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Lost
Guest
Thatvis sad to see young people leaving the church.
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Lost
Guest
Thanks for your words.
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Lost
Guest
I am turning 30.
Some young people I know told me ‘what a waste of 1 hour to come to mass every Sunday’
I am sad. I still treat them the same though. But hope that they will return.
Some young people I know told me ‘what a waste of 1 hour to come to mass every Sunday’
I am sad. I still treat them the same though. But hope that they will return.
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Sunflower98
Guest
If someone has said this earlier, I apologize for the duplication, but I don’t think you should leave your job. The man you have a crush on is heterosexual and engaged. Thus, it appears there is zero chance of anything ever happening with him. You need (I’m assuming) to work to support yourself. You’re happy in your work and quitting your job won’t change your SSA. If you start a different job, how do you know you won’t develop these same thoughts for someone there? IMO, best to stay in your happy job. You’re essentially guaranteed to remain chaste since the object of your interest isn’t gay and you can learn to deal with the feelings you have.
Beyond the above, even married people can struggle with being attracted to someone they should not be. It’s something they, too, must learn to control. You are not alone in this regard.
Reading your post, you sound very lonely to me. That could well be much of the reason you find this man attractive. He’s kind and he’s someone you spend a great deal of time with. Perhaps if you find more people to spend time with, your feelings for him will lessen. In addition to joining Courage, consider volunteering someplace so you can make some friends. Animal shelters are an excellent place to consider as they (in my experience) seem to attract many more women than men.
I am praying for you.
Beyond the above, even married people can struggle with being attracted to someone they should not be. It’s something they, too, must learn to control. You are not alone in this regard.
Reading your post, you sound very lonely to me. That could well be much of the reason you find this man attractive. He’s kind and he’s someone you spend a great deal of time with. Perhaps if you find more people to spend time with, your feelings for him will lessen. In addition to joining Courage, consider volunteering someplace so you can make some friends. Animal shelters are an excellent place to consider as they (in my experience) seem to attract many more women than men.
I am praying for you.
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Lost
Guest
Thanks for the advice!
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Joe_73
Guest
I agree, except I don’t think you should prioritize friendships with women. Lack of male companionship can be very destructive.I don’t think [particularily close relationships with women is a good idea for a man, gay or not, if he is not dating them. While it may seem benign for the man(he is not sexually tempted), it’s not going to heal any same sex related wounds, It might be shallow, as was my experience, and it’s even more problematic for the straight woman.
What I do know is that I did have female friends, But in highschool I realized how drained I was by hanging out with them. I was always being a gentleman trying to impress girls and get on their good side, meeting their expectations, getting compliments from them for being unique, but rejecting my wild self, who would want to do more adventurous things with male peers, that girls were less likely to be interested in. I never really let that part of me out. As a result in highschool there was pretty much a sudden collapse of all my interaction with women, as I realized things needed to change. I started conversing with the boys. The ending of my interaction with the girls wasn’t as dramatic as you would expect, because it was so shallow to begin with. If I do form relationships with women, I need to take it slower than I used to, and watch what’s going on carefully. right now I would feel uncomfortable spending quality time(alone, like a date) with a woman unless we are dating. Funny thing is I do this all the time with my male friend. We go to movies, ect. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this with a woman I’m not dating, as of now.
It does bother me just a little how reluctant I am to interact with women, but I remind myself it’s a good idea to slowly work through those issues, and wait to befriend women when I am ready, then develop a shallow smothering/entangled/narcissistic relationship. There’s no rush.
When a lot of your life is spent with your “bros”, it becomes much harder to see a “bro” as sexually interesting.
What I do know is that I did have female friends, But in highschool I realized how drained I was by hanging out with them. I was always being a gentleman trying to impress girls and get on their good side, meeting their expectations, getting compliments from them for being unique, but rejecting my wild self, who would want to do more adventurous things with male peers, that girls were less likely to be interested in. I never really let that part of me out. As a result in highschool there was pretty much a sudden collapse of all my interaction with women, as I realized things needed to change. I started conversing with the boys. The ending of my interaction with the girls wasn’t as dramatic as you would expect, because it was so shallow to begin with. If I do form relationships with women, I need to take it slower than I used to, and watch what’s going on carefully. right now I would feel uncomfortable spending quality time(alone, like a date) with a woman unless we are dating. Funny thing is I do this all the time with my male friend. We go to movies, ect. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this with a woman I’m not dating, as of now.
