Family member pregnant with in vitro baby... is it moral to celebrate?

[Moneyball]

Hi all, my first cousin has just announced to the family that she’s finally pregnant, however it was accomplished via in vitro fertilization… her partner is completely sterile (they needed a sperm donor). She’s a lovely person and will be a great mother but as a Catholic I disapprove of in vitro. So here’s my question: when I meet her would it be misleading or even scandalous for me to congratulate her? My entire family is excited but I feel kind of trapped… I don’t want to be rude but I also don’t want people to think I’m in favor of in vitro. Any advice? Thanks.

 

[RyanBlack]

I was conceived through sinful means (fornication). I certainly don’t think it was sinful for my parents, grandparents, extended family and friends to celebrate and congratulate my parents. It was the gift of life-- not the act of fornication–that was celebrated.

 

[FghtinIrshNvrDi]

Hi all, my first cousin has just announced to the family that she’s finally pregnant, however it was accomplished via in vitro fertilization… her partner is completely sterile (they needed a sperm donor). She’s a lovely person and will be a great mother but as a Catholic I disapprove of in vitro. So here’s my question: when I meet her would it be misleading or even scandalous for me to congratulate her? My entire family is excited but I feel kind of trapped… I don’t want to be rude but I also don’t want people to think I’m in favor of in vitro. Any advice? Thanks.

My goodness I understand your quandary. Both In Vitro and a sperm donor in one swoop.

Good luck walking that tight rope with grace. The previous poster is correct.

In my estimation, and that’s all it is, my humble opinion, it would be easier not to ruin relationships by neither celebrating nor condemning, and just love the child when it comes along.

 

[dshix]

Hi all, my first cousin has just announced to the family that she’s finally pregnant, however it was accomplished via in vitro fertilization… her partner is completely sterile (they needed a sperm donor). She’s a lovely person and will be a great mother but as a Catholic I disapprove of in vitro. So here’s my question: when I meet her would it be misleading or even scandalous for me to congratulate her? My entire family is excited but I feel kind of trapped… I don’t want to be rude but I also don’t want people to think I’m in favor of in vitro. Any advice? Thanks.

Difficult situation.

I would phrase my words to be clear that I share in their joy of having a child, but do not find their method worthy of congratulations.

For example, I wouldn’t say:
“Congratulations on your new baby!”
“I’m so glad you finally got your baby!”

I would modify the sentiment, and say something more along the lines of:
“Oh, I’m so happy to see your joy at your new baby!”

Depending on your comfort level with revealing your disapproval with this friend (possible relationship strain taken into consideration) I would probably venture to have a conversation about it – not intending to indict their new child, but trying to express my sorrow that their child was conceived through an act of their love.

It’s difficult, though. I would probably avoid too much interaction.

 

[twf]

Difficult situation.

I would phrase my words to be clear that I share in their joy of having a child, but do not find their method worthy of congratulations.

For example, I wouldn’t say:
“Congratulations on your new baby!”
“I’m so glad you finally got your baby!”

I would modify the sentiment, and say something more along the lines of:
“Oh, I’m so happy to see your joy at your new baby!”

Depending on your comfort level with revealing your disapproval with this friend (possible relationship strain taken into consideration) I would probably venture to have a conversation about it – not intending to indict their new child, but trying to express my sorrow that their child was conceived through an act of their love.

It’s difficult, though. I would probably avoid too much interaction.

It’s difficult, though. I would probably avoid too much interaction
Are you serious about the bolded? How on earth are we to evangelize our friends and family in a sinful, secular culture if we distance ourselves from them? Isn’t that the exact opposite of everything Pope Francis has been preaching since day one of his pontificate? Of course we can’t condone the sinful means by which this woman began pregnant, but the child him or herself is a gift from God - a human being and a close relatively of the OP - that child should not be punished by shunning the parent… that child MUST be celebrated. Many of us were conceived by an act of fornication… what if my relatives had avoided my parents as a result and I had never formed relationships with any of them… such as the only Catholic in my extended family, a great-uncle, who eventually became my sponsor when I entered the Church…

 

[Swisscath]

My close friend had IVF, now has two lovely children and frozen embryo’s that she has to decide what to with - dispose of or pass on to another woman. I don’t envy her this decision. She will have to answer to God for it.
She knows my views on IVF, I’m sure your first cousin is aware of yours. If she isn’t this emotional time probably isn’t that right time to bring it up.
It’s a tough one. I always think it’s a bit premature to get too excited during pregnant and offer too many congratulations. That is for when baby arrives safe and sound.
A life is still a gift from God. Maybe say you are pleased she is happy, pray for her and the little baby that they will become Carholic. And pray for the frozen embryos she no doubt has stored somewhere.

