Disruptive little ones at Mass

[3DOCTORS]

Let nothing I said the first time I posted here be construed as my wishing the kids wouldn’t be at Mass, BTW. I do enjoy seeing their sweet little faces. There was a baby grinning like crazy at me and my friend yesterday and she was really sweet.:angel1:

 

[KarenElissa]

I would say as a general rule, there are two kinds of people with kids.

Most parents are doing the best they can with what they have. Their children are either well behaved, simply having a bad day, or have other issues making this difficult. Or maybe the parents simply don’t have the skills or knowledge to make the situation better.

The other kind of parents simply don’t care. They may be the type of parent to let their kids do whatever they want. Or maybe within their cultural it is fine for children to be a bit more noisy.

I don’t really see how there is much that you can do about either group unless you have some kind of relationship with them. Most likely anything you try would just come off badly.

If you have some kind of relationship, even the most casual of seeing them every week in Mass, you have a bit of a chance. You could offer a smile or word or encouragement or even offer to help, especially if there is more than one child. For the parents who don’t care, your odds of changing their minds is slim to nothing.

 

[ConstantineTG]

Not to sidetrack the thread, but just be advised that some people don’t object to the angry spankings for mere “PC” reasons. Some were traumatized as children by raging parents and it’s a trigger for them. I once had a panic attack in church witnessing a situation like this. So it would be an act of charity to refrain from making others witness these unpleasant episodes.

I don’t know that if I had a kid I’d never spank them, but it wouldn’t be severe and painful if I did, it would be more like “Hey!” to get the attention than to “beat the devil out of them.” I’d try to be proactive and guide their behavior, nipping potential problems in the bud with verbal and eye contact and redirecting, so that the question of spanking or not would rarely arise.

cowers, waiting for the fight to break outuch:

I have to agree that some parents do go overboard. But having that fear and respect of authority is important. As parents we should be able to find the perfect balance. Going overboard on anything is bad. But sometimes the problem is some kids never learn that fear and respect not only to their parents but to other figures of authority. And I feel this is one of the greatest problems of society today.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I have to agree that some parents do go overboard. But having that fear and respect of authority is important. As parents we should be able to find the perfect balance. Going overboard on anything is bad. But sometimes the problem is some kids never learn that fear and respect not only to their parents but to other figures of authority. And I feel this is one of the greatest problems of society today.

Yes. The key is balance.

 

[faithfully]

I have to agree that some parents do go overboard. But having that fear and respect of authority is important. As parents we should be able to find the perfect balance. Going overboard on anything is bad. But sometimes the problem is some kids never learn that fear and respect not only to their parents but to other figures of authority. And I feel this is one of the greatest problems of society today.

bolding is mine.

Fear? I don’t think your child should ever fear you. When they do, they don’t turn to you in their time of need. Which could be huge… IMO

I know kids that fear their parents. Yeah, they “visually” behave. Most were to afraid to tell them if they got pg… They just went an aborted.

Respect: HUGE! Parents must retain this… Without it… your kids never trust you. Not even to show them how to behave…

Spankings… a swat on the bum. No biggie… To enforce a rule… never works… Not really.

 

[TedDC]

I have to agree that some parents do go overboard. But having that fear and respect of authority is important. As parents we should be able to find the perfect balance. Going overboard on anything is bad. But sometimes the problem is some kids never learn that fear and respect not only to their parents but to other figures of authority. And I feel this is one of the greatest problems of society today.

A lot of the authority figures in today’s society aren’t worthy of respect!

 

[ConstantineTG]

bolding is mine.

Fear? I don’t think your child should ever fear you. When they do, they don’t turn to you in their time of need. Which could be huge… IMO

I know kids that fear their parents. Yeah, they “visually” behave. Most were to afraid to tell them if they got pg… They just went an aborted.

Respect: HUGE! Parents must retain this… Without it… your kids never trust you. Not even to show them how to behave…

Spankings… a swat on the bum. No biggie… To enforce a rule… never works… Not really.

We fear God, don’t we?

 

[ConstantineTG]

A lot of the authority figures in today’s society aren’t worthy of respect!

Agreed. But regardless, knowing one’s place is important. Oftentimes we say that we should respect the person and not the title. But then it becomes relative to what a person needs to do or be to command our respect. We should respect both the title and the person, hand in hand. By the nature of who a person is. We respect our father because he is our father. We respect our Bishop because he is our Bishop. When we say they need to earn our respect, then it becomes subjective.

 

[TedDC]

We fear God, don’t we?

News flash: you ain’t God.

 

[Mrs_V]

I used to get very embarrassed at times by my children at mass. Now we sit towards the back most times and just do our best. We don’t bring snacks or let them take along hard toys that might fall to the floor and ‘clunk’ or ‘roll’. If one acts up badly enough, the go for a short walk with daddy (never enjoyed) and return as soon as things calm down.

Still, they are little boys. They fidget, make little noises, play with anything they can get in their hands, and forget to whisper. My husband and I are forever reminding them that it is time to sit, stand or kneel. That is how they will learn.

Do we often times miss a lot of the mass? Yes, and that is why we read the readings for the day before mass and try to talk about them together in the car while we drive home.

We are doing our best. If we disturb others when we are already doing our best then I don’t think that we should be made to feel embarrassed or like we should be leaving our children at home.

This time when they are small can be frustrating, yes. This time is also precious and very short. It is more important that they participate as fully as they can in religious life then my husband and I deciding it is too inconvenient for ourselves or others to have them at mass with us.

 

[ConstantineTG]

News flash: you ain’t God.

