Ever change your first impression of someone's looks, or anything else?

[LethalMouse]

God bless, I bolded part of your post as it stood out for me and I respectfully disagree. From a worldly-secular view I suppose an attractive person might appear to have an “easier” time in life. However, as a Catholic Christian so many things are looked at differently, so from that point of view I submit that no, they do not.

We are all fallen, and we are all subject to temptations to sin. Sin is what makes life difficult, sin is what hurts us. The perceived unfairness of an attractive person being treated differently may hurt, but the real hurt for all of us comes with sin. God created all of us exactly the way He wanted us to be, with exactly the face, body type eye color He wanted! We were meant to be as He created! Attractive, wealthy and gifted people also bear a burden that they sometimes lack sympathy from others. I heard a saying once that “Good looking rich women can never get sympathy” and I wondered if it were true. If there were a nice looking wealthy woman that were sad or felt depressed would I be able to help her, or would I be judgmental?

To the original poster: I have several sons, my family talked regularly about relationships. They knew very good looking girls from youth groups and work and also met more “ordinary” looking girls. For them the focus was always who they could have the most fun with, and who they got along with the best! While they would comment about the good looking girls and women they met, often these were not the girls that they wanted to ask out on dates or to dances. I had a talk with one of my sons just the other day about a girl he met that seemed quite ordinary looking when he met her, but over time she has grown more beautiful. This makes perfect sense as she is a wonderful and kind girl. My experience is that beauty grows (or could decrease) for both men and women based on a person’s positive or negative personality.

I think the issue is the complaints people have in regard to temporal life which was the why “good looking people have an easier time”

If a billionaire is destined for hell, still on earth his life is far better now than those who might ask “why is my life so hard?”

But you have a very good point about temptations. I am no 10 lol but even as a guy I have had women attack me and it is much harder to deal with then if I were unattractuve and un attacked.

I also recall a convo with a woman who did value but fail at virtue. In discussing another woman she met who was virtuous she said “it isn’t fair because I am way cuter”

Many would shrug her comment off as pure arrogance, but it was true anyway. She had had many more men try to win her than the other… making her values of virtue much harder to uphold and possibly making her less desirable to the men she would want to marry.

So to say that the “less attractive” who aquires a wonderful husband eventually, the gorgeous due to her temptations may have lost that man and descended into the modern life of divorced from the men who prefer her

 

[Lea101]

I know I’m probably one of the posters you are talking about

Sexual attraction is important in a relationship (if the end goal is marriage). IMHO. Attraction is important.

From what I have seen in men, they will always go for the pretty ones, and if the pretty ones aren’t good people, then they’ll go for the others. Like I’ve said before…

If there’s a pretty woman and an ugly one. Both have good personalities, which one would you pick?

If the pretty one has an ugly personality and the ugly one has a good personality, which one would you approach first (assuming that you don’t know about their personalities and both are interested in you)

I know a guy who dated a girl he wasn’t attracted to, but he stuck with her bc he liked her personality but there was a pretty girl he was interested in. She was pretty and nice. Dumped the poor girl for her.

Of course this all depends on the man. I just don’t see why would anyone would want to be in a relationship with someone they are not attracted to in the first place.

I do get the whole idea about someone being more attractive after you get to know them. But then again I’m aware that personality does not change someone"s features, so no, they don’t really become attractive, but you just enjoy their company which makes you like them more and hence you think they are attractive

Maybe I’m one of those people that separates inner and outer beauty? Like I look at someone’s features and see if they are pretty or not, their personality has no effect on my judgement.

 

[SilverShadow22]

I never thought myself anything other than average and thought no more about it.

I spent a little time learning what makeup made my eyes look best, how to wear my hair to accomodate what it’s alteady going to do on its own, and figured out what colors look good on me that I actualy like.

Once I figured a few basic things like that out, I basically proceed on autopilot. That is, I have my basic routine of the everyday common sense stuff to maintain the particular look I chose, but I don’t spend tons of time and effort on it.

