Expecting Baby #7 and thinking about the future

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Anyone that looks around any Catholic Church can easily see that. Most people do not have 4 let alone 10. Anyone placing pressure either way is wrong. I still don’t see what you mean about ideological colonization, rather simple disagreement. Especially knowing most Catholics in real life are very vocal about limiting family size just as Protestants and the secular world is.

I am glad that you can read that interview in the way you do, because even re reading it several times over the years in both English and Spanish I still don’t quite understand what convinced him to use the words he did. I have seen the pain it caused to many women, not just the one I mentioned but also many others and my own mom. Mama was an advocate for NFP and breastfeeding. She had 6 well spaced children. She was highly educated in the medical sciences. She felt deeply betrayed by Pope Francis. So if you can see positives there that is good and gives me hope that one day I will also understand. Too late for my mom though.

Not everyone can have children at all. Those of us that struggle with fertility are not any less in need of accepting God’s will for our families. There’s a lot of immoral ways we could go about achieving what we want as well. It seems that we are in a time when anything positive said about large families or accepting God’s will is viewed as pushing an agenda and anything positive about limiting family size and finding your own way through life is compassionate. Maybe I will read more on what the pope says ideological colonization. He has said a lot about it over the years
 
I think part of it stemmed from regrets that she had in her relationship with my Dad. There was a long period of time where she did not have any children- my first sibling came when I was almost 4 but the 3rd did not come along until I was almost a teenager. After that they had 4 more but there were 2 miscarriages and she was 45 when the last one came. I think that in her mind, making the choice to stop having children is somehow insulting. She is one of those people who I believe tried to do too much at once and because of that her marriage fell apart, her parenting was not what it could have been and she wasn’t particularly successful in her career. I feel like she could not honestly look at her strengths and weakness and make decisions based on her limitations. Instead, she tried to prove that she could do everything and her family paid the price.
 
We actually did invest in one and it resulted in our 3rd child. So even those things, as expensive as they are, they are not guaranteed 100%.
 
I appreciate everyone’s responses.
I have spent quite a bit of time praying, thinking, and writing out my thoughts about the issue. I realize that I have no need to feel guilty in recognizing that I am only capable of so much.
Love is infinite, but our time, energy, patience, focus, strength, and compassion are not. These are finite resources. With time these things can be replenished, but there needs to be a healthy balance otherwise we run out of these important resources and abilities. Have you ever heard that you “can’t pour from an empty cup?” When our cups are empty, we suffer and so do the people we care about most. I do not want my kid turning to others or the internet with questions because I am too tired, stressed or burnt out on parenting to sit down and be there for them .

I have an idea of the type of wife and mother I want to be. No, it is not the Pinterest Mom who makes everything from scratch. I don’t need Instagram perfection or whatever. I want to be the mom who is there for her kids. Who isn’t constantly frazzled and on edge. I don’t want to run out of patience every day. I don’t want to dismiss my child’s need for compassion, guidance, or love (or discipline) because I am too exhausted.

“But God doesn’t give us more than we can handle!”

Oh yes, I have heard that a million times.

“ God will provide .”

Yes and No.

Does God provide for people who do the right thing and try their best? Yeah, I think so. When we got pregnant with our 3rd child, we were really in no place financially to support another baby. We stressed and worried, work had been almost non-existent for my husband at the time. Approximately 2 weeks after the two lines showed up on the test, my husband got work. Granted, it was 2 hours away and he was usually gone from Monday morning until Friday night, but it paid our bills and kept us going. It also led to other work closer to home. We survived. God did provide. But in that case, we were trying not to get pregnant. We felt that our situation warranted the avoidance. It was not a “throw caution to the wind” thing, we had thought we were in the clear only to find out the next day that my body had thrown a curve ball and we had not waited long enough.

God provides us with much, including reason, technology, and self-control. While I hope that God would not pile things onto my plate that I could not handle (that would be a mean and seemingly unfair God in my opinion) I do believe that if I fail to utilize good judgement, reason and self-discipline, then he will allow more than I can handle to come my way by virtue of reaping what I sow. Consequences exist. If I jump off a roof, the God-created force of gravity will pull me down. If I use the reason God gave me, then I would know and respect the natural order and not to jump off the roof.
I feel very much at peace with the thought of being done at 7. I don’t feel that I have come to this realization out of fear or anxiety and because of that I feel lighter and happier as my due date approaches. I would appreciate any prayers as we get closer to welcoming baby #7 into the world-only 5 weeks left!!
 
Prayers for you and your family!

It is very good you are able to discern what is good for your family without falling trap to someone’s pressure. It truly is not for anyone to determine the right time to have more children or right time to hold off. You and your spouse are the only ones to make that determination.
 
The feelings of “we did not plan this one” meaning “we did not want this one” can be easily projected onto this child. Speak to a priest, but bottom line I think God would want you to be present, joyful, and gracious to each of your children… including this one. I was an oopsie baby and it felt it my entire life from my family which impacted my life in other ways. You must be stressed with 7, but be careful in how you interact and raise your children, including this one. Even if things are not said to the child directly they can be felt.
 
