Embarassing Confession?

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I am new to the church (converted about 1 1/2 years ago). I have been to confession several times but this past time I had to confess two sins that were extremely embarassing for me and made me ashamed to have to confess them to our priest.

My parish priest gave me absolution and a penance which I did and was extremely polite about the whole ordeal. However I still felt embarassed and ashamed and I went to Mass right afterwards and had the feeling that everyone was looking at me and ashamed that the priest knew what I had done even though they were not. It almost ruined Mass for me. Like I said, this was the first time that I had to confess a sin that was of an embarassing nature (some sins are easier to confess than others). I talk to our priest often and he knows my voice so I know that he knew it was me during the confession and plus it was very tough for me to communicate with him in the confessional because I was nervous and scared. This was just a very strange and embarassing incident for me especially coming from a Southern Baptist background. I am sure for those who are raised in the Catholic faith and know no other way than confession of sins to a priest that it is possible to not feel as embarassed as I did.

Is this a common thing among all Catholics to feel this way or is it just the feeling of a Southern Baptist convert who just is not familiar with the sacrament of confession?? Please help?
 
I had that problem a few times. I had to keep telling myself things like, “He has heard more embarassing sins or worse sins. He doesn’t think about my situation nearly as much as I do. No one else in here knows what I’ve done or what I’ve confessed. At least one other person in this room has done the same thing before and confessed.”

What helped the most was to think of my confessor as a doctor. No matter how embarassing an illness is when I go to see my doctor, I don’t look around the waiting room thinking, “They all know what’s wrong. My doctor has to think I’m terrible.” Your confessor is your spiritual doctor. He is there to help. He wants to help. They hear so many confessions. They really don’t give it a second thought.

It’s usually the worse when I see the priest (at Mass, etc) right after confession. One of my priests once said, “We’re just glad that you came to be healed. I have never thought about a confession outside of the confessional, but if I did, I think I would want to pray for that person.”

Don’t let it discourage you! Try to focus on the grace received in confession. You have been forgiven of your sins. Rejoice and be glad for all of the love you have received.
 
I have a regular confessor. One time I had to confess an extreamly embarassing sin. I told him before I went to see him (I always go face to face) that it was going to be hard for me and he even suggested I go to another confessor. But since I trust this priest I decided to go to him. Well I thought I was going to die and it took me 10 minutes to get it out. After I finished he said some of the best things I have heard come out of his mouth and my penance was only one Our Father because he said I beat myself up too much already over this. After that he told me of a job offering in the parish he worked at and we worked together for several years and he is still my confessor and we are still good freinds and he never looked at me differently or treated me differentlly. So, don’t worry! You know it is possible that priests have to confess embarassing things too.
 
I went to confession after being away for several years and had many “biggies” to confess. I sought out a priest that I knew well - I knew I would be met with kindness and gentleness. I went face to face, and I think it was comforting to see that he did not gasp in horror, fall off of his chair or even blink an eye for that matter. I doubt that your priest gave it a second thought, either. It is the evil one trying to talk you out of confessing embarrassing things in the future.
 
I’ve definitely felt the way you have. I’m a convert too (5 years now). I think it’s a little more common for converts - it takes awhile for us to get the hang of confession! I also hated mass afterward because I was so embarassed, but at the same time it was really powerful and moving for me to go up for communion and receive from the same priest who just heard the worst things I’ve done. That’s what Christian love is all about. They will never think less of you, kick you out of the church, or wish you weren’t there. They are only glad to welcome you back and give you communion.
 
cw4lsu said:
Is this a common thing among all Catholics to feel this way or is it just the feeling of a Southern Baptist convert who just is not familiar with the sacrament of confession?? Please help?
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I find that the prospect of having to confess something does make me think twice about doing it, so I suppose embarrassment plays a role. Nevertheless, it is very comforting to know that there is someone out there that you can tell the worst things you do, they’re only going to be interested in helping you be freed of it, and they are never, ever going to tell anyone else about it. If you’ve ever confided in a friend that your trusted to do this who didn’t keep your secret and couldn’t help you cope with it, you know what I mean.

Priests look at confession the way doctors look at practicing medicine. They want to help you act so as to prevent the disease or the injury, but once you have it, they want to relieve your suffering and put you on the path to healing. It is what they do.