And so when people say I’m pretty or my scrub top is nice (without fail I get compliments on one in particular, which is multicolored) or note that some change in my hair or eyeliner is particularly striking, I’m pleased in the sense that I seem to be doing it right and someone confirms my sense of taste.

I don’t particularly relate it to vanity. I never spent much time looking in the mirror, and I spend a little more only because now I wonder how people see me - what I actually look like. I realized I have expressions I don’t even know I’m doing that may look like something they’re not.

But when I look at other people, I’m pretty much seeing the whole effect, of what their conscious choices are saying about them as a person.

In fact, I recently started paying attention to the hair and makeup of other women, both in real life and on tv, to find the pattern of what gives what impression, what looks good on certain facial types, etc. So in a sense I judge ‘outcomes’ against each other but more like ‘that’s probably not the right liner style for her eye shape…’ But make no judgement against her for not knowing or ignoring that fact.

But there was this one (older than me) lady who (very briefly) worked here who apparently had no idea how to do makeup… She wore dark eyeshadow UNDER her eyes, like giving herself dark circles on purpose… I have no idea how she thought that looked good. This on its own didn’t prove she’s flaky, but she couldn’t keep a simple housekeeping job more than two weeks… Sometimes things really are associated with each other. I think in this case, it indicated poor judgement all around.

So I think that sometimes what we CHOOSE to say about ourselves with our deliberate choices can be extrapolated to a deeper meaning… But we can never judge the soul.

For instance, before I started wearing makeup, one could rightly take from that fact that I was disinterested in/ignorant of how to do it. One could not say that I had no inherent desire to do stereotypical girl stuff. As soon as I had an opportunity to figure it out, I went for it. So there’s also only so much a given fact an tell you.

 

[AdamP88]

Just gonna throw this out there…is it possible that part of beauty is knowledge of the person? I think attraction is important. But not as important as true friendship and faith. I also think that as one gets to know a person better one of two things happen: they realise the person has some character flaws that they ate not prepared to deal with and end it or they grow in love and attraction of the person. I think it’s entirely possible to start from being moderately physically attracted to a person to being crazy about them. In fact, judging by the posts it apparently happens more often than you’d think.

 

[Lea101]

Just gonna throw this out there…is it possible that part of beauty is knowledge of the person? I think attraction is important. But not as important as true friendship and faith. I also think that as one gets to know a person better one of two things happen: they realise the person has some character flaws that they ate not prepared to deal with and end it or they grow in love and attraction of the person. I think it’s entirely possible to start from being moderately physically attracted to a person to being crazy about them. In fact, judging by the posts it apparently happens more often than you’d think.

But what about a person who has 0 attraction for the other person?
I don’t think anyone is saying that physical attraction is more important, but that it’s important to have that in a relationship?

 

[LethalMouse]

But what about a person who has 0 attraction for the other person?
I don’t think anyone is saying that physical attraction is more important, but that it’s important to have that in a relationship?

I think you are overly obsessed with the 0 attraction idea.

Also, note if I recall correctly, you are young? Like HS?

Sure there may be a few pretty girls who are pretty inside and out, but I assure you those pretty ones when you hit mid twenties and up start to if they are single rarely be pretty inside…

That is when your men will also be less led by foolish ideas and more grounded. That is when marriage worthy guys will be looking for the inside more often than not.

Plus, I think I mentioned this before but oh well… some people are foolishly chasing ideals. To complain about not getting attention but also not seek it from those who would is not only foolish, but hypocrisy.

To use movie clichés, the star quaterback is probably getting the head cheerleader. If you are neither and chasing the opposite there in lies a problem.