 

[E_7]

Well, in the end, it is in God’s hand to put a soul, right? All that’s alive has a soul, poor baby wasn’t at fault, feel happy and let her know how happy you are of having a new family member.

 

[Beryllos]

All of Man’s proud knowledge and medical technology cannot create a baby. If a baby is the result, it is a blessing straight from God. Celebrate!

 

[PatrickKennedy]

Good Lord. I’m astounded that anyone could think about anything but fulsome congratulations. I’m sad to have read the question actually

 

[MaryT777]

It’s difficult, though. I would probably avoid too much interaction
Are you serious about the bolded? How on earth are we to evangelize our friends and family in a sinful, secular culture if we distance ourselves from them? Isn’t that the exact opposite of everything Pope Francis has been preaching since day one of his pontificate? Of course we can’t condone the sinful means by which this woman began pregnant, but the child him or herself is a gift from God - a human being and a close relatively of the OP - that child should not be punished by shunning the parent… that child MUST be celebrated. Many of us were conceived by an act of fornication… what if my relatives had avoided my parents as a result and I had never formed relationships with any of them… such as the only Catholic in my extended family, a great-uncle, who eventually became my sponsor when I entered the Church…

Eloquently said, and Amen.

 

[pianistclare]

All of Man’s proud knowledge and medical technology cannot create a baby. If a baby is the result, it is a blessing straight from God. Celebrate!

AMEN.

Why would you punish the child?

Rejoice. Another life!

 

[phil19034]

Celebrate the Baby, but not the sin.

Any gifts you purchase should be directly for the baby. Anything you say could be direct support of the child.

If you are close enough to your first cousin (or if your cousin knows your stance on in vetro) you could mention something like “while I do not agree with the practice of in vitro, I’m very happy that a new life is entering our family.”

When people (who disagree with Church teaching on in vitro) ask me how I cannot be in favor of a parent having “their own child,” I always say because I believe that there are many children who need families around the word via adoption and that their are many millions more who are aborted who should have been available for adoption. When good parents choose in vitro, another child potentially misses out potential great parents. So it would be hypocritical of me to be against in vitro when it’s a stranger and pro in vitro when it’s a family member. I also believe that abortion creates the “need” for in vitro. If abortion was illegal, there would be millions more children who would need to be adopted… in vitro would most likely lead to a large number of those children not being adopted. The abortion and in vitro industries are very closely linked.

If you are not close enough to say something, simply express your joy for the new life, not their actions.

 

[PatrickKennedy]

Celebrate the Baby, but not the sin.

Any gifts you purchase should be directly for the baby. Anything you say could be direct support of the child.

If you are close enough to your first cousin (or if your cousin knows your stance on in vetro) you could mention something like “while I do not agree with the practice of in vitro, I’m very happy that a new life is entering our family.”

When people (who disagree with Church teaching on in vitro) ask me how I cannot be in favor of a parent having “their own child,” I always say because I believe that there are many children who need families around the word via adoption and that their are many millions more who are aborted who should have been available for adoption. When good parents choose in vitro, another child potentially misses out potential great parents. So it would be hypocritical of me to be against in vitro when it’s a stranger and pro in vitro when it’s a family member. I also believe that abortion creates the “need” for in vitro. If abortion was illegal, there would be millions more children who would need to be adopted… in vitro would most likely lead to a large number of those children not being adopted. The abortion and in vitro industries are very closely linked.

If you are not close enough to say something, simply express your joy for the new life, not their actions.

