Family Members refused at Baptism Party

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My daughter just gave birth to her third child and we of course are overjoyed. Today though I cringed when my daughter said I have to talk about the Baptism. The Sacrament is not the issue here. My daughter is deep in her Faith and attends Mass regulary. My son-in-law is a text book cafetria Catholic (the type that went through the Sacrament, goes to Church sometimes on Holidays if a better offer is not there. Now here’s the problem, his mother, She is a very cruel woman who call my daughter a “Catholic Breeding Machine” also anrgy now because she refuses to tie her tubes. She has called me "A (dirty word for Hispanic) fornacator(the dirty word) because my husband is Hispanic For the 1st two children this woman have these big parties afterwards… After the Baptism she had given her son a note for us to read it basically said that certain members, my sister, her husband and 2 baby children, my autistic son, my mother-in-law and my husband , where not invited, please do not call to the hall. (the Note was given because she was to “busy” with last minute party arrangement to attend. :ehh: We did not say or do ANYTHING to this woman ever. Except to be “poor” (my sister’s family), Handicap (my son) and Hispanic (my huband and MIL-she died 2003) Her reason in the letter was these “people” would embarrassed her in front of her friends.:rolleyes: The “others” may attend if they wish, needless to say we went home. Grandaughter’s Baptism(in 2003) was same (we saw her Baptized kiss her and my daughter and wish them well and left quickly) The strange thing this is MY Parish, I along with my daughter made the Baptism arrangments. My daughter lives 3 towns over and is techincally in another Parish but is registered under our Family. This time my daughter said she wants me to come, she feels lonely never having family there, and MIL is “allowing” my husband(her Father) to come, but not the rest. Daughter is embarrassed because not only does her husband not say anything he agrees with “mommy dearest” also her FIL family (very nice people) always asked “Where’s you family?” They have no clue whats going on because they live far away. First time she said “Not feeling to well” , 2nd time My Grandma (my MIL) just passed away and was buried on Thursday, Baptism Sunday, so she use that excuse. I recieved lots of Cards, calls and Mass for my MIL afterwards from these lovely people, saying they missed seeing us. (Daughter’s FIL family) What would you do in this situation??? :confused: I of course going to the Baptism and she can’t throw any of us out of OUR Church.
 
Okay… deep breath in … deep breath out… in… out…
Okay. What the hk does that lady think she is?! :mad: Oh man, you’re a better woman than me hon! Anybody, but anybody try to come between me and my babies (or their babies) is likely to see a sight they won’t ever forget or want to risk repeating! At the very least, this just shows how base and uneducated this other woman is - that is not how anyone with a quarter ounce of decent manners is supposed to behave. It doesn’t matter what she thinks or feels, she should be grown enough to have civil manners.**
I’d go anyhow. It’s your dd, your grandbaby too, it’s your parish, your “party” as it were, and most importantly - it sounds like your poor dd is in dire need of as much reenforcements as she can get having to deal with a dh who would allow such disrespect for his wife and a mil so abusive! I have a strong feeling that this woman just doesn’t want your dd to have any family support against her controling and tyrant mil.
I would be polite and civil as kind as possible. Your dd will have her family around her and this woman will not be able to do anything other than make herself look horrible.
 
I can’t for the life of me understand why your daughter would go to this party where the in laws are embarressed by her own mother and extended family and don’t allow them to attend. If it were me I’d say thanks but no thanks and take my baby home after the baptism or have my own gathering without them. Why does your daughter tolerate this? The first time this happened I would said to my mother in law go have your party but the guest of honor won’t be there -the baby.
 
Well, if I was your daughter, I’d refuse to have anything to do with a party that my family was excluded from, especially when it’s something like a baptism.
 
I did refuse twice, my daughter is between a rock and a hard place, if she didn’t show up or bring the baby and other children, she would have to deal with her husband. Believe me she doesn’t want to go, in our family we focus on th Sacraments, not the party, with my own it was simple “open house”, coffee, tea and cake at my home.
 
She does this with Birthday parties too. We have a cake party or take them to Mc Donalds (along with their cousins they are not allowed to see) 2 or 3 days after their birthdays. It’s really getting stupid.
 
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kaymart:
I did refuse twice, my daughter is between a rock and a hard place, if she didn’t show up or bring the baby and other children, she would have to deal with her husband. Believe me she doesn’t want to go, in our family we focus on th Sacraments, not the party, with my own it was simple “open house”, coffee, tea and cake at my home.
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If she get’s asked at the party where her family is then she should tell the truth “My mother in law told us they were not allowed to attend.”
 
I would approach the rude woman firsthttp://bestsmileys.com/angry1/4.gifTell her you and your family WILL be attending, if she insist on being this way go to your priest and have HIM come with you.That is cruel and shameful.http://bestsmileys.com/angry2/11.gif
 
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Lisa4Catholics:
I would approach the rude woman firsthttp://bestsmileys.com/angry1/4.gifTell her you and your family WILL be attending, if she insist on being this way go to your priest and have HIM come with you.That is cruel and shameful.http://bestsmileys.com/angry2/11.gif
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She forbid my daughter from inviting Our Pastor, because he was also my mother’s “employer” before she retired (worked in Parish Office) and a friend of ours. He is well aware of the situation. And totally agreed with my desicion not to attend at last two. She is very anti-Catholic (had son go through Sacraments for appease her husband)
 
Go to the Baptism, then have your own celebration later. No point is intruding upon a party where you were not invited. This really hurts, I know, I’ve been there. I suggest you be VERY nice to these people at the Baptism. Smile, give them a hug before you leave, etc. In other words, “kill them with kindness”. You might just change the whoe situation in the future. You might (just might) embarrass that women enough that she think twice before she excludes your family again.