If you are the awkward nerdy girl, you are shunning many awkward nerdy guys ans then worrying that “whoa is me”
Because Mr. Star QB isnt asking you to prom…

I think we all have dabbled in this, but I can say I had a lot of okay girls flirt with me and I felt like I wasn’t as good as I should be becasue the top tiers weren’t begging for me… and most ironically thanks to fb some of the okayish have grown in adulthood to outshine the old top tiered ones lol… so there is always that folley

That awkward nerdy fella you ignore today may be rather impressive tomorrow

 

[AdamP88]

But what about a person who has 0 attraction for the other person?
I don’t think anyone is saying that physical attraction is more important, but that it’s important to have that in a relationship?

True. But imagine you talk to someone on a regular basis and aren’t particularly attracted to them. Then you become friends and perhaps they become more attractive to you and as you become closer the attraction increases. I think that’s certainly a possibility. I know I was very attracted to my fiancee, and she to me right from the start but I definitely think it’s possible for people to hit it off as friends first and for attraction to come later.

 

[LethalMouse]

True. But imagine you talk to someone on a regular basis and aren’t particularly attracted to them. Then you become friends and perhaps they become more attractive to you and as you become closer the attraction increases. I think that’s certainly a possibility. I know I was very attracted to my fiancee, and she to me right from the start but I definitely think it’s possible for people to hit it off as friends first and for attraction to come later.

I have had that happen both in them growing and dimishing in attraxtiveness. My ex wife is generally considered “attractive” by most people and I see a truly ugly person. I had one interest who I worked with for a year who suddenly grew from “meh” to a glowing 10… and after our failed talkings she returned to her previous state.

 

[Lea101]

I think you are overly obsessed with the 0 attraction idea.

Also, note if I recall correctly, you are young? Like HS?

Sure there may be a few pretty girls who are pretty inside and out, but I assure you those pretty ones when you hit mid twenties and up start to if they are single rarely be pretty inside…

That is when your men will also be less led by foolish ideas and more grounded. That is when marriage worthy guys will be looking for the inside more often than not.

Plus, I think I mentioned this before but oh well… some people are foolishly chasing ideals. To complain about not getting attention but also not seek it from those who would is not only foolish, but hypocrisy.

To use movie clichés, the star quaterback is probably getting the head cheerleader. If you are neither and chasing the opposite there in lies a problem.

If you are the awkward nerdy girl, you are shunning many awkward nerdy guys ans then worrying that “whoa is me”
Because Mr. Star QB isnt asking you to prom…

I think we all have dabbled in this, but I can say I had a lot of okay girls flirt with me and I felt like I wasn’t as good as I should be becasue the top tiers weren’t begging for me… and most ironically thanks to fb some of the okayish have grown in adulthood to outshine the old top tiered ones lol… so there is always that folley

That awkward nerdy fella you ignore today may be rather impressive tomorrow

Not high school no (pre university psychology), but I’m in a different country and all so but yes I’m basically a baby to most of y’all.

I don’t think it’s unrealistic to say that there are some people who are completely not attracted to me? We are all completely not attracted to some people

But yes I totally agree it’s annoying when people ignore people who like them and instead whine about the people who don’t.

Personally, guys don’t interact with me and i don’t interact with them (unless it’s sch related stuff). Pretty peaceful and drama free.

I’m still waiting for puberty to do its job. I’m 5"0

 

[SilverShadow22]

True. But imagine you talk to someone on a regular basis and aren’t particularly attracted to them. Then you become friends and perhaps they become more attractive to you and as you become closer the attraction increases. I think that’s certainly a possibility. I know I was very attracted to my fiancee, and she to me right from the start but I definitely think it’s possible for people to hit it off as friends first and for attraction to come later.

This exact thing just happened to me. My subjective opinion changed from neutral to adorable based on friendship and then increasing affection.

But we also started off online

 

[LethalMouse]

Not high school no (pre university psychology), but I’m in a different country and all so but yes I’m basically a baby to most of y’all.

I don’t think it’s unrealistic to say that there are some people who are completely not attracted to me? We are all completely not attracted to some people

But yes I totally agree it’s annoying when people ignore people who like them and instead whine about the people who don’t.

Personally, guys don’t interact with me and i don’t interact with them (unless it’s sch related stuff). Pretty peaceful and drama free.

