It was not MY adoption - and again it was not freely done as the situations you are describing it involved the manipulation of a girl who at the time was 9. IMHO to not respect the roles of a brith mother and father that want to be involved AND ARE NOT DANGEROUS TO THE CHILD is to not truly understand the issue or be pro-life.
Actually there is not enough data to show if open adoptions are healthier or not for kids. We are still learning. It was not too many years ago the “professionals” were telling adoptive parents not to tell their adopted children that they were adopted. We have found out that was not good practice. What it comes down to is as I said earlier, it is not always black and white. What may be good for one child is not always good for another. There are SOOO many factors to consider.
And these are the paragraphs I base my OPINION on:
To me, I would say the adoptive parents fit very well into the definition of what is talked about in par. 2220. They give the gift of Faith (at least the good ones out there which is the ones I am addressing on here). I do commend you on what you did in convincing women to choose life over death however, the decision to give up ones child should NEVER be made by anyone but the parent unless the parent is detrimental to the child.
OP, I apologize if you found my last comment mean-spirited or inconsiderate. I had posted encouraging words earlier that were ignored. Instead, you seemed to gravitate toward the comments that supported your inclination to reject parenting, and you insisted multiple times that you were going to leave your wife high and dry with all the work if you did adopt. Hence, I concluded that you didn’t want encouragement that you truly are capable of being a good parent (which I believe God would enable you to be), but rather wanted to hear confirmation that you shouldn’t adopt. So I gave that to you.
You are absoulutely amazing
And please don’t get me wrong, every situation is different - obviously yours was.But, I do truly believe especially with an older child who is not “removed” due to a “dangerous” situation that the parents’ roles need to be respected as well as the adopted parents’.
On the contrary, I thought I was clear I’d not leave my wife to do the heavy lifting; that was suggested by another poster, but not me.
Did it not occur to you that most adult adoptees that have positive experiences with adoption would not seek out a support group? I would have absolutely no interest in such a group because for me being adopted is such a tiny part of my life. I actually forgot one time in conversation shortly after my daughter was born when someone asked me where my daughter got a certain personality trait. I said it must have been from my mom, because my mom has the same trait. I forgot they weren’t biologically related. That’s how small me being adopted is in my life. People who feel emptiness and a sense of longing seek out groups for support, people who don’t usually do not. So you are looking at a skewed reference point.
Sadly my birth mom could have been taken out of the pages of that book. Sadly her family, very devout Catholic, also worked with a priest and my adoption was a private Catholic adoption as well. My birth mom never spoke to me about it; she would have never admitted it. Her brother was the one that told me. Not because he felt what his parents or the priest or the adoption agency did was wrong (well he does, but he felt at the time none of them knew better). He felt that it ruined his sister in some ways. Her relationship with her mom was never the same. She would have never admitted that it was due to her being forced to place me. She personally told me that she knew she had to, that is what single women in those times did. Doesn’t mean it didn’t affect her. I never met her in person, although I have met my 1/2 brothers, her sons. Even though they didn’t know about me until after she passed and she never told them about me, they do see how parts of their own lives were affected by her having to place me (she was VERY protective of her sons, overly).
Not sure I’m reading the same posts here.
God can take all of our experiences and use them for His good if we discern what His will is and are open to his guidance. I believe that my terrible experiences have made me a more compassionate and allowed me to help others who are hurting. Not saying I do it perfectly. We are all different. My husband’s father was there, but uninvolved. He has not been harmed by it, it just feels kind of “eh” (his words, not mine). He is, btw, a warm loving father.
I’m humbled to see someone do such an examination of conscience more often.Not sure I’m reading the same posts here.
God can take all of our experiences and use them for His good if we discern what His will is and are open to his guidance. I believe that my terrible experiences have made me a more compassionate and allowed me to help others who are hurting. Not saying I do it perfectly. We are all different. My husband’s father was there, but uninvolved. He has not been harmed by it, it just feels kind of “eh” (his words, not mine). He is, btw, a warm loving father.
What I’m seeing here, is that the OP is trying to discern what his moral responsibility it and ask what all the possibilities are:
How would it feel to be an parent, to adopt?
How would that play out, what would the day be like?
What should his role be?
What is his moral obligation, particularly to his wife and the marriage covenant?
Perhaps it would be better for people to blindly move forward without asking such important questions.
We are all beautifully and wonderfully made, whatever form that takes and there are many ways in marriage to be fruitful. My dear friend was adopted by a couple, it was more of a status thing. The mother was cruel and abusive and the father was absent and completely uninvolved. She is one of the kindest, most loving people I know. That the world would be a better place if all prospective parents, especially adoptive parents, did the soul searching that the OP is doing. :clapping:
Heavenly Father,
continue to guide this man and this women
bring them closer together in love, drawn them into your safe arms while they navigate this confusing world.
Allow them to know what Your plan is to bring fruitfullness in their marriage,
whatever form that may take.
May each of them be open to Your Will
and at peace throughout their search for your Truth
in their life together.
May you bless them with riches from heaven;
joy, faith, peace, compassion, contentment, trust in eachother and trust in You.
In Jesus name,
Amen
Is this the facebook “liike this button”