Don't marry HIM if

[whatevergirl]

this goes for both sexes…don’t marry someone who disparages you behind your back on an internet message board…to his/her friends…to the neighbors…etc…

 

[SeekerJen]

Interesting that someone else has had tornado dreams.

I have tornado dreams, too. Mine are unusual in that I don’t consider them scary. I’ve always wanted to go tornado-chasing, and I get to do that in dreams.

Okay, back to the topic (and this is a great thread).

 

[anamchara]

I have tornado dreams, too. Mine are unusual in that I don’t consider them scary. I’ve always wanted to go tornado-chasing, and I get to do that in dreams.

Okay, back to the topic (and this is a great thread).

And I also have had these dreams. Interesting. Do guys end up following around a scarecrow? I still love that movie, when I’m down I watch it. Always lifts me.

Seeker, I have always wanted to see a tornado myself! I would love the idea of chasing one.

I just derailed didn’t I?

 

[Norseman82]

Don’t marry him if he is not eligible to be married in the first place (like already married, ordained, or divorced w/o annulment).

Don’t marry him if he has already shacked up with someone else…I heard on Dr. Ray Guarendi’s program years ago that cohabiting with someone whom you don’t end up marrying QUADRUPLES the chance of a divorce.

Don’t marry him if you’re a virgin and he is not. Our archdiocesan right-to-life director, a chastity speaker, quoted a figure that the lowest rate of divorce is among two people
who are both virgins when they marry.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

Don’t marry him if he is not eligible to be married in the first place (like already married, ordained, or divorced w/o annulment).

Don’t marry him if he has already shacked up with someone else…I heard on Dr. Ray Guarendi’s program years ago that cohabiting with someone whom you don’t end up marrying QUADRUPLES the chance of a divorce.

Don’t marry him if you’re a virgin and he is not. Our archdiocesan right-to-life director, a chastity speaker, quoted a figure that the lowest rate of divorce is among two people
who are both virgins when they marry.

I like your first one, but I disagree with the second two.

We shouldn’t base our choice in spouses on statistics. I mean, statistically speaking, whites who marry blacks have a higher rate of divorce. But you wouldn’t tell a nice, Catholic, white girl not to marry a nice, Catholic, black man–would you? Likewise, someone’s past alone doesn’t determine who that person is today or the state of his soul.

 

[Al_Masetti]

… if he can’t support you and your babies.

 

[raggakitten]

On a “non-denominational” board, an anti-Catholic was telling me that she found a certain priest attractive. This is what I told her: “That’s how we get new recruits: handsome priests. We don’t tell them about the whole vow of celibacy thing until they’ve already signed up. Then we say, ‘Oh yeah, about that, our priests all take a vow of lifelong celibacy, but let me introduce you to the leader of our parish singles group, Toothless Joe.’”

HAHAHAHA!!!

I laughed so hard I think I got a hernia:bounce:

 

[raggakitten]

Don’t marry a smoker. Yuck!

Don’t marry someone who doesn’t have a sense of humor.

Do think about the kind of life you would like to have with your spouse. Then find the person who fits those qualities, honest hard working, non-drinking, non-smoking, pleasant, kind, etc. Make a list and compare it to your dates. If the person doesn’t meet the qualities you are looking for, then move on. Remember the only person you can change is yourself not someone else.

I agree, don’t EVER marry someone who takes himself and life too seriously, the ONLY thing a man should take seriously is his Faith and Family (therefore work and whetever it takes to keep them safe)…

Life nowadays is hard, filled with unpleasant things sometimes, and you wanna have someone who will be able to laugh the tensions off sometimes…
I personally like to relax that way, without humor, I’d be a very gray person.

I have dated persons who lack a sense of humor, those have been the most bitter relationships of my life.
I don’t wish anyone that heartache.

 

[raggakitten]

I like your first one, but I disagree with the second two.

We shouldn’t base our choice in spouses on statistics. I mean, statistically speaking, whites who marry blacks have a higher rate of divorce. But you wouldn’t tell a nice, Catholic, white girl not to marry a nice, Catholic, black man–would you? Likewise, someone’s past alone doesn’t determine who that person is today or the state of his soul.

I agree… If someone has truly changed and repented in his/her heart, I don’t see why the marriage HAS to fail just because one is not a virgin and the other is…

I personally have seen marriages work PERFECTLY where one of the spouses was not a virgin and the other was at the time of marriage… What kept them together was GOD, not their virginity or statistics…
I mean, if you are a virgin and just happened that you found another one, then awesome! But that doesn’t define whether someone is good or not for marriage.

Two virgins could get married and their marriage could still fail if they don’t let their marriage grow in Holiness…

I can give you a link of a man who married a woman both being virgins and how he cheated on his wife with a co-worker later on his marriage, how his entire marriage fell apart and how many people he hurt in the process… He even admits it, that he wasn’t close enough to God when that happened.
And I know there must be PLENTY like him in this valley of tears.