I agreee with you, but think that in most cases, the unplanned child would be absolutely love! Wehave to be carreful of what can be said in the presence of the children.

Yet, by experience, it is not easy to go through all the difficults emotions that may come through a pregnacy, and be joyfull because we are supposed to be, is sometimes too much asking…if our mind is already busy by others unresolved problems…
Psychological help, family, relatives and societal support is need.
 
True, and it can really help the people who believed it to accept the situation, have some peace of mind toward decisions, and be prepare to any potential situation.
Yet, that does not necessarily made at first the feelings better or the situation easier.
 
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I was born to two people who were not married. One was Catholic, the other was not. THeir families did not like the situation. So I definitely understand that danger in the “unplanned” child. Now, we have never really planned any of our kids, except for maybe the first one. We love them all and when I am with them I never feel like I shouldn’t have had them. The point of mentioning that this child was unplanned was in the interest of being honest about our situation.
 
SusanneT said:
God plans every baby even if we do not.
Click to expand...
Even the ones born to unmarried couples? Or out of abusive relationships? Or rape?
While every life has value regardless of how it came into existence, to say that God is the one who “plans” it seems like a cop out. According to the teachings of the Church that God gave us, sex outside of marriage is a big no-no. I am expected to practice self control and save sex for marriage. If I chose NOT to do that, then I roll the dice on the natural side effect of sex (i.e. pregnancy) occurring. God did not plan for me to fornicate and get pregnant, I made a choice to fornicate and risked getting pregnant. And the more often a person engages in an activity, the more likely they are to suffer the consequences of said activity.
Marriage I don’t think changes that. I think that God designed each person with strengths and weaknesses and with limitations. For example, I believe that God designed me to have 7 children. He gave me the tools and the strengths to handle that many kids. But I believe that 8 or more is not something I am capable of handling properly, therefore if I were to throw caution to the wind and just “leave it to God” to decide, I would be irresponsible and if I did in fact get pregnant with #8 + it would be a case of me reaping what I sow- experiencing the natural consequences of sexual activity.
 
Children of unmarried parents are most definitely blessings. So are the children from rape and abusive marriages and poverty stricken homes in war torn countries. Every single child is a blessing yes. God is the author of life and I am sure He plans each of us even if He did not favor the circumstances surrounding our creation.

Is it fine if you and your husband decide to use NFP for the rest of your fertile years? The Church says yes you are able to do that. Can you use abstinence? Yes you can. Artificial birth control or sterilization? No. That is not allowed.

Try very hard to avoid the “Im done” mentality. That’s places your will above God’s will. Allow God to work through you and your family. If for now that is moving you all to avoid more children, that is no one else’s choice. It might be a forever situation for your family, or one day it may change.

The thing about parenthood is each stage and mixture of stages brings new challenges and also new joys. Don’t close your family off from exploring those times through God’s eyes.

Many people have told me through the years how wrong it was for my 6 oldest kids biological parents to have had them. They were “unplanned” and born into horrible circumstances. God most certainly did plan their existence. Their early lives have helped shape them into the people God meant for them to be. I am so grateful their parents made them and carried them to term. God can and does use all sorts of unfortunate situations to achieve His plans for this world.
 
OP, I want to applaud your efforts in thinking this issue through on all sides. It is important for you to know your limits, as well as the limits of your family. The children you do have deserve to have parents who are not constantly overwhelmed and exhausted. With seven children, I dare anyone to judge you by saying you aren’t open to life.

Take care of your family and yourself. You are just as important as anyone else in your family. I don’t “hear” you saying you think otherwise, but I don’t think we all hear this enough, especially those with large families. You matter. Your happiness matters. Your life matters. The quality of your life matters.
 
I do love a good nfp and large family subject debate but this is not really helping the op.
If someone wants to start a new thread I’ll participate
 
But that is not really the case for many people.

I fell pregnant while breastfeeding twice. Whilst both ended in miscarriages I got my period back very quickly after birth despite breastfeeding for an extended period of time.
 
This is inaccurate. Many of us have become pregnant while fully breastfeeding.
 
I know that there was no intention to say otherwise. But how can anyone argue that the children born in fornication, rape or abuse are not in Gods plan. I accept that the parents (or at least one of them) are guilty of sin but the children are innocent of that sin.
 
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First of all congratulations. Rather than worrying you can thank God for giving you 7th child.
And don’t worry about your financial aspects. God gave you seven children and He will provide.

God blessed them, saying: "Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and all the living things that move on the earth."
Genesis 1:28
 
I have seven grown children. For more than one reason we decided that was enough. At that point NFP became much easier. Because we were firm in our decision it was much easier to use than when we used it to space pregnancies.
 
Because that suggests that God planned for that female to be raped.

It is highly disrespectful to the victim.

Noone is suggesting the child is in sin or at fault. But these flippant statements of “every child was pre determined by God” is a lazy reasoning to a complex situation that people find themselves in. Statements like this patronise their dire circumstances.
 
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