I guess I am not alone in this so here goes…
First, Rose71, your story moved me. I am sorry for what you have experienced. Years ago, I went through a very difficult single phase in my life, too.
Okay…
I have been experiencing what I can only describe as a very intense and overwhelming feeling during the Great Amen but especially during the Consecration for over 7 years. I don’t want to say that it is “painful” per say, but I would not categorize it as a pleasant or peaceful feeling either.
I do not want to be a distraction or upsetting to anyone during the most solemn parts of the mass (or at any part for that matter), so I do my best to hold it in as much as I can but a few tears inevitably flow.
The only way that I can even try to explain it is that this intense feeling overcomes me around the moment when Father holds up the Eucharist (almost like a sound that is too loud to hear - too great for my senses). I have tried to embrace it, I have tried to ignore it, I have tried to think of other stuff, I have prayed the Rosary, all with same result.
I compose myself for the Sign of Peace and am alright during Communion, but after mass, I feel completely exhausted.
To me, the loss of control is uncomfortable and the overwhelming nature is very intense (like getting knocked in the head without the pain). I am not sure what to make of it and have been quiet about it except with my wife who notices every time.