Be careful with the type of advice you give… Generalizing like that could be dangerous and even un-christian.
Not all people repent in time and some could have made a mistake once or twice, but that doesn’t mean they can’t make a good husband or wife later when they grow deeper in love with the Faith.

 

[Norseman82]

I like your first one, but I disagree with the second two.

We shouldn’t base our choice in spouses on statistics. I mean, statistically speaking, whites who marry blacks have a higher rate of divorce. But you wouldn’t tell a nice, Catholic, white girl not to marry a nice, Catholic, black man–would you? Likewise, someone’s past alone doesn’t determine who that person is today or the state of his soul.

I agree… If someone has truly changed and repented in his/her heart, I don’t see why the marriage HAS to fail just because one is not a virgin and the other is…

I personally have seen marriages work PERFECTLY where one of the spouses was not a virgin and the other was at the time of marriage… What kept them together was GOD, not their virginity or statistics…
I mean, if you are a virgin and just happened that you found another one, then awesome! But that doesn’t define whether someone is good or not for marriage.

Two virgins could get married and their marriage could still fail if they don’t let their marriage grow in Holiness…

I can give you a link of a man who married a woman both being virgins and how he cheated on his wife with a co-worker later on his marriage, how his entire marriage fell apart and how many people he hurt in the process… He even admits it, that he wasn’t close enough to God when that happened.
And I know there must be PLENTY like him in this valley of tears.

Be careful with the type of advice you give… Generalizing like that could be dangerous and even un-christian.
Not all people repent in time and some could have made a mistake once or twice, but that doesn’t mean they can’t make a good husband or wife later when they grow deeper in love with the Faith.

The same could be said about a lot - if not most - of the other “red flags” given above.

Now, to address some specific points:

I mean, statistically speaking, whites who marry blacks have a higher rate of divorce. But you wouldn’t tell a nice, Catholic, white girl not to marry a nice, Catholic, black man–would you? Likewise, someone’s past alone doesn’t determine who that person is today or the state of his soul.

Apples and oranges. Race is not something in one’s past that needs repenting from, nor is it a choice that is made that needs to be confessed.

Be careful with the type of advice you give… Generalizing like that could be dangerous and even un-christian.

What’s even more un-Christian is penalizing someone for the actions of their family members (when they themselves are innocent) and justifying it under color of “learned behaviors”. Many people learn from their family’s dysfunctional behavior how NOT to act!

I personally have seen marriages work PERFECTLY where one of the spouses was not a virgin and the other was at the time of marriage…

There are also examples where an “unequal yoking” causes pain. There have been examples on this board. Some have been compiled into one place in the “I want a virgin” thread where Guardian was unfairly lambasted. Now, one person who looked at those threads said that the pain was due to jealousy. Now, whether that’s true or not,I cannot say (I don’t know how that poster can say so either, but who knows), but suppose that it is jealousy. This is where the “logic thingy” kicks in. Jealousy, in its worst form, can be a sin; in the very least, it is an occasion of sin. This only supports my original premise, because then the “unequal yoking” becomes an occasion of sin, and we are supposed to avoid occasions of sin, aren’t we? So, if anything, avoiding the “unequal yoking” is simply doing your spiritual duty!

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

Norseman82,

I just want to clarify something.

Are you saying that virgins should never marry non-virgins, period?

Or are you simply saying that you believe this is a matter that could present problems down the road, and which requires serious consideration on the part of each individual couple?

The former assertion seems to be based on the assumption that human beings are programmed machines, each spewing out a predetermined, identical output based on the (name removed by moderator)ut. Not only does experience dictate otherwise, so does Sacred Scripture and the teaching of the Catholic Church.

Now, if I’ve misunderstood you, and you’re really just making an open-ended suggestion based on your own experiences (like everybody else in this thread appears to be doing), rather than laying down a perceived moral imperative for the whole world to follow … then carry on, sir.

 

[Norseman82]

Norseman82,

I just want to clarify something.

Are you saying that virgins should never marry non-virgins, period?

Or are you simply saying that you believe this is a matter that could present problems down the road, and which requires serious consideration on the part of each individual couple?

The former assertion seems to be based on the assumption that human beings are programmed machines, each spewing out a predetermined, identical output based on the (name removed by moderator)ut. Not only does experience dictate otherwise, so does Sacred Scripture and the teaching of the Catholic Church.

Now, if I’ve misunderstood you, and you’re really just making an open-ended suggestion based on your own experiences (like everybody else in this thread appears to be doing), rather than laying down a perceived moral imperative for the whole world to follow … then carry on, sir.

The context of this thread is “red flags”- based on personal experiences - that could cause trouble later on, so my comments - based on my own experiences, others’ that I’ve read about, and statistics - should be interpreted in that light.

As to whether it should be a moral imperative that virgins stick with virgins - well, that is a separate issue, but I will state that a lot of male virgins do feel they are getting the short end of the stick and we could soon be facing a revolt of the “forty-year-old virgin” demographic similar to the Greek-speaking women in Acts. But again, that is a separate topic and I do not to wish to hijack this thread.