Its not about being God. Fear is fear. If fear is all the same that you cannot fear out of respect, then it would fail to apply to God. The problem I think is that why some people misinterpret our relationship with God is that we see love and fear with God is different than love and fear with other people. Yesterday I had a reflection where I discussed love with God. Its surprising that a lot of people think that because God is God, therefore his love for us is different than our love for other people in the way that it is possible for God to love us and we don’t have to obey His commandments. That somehow God’s love will conquer all. Many fail to see that if God’s love goes unrequited, that is when we end up in sin and eventually hell. Same with fear, we fear God not because we are afraid of Him in a way that we are afraid of sharks or bear attacks or nuclear war. We are afraid to offend God, to disappoint Him. This is the same fear that we should have with our parents and every person we love, a respectful fear.

 

[JHow]

I’m surprised that no one has suggested yet that the OP ask the pastor/deacon to speak LOUDER and more SUCCINCTLY. After all, most pastors now have amplification. There is no reason they shouldn’t be heard. Our old pastor did not have this problem. If a kid was crying he just raised his voice. He was quite good at public speaking.

 

[Barbkw]

That’s a good idea, all they have to do is turn up the mic.

From what I see of protestant denominations on television, their pastors are blowing the doors off with their yelling.

 

[francesj]

The judgemental views in this thread are upsetting to say the least.

I am asking myself: What is more challenging, to have to adjust my church going experience so that I can hear better with the children making noise at mass, or to have a noisy child to take to mass?

 

[faithfully]

We fear God, don’t we?

We are NOT God.

And I think that statement could/should be its own thread. It’s something I grapple with.

I guess I fear what God COULD DO if he wanted. But I know we have a loving God. And I figure if I do what’s right and expected of me, then I don’t have anything to fear about God.

Anyhow… I’d be happy to discuss this further in another thread. I’m sure many would have some interesting information…

 

[ConstantineTG]

We are NOT God.

And I think that statement could/should be its own thread. It’s something I grapple with.

I guess I fear what God COULD DO if he wanted. But I know we have a loving God. And I figure if I do what’s right and expected of me, then I don’t have anything to fear about God.

Anyhow… I’d be happy to discuss this further in another thread. I’m sure many would have some interesting information…

My reply to this is on post #31 at the top of this page.

 

[mmccarthyak]

Two sides to every story— I attend daily mass. I have seen an all out shout fest and screamathon on many occasions. While yes it does affect my concentration, I try to focus more intently on the Mass while mom and dad are trying to handle the “crisis”. I say crisis, because mom and dad will always consider their childs disruption a crisis.

I usually prepare myself for mass-- I read and reflect on the readings and Gospel before I go to mass so I know what they are telling me-makes it easier to get through the louder days.

Remember folks-- just 40 years ago-- no one except bishiops, priests, deacons, and alter Servers even knew what was going on at mass-- the lay person really did not participate much in the Mass

I Just yesterday had to ask a couple of teenagers behind me to stop talking and show a little more respect for the mass-- I was friendly and non threatening and after mass their father came to me and asked if his son was being rude-- I told him that they were caring on a conversation and that I’d asked them to be more respectful of the Mass. They were teens and should have known better. I was not angry at them but was pleased that they were there.

Be patient and thank God moms and dads are bringing their children to the celebration.

Where ever there are two or more gathered in His Name, He is among us.

Consider it Joyful noise

 

[PattiDay]

All good points above.

I’d like to add that some parents think they have to bring their young children to Mass, just like they themselves have an obligation to attend. People are sometimes surprised to hear that the Church says children don’t have to attend until they reach the age of discretion, i.e. around 7.

When ours were little we used to reckon that it was unfair to expect the under-twos to sit through Mass every week.

Seen on the bulletin board at the local post office:

Babysitting: 13 year old, good with kids, $7.00 per hour for one, $2.00 per hour each additional child.

If I still had children of an age that needed a babysitter, I figure it would cost almost $30.00 a week for me to go to church without them.

 

[HAnne]

Seen on the bulletin board at the local post office:

Babysitting: 13 year old, good with kids, $7.00 per hour for one, $2.00 per hour each additional child.

If I still had children of an age that needed a babysitter, I figure it would cost almost $30.00 a week for me to go to church without them.

IF you can find a teen sitter that doesn’t already have a church obligation of her own on Sunday mornings (no small feat) as well as decent with your children and responsible.

From my personal experience, many 13 year olds are not yet ready for the responsibility of caring for infants and toddlers. By the time a young teen is “able” to watch a child they’re almost at the age of reason.

I’ve left my son 3 different times in “professional” care. Once he received food poisoning from expired food, once he received a head injury that was not reported to me for over 24 hours, and the last time he was lost and no one even realized he was missing.

No offense, I’ll take my chances at Mass!!!

 

[Rachel_1]

I’m surprised that no one has suggested yet that the OP ask the pastor/deacon to speak LOUDER and more SUCCINCTLY. After all, most pastors now have amplification. There is no reason they shouldn’t be heard. Our old pastor did not have this problem. If a kid was crying he just raised his voice. He was quite good at public speaking.

A couple of things- I attend the same parish as the OP-
First the parish is huge, with awesome amplification, so when a child cries or is noisy, it echoes pretty bad. Father speaking louder I don’t think would make a dent in a child being noisy back where the OP was sitting.
Secondly, the OP is totally blind so getting up mid-Mass is not something he can just do. Also, the OP depends on his hearing of the Mass to learn (he’s not Catholic yet).
Josh, I think you handled it good the way it went down. If I had been a parent sitting in front of you with the kids making noise I probably would have looked back during the ‘shhh’ and saw that you were having trouble and would have shushed the kids myself.
Sometimes parents get so used to the noise their children make that they don’t realize it’s as loud as it really is, so I think nicely saying something to the parents would be fine, but I’d try to do it as quietly as possible and with as much love as possible.