It does bother me just a little how reluctant I am to interact with women, but I remind myself it’s a good idea to slowly work through those issues, and wait to befriend women when I am ready, then develop a shallow smothering/entangled/narcissistic relationship. There’s no rush.
When a lot of your life is spent with your “bros”, it becomes much harder to see a “bro” as sexually interesting.
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anaparep
Guest
You an amazing guy. I can’t express enough how full of admiration I have for you. I have a few questions though.
- Is homosexual desire greater than heterosexual desire?
- Have you realized intimacy is not just sex?
Again, I’m heterosexual, but I’ve realized that intimacy is soooo much more than sex. I would encourage you to be intimate with women. Don’t shut down because you are not your sexual desire. Be vulnerable with women. Is a relationship about sex only? Marriage is about love, trust, care and making babies. You can do all those. If you don’t open up how will you know if you don’t have a calling as a husband? I know by experience and other’s even in marriage your sexual desire fades and sometimes disappears for the person, but that doesn’t make the marriage bad for those who know the purpose of a relationship. - How do you feel about celibacy?
I’ve been celibate for many years. I could be married to someone I’m attracted to easily, but I realize that person would not help me get to heaven. I’ve come to learn not to suppress my sexuality, but view it for what it is. It is there, but it is not me. I’ve resigned to offer it up to God, be the best person I can, have intimacy outside of sex and I dare say I’m a better candidate for marriage because I’ve learned to control my desires. I trust God to bring someone if that’s His wish. I just enjoy today and enjoy people for being people. The rest will happen…or not. And I’m okay with that.
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
Another guy attracted to guys here, though I’m also married to a woman and have kids…
Your posts make me think about the following dialogue from Finding Nemo:
The world is a big, scary place. In my case and your case, it is full of handsome men that we just might fall for. But squirreling ourselves away in hiding is not life for us! Let us flee from sin, and flee from near occasion of sin, but let us not flee from the great big and amazing world of human relationships that God has made for us. It is like avoiding public places because we’re afraid of catching disease. The benefits are worth it – and that is likely the case even if we do occasionally catch the disease.
At the same time, I want to echo all those here who have praised your tenacity and your determination to follow the Lord!
Your posts make me think about the following dialogue from Finding Nemo:
I think you were afraid of yourself when you were 14 and started realizing your SSA, and so you clammed up and decided that “nothing would ever happen to you”. You realized – correctly – that experiencing friendships and intimacy risked disaster. But you incorrectly decided that it was better to have guaranteed isolation than risky friendship. As you can tell, I think this was a bad decision.
The world is a big, scary place. In my case and your case, it is full of handsome men that we just might fall for. But squirreling ourselves away in hiding is not life for us! Let us flee from sin, and flee from near occasion of sin, but let us not flee from the great big and amazing world of human relationships that God has made for us. It is like avoiding public places because we’re afraid of catching disease. The benefits are worth it – and that is likely the case even if we do occasionally catch the disease.
At the same time, I want to echo all those here who have praised your tenacity and your determination to follow the Lord!
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Lost
Guest
Please never feel like you are confusing me or repeating the answer. I read each comments on this thread, not once, but twice.
It really helps me to open my mind. Even though I know that I will be responsible for my decision.
Also thanks for the prayers and consideration.
It might take me a long time to reply to questions because I need time to think about them.
It really helps me to open my mind. Even though I know that I will be responsible for my decision.
Also thanks for the prayers and consideration.
It might take me a long time to reply to questions because I need time to think about them.
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tweedlealice
Guest
Dearest Lost,
Are you called to a chaste priesthood. PHEW! Then, what if you’re challenged in the priesthood? I could go down the R side and up the L side, if I’d be approached. The soul is in danger w this stuff. Like a priest can NEVER divulge a confession. OR HELL!