Every one of them always says that you should never forget that they all go to confession, too. That may help you. Also, stay in the habit of going regularly. It’s like seeing your dentist. Regular visits make going when you know you need to both less frequent and less likely to be put off or avoided when it is needed.
 
Yes, I am a cradle Catholic and I still get embarrassed. But I do know that our priests have heard it all and when I think of some of the most embarrassing things our saints have done it gives me hope. Read about Saint Augustine if you want to hear of someone who goofed up before his conversion. Now look at him.

Priests have the same struggles that we do. I had a priest tell me once that his biggest difficulty with hearing confessions is recognizing his own sinfulness. Usually the most embarrassing questions are sexual in nature and most priests have heard them all. Oh and that very upstanding parishioner sitting next to you that volunteers all of his time for every function? You know who I am talking about?? Well he or she may have just comitted the most embarrassing sexual sin and you just “know” that he or she could never do such a thing.

We are all human as are our priests. So relax and know that the priest is praising God that you would come to Christ in this most healing sacrament and bare your soul. Remember that whatever you confess, Jesus was there watching you while you were comitting the sin. If you weren’t embarrassed then well…teachccd 🙂
 
Is this a common thing among all Catholics to feel this way or is it just the feeling of a Southern Baptist convert who just is not familiar with the sacrament of confession?? Please help?
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It is common for some cradle Catholics, and I can only imagine how a recently Baptist convert might feel.

I suggest a outside confessor (if possible) the next time you feel this way
 
cw4lsu said:
Is this a common thing among all Catholics to feel this way or is it just the feeling of a Southern Baptist convert who just is not familiar with the sacrament of confession?? Please help?
Click to expand...
Relax! The moment the priest says the words of absolution, your sin is destroyed. It’s gone. If the Lord does not remember it, do not bother yourself with it! The Lord graciously allows you to remember your sin only to help you avoid it in the future.

When you leave the confessional after having made a good confession, your soul is as clean as at the moment of baptism. What a great comfort!

Also, remember that the confessional has a seal that is never broken. Being human, what you confessed is absolutely no different than what the soul before you or after you confessed or has confessed.

Surf around Catholic Answers and read up on the Sacrament. It is such a blessing that you will be desiring to confess as time goes on. “Confession is good for the soul”. Ever hear that one? Guess where it came from…

Christ’s peace.
 
I confessed a sin to the priest which was very awkward this past week. I told him that I was uncomfortable and hoped he would not think differently of me. He told me what he hears in the confessional stays there and it was okay. I was really glad that he made me feel comfortable and overall I felt like a huge burden was taken off my shoulders. I feel very blessed to be in this new parish. When the priest hears confession it is in Personna Christi, and he is not supposed to judge us, only heal us, because he is acting in the person of Christ when he hears our confession. He is there to help us.
 
Hello everyone,
I have always been embarrassed when confessing my sins,I was a convert 28 years ago so believe me, you are not alone!.But having said that, the feeling of relief and joy when you hear those beautiful words of absolution make it all worth while.So my advice is to take a deep breath and go in,you will be fine.
Code: 
                                       God Bless.
                                                          Mick (UK)
 
I went to Mass right afterwards and had the feeling that everyone was looking at me and ashamed that the priest knew what I had done even though they were not. It almost ruined Mass for me.

Someone once said something to this effect: "You’d worry less about what people think about if you realized how seldom they did."
 
cw4lsu said:
I am new to the church (converted about 1 1/2 years ago). I have been to confession several times but this past time I had to confess two sins that were extremely embarassing for me and made me ashamed to have to confess them to our priest.

My parish priest gave me absolution and a penance which I did and was extremely polite about the whole ordeal. However I still felt embarassed and ashamed and I went to Mass right afterwards and had the feeling that everyone was looking at me and ashamed that the priest knew what I had done even though they were not. It almost ruined Mass for me. Like I said, this was the first time that I had to confess a sin that was of an embarassing nature (some sins are easier to confess than others). I talk to our priest often and he knows my voice so I know that he knew it was me during the confession and plus it was very tough for me to communicate with him in the confessional because I was nervous and scared. This was just a very strange and embarassing incident for me especially coming from a Southern Baptist background. I am sure for those who are raised in the Catholic faith and know no other way than confession of sins to a priest that it is possible to not feel as embarassed as I did.