Love and peace

Mom of 5
 
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rayne89:
If she get’s asked at the party where her family is then she should tell the truth “My mother in law told us they were not allowed to attend.”
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This what I told her to say, stop making up “stories” to protect this woman and your husband. (not feeling well—Yeah, we were “sick”-but it had nothing to do with illness—and the other yes, Her Grandma did just pass away, but if your knew my MIL, she would want us to celebrate her Great Grandaughter’s Baptism. Thank you.
 
Mom of 5:
Go to the Baptism, then have your own celebration later. No point is intruding upon a party where you were not invited. This really hurts, I know, I’ve been there. I suggest you be VERY nice to these people at the Baptism. Smile, give them a hug before you leave, etc. In other words, “kill them with kindness”. You might just change the whoe situation in the future. You might (just might) embarrass that women enough that she think twice before she excludes your family again.

Love and peace

Mom of 5
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I like this idea. You are are better than that… you don’t need to stoop to her level. Unless you’d like to make her squirm just a bit?? Maybe you could hug her on the way out and tell her, “I really wish we could spend more time together catching up… but I know you have a party to go to??”

I know you can’t do a thing about it… or your daughter for that matter… but I’m very disappointed in your son-in-law. Shame on him for letting anyone treat his wife like that! :tsktsk:
 
I think that this has been such a trial for all of you. Maybe you could have a party at your place for your side of the family and then your daughter would have two parties to attend. I think it is only fair that you get to see her and her family too. If doing it in the same day is hard, then perhaps do a differnt day. I will pray for all of you.

My MIL was a difficult woman with parties also, but I held the christenings at my own place so that this type of thing never became an issue. Your daughter is trying to keep her marriage together I am sure, and I feel bad for them. He accepts his mom’s weirdness just because it is easier to do than to confront her. Maybe he does not know how much he is hurting his wife’s family.

Another poster mentioned talking to the priest at the parish. Perhaps this might help. I will pray for you.
 
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kaymart:
My daughter just gave birth to her third child and we of course are overjoyed. Today though I cringed when my daughter said I have to talk about the Baptism. The Sacrament is not the issue here. My daughter is deep in her Faith and attends Mass regulary. My son-in-law is a text book cafetria Catholic (the type that went through the Sacrament, goes to Church sometimes on Holidays if a better offer is not there. Now here’s the problem, his mother, She is a very cruel woman who call my daughter a “Catholic Breeding Machine” also anrgy now because she refuses to tie her tubes. She has called me "A (dirty word for Hispanic) fornacator(the dirty word) because my husband is Hispanic For the 1st two children this woman have these big parties afterwards… After the Baptism she had given her son a note for us to read it basically said that certain members, my sister, her husband and 2 baby children, my autistic son, my mother-in-law and my husband , where not invited, please do not call to the hall. (the Note was given because she was to “busy” with last minute party arrangement to attend. :ehh: We did not say or do ANYTHING to this woman ever. Except to be “poor” (my sister’s family), Handicap (my son) and Hispanic (my huband and MIL-she died 2003) Her reason in the letter was these “people” would embarrassed her in front of her friends.:rolleyes: The “others” may attend if they wish, needless to say we went home. Grandaughter’s Baptism(in 2003) was same (we saw her Baptized kiss her and my daughter and wish them well and left quickly) The strange thing this is MY Parish, I along with my daughter made the Baptism arrangments. My daughter lives 3 towns over and is techincally in another Parish but is registered under our Family. This time my daughter said she wants me to come, she feels lonely never having family there, and MIL is “allowing” my husband(her Father) to come, but not the rest. Daughter is embarrassed because not only does her husband not say anything he agrees with “mommy dearest” also her FIL family (very nice people) always asked “Where’s you family?” They have no clue whats going on because they live far away. First time she said “Not feeling to well” , 2nd time My Grandma (my MIL) just passed away and was buried on Thursday, Baptism Sunday, so she use that excuse. I recieved lots of Cards, calls and Mass for my MIL afterwards from these lovely people, saying they missed seeing us. (Daughter’s FIL family) What would you do in this situation??? :confused: I of course going to the Baptism and she can’t throw any of us out of OUR Church.
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Oh dear, does this bring back memories. I am so sorry for you, but know exactly how you feel. I have the most overbearing sister-n-law. But I can tell you that you have to go no matter what. Don’t not go. You have to stand up for your grandchildren. I do believe that if you go, this woman will not come to you in front of your face. Pray for help, pray for strength and in the end, all will be ok.
 
Throw your own party at the same time. What an embarassment will it be when MIL finds out that Mom and baby have not come to her party, and have instead chosen to spend time with loving family that actually values life instead of just those people who are priveledged enough to make her list? Some people are so dense, I just want to give them a good whallop to knock some sense into them.
 
Wow. The rage inside me would be boiling over at this point. Embarassed to have you family there? WHATEVER! If you ask me, she’s already embarassed herself. Your daughter should tell the truth then everyone else can see what a kniving, manipulative person her MIL is! How dare she hold your daugher and your grandchildren hostage to her demands! THIS MAKES ME SO MAD! And I don’t even know you and your family! I guess I’m just putting myself in your shoes. You are a MUCH better woman than I am, your daughter too. I wouldn’t have put up with her hoopla for even one second! :mad:
 
Mom of 5:
Go to the Baptism, then have your own celebration later. No point is intruding upon a party where you were not invited. This really hurts, I know, I’ve been there. I suggest you be VERY nice to these people at the Baptism. Smile, give them a hug before you leave, etc. In other words, “kill them with kindness”. You might just change the whoe situation in the future. You might (just might) embarrass that women enough that she think twice before she excludes your family again.

Love and peace

Mom of 5
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I do this, as my husband. I am as sweet