I don’t know if I mentioned an encounter w a questionable priest. Had a large crucifix and black clothing. His shirt had white piping, instead of the usual white collar. I was karaoking. We sat w him. My son and I. He was drunk. His Dad just died w AIDS. He made a pass at my 21 yr old son, stroking his hand and asking when he had sex last! Well, we stood up and I went up and down the R and L sides. We were leaving and my song came up. It was,” GOD, IS WATCHING US FROM A DISTANCE.” Good ending…
Life has challenging moments
Purity and Chasity are such blessings.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
Are you called to a chaste priesthood. PHEW! Then, what if you’re challenged in the priesthood? I could go down the R side and up the L side, if I’d be approached. The soul is in danger w this stuff. Like a priest can NEVER divulge a confession. OR HELL!
I don’t know if I mentioned an encounter w a questionable priest. Had a large crucifix and black clothing. His shirt had white piping, instead of the usual white collar. I was karaoking. We sat w him. My son and I. He was drunk. His Dad just died w AIDS. He made a pass at my 21 yr old son, stroking his hand and asking when he had sex last! Well, we stood up and I went up and down the R and L sides. We were leaving and my song came up. It was,” GOD, IS WATCHING US FROM A DISTANCE.” Good ending…
Life has challenging moments
Purity and Chasity are such blessings.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
Have you ever considered that you may be observing the people who are most likely to share their gayness/bisexuality with others? I myself am bisexual, but you would never know it from talking to me, and I would be very unlikely to tell you face-to-face (unless it were somehow relevant).
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Lost
Guest
Hello,
I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to enter priesthood. I can serve the church as a lay person, it’s a safer option.
I am sorry to hear about your experience. I hope that the priest has changed now. Priests need our prayers too. I am sure the amount of holy priests outweigh the amount of some lost ones. And the lost ones need our prayers.
I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to enter priesthood. I can serve the church as a lay person, it’s a safer option.
I am sorry to hear about your experience. I hope that the priest has changed now. Priests need our prayers too. I am sure the amount of holy priests outweigh the amount of some lost ones. And the lost ones need our prayers.
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tweedlealice
Guest
Sweet Spirit,
I agree. Prayers being said. I do feel an underlying anger about the morality of the world. The increase in Wiccans. Satanist sand Atheist . Seeing young girls in immodest dress. Guys dragging their pants. School shootings ( after Columbine, one would think bullying would stop.)
We, Catholics, are not on the same page w the church and scripture. God is Love, forgiveness and mercy. BUT He is, also, judgement.
No one thinks, if I died right now,& had to stand before Jesus, would He like my outfit or activity I was in n?!
SPRING BREAK W ALCOHOL, DRUGS &SEX in string bikinis and boys in European male swim suits.
Our hearts are the main thing but participating in orgies wouldn’t make me feel good.
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
I agree. Prayers being said. I do feel an underlying anger about the morality of the world. The increase in Wiccans. Satanist sand Atheist . Seeing young girls in immodest dress. Guys dragging their pants. School shootings ( after Columbine, one would think bullying would stop.)
We, Catholics, are not on the same page w the church and scripture. God is Love, forgiveness and mercy. BUT He is, also, judgement.
No one thinks, if I died right now,& had to stand before Jesus, would He like my outfit or activity I was in n?!
SPRING BREAK W ALCOHOL, DRUGS &SEX in string bikinis and boys in European male swim suits.
Our hearts are the main thing but participating in orgies wouldn’t make me feel good.
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
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Lost
Guest
It affects me mentally and emotionally (personal, not affecting my work at all) and at the moment it’s hard for me to look at my boss the same way before falling for him, a little bit of guilt and a little bit of pain. Not seeing him makes me feel more peaceful within.
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Lost
Guest
I used to have sexual desires when I was younger. Nowadays it’s just a longing for intimacy with people.
Sometimes I look at a kind lady that I can talk to on a deeper level and think ‘I wish that I could love you’ (not about sex of course).
