Divorce

[rainbow1]

I agree with your entire post, but this part just rang so true for me the last few days… emotionally stressful and draining… and not just me, but my kids too, some of their emotional lows were probably in response to them sensing that beneath the surface I was hurting, some certainly had little to do with me… of course, that’s one of the two times it’s been easy for me to climb out of myself, recognizing that my kids need me to let God shine through is a great blessing and cure…

Being in Church in the presence of the Sacrament, be it exposed or in the tabernacle, just able to focus on His love for me is the other sure fire cure…

If only I didn’t have to go to work or deal with anything else and could spend 100% of my time with the kids or in the presence of the Eucharist the last week would have been much easier…

Good morning, Trying to Learn…you mentionned that when you are in the presence of the Sacrament you are able to focus on His love for you…and that is a sure fire cure…I so know that feeling and it is almost indescribable. Is there a certain thing you think about or pray about while you are there that helps you tosettle in and focus on His love?

 

[rainbow1]

Our kids help us to Heaven too. They teach us how to love in spite of ourselves. We can be low and still pull it out of ourselves for them.

Isn’t that the most amazing thing…when we give of ourselves to others we are in turn really the ones who receive? Gotta love it! I am thinking it is the same thing with God…when we give of ourselves to Him, He always gives back triplefold…

 

[rainbow1]

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

 

[mamaslo]

I have added that to my list for the past month or two for night prayer…that and St Michael. St Francis prayed me back into the church.

hooah!

 

[faithsmind]

I hear ya–sitting in front of the exposed host has definitely been a life-saver for me, too. Going to mass, and celebrating with the entire community has been really good, as well. There’s something about celebrating with the fam… uplifting.

The exposed Body of Christ… so simple and peaceful, makes me feel like everything will be OK in all the chaotic emotions and fears of my life–there is a lot going on in this divorce process right now. So many awful experiences to dig up. It has become a battle and I hate it, and I am struggling with bitterness and fear. But at least I know He is there, watching, waiting and loving me through it. At least there is a constant, and when I sit in front of Him and absorb His peace, I feel strong again. I go to Him when my husband has the kids on the weekends. All I can do right now is put their care to the Blessed Mother and take comfort in His presence. Something about His physical presence–I need to see Him right now. It helps me to focus, and I love going to this sacred quiet place. So healing.

I highly recommend it. Can those who are not Catholic visit the exposed host just to pray, too?

 

[faithsmind]

btw i know ya all were going back and forth about what to call the person you were once married to and are no longer living with. I personally feel strange calling him my “x” right now. I haven’t gone through the annulment process (yet? dont feel the call to) and I will be divorcing him legally so as to define boundaries and gain the help of the law with visitation and financial support. But yes–I’m still calling this guy my hub.

The divorce process is going to become brutal, and I’m afraid this will create a further wedge between any direction of resolution in the far future. I hope for resolution with him–I have to deal with this guy for the rest of my life. It’s not like I can just go get an annulment for whatever reason, get married again and am done with the him. We’ve got 6 kiddos together. The last thing I want is some other new “husband” to be dragged into this mess lol. There are a lot of issues to be resolved. In myself and in my hub. I feel called to work on that, navigate through this as best I can with some wise outside help for the rest of my life. I know things will settle down eventually, though. As far as saying my hub had some affairs so the bible gives me permission to move on LOL oh MAN!! Easy Peasy. LOL I have moved on emotionally from my husband, and there are some heavy duty boundaries up with him, for the sake of moral and physical safety. But as far as starting a whole new family? No thank you. But, who knows where the future will bring my family, each individual involved. I’m just trying to do what’s right for today. I keep piling things on Mother Mary’s lap. She’s got a really big lap. You’ve seen the Pieta, right?

Actually we don’t worship Mary or stone sculptures.

