Emotional and mental wreck

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I tried opening the website many times but its a black internet page. There is nothing in text on the link u shared with me. I even tried looking it up on youtube but nothing was found. I did find the book but its gonna take long before i get the book besides i dont have the money to order it today.
There IS good in him. He makes me feel safe from others; he is 6"5 and 325 pounds. He can protect my children and i from any one trying to harm us. He stood up to our priest. He initiates Godly time together, we pray together. Attend mass together. Go to confessions when he feels a need for us to go. Together. He takes care of me and my children. He is sincere sometimes. Other times hes evil. He has told me to shut up or hes gonna slap me. He invites me out to eat. He shows me that i come before anyone. Few weeks ago, his son turned 15. I didnt feel well enough to drive with him out of town to visit his parents on his son’s b-day; so he became upset n hurt and didnt go see his son bcz i wasnt going. I thought it was completely selfish of him. He isolated himself from me all day, confined in the bedroom all day with nothing to eat or drink but to cry.
 
Help2 said:
Why cant anyone here see the good side in this man? In life, us humans are quick to see the bad in every situation. Why can you not see the good qualities in this man??? I havent left because i choose to see the good in him. Isnt that what Christ wants? For us to see through His loving eyes??? Why are we quick to condemn? I appreciate every word of ur insight of my current relationship with this man? I came on here because i have gone too long in this relationship of misery. Im very close to calling my dr to get on prozac or something because im just overwhelmed and confused in it all. I just want straight forward truthful opinions from u all in reference to my fiance and i. Im trying to figure out the truth of it all; am i brainwashed or is he a man that God has planned me to marry? 😦
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God does not make plans that subject people to abuse. There is a misconception that Catholics are going to tell someone to stay in an abusive relationship no matter what. that is not true.
You need immediate help from domestic violence experts in person who can help you sort this out and develop an exit strategy.
 
Not to nit pick, but he shouldn’t get to decide when YOU go to confession. A couple doesn’t go to confession TOGETHER.

As to the rest, you say he is good to you, but you turn right around and say that he threatens to hurt you if you don’t be quiet and that he locks himself in his room and cries if you disappoint him. That is threatened physical abuse and manipulation (emotional abuse) right there in one post.

I understand your confusion. If anyone could understand, I could. I have way too much history with sociopaths and crazy-making behavior. You begin to doubt your own perception and you can’t explain why you are becoming increasingly depressed and anxious. After all, didn’t he/she SAY they love you? Didn’t he/she PROMISE to look after you, and didn’t they also point out how lucky you are to have him/her in your life? If any of this sounds familiar, GET OUT NOW. You are dealing with an abuser and a sociopath.
 
Help2 said:
Why cant anyone here see the good side in this man? In life, us humans are quick to see the bad in every situation. Why can you not see the good qualities in this man??? I havent left because i choose to see the good in him. Isnt that what Christ wants? For us to see through His loving eyes??? Why are we quick to condemn? I appreciate every word of ur insight of my current relationship with this man? I came on here because i have gone too long in this relationship of misery. Im very close to calling my dr to get on prozac or something because im just overwhelmed and confused in it all. I just want straight forward truthful opinions from u all in reference to my fiance and i. Im trying to figure out the truth of it all; am i brainwashed or is he a man that God has planned me to marry? 😦
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'Sorry to quote Wikipedia 😊, but you can cross check if you feel like it.

"Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other…” With extra emphasis on “intermittent” - occurring at irregular intervals; not continuous or steady.

You can either find help getting out of the mud, and develop hope in a future that could include a fulfilling marriage to a man who respects you and your children, along with friends, who have children for yours to hang with, coming over for bar-bqs and birthday parties. Or you can remain in the tunnel, and bemoan your choices for the next 10, 20, 30 or whatever number of years.
 
Help2 said:
Why cant anyone here see the good side in this man? In life, us humans are quick to see the bad in every situation. Why can you not see the good qualities in this man??? I havent left because i choose to see the good in him. Isnt that what Christ wants? For us to see through His loving eyes??? Why are we quick to condemn? I appreciate every word of ur insight of my current relationship with this man? I came on here because i have gone too long in this relationship of misery. Im very close to calling my dr to get on prozac or something because im just overwhelmed and confused in it all. I just want straight forward truthful opinions from u all in reference to my fiance and i. Im trying to figure out the truth of it all; am i brainwashed or is he a man that God has planned me to marry? 😦
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With everything you have said about being controlled by your boyfriend, do you really believe that what he needs is a wife or a psychotherapist ??
 