But most of the time I set a wall with people of both sexes before our relationship can go any deeper (even just as friend).
Maybe I need to figure out why I am attracted to guys first.
Sometimes I look at a kind lady that I can talk to on a deeper level and think ‘I wish that I could love you’ (not about sex of course).
But most of the time I set a wall with people of both sexes before our relationship can go any deeper (even just as friend).
Maybe I need to figure out why I am attracted to guys first.
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Lost
Guest
Maybe one day, I could overcome my fear.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
Thanks for sharing your experience!
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Lost
Guest
I am very lonely.
I filled my loneliness with a lot of things. I fake it with a lot of smiles.
If you met me in real life you won’t be able to tell. But it’s not healthy I know, it becomes a bit like self indulgent.
The goal should be to be happy within.
I feel a little bit guilty towards the guy, for the fact that I like him.
Though now I realise my problem is not that big. I am not alone in this battle. There are a lot of people, gay or straight, going through the same thing as me, or even worse.
God has given me an easy life so far.
I filled my loneliness with a lot of things. I fake it with a lot of smiles.
If you met me in real life you won’t be able to tell. But it’s not healthy I know, it becomes a bit like self indulgent.
The goal should be to be happy within.
I feel a little bit guilty towards the guy, for the fact that I like him.
Though now I realise my problem is not that big. I am not alone in this battle. There are a lot of people, gay or straight, going through the same thing as me, or even worse.
God has given me an easy life so far.
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Link
Guest
I know this is a late reply, but reading this made me so…sad. Speaking as someone who was born and raised in the church, I have a better relationship with god now than I ever did when I considered my same sex attraction a “cross”. I left at 18. Now I’m 32, married to the same man for 12 years now, and along with my husband parenting two girls as well as fostering a little girl we are in the process of adopting.
I have nothing against the church. It simply wasn’t for me anymore. I don’t think god will punish me (or my husband) for falling in love, choosing to spend our lives together (both spiritually and legally), and bringing our kids up in a safe, stable home where they are being taught to respect everyone and celebrate the diversity of our country (a country my husband defended overseas, twice).
I talk to god everyday. I pray with my kids every night before bed. I try my hardest to do good and fight bad.
I stopped believing that God would’ve just preferred I “carry my cross” over having my family a long time ago. Any god that would want it the other way isn’t a god I believe in.
I truly hope you find happiness, whether that be how I did, or even if it’s just happiness in celibacy.
I have nothing against the church. It simply wasn’t for me anymore. I don’t think god will punish me (or my husband) for falling in love, choosing to spend our lives together (both spiritually and legally), and bringing our kids up in a safe, stable home where they are being taught to respect everyone and celebrate the diversity of our country (a country my husband defended overseas, twice).
I talk to god everyday. I pray with my kids every night before bed. I try my hardest to do good and fight bad.
I stopped believing that God would’ve just preferred I “carry my cross” over having my family a long time ago. Any god that would want it the other way isn’t a god I believe in.
I truly hope you find happiness, whether that be how I did, or even if it’s just happiness in celibacy.
J
Joe_73
Guest
Well I was a bit like that in some ways, Dancing, music, ect. aren’t usually socially accepted male activities, especially in childhood at school. I hung out with girls because they would give me positive attention for having those interests. I had an overload of female interaction and was lacking in male interaction, but it was easier to find acceptance from girls. It wanted to connect with the boys but I just gave up trying to be one(in the sense that I began to see myself as unique, and “special”, and “a gentleman to girls”, unlike those other boys). This worked fine, untill puberty, where, partially owing to a lack of sexual education, I became very focused and insecure on my body and sexual desire and the desperate need to feel That I was equal and accepted in how I was feeling and changing, by other boys, who presumably were experiencing similar feelings. My need for male acceptance resurfaced dramatically. I didn’t initially put two and two together and realize that genital pleasure was something experienced both by male and females. All I knew it was related to my male status, I felt guilty and insecure about it, and I needed to feel acceptable.
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
Girls who talk sports are SO AWESOME. I married one!
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