, and having a temptation to sexualize that attraction. The sexualization is the problem. But it’s ok to be attracted to someone and come to terms with that. It’s what you do with that attraction that matters. If you use it as a sexual fantasy, obviously its a problem, but otherwise, it might be harmless. “mancrushes(A crush-like but non-sexual feeling of attraction toward and admiration for a man)” can be positive, you can imitate those you admire as role models.
 
Let’s me confess (I have a habit of listing things down with dot points):
  • I try but cannot find women attractive (no offence intended, I mean that I can never consider the ladies my lover, I can have good friendship with them though).
  • I don’t compare myself to my boss. I think he is attractive (both appearance and personality). I have a reasonable amount of self esteem. SSA is the only major thing that I feel shameful about. And some other minor flaws but not significant.
  • I don’t have sexual thoughts about him. Maybe that was something I learnt to control?
  • I have the thought ‘I wish he could be my boyfriend, I am so sad this can never happen’ though. I long for intimate relationship with men. I don’t know why. My childhood was perfect. My life has been very easy.
    Today I finished work early so I have time to reread all the messages again. I had a busy week at work.
    I am a very positive person in general. Just this SSA and loneliness is my only problem in life.
 
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I am sorry that the first time I read your message I didn’t see the last paragraph.
Thanks for your prayers.
I will pray for you too. Sorry to hear about your story.
Thanks for sharing with me.
I think it’s almost certain that I will quit my job sometimes this year.
It’s hard to explain everything going on. But I think it’s the perfect solution.
I made a right decision asking for opinions on this forum.
 
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Thank you for sharing.
Obviously no one knows the origin of SSA but there are common themes. I think it is probably very heterogeneous so some of the advice here may not apply.

But just curious did you have good wholesome childhood and teenage male friends?
 
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