 

[mamaslo]

btw i know ya all were going back and forth about what to call the person you were once married to and are no longer living with. I personally feel strange calling him my “x” right now. I haven’t gone through the annulment process (yet? dont feel the call to) and I will be divorcing him legally so as to define boundaries and gain the help of the law with visitation and financial support. But yes–I’m still calling this guy my hub.

The divorce process is going to become brutal, and I’m afraid this will create a further wedge between any direction of resolution in the far future. I hope for resolution with him–I have to deal with this guy for the rest of my life. It’s not like I can just go get an annulment for whatever reason, get married again and am done with the him. We’ve got 6 kiddos together. The last thing I want is some other new “husband” to be dragged into this mess lol. There are a lot of issues to be resolved. In myself and in my hub. I feel called to work on that, navigate through this as best I can with some wise outside help for the rest of my life. I know things will settle down eventually, though. As far as saying my hub had some affairs so the bible gives me permission to move on LOL oh MAN!! Easy Peasy. LOL I have moved on emotionally from my husband, and there are some heavy duty boundaries up with him, for the sake of moral and physical safety. But as far as starting a whole new family? No thank you. But, who knows where the future will bring my family, each individual involved. I’m just trying to do what’s right for today. I keep piling things on Mother Mary’s lap. She’s got a really big lap. You’ve seen the Pieta, right?

Actually we don’t worship Mary or stone sculptures.

I have used that word “navigate” and I understand as much as I can, but with 6 children and an actual divorce on your place, I am not qualified to understand precisely but here…
:hug1:

 

[faithsmind]

I have used that word “navigate” and I understand as much as I can, but with 6 children and an actual divorce on your place, I am not qualified to understand precisely but here…
:hug1:

Thank you mamaslo and fellow “navigator”.

 

[rainbow1]

btw i know ya all were going back and forth about what to call the person you were once married to and are no longer living with. I personally feel strange calling him my “x” right now. I haven’t gone through the annulment process (yet? dont feel the call to) and I will be divorcing him legally so as to define boundaries and gain the help of the law with visitation and financial support. But yes–I’m still calling this guy my hub.

The divorce process is going to become brutal, and I’m afraid this will create a further wedge between any direction of resolution in the far future. I hope for resolution with him–I have to deal with this guy for the rest of my life. It’s not like I can just go get an annulment for whatever reason, get married again and am done with the him. We’ve got 6 kiddos together. The last thing I want is some other new “husband” to be dragged into this mess lol. There are a lot of issues to be resolved. In myself and in my hub. I feel called to work on that, navigate through this as best I can with some wise outside help for the rest of my life. I know things will settle down eventually, though. As far as saying my hub had some affairs so the bible gives me permission to move on LOL oh MAN!! Easy Peasy. LOL I have moved on emotionally from my husband, and there are some heavy duty boundaries up with him, for the sake of moral and physical safety. But as far as starting a whole new family? No thank you. But, who knows where the future will bring my family, each individual involved. I’m just trying to do what’s right for today. I keep piling things on Mother Mary’s lap. She’s got a really big lap. You’ve seen the Pieta, right?

Actually we don’t worship Mary or stone sculptures.

Some days I come too close to worshipping her big lap!!!

 

[rainbow1]

By the way, does anybody know what happens when we hit thread #1000? How do we continue?

 

[mamaslo]

does it go to 1001? you may have to start a new thread and call it Divorce number 2…that should get some comments but regardless…

 

[rainbow1]

does it go to 1001? you may have to start a new thread and call it Divorce number 2…that should get some comments but regardless…

That is toooo funny…I will do that…maybe in another 50 posts…

 

[TryingToLearn]

Good morning, Trying to Learn…you mentionned that when you are in the presence of the Sacrament you are able to focus on His love for you…and that is a sure fire cure…I so know that feeling and it is almost indescribable. Is there a certain thing you think about or pray about while you are there that helps you tosettle in and focus on His love?