Is this a common thing among all Catholics to feel this way or is it just the feeling of a Southern Baptist convert who just is not familiar with the sacrament of confession?? Please help?
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God bless you! and welcome Home!
It is definitely common to feel embarrassed over confessing certain sins. I feel that this is my conscience’s way of telling me that I really screwed up. But confession is the way that we unscrew our actions.
May God bless you abundantly, especially with the grace to feel His Love more closely!
 
Any sin can be divided into the ten commandments or seven capital sins- look them up, and confess as such…
That feeling says you are sorry- without sorrow for sin, you could not be forgiven, unless VII has introduced more, that’s why confessionis hard, it is the test- do you love me?

if you go- then it is yes…

Try confessing two days in a row, way embarressing 🙂 laughing, anyhow- it is embarressing, which is why I cling to it- Fear scares me, so I face all fears- which is sometimes my fault- I have to realze my faulots to fight- but it is no longer out of control- p.s. I’m a revert- confession is great- we get to realizer the love of God, and the priest often hears tons of confessions, I usually go face to face to ensure that I am bold, and have some dignity- but it is also allowed, and dignified to hide your face- you can always confess elsewhere, or using my seven sins summarize method… Marc
 
Marc_Aupiais said:
Any sin can be divided into the ten commandments or seven capital sins- look them up, and confess as such…
That feeling says you are sorry- without sorrow for sin, you could not be forgiven, unless VII has introduced more, that’s why confessionis hard, it is the test- do you love me?

if you go- then it is yes…

Try confessing two days in a row, way embarressing 🙂 laughing, anyhow- it is embarressing, which is why I cling to it- Fear scares me, so I face all fears- which is sometimes my fault- I have to realze my faulots to fight- but it is no longer out of control- p.s. I’m a revert- confession is great- we get to realizer the love of God, and the priest often hears tons of confessions, I usually go face to face to ensure that I am bold, and have some dignity- but it is also allowed, and dignified to hide your face- you can always confess elsewhere, or using my seven sins summarize method… Marc
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This is good advice. You can confess the nature, frequency, and severity of a sin without going into a lot of details. You only need to give enough information so that the priest can make a reasonably accurate diagnosis of your spiritual condition.

For some, though, giving more details, even though embarrassing, helps them to let the sin go. One should restrain themselves somewhat in this, though. This isn’t because of the embarrassment involved for anyone present. I mean that we shouldn’t indulge the vanity that our sins are all that different than anyone else’s. Priests have heard it all. You aren’t the worst sinner that’s ever entered the confessional…and it would not matter if you were. You are in God’s house of mercy. Trust that.

You might say that all sins are banal, while only virtue is really unique and individual. It is the saints, and not the sinners, who truly reflect the unique gift of God’s creation in them. Adding in the details to the sins doesn’t change that. Sparing the details, then, can be far more humble than piling them on.
 
Speaking as one ex-Protestant to another:

That horrible embarrassed feeling is a mighty powerful deterrent to keep you away from that sin in the future, isn’t it?! :bigyikes:

Boy, all those altar calls in the Protestant church didn’t do squat, did they? Within a week, the sin came back, didn’t it?

But confession to a priest–zing! Ouch! It puts a real wet-blanket on habitual sinning!

And no more, “Well, all my sins are forgiven, past, present, and future, so it doesn’t matter if I commit this sin, it’s going to be forgiven the instant I do it.” :tsktsk: Uh, UH!–we have to confess that sin now and be absolved!

I’ll come right out and say it. Evangelical Protestants, for the most part, are taught that masturbation is perfectly normal and that unless you are indulging in sexual fantasies while doing it, there is no sin.

So guess what I did a lot of while I was Protestant?!

I knew in my heart of hearts that it was a sin, but I never even considered trying to stop doing it. It wouldn’t have worked anyway.

THEN…I became Catholic, and I had to confess it! Ai, yi, yi!

Guess what?–since becoming Catholic four years ago, I can count on one hand the number of times that I’ve fallen into this sin. The embarrassment of having to confess it stops me almost every time. Not always, but almost always.

I do realize that many Catholics struggle with the sin of masturbation, so this example may just apply to me. But I’m sure you all have sins that the Dread of Confession deters you from committing.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation–it’s kind of like joining Sinner’s Anonymous.
 