Help2 said:
I tried opening the website many times but its a black internet page. There is nothing in text on the link u shared with me. I even tried looking it up on youtube but nothing was found. I did find the book but its gonna take long before i get the book besides i dont have the money to order it today.
There IS good in him. He makes me feel safe from others; he is 6"5 and 325 pounds. He can protect my children and i from any one trying to harm us. He stood up to our priest. He initiates Godly time together, we pray together. Attend mass together. Go to confessions when he feels a need for us to go. Together. He takes care of me and my children. He is sincere sometimes. Other times hes evil. He has told me to shut up or hes gonna slap me. He invites me out to eat. He shows me that i come before anyone. Few weeks ago, his son turned 15. I didnt feel well enough to drive with him out of town to visit his parents on his son’s b-day; so he became upset n hurt and didnt go see his son bcz i wasnt going. I thought it was completely selfish of him. He isolated himself from me all day, confined in the bedroom all day with nothing to eat or drink but to cry.
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How do you know he was crying. His actions says that he is a manipulative person. He is not getting what he wants and then throws himself into a tantrum like a 2 year old.
 
He is an emotional VAMPIRE.

He will suck your life away.

Please get out now and don’t look back.

If you don’t believe me then google narcissistic abuse.

Praying for you.
 
Help2 said:
Why cant anyone here see the good side in this man? In life, us humans are quick to see the bad in every situation. Why can you not see the good qualities in this man??? I havent left because i choose to see the good in him. Isnt that what Christ wants? For us to see through His loving eyes??? Why are we quick to condemn? I appreciate every word of ur insight of my current relationship with this man?
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It is possible to see the good in people without allowing it to put yourself in danger. Maybe we find it hard to see anything good FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN because your very next sentence says:
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Help2:
I came on here because i have gone too long in this relationship of misery. Im very close to calling my dr to get on prozac or something because im just overwhelmed and confused in it all. I just want straight forward truthful opinions from u all in reference to my fiance and i. Im trying to figure out the truth of it all; am i brainwashed or is he a man that God has planned me to marry? 😦
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God given relationships that are good for you don’t make you feel you are in misery, need prozac, feel overwhelmed or confused. GOD given relationships make you feel just the opposite!
You ask for truth, but then disregard the truth that is given to you from people (on this forum) who have absolutely nothing to gain from telling you the truth. (however, your boyfriend gains tremendously from the current situation). That is the hallmark feature of being brainwashed. You asked…and so many have answered you, but you throw their answers away and keep asking the same question. Yes, you are brainwashed. Go to a women’s shelter, a priest, a therapist, get some help and support on how to get out of this situation. You can love and pray for him, but living with him is not in your best interest, nor is it best for your children to see you treated this way…and God always wants us to take care of ourselves and the children he has entrusted to us. Remember that you are teaching your children that it is ok to be treated the way that he is treating you…is that what you want for them in their future relationships? Do you want them to be treated like you are now? 🤷 What you are living in now is what you are showing them is an ‘ok’, ‘healthy’ relationship…is that what you want for them in their future relationships? Confusion? Misery? Overwhelmed? Fear of being slapped? I hope not…I would hope that you would want them to seek a man who helps them feel confident, supported, calm, happy, effective, loved, HAPPY, content, secure, etc. not someone who would make them post on an internet forum with the subject "emotional and mental wreck’…Please…for your children’s sake…go back to the priest who wouldn’t marry you two…find a new priest, find a shelter and talk to someone…if you need resources, please PM me and I will help however I can…
I know it’s hard…but most things in life that are worth doing are hard. Job sure didn’t have it easy, did he!!!
 
You seem to want to stay with this man because of the times he is good to you. He has to be good to you all of the time to make it worthwhile. Is he really going to a counselor as it doesn’t show? You would be seeing a change in his behavior. You shouldn’t be held hostage to his moods. Don’t make yourself a prisoner. Have you talked to him and said I feel that I can be on the telephone when I want to. Or I feel I can have friends over when I want to. I feel that I do not need supervision to go to the bathroom. Are you able to stand up for yourself? No one wants to be bullied into fear. Many alcoholics are told by everyone that he/she is an alcoholic but they will deny they are. You say this is a Godly relationship but it is not. Could you be in denial about this relationship? God does not want you to be abused–emotionally or other. How can you serve Him? How can you honor and glorify Him and make the world a better place? May God help you find a way to happiness. I am praying for you.
 
