Dilemma. Please give me your opinion

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I got intimidated somehow by that macho thing.
 
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OP, you know your own limits, of course, but I would not normally think it necessary to quit because you have a crush. Everyone develops crushes. Just keep a friendly but safe distance in the friend relationship. Don’t let it go beyond an aquaintance. I’ll be praying for you.
 
Do you mean presently, or in your experiences? I certainly don’t mean to assert that that’s necessarily healthy. But that it’s something some gay men exhibit. But I think it’s quite common for gay men to find “macho” individuals attractive. Arguably, its a conflict between intimidation/admiration. The sex comes up to make the attraction strong enough to overcome fear and make some kind of connection.
 
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Thanks. I have been trying and will continue trying. Money and status mean nothing to me.
The company and people treated me nicely and I love my job. That got me thinking.
But I worry for my soul.
 
I have always been intimidated by them. But if they appear to be nice people, I feel normal again.
Attraction, depends on the person.
 
I think my fear theory still might hold some weight here. When someone both has an appearence/behavior that you find intimidating, but also admire, and you find them to be friendly and good people, the attraction to them is saying "connect with this person, or sexualize a good feeling of connection, so you can overcome your fear of that “aspect” of masculinity you are admiring.
 
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Wait I think you are right. If I find out that they are good person. I will start learning about them.
 
An interesting example in my case is I have had an unhealthy obsession with the length and appearence of hair on men, and myself. While that can flare up from time to time, one thing that calmed it down was my acceptance of my admiration, haircuts like these have millitary associations, and so I was admiring the strength and courage ect. I percieved in my imagination, and it also has leadership associations. I am ok with admiring all those things, and so ok with admiring his hairstyle. Once I was not afraid of the admiration, the admiration became less sexually focused. I decided not to be afraid of it, went out and got my hair done like this myself, which helped me to stop seeing it as mysterious, and unobtainable, as I had it myself.
The fear that was conflicting with my admiration was fueled a bit by gay porn actually. Where men have this kind of appearence, but they act agressive and possesive. It was the negative associations that stopped me from accepting my admiration.
 
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I can relate now.
Next step: trying to overcome it.
I have an obsession for gentle but powerful people. But most time, I imagine myself being like that already, I will still have attraction…
 
So your saying imaginging you are powerful in your imagination does not work? I wouldn’t expect it to. In my case Imagining myself with said haircut did nothing to relieve my obsession with it untill I actually got it. It should be noted a haircut is an easy change, while other things may simply be unatainable. getting the thing you admire is not always something that can be done. You also have to let go of the shame if you can’t be the ideal person you imagined. to help me stop obsessing over millitaristic, and other brave and authoriative professions(police), I had to be ok with admiring courage ect in these people, but not let it make me feel inferior with thoughts like “I don’t want to be in the millitary, I’m not that brave, I’m not in a leaderership position,therefore, I’m not man enough.”
 
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Thanks.
What about your experience of dealing with greed or jealousy (if you have someone in mind you can never be together with)
 
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I don’t usually feel greed to such people, maybe I used to. This is where grief comes in. There’s some men who I admired, and I had this desire for them to be a father figure/mentor to me, What you do is come to acceptance of the desire “I have a father hunger”, in my case. accept it as a legitimate need. When that need is presenting itself in your attractions, but you also can’t act on it, then you have to accept the pain. “I need a father figure, but I cannot get that from this guy”. Both simultaneously accepting the need, and the loss. There’s some men I don’t expect will be able to be a father figure to me, But that doesn’t mean I don’t still hope for such a relationship with someone else.
 
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I usually will find his flaws to stop liking.
But when I got weak, I let the attraction win.
As I grew older, I became stronger than before.
This experience hit me hard, haven’t had that strong desire with anyone since so long.
 
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Using flaws was easy enough to heal some images from pornography, It’s easy to see that the men in porn are not examplary of virtues, but of weakness, self centeredness, insecurity and lust. But It doesn’t work to find flaws when men actually have good qualities. The flaws are not going to stop you from finding those qualities attractive. What you can do is stop shaming yourself for not having those qualities. You can admire them, imitate them, but not everyone is the same. Some men are ambitious and big minded, They lead things, while other’s are self giving, and contributive, while those men are different, one group is not better than the other. You can admire those things, but you can’t judge your self worth by them. While I admire those who go into the army for noble reasons, I can be satisfied with my own decision not to pursue that.
 
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Another thing is that I have always been a ‘weird’ person with different views though I am not rebellious .
So if I can get along with the guy, or if that was a friendly person, I will fall.
 
Yes. And I agree that the Pope was nice to remind people to have their hearts open.
 
I will definitely keep you in my prayers.
Keep trusting in the Lord and pray to Him continuously.
GOD IS ALL POWERFUL. HE HAS THE POWER TO DELIVER YOU AND SAVE YOU.
Love God with all your heart and tell Him what You are sorry for. Jesus loves you so much and will always help you if you come to Him. “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you.” Also, keep strong in your Catholic faith and do not let anything lead You astray.
 
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