When I converted and went to my first confession after about 13 years of NO RELIGION at all, my mortal sins were piled up sky high. My young and drunk days. Well, I went to another parish way across town, confessed behind a screen and DUMPED my soul. EVERY SINGLE MORTAL SIN I COULD REMEMBER. The priest even told me that was a very good confession! :eek: 😃 He gave me absolution and I split. I’m glad I dumped those sins at a parish far away! 🙂
 
Cat said:
Speaking as one ex-Protestant to another:

That horrible embarrassed feeling is a mighty powerful deterrent to keep you away from that sin in the future, isn’t it?! :bigyikes:

Boy, all those altar calls in the Protestant church didn’t do squat, did they? Within a week, the sin came back, didn’t it?

But confession to a priest–zing! Ouch! It puts a real wet-blanket on habitual sinning!
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As another convert, I can second this one. It’s like the last line of defense against sin for me- I’m going to have to speak about this to another human being. I can’t count the number of times I’ve avoided sin based on this fact alone. Not the best way to please God, since I should be avoiding sin out of love for Him, and not fear of wounding my pride, but I’m starting somewhere.

To the OP, I’ve heard several times priests speak about the “gift of forgetfulness” that the Holy Spirit gives them. They speak of it in such a way that many of them would be hard pressed to remember the details of anyone’s confession.
 
I suppose rightly speaking we should be ashamed of all our sins and embarrassed at having to tell them to another person, and that is actually healthy as it is the beginning of true contrition. What we do have to fight against is the tendency to keep dwelling on our sins once they have been absolved, worrying about the validity of our confession, and worry that the priest is somehow judging us outside the confessional. That simply does not happen.

Even if he wanted to he could not remember everyone who comes in, and he does not want to and is trained not to remember. If for some reason an issue was raised that invited further action he would recommend (but not insist) that you call his office and make an appointment for a meeting outside confession (example, wanting some counselling about your marriage or a referral to a professional therapist of some kind, or help with an annulment).

This kind of misplaced worry can lead to scrupulousness and is used by the enemy to give ourselves excuses not to confess.
 
I know a man who has wanted to become a Catholic for years. He believes all the Church teaches. He refuses, because he can not bring himself to confess his sins.

Why are we embarrased over confessing our sins? There is only one reason. We are ashamed of what we have done. We try to keep secret the things we are ashamed of doing. We do not want anyone to know these things. We hide them deeply in our souls, because we are afraid of what people will think of us if they find out our secrets. We want people to think highly of us, that we are good people.

The root of all sin is pride. The mother of all virtue is humility. When we accuse ourselves of our sins it is humiliating, which is the medicine that destroys pride.

The reason we hide our sin is pride. We want people to think well of us. But as King David says, “my guilt is always before me”. There is no escaping it. Its always there. Every soul is the same.

When we try to hide something we do not want anyone to discover where do we put it? We bury our secret as deeply as possible and cover it up so no one can find it. Then we place a guard over it in case anyone comes near. That place is in the deepest part of our soul. How then could we expect it to go away?

What did the Jews do once they had Jesus dead and buried? The tomb was sealed and guarded. They wre afraid His followers would steal the body and claim He rose from the dead. So we bury and guard our sins in our souls afraid they will somehow escape.

Once our sin is buried in our soul only God can get it out. It is in the place within us meant only for Him, where He should dwell within us and the sin pushes Him out. After we hide our sins there they begin to rot deeply within. They stink and fester and turn our souls into cess pools.

We have a choice. We can remain in this condition and keep God out of our souls, or we can confess and be free.

It seems like a trick question. Whomever wants to remain full of rotten filth step to the left and and whomever wants to be free turn right? In order to step to the right it is a confession you are gulity. Why does it take courage to become healthy? Why would a soul rather go to hell than admit doing evil?

When we hide our sins we try to justify ourselves. The is no justification for guilt. It can only be confessed or denied.

There are only two ways to plead, guilty or not guilty. But only the guilty can plead for mercy.

God patiently waits for our confession. Lord forgive me, I have sinned. Take me back. Heal me. Clean me. Restore me. I am ashamed. Give me your grace. Do not let me depart from your love.

What a great paradox. The just proclaim their guilt.
 
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