Please believe me when I say that what follows is both spoken from, and meant in, the spirit of deepest humility.
I was a Catholic with many reservations.
I tested each reservation against the rock of the Church.
I found my reservations dashed to pieces on the wisdom of the Church.
It was a process at once painful and joyful, but in the end it has been unbelievably rewarding. And I came to a realization-
The Church, as Jesus Himself does, asks us all- “Who do you say that I am?” And like Jesus, there is no comfortable half way left open to you. The Church is the truth, and either you believe it, or you do not. Whether you believe or not does not affect the validity or correctness of the Church.
It took me years to come to this conclusion, but I have. It was not easy for me to understand, but Jesus did say that the gate to heaven would be narrow, and the wide gate, the one that allows all sorts of personal compromise, is the one that leads to destruction.
I understand why so many Catholics do not believe in the Church, because I have been there myself. I have felt the feelings and thought the thoughts of an unbelieving Catholic. It is truly a crisis of the heart. I did not believe the Church, back then, not really.
But also note I said I “did not believe” in the Church. I did not say that I “disagreed” with the Church. Agree and disagree are words used to describe matters of opinion and conjecture, not of truth and falsehood.
One may “disagree” with the Church only if what the Church says is an opinion. But the Church teaches the truth, and one cannot disagree with the truth. The truth just “is”. You may choose to believe the truth, or disregard it, but trying to disagree with it is a total non sequitor. When I understood that, I came to believe, and to truly believe.
I still believe that human conscience is tremendously important, and God did not give it to us for us to simply disregard it. But the truth of the Church should really help as a guide and shaper of our conscience, along with our prayer, the Word, the Holy Spirit and our community. I thank God for my conscience and ability to be a discerning Catholic every day. Discernment and good judgement are gifts from God, and they make our abiltiies of free thought even better! They are gifts to be used and refined. But I believe that if they are really attended to, they will direct you right to the Church’s front door.
I hope I have been clear. God bless you, and thanks for reading!