There isn’t any single thought or prayer that works every time… And sometimes it doesn’t even take a conscious thought or prayer, just walking into the Church and kneeling down will clear the fog that is keeping me from feeling His love…

But, I have sort of established a “routine” that I follow when I go before the Blessed Sacrament in times of desolation, suffering, or angst…

I off looking right at our Lord before me an I envision Him in the garden of Gethsemane, agonizing over what is to come, and He is at that moment looking straight back at me, not just seeing me as I am before Him at that moment, but seeing my entire life past and future as well. He’s seeing every way I have and will turn my back on His love, He’s seeing every way I have and will embrace His love. And He is looking at me telling me that because and in spite of Him seeing me in my entirety He is going to suffer and give everything for me as an act of love.

That contemplation simultaneously becomes an examination of conscience. Not just the sins I have committed and the ways I have disappointed Him, but also thoughts of the ways I have pleased Him and tried to embrace His gift. Sometimes it’s the feelings of shame that clear the fog. Sometimes it’s recalling the feelings of consolation associated with the times I felt most motivated to please Him that clear the fog… Sometimes I’m still feeling separated and lonely or wrapped up in myself…

Regardless, I then turn to my rosary. Sometimes I say the rosary, sometimes I will opt for a Divine Mercy chaplet… but if I do say the rosary in a state of desolation, depression or angst I always meditate on the sorrowful mysteries. Whether it’s contemplating Mary’s sorrows, Christ’s suffering, sharing my Cross with His, or some other meditation on these mysteries, they seem far more effective in reaching my heart in desolation that any of the others…

From there I open Scripture. Psalm 40 is a personal favorite for me when I’m down. I know Psalm 23 is one that has frequently been suggested to me, but it’s never touched me the way 40 does. Psalm 142 is another I have marked. In the current circumstances Psalm 55 has also drawn me regularly. Genesis 50:20, Matthew 11:28-31, and Luke 12:25-26 also come to mind as some of the verses I have marked (I left my Bible in the car this morning, so am just going by memory, and have more bookmarked, dog-eared or noted inside the cover…)

Between each of these parts and between each passage I read, I just sit and ask Mary or our Lord to just hold me, console me, speak to me… sacred silence to just listen… I try to make my times of silence last about as long as the time I spent “talking”, but I get impatient some times and that can be a struggle in itself…

Since I’ve made this my “routine”, I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten past this point without feeling the darkness lifting… Maybe not completely gone, but enough that I can start thanking God for all the gifts He has given me and really feel thankful for every blessing, gift, grace, suffering, and challenge He allows me…

And I always end by giving something to Him; the rest of my day, a promise to take what I’m feeling out the door with me and do something with it, a commitment to some act of penance/sacrifice later in the day or the next day… Also part of that is just reflecting on all I’ve gone through and “planning” how I God wants me to proceed, not some big elaborate plan He wants for me, just what little things does He want me to do in the coming day, how He wants me to respond to the things I know are coming up in the next day and that might test me, stress me, depress me, or draw me towards or away from Him…

If I’m not depressed, lonely, angry, desolate or otherwise feeling myself outside of God’s love, I approach my time in a complete different way. But, the times of suffering and pain, this basic “routine” is what has been working for me…

 

[rainbow1]

There isn’t any single thought or prayer that works every time… And sometimes it doesn’t even take a conscious thought or prayer, just walking into the Church and kneeling down will clear the fog that is keeping me from feeling His love…

But, I have sort of established a “routine” that I follow when I go before the Blessed Sacrament in times of desolation, suffering, or angst…

I off looking right at our Lord before me an I envision Him in the garden of Gethsemane, agonizing over what is to come, and He is at that moment looking straight back at me, not just seeing me as I am before Him at that moment, but seeing my entire life past and future as well. He’s seeing every way I have and will turn my back on His love, He’s seeing every way I have and will embrace His love. And He is looking at me telling me that because and in spite of Him seeing me in my entirety He is going to suffer and give everything for me as an act of love.