I’m still waiting for puberty to do its job. I’m 5"0

There are far more tall girls online dating sites, I never get why women mistakenly think their height is an issue lol… I dont date amazons

Anyway, you sound like you have awkward tendencies, you are pursuing a deepsubject requiring much work, and probably fairly concerned with your life outside of a man above one with a man…

Then you worry men don’t flock to you…

Yeah well even if you were a 10 I am not sure I would see you as approachable so perhaps it has far less to do with your image than you think…

 

[Lea101]

There are far more tall girls online dating sites, I never get why women mistakenly think their height is an issue lol… I dont date amazons

Anyway, you sound like you have awkward tendencies, you are pursuing a deepsubject requiring much work, and probably fairly concerned with your life outside of a man above one with a man…

Then you worry men don’t flock to you…

Yeah well even if you were a 10 I am not sure I would see you as approachable so perhaps it has far less to do with your image than you think…

I’m not looking for a relationship now, I mean I’m 18. Guys my age aren’t looking for anything serious and it would be wise for me to focus on my studies and hopefully career.

I’m just hyper aware about my future, I mean I don’t want to be single forever as well as it sucks seeing girls around me get rejected for their looks. And then you have gorgeous celebrities preaching about how looks don’t matter. Sigh.

And it’s not just about men, attractive people are just lucky IMO. I can’t take a picture of myself without having a mental breakdown, bullied for my looks since i was in kindergarten(and race but that’s not really the topic). Even if you minus off the love aspect, being good looking has its own benefits

But of course we are talking about relationships in this thread so yup.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I have had that happen both in them growing and dimishing in attraxtiveness. My ex wife is generally considered “attractive” by most people and I see a truly ugly person. I had one interest who I worked with for a year who suddenly grew from “meh” to a glowing 10… and after our failed talkings she returned to her previous state.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, especially since you come across as more “wordly” than others who have posted to support the idea that attractiveness can change depending on what else you know about the person.

Lea101, I get the feeling you think there actually exists an objective standard of physical beauty that can be easily quantified, and I think people are much more complex than that. There is also a big difference between “aesthetic appreciation of beauty” and “physical attraction”.

I can think of many famous women considered “beautiful” and famous men considered “handsome” but that doesn’t mean everyone’s physically attracted to them. People of certain sexual orientations wouldn’t be physically attracted to anyone of a particular sex, even if they might acknowledge they are physically beautiful.

I can also think of male celebrities considered to be attractive by most in the media, who I don’t personally find attractive at all. Such as Tom Brady and Derek Jeter - as I recall you are out of the US but they are both famous athletes who have a lot of “crossover appeal” and many women who DO find them attractive find me odd for not finding them attractive, I suppose some might even wonder if I am gay because of that, but I’m not. I just don’t find those particular men attractive.

I’ve also noticed that even with celebrities, factors other than physical features affect how “attractive” people see them. When Brad Pitt was single, he seemed to be considered much more attractive, then when he essentially became “Mr. Jolie”, even before they were legally married. Of course, he was much younger then, too. But it seems that George Clooney was considered “attractive” way into his older years, even as his looks changed, because of his status as a single “eligible bachelor”.

 

[Lea101]

Yes, i meant beauty in general (appreciation of beauty, not attraction) it was just too many words

 

[SilverShadow22]

Not high school no (pre university psychology), but I’m in a different country and all so but yes I’m basically a baby to most of y’all.

I don’t think it’s unrealistic to say that there are some people who are completely not attracted to me? We are all completely not attracted to some people

But yes I totally agree it’s annoying when people ignore people who like them and instead whine about the people who don’t.

Personally, guys don’t interact with me and i don’t interact with them (unless it’s sch related stuff). Pretty peaceful and drama free.

I’m still waiting for puberty to do its job. I’m 5"0

Don’t worry about height… Most men like the women to be shorter, and the shorter you are, the more options you have.