I would find it rather vulgar to draw attention to the supposed shortcomings of someone else either by what I did or what I pointedly failed to do.

 

[dshix]

It’s difficult, though. I would probably avoid too much interaction
Are you serious about the bolded? How on earth are we to evangelize our friends and family in a sinful, secular culture if we distance ourselves from them? Isn’t that the exact opposite of everything Pope Francis has been preaching since day one of his pontificate? Of course we can’t condone the sinful means by which this woman began pregnant, but the child him or herself is a gift from God - a human being and a close relatively of the OP - that child should not be punished by shunning the parent… that child MUST be celebrated. Many of us were conceived by an act of fornication… what if my relatives had avoided my parents as a result and I had never formed relationships with any of them… such as the only Catholic in my extended family, a great-uncle, who eventually became my sponsor when I entered the Church…

To be clear, I wasn’t referring to general interaction. I should have been more clear to state that I meant I would avoid interaction in that respect, that is, I would avoid congratulating them on having a new child because I am sad that they did it immorally. Just like I would avoid congratulating some new family member on his new girlfriend, who he is fornicating with.

That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t talk or otherwise interact with him. It just means that in that one matter, I would withhold any sort of approval.

 

[PatrickKennedy]

To be clear, I wasn’t referring to general interaction. I should have been more clear to state that I meant I would avoid interaction in that respect, that is, I would avoid congratulating them on having a new child because I am sad that they did it immorally. Just like I would avoid congratulating some new family member on his new girlfriend, who he is fornicating with.

That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t talk or otherwise interact with him. It just means that in that one matter, I would withhold any sort of approval.

I have enough problems with my own sins

 

[MaryT777]

I have enough problems with my own sins

You and me both.

 

[AClaire11]

There are 36 couples waiting to adopt each child, according to a recent article I read. It’s hardly an easy process, and definitely not something that infertile couples should be expected to do as if it’s their duty. Not everyone is called to adoption, and children waiting to be adopted should not be treated as a fall-back option.

If she asks your opinion, give it charitably. Otherwise, proceed normally and congratulate her on her child. Shunning her or treating her pregnancy oddly will not change her opinion and will only damage the relationship.

 

[phil19034]

There are 36 couples waiting to adopt each child, according to a recent article I read. It’s hardly an easy process, and definitely not something that infertile couples should be expected to do as if it’s their duty. Not everyone is called to adoption, and children waiting to be adopted should not be treated as a fall-back option.

If she asks your opinion, give it charitably. Otherwise, proceed normally and congratulate her on her child. Shunning her or treating her pregnancy oddly will not change her opinion and will only damage the relationship.

Thanks to abortion.

 

[PatrickKennedy]

There are 36 couples waiting to adopt each child, according to a recent article I read. It’s hardly an easy process, and definitely not something that infertile couples should be expected to do as if it’s their duty. Not everyone is called to adoption, and children waiting to be adopted should not be treated as a fall-back option.

If she asks your opinion, give it charitably. Otherwise, proceed normally and congratulate her on her child. Shunning her or treating her pregnancy oddly will not change her opinion and will only damage the relationship.

Totally agree. But I would go one step further and not give them my opinion about it even if asked. I would completely change the direction of conversation to baby names. I think people can manage without the opinion of others sometimes

 

[phil19034]

I would find it rather vulgar to draw attention to the supposed shortcomings of someone else either by what I did or what I pointedly failed to do.

I fail to understand your meaning… I said, "If you are close enough to your first cousin (or if your cousin knows your stance on in vetro) you could mention something like “while I do not agree with the practice of in vitro, I’m very happy that a new life is entering our family.”

If I’m very close to my cousin, they would most likely know my view on in vitro because they would know that I follow the Church’s teaching. If I wasn’t close with my cousin, yet my cousin knew my position, it would be fake to pretend otherwise.

My point basically is IF the cousin knows the OP’s view on in vitro, the OP should express happiness & joy at the new baby without pretending the action is ok.

Example: three of my siblings conceived children out of wedlock. We never say we are happy they fornicated, but we are happy their children are members of the family. We support & love the children, but not the sins of the parents.