That contemplation simultaneously becomes an examination of conscience. Not just the sins I have committed and the ways I have disappointed Him, but also thoughts of the ways I have pleased Him and tried to embrace His gift. Sometimes it’s the feelings of shame that clear the fog. Sometimes it’s recalling the feelings of consolation associated with the times I felt most motivated to please Him that clear the fog… Sometimes I’m still feeling separated and lonely or wrapped up in myself…

Regardless, I then turn to my rosary. Sometimes I say the rosary, sometimes I will opt for a Divine Mercy chaplet… but if I do say the rosary in a state of desolation, depression or angst I always meditate on the sorrowful mysteries. Whether it’s contemplating Mary’s sorrows, Christ’s suffering, sharing my Cross with His, or some other meditation on these mysteries, they seem far more effective in reaching my heart in desolation that any of the others…

From there I open Scripture. Psalm 40 is a personal favorite for me when I’m down. I know Psalm 23 is one that has frequently been suggested to me, but it’s never touched me the way 40 does. Psalm 142 is another I have marked. In the current circumstances Psalm 55 has also drawn me regularly. Genesis 50:20, Matthew 11:28-31, and Luke 12:25-26 also come to mind as some of the verses I have marked (I left my Bible in the car this morning, so am just going by memory, and have more bookmarked, dog-eared or noted inside the cover…)

Between each of these parts and between each passage I read, I just sit and ask Mary or our Lord to just hold me, console me, speak to me… sacred silence to just listen… I try to make my times of silence last about as long as the time I spent “talking”, but I get impatient some times and that can be a struggle in itself…

Since I’ve made this my “routine”, I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten past this point without feeling the darkness lifting… Maybe not completely gone, but enough that I can start thanking God for all the gifts He has given me and really feel thankful for every blessing, gift, grace, suffering, and challenge He allows me…

And I always end by giving something to Him; the rest of my day, a promise to take what I’m feeling out the door with me and do something with it, a commitment to some act of penance/sacrifice later in the day or the next day… Also part of that is just reflecting on all I’ve gone through and “planning” how I God wants me to proceed, not some big elaborate plan He wants for me, just what little things does He want me to do in the coming day, how He wants me to respond to the things I know are coming up in the next day and that might test me, stress me, depress me, or draw me towards or away from Him…

If I’m not depressed, lonely, angry, desolate or otherwise feeling myself outside of God’s love, I approach my time in a complete different way. But, the times of suffering and pain, this basic “routine” is what has been working for me…

This is so incredibly wonderful! I just read through all the pieces of scripture that you listed…please let us know the others that you have written in the cover of the Bible! These are great…
I think the part of your routine that I find so beautiful is how you envision Jesus in Gethsemane, and how Jesus sees your entirety and still is wanting to still suffer and give everything to you as an act of love. There could be nothing more comforting than that. And how you always end up giving something back in return.
What a magnificent post!

 

[TryingToLearn]

I think the part of your routine that I find so beautiful is how you envision Jesus in Gethsemane, and how Jesus sees your entirety and still is wanting to still suffer and give everything to you as an act of love.

I can’t take credit for it. But, unfortunately, I also can’t recall who first planted the idea in my head… Can’t even remember if it was something I read, something from a homily, or from a private discussion with one of the great priests I’ve had the pleasure of knowing…

And now that I have my Bible in hand, some of the other passages I turn to at those times:

Lamentations 3
Jeremiah 29:11-14
Matthew 7:7-11
John 6:58
John 14:13
Philippians 4:13
1 Corinthians 2:9-11
1 Corinthians 10:13
Romans 5:8
Romans 8:38-39
Philippians 4:4-8 (Sometimes practical, direct advice is best…)
1 Kings 19:11-12
Proverbs 3:5-6
Psalm 16
Psalm 46 (I usually get hung up on the first verse for quite awhile…)
Psalm 107
Psalm 139
Galatians 2:20
Matthew 16:24-26
Mark 10:46-52 (Don’t know why, but Bartimaeus’ cry for help, being rebuked by those around Him but persisting in calling on God… has always spoke to me…)
1 Corinthians 15:8-10 (Paul’s words reminding me of the power of God’s love, mercy and grace is always a pretty powerful passage to me.)