Help2 said:
Why cant anyone here see the good side in this man? In life, us humans are quick to see the bad in every situation. Why can you not see the good qualities in this man??? I havent left because i choose to see the good in him. Isnt that what Christ wants? For us to see through His loving eyes??? Why are we quick to condemn? I appreciate every word of ur insight of my current relationship with this man? I came on here because i have gone too long in this relationship of misery. Im very close to calling my dr to get on prozac or something because im just overwhelmed and confused in it all. I just want straight forward truthful opinions from u all in reference to my fiance and i. Im trying to figure out the truth of it all; am i brainwashed or is he a man that God has planned me to marry? 😦
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I am not condemning him, because I don’t know him. What I do know is that he gives you feelings of insecurity, fear, and second-guessing. You do not breathe easily any more, but feel stressed at the thought of a lifetime with him. You do not think he wants you to choose freely what is best for you, but will instead pressure you to do what he wants.

If he is indeed a good man who cares about you, he will move out if asked. He may protest that he loves you and that you are giving up a good thing, even a good man will be tempted to do that, but he will let you make your decision freely. If he really comes to his senses, he will agree that it better that you discern marriage withiut the pressure of even non-sexual co-habitation.

I have known many healthy couples who go through a break up before they eventually marry. That is how it goes. Likewise, many a marriage that ends in divorce starts with one spouse who knows it is a bad idea, and goes through with it, anyway.

Is that what you want for this man whom you say you love? Don’t do it. If he is not a good man, it will be the start of a world of heartache for you, but even if he is a good man you would still be extremely foolish to stay engaged while you feel as you do. Even if he’s decent, this relationship is seriously flawed. If you don’t leave, you at least need to start over.
 
I think if you break up with him, though, you will know by how you breathe without him what the answer is. Put a lot of weight on that sign, on what your fight-or-flight response has to tell you. Never ever ignore it when another person sets off your fight-or-flight response.
 
I really admire your Christ-like attitude of trying to see the good in a person that so many other people look down upon. In another thread on this forum, another woman is asking if she should pursue a path to marriage with her boyfriend, and I am actively lobbying for her (and the other forum responders) to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. I am not afraid to go against the general opinion of the forum if I disagree with everyone else’s opinion. In fact, some of the SAME PEOPLE who have posted replies to your question are arguing with me in that other thread about relationships tonight.

I am telling you all of this in the hopes that you will believe that I truly read every word that you wrote and that I have an open mind. IN YOUR CASE, I AGREE WITH EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS THREAD 100%! Your fiance’s actions do not sound like an unconditional love like Christ has for His Church, and you and your child may be in imminent danger. PLEASE contact a local women’s shelter for advice, and if they do not listen to you, call the police and get a restraining order.

Many of the posters on this thread, including myself, are in loving, Godly marriages. Jesus is Lord over our marriages, and we are telling you that your situation does NOT sound like a Godly relationship. All of our marriages have mistakes and flaws, and we are telling you that the mistakes and flaws that you describe are NOT the kind of imperfections that all couples deal with.

No marriage is perfect, but all of them strive to model the UNCONDITIONAL love that Christ has for His Church. While your fiance regularly shows some acts of love, this love is obviously CONDITIONAL, not UNCONDITIONAL. How much more CONDITIONAL can he be than threatening suicide if things don’t go his way?

I will pray for you tonight. If you post or message the nearest city to you, I am sure that someone here can find contact information for women’s shelters in your area, myself included if I see your post before others do.
 
Get out, for your sake and the sake of your child.
Your angels are trying to tell you the same thing we are.
Go! And do NoT look back.
 
I just got home from sunday mass this evening as i skipped morning mass due to a restless night. I spent most of the mass asking God to open the eyes of my heart to see what His plan in my life is. I begged Mother Mary, all the angels and saints, St. Joseph our Father, to intervene and whisper in God’s ear to reveal His plan for me.
Im sick to my stomach and am fighting doubt in my heart and mind after reading the ongoing, UNANIMOUS , voices from all of you my dear friends.
I still have doubt that what your voices say about my relationship could possibly be wrong ; however, my heart was pierced with Fogwalker’s insight. Im nervous, scared and dont know where to start with escaping this miserable life. Im afraid that if i react to ending it or asking for time apart, that fight will explode and then there will be harm done to himself.
Tonight was our last reading for the 33 day Consecration to Jesus through Mary. As i was on my knees reading the last of the retreat, i offered him for us to continue in prayer. He quickly closed the book and said " it can wait for tomorrow". That saddened my heart. That showed his rejection for Christ. I rose up off my knees and with an ardent heart, i asked Mother Mary and God to forgive his rejection. My point is, i would think that a God fearing man, would not say " God can wait for tomorrow". When i looked at his face, he looked dark, with sulken eyes. Evil. I saw that. So now, i ask that all of you become my prayer warriors as i will lift each and everyone of you in my prayers.
Btw, does anyone know how i can opt out of getting emails from catholic forums and how i can delete my account?? I am very aftaid that he will find this. Thank you my brothers and sisters in Christ. May God shelter each of you with His love!
 