My sister isn’t even five feet. And I’ve seen shorter.

I’m five and a half feet. I feel neither tall nor short. My friend thinks I’m tall because she’s just a bit shorter. But when my Potential Suitor thought I was taller than average, I was like WHAT???

Pretty much, I think of five feet as being on the shorter end and six feet being on the taller end, and me being in the middle as completely average…

Oh well. Height is an absolute, but ‘tall’ and ‘short’ are relative.

 

[Lea101]

Don’t worry about height… Most men like the women to be shorter, and the shorter you are, the more options you have.

My sister isn’t even five feet. And I’ve seen shorter.

I’m five and a half feet. I feel neither tall nor short. My friend thinks I’m tall because she’s just a bit shorter. But when my Potential Suitor thought I was taller than average, I was like WHAT???

Pretty much, I think of five feet as being on the shorter end and six feet being on the taller end, and me being in the middle as completely average…

Oh well. Height is an absolute, but ‘tall’ and ‘short’ are relative.

People here are quite short so I’m not too bothered about men’s options on my height. (I’m still below average tho, 12 year olds are taller)

It’s just a pain in the butt to buy pants!

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Yes, i meant beauty in general (appreciation of beauty, not attraction) it was just too many words

Okay, good to know you realize there is a difference.

BTW, I was also bullied as a kid, and I also thought around your age that I was “objectively ugly” and there was no way any man would ever want to date me. As it turns out, I was wrong.

I probably also inadvertently “friend-zoned” a lot of guys who actually wanted to date me, because I assumed there was no way they were interested in me as a date. I can think of one in particular who I worked with and who liked to “eat lunch together” and even started paying for the lunches, but I assumed he was “just being nice”. I even feel a bit guilty now, looking back, as I wonder if he saw what I was doing as leading him on…

Anyway, people DO mature as they get older and finding looks less important. Of course, some women still find this unfair that they have to “wait for men to mature” much as some men will lament “I guess eventually the girls will get tired of the bad boys and come crawling to me, but it’s so unfair that I have to wait so long!”

In the end, though, you don’t need dozens of men to be attracted to you, just one.

 

[Sarcelle]

I think you are overly obsessed with the 0 attraction idea.

Also, note if I recall correctly, you are young? Like HS?

Sure there may be a few pretty girls who are pretty inside and out, but I assure you those pretty ones when you hit mid twenties and up start to if they are single rarely be pretty inside…

That is when your men will also be less led by foolish ideas and more grounded. That is when marriage worthy guys will be looking for the inside more often than not.

Plus, I think I mentioned this before but oh well… some people are foolishly chasing ideals. To complain about not getting attention but also not seek it from those who would is not only foolish, but hypocrisy.

To use movie clichés, the star quaterback is probably getting the head cheerleader. If you are neither and chasing the opposite there in lies a problem.

If you are the awkward nerdy girl, you are shunning many awkward nerdy guys ans then worrying that “whoa is me”
Because Mr. Star QB isnt asking you to prom…

I think we all have dabbled in this, but I can say I had a lot of okay girls flirt with me and I felt like I wasn’t as good as I should be becasue the top tiers weren’t begging for me… and most ironically thanks to fb some of the okayish have grown in adulthood to outshine the old top tiered ones lol… so there is always that folley

That awkward nerdy fella you ignore today may be rather impressive tomorrow

Well the opposite also happens. The awkward nerdy guy ignoring the awkward nerdy girl because he was too busy pining for the head cheerleader.

 

[LethalMouse]

Well the opposite also happens. The awkward nerdy guy ignoring the awkward nerdy girl because he was too busy pining for the head cheerleader.

I agree, just seemed to be women asking of the issue much “other girls” and “guys dont go for me” so I was soeaking in relevant terms.

Many men have the similar issue, just havent seen their posts here

 

[AdamP88]

This exact thing just happened to me. My subjective opinion changed from neutral to adorable based on friendship and then increasing affection.

But we also started off online

Why does that matter?