I also have this written on a slip of paper inside the back cover:

“Father, I surrender my anxieties to you today. Your love is unfailing, so I put my hope in you. Holy Spirit, fill my heart and mind with peace.”

Not sure where it came from… LotH? Missal? Something else I read…

Lastly, as I was reading one of the passages I have a ribbon marking, Mark 14 (nothing to do with this, still had it marked for a PRE class I taught last week…) my eye caught on the Gethsemane exposition and I was reminded of a day last summer… I was having a bad day and went to Church, it was a warm day and the A/C in the chapel wasn’t on full so it was a bit warm, which contributed to the occasional problem I have of drifting to sleep while I’m reading Scripture or deep in prayer… I was kneeling contemplating Gethsemane when I nearly fell over and jolted myself awake, so I decided I’d break routine a bit, stand and read to change position and what I was doing… It wasn’t the first thing I turned to, but after reading a few other passages I ended up randomly reading Mark 14… I hit verse 37 and just kind of stopped, laughed, and my entire mood had changed… I just couldn’t stop thinking, “I guess if Peter can fall asleep in the garden, and still become a Saint there’s hope for me…”

 

[rainbow1]

What a wonderful story about falling asleep and then the Lord’s sense of humor about it!
And thanks for all the Scripture…am going through them all…they are fantastic…

 

[TryingToLearn]

What a wonderful story about falling asleep and then the Lord’s sense of humor about it!
And thanks for all the Scripture…am going through them all…they are fantastic…

I love the times when He is so obvious in how He is working His plan… I wish I were more observant and would always see the less obvious ways and were smart enough to see the really complicated, subtle and intricate ways He is always at work…

Situations like ours would be so much easier if we could really see and understand everything He is doing… But, we’re just not capable so we have to work with what we can grasp, which often enough is pretty amazing (sometimes even amusing) if we are open to it…

 

[rainbow1]

I love the times when He is so obvious in how He is working His plan… I wish I were more observant and would always see the less obvious ways and were smart enough to see the really complicated, subtle and intricate ways He is always at work…

Situations like ours would be so much easier if we could really see and understand everything He is doing… But, we’re just not capable so we have to work with what we can grasp, which often enough is pretty amazing (sometimes even amusing) if we are open to it…

On that same topic, it is amazing how God speaks to us and works His way into our daily little things. I think this song exemplifies that…youtu.be/4JK_6osCH74.

 

[FCGeorge]

You are not defending the Church. Instead you have attacked it, the clergy, the Bishops, and the teachings. The only things that has stopped me from reporting you several times is that you are suffering great pain.

I love the Church. She is the Spotless Bride of Christ and I would lay down my life for Her. I have not “attacked” all clergy and bishops. It is with a heavy heart that I only echo the words of two of the greatest saints to ever walk this earth…

“I do not speak rashly, but as I feel and think. I do not think that many priests are saved, but that those who perish are far more numerous.” -Saint John Chrysostom, Father and Doctor of the Church
*
“The floor of hell is paved with the skulls of bishops.” Saint Athanasius*

I pray for these priests and bishops daily for the courage to be the pillar and foundation of Truth, holding up Truth when the world of moral relativity is trying to tear it down piece by piece. It is our job as faithful lay people to help them see the need to defend Truth where it is not being defended. For we care first and foremost for their souls… that they will not be in the “numerous” whose “skulls pave the floor of Hell.” And we love our Church and see Her wounded when our bishops, priests and lay people fail to stand up to defend Her and the Truth.

On this specific topic perhaps it is better to let a well known and loved priest/canon lawyer speak. I will not connect his name to the quotes as the press release has yet to come out. But when it does then I will link to it…

“I worked in a marriage tribunal for about five years and one of the reasons I eventually quit was because I did not agree with how strongly biased the tribunal officials seemed to be against the bond of matrimony.”