Stop emails:

At the top of the page, go to “Forums”, then “Profile”, then “Control Panel”, then “Edit Options”

Might be slightly different if you are accessing from a mobile device.

Not sure how to delete account.
 
Also, remember that your email provider likely has a “Deleted Items” folder or some such thing, in addition to the Inbox, Outbox, Drafts, Sent Items, etc., and Catholic Answers Forums emails that you deleted from your Inbox may still be hiding in there until you delete them again from the Deleted Items folder.
 
Can I ask you a question? How would you feel if he hit your child? Or worse lost his temper went into one of his evil anger episodes and your child is killed? What would you say then? It was an accident? Because its ok because he is supposedly God fearing? Your child would be dead but its ok because he locks himself away and cries about it…I know this sounds harsh but it has happened all too often…blind love leads to tragedies.

You have said in a previous post that your child lives in fear too and that he has threatened to slap you…so it is a possibility that this may one day turn violent if you stay with him.

So he can lock himself in a room, but you can’t?

He checks your phone, follws you, smothers you, makes you feel miserable, scared, confused, you have no friends. You ignore calls from your family, he manipulates you, crys but is also angry and evil (you used evil yourself). He monitors what you can, can’t do, what you can watch, he is clearly bigger than you…

The above is why we can’t see the good in him…remember violent, controlling men use “nice” gestures to entrap and manipulate…

My husband buys me flowers sometimes but I wouldn’t call him evil in the same sentence…he has bad points sure but these are things like snoring 😃 complete different cup of tea! A man is supposed to make you feel on top of the world, he is supposed to enhance your life not control it…when you are in true love, everything is clear, there is no if buts, when’s just clarity, happiness, contentment

Think about it…
 
Help2 said:
I just got home from sunday mass this evening as i skipped morning mass due to a restless night. I spent most of the mass asking God to open the eyes of my heart to see what His plan in my life is. I begged Mother Mary, all the angels and saints, St. Joseph our Father, to intervene and whisper in God’s ear to reveal His plan for me.
Im sick to my stomach and am fighting doubt in my heart and mind after reading the ongoing, UNANIMOUS , voices from all of you my dear friends.
I still have doubt that what your voices say about my relationship could possibly be wrong ; however, my heart was pierced with Fogwalker’s insight. Im nervous, scared and dont know where to start with escaping this miserable life. Im afraid that if i react to ending it or asking for time apart, that fight will explode and then there will be harm done to himself.
Tonight was our last reading for the 33 day Consecration to Jesus through Mary. As i was on my knees reading the last of the retreat, i offered him for us to continue in prayer. He quickly closed the book and said " it can wait for tomorrow". That saddened my heart. That showed his rejection for Christ. I rose up off my knees and with an ardent heart, i asked Mother Mary and God to forgive his rejection. My point is, i would think that a God fearing man, would not say " God can wait for tomorrow". When i looked at his face, he looked dark, with sulken eyes. Evil. I saw that. So now, i ask that all of you become my prayer warriors as i will lift each and everyone of you in my prayers.
Btw, does anyone know how i can opt out of getting emails from catholic forums and how i can delete my account?? I am very aftaid that he will find this. Thank you my brothers and sisters in Christ. May God shelter each of you with His love!
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Please call your parents or someone else in your family from work. Speak to your former priest before or on your way to work. Call your ex- husband. They are his children. You need help now. Do it at least for your children.

Praying for you and your children, that God will guide you, give you the strength you need.
 
I respectfully ask that one of the posters on this thread please start a prayer thread for this woman and her needs.

As I am not Catholic, and this is a Catholic forum, I feel it would be better if one of you did so. I’d be happy to join-in. :o

Many thanks for everyone’s (name removed by moderator)ut, especially those of us who know her fears from first-hand experience.

Blessings, all. May you celebrate a joyful and prayerful Advent season. 🙂
 
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