“I think marriage difficulties are handled, for the most part, with too little regard for the objective importance of marriage for human society and for the Church. And with too much emphasis on the subjective happiness of the person who is asking for an annulment so that he or she can remarry.”

“Now that almost every marriage that appears before the Church’s tribunals in the U.S. ends up being declared invalid, I fear that many pastors take the side of the spouse who wants to divorce and remarry and actually encourage divorce and annulment, leaving the abandoned spouse with little or no recourse, and the children of the broken home are the greatest victims of this injustice. I would not want to be a pastor or tribunal judge who will have to answer to God for all the pain and suffering the children of divorced parents experience because of the divorces that could have been prevented with strong, pastoral leadership.”

“I am concerned that all too often the primary pastoral response to a troubled marriage is to encourage divorce and subsequent annulment, even in cases when such a course of action would result in a grave injustice against the abandoned spouse and the innocent children whose families and lives are broken by divorce. In such cases, there should be a serious effort by the pastors to bring the offending spouse to repentance and save the marriage.”

Again, there certainly are some civil divorced people who are not committing grave sin by being civilly divorced. I am not claiming anyone in particular on here is.

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

 

[joanofarc2008]

I love the Church. She is the Spotless Bride of Christ and I would lay down my life for Her. I have not “attacked” all clergy and bishops. It is with a heavy heart that I only echo the words of two of the greatest saints to ever walk this earth…

“I do not speak rashly, but as I feel and think. I do not think that many priests are saved, but that those who perish are far more numerous.” -Saint John Chrysostom, Father and Doctor of the Church
*
“The floor of hell is paved with the skulls of bishops.” Saint Athanasius*

I pray for these priests and bishops daily for the courage to be the pillar and foundation of Truth, holding up Truth when the world of moral relativity is trying to tear it down piece by piece. It is our job as faithful lay people to help them see the need to defend Truth where it is not being defended. For we care first and foremost for their souls… that they will not be in the “numerous” whose “skulls pave the floor of Hell.” And we love our Church and see Her wounded when our bishops, priests and lay people fail to stand up to defend Her and the Truth.

On this specific topic perhaps it is better to let a well known and loved priest/canon lawyer speak. I will not connect his name to the quotes as the press release has yet to come out. But when it does then I will link to it…

“I worked in a marriage tribunal for about five years and one of the reasons I eventually quit was because I did not agree with how strongly biased the tribunal officials seemed to be against the bond of matrimony.”

“I think marriage difficulties are handled, for the most part, with too little regard for the objective importance of marriage for human society and for the Church. And with too much emphasis on the subjective happiness of the person who is asking for an annulment so that he or she can remarry.”

“Now that almost every marriage that appears before the Church’s tribunals in the U.S. ends up being declared invalid, I fear that many pastors take the side of the spouse who wants to divorce and remarry and actually encourage divorce and annulment, leaving the abandoned spouse with little or no recourse, and the children of the broken home are the greatest victims of this injustice. I would not want to be a pastor or tribunal judge who will have to answer to God for all the pain and suffering the children of divorced parents experience because of the divorces that could have been prevented with strong, pastoral leadership.”

“I am concerned that all too often the primary pastoral response to a troubled marriage is to encourage divorce and subsequent annulment, even in cases when such a course of action would result in a grave injustice against the abandoned spouse and the innocent children whose families and lives are broken by divorce. In such cases, there should be a serious effort by the pastors to bring the offending spouse to repentance and save the marriage.”

Again, there certainly are some civil divorced people who are not committing grave sin by being civilly divorced. I am not claiming anyone in particular on here is.

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

If you cannot give the name of these quotes then it is simply heresay and an opinion not based in fact. At best you have violated someone’s confidence. At worst you have fabricated statements.

You have also taken Saint quotes out of context of the times that they were said in order to prove your point.

At this point you are misquoting and skewing facts to push an agenda. I wish you the best of luck and I hope and pray that you will consider sharing these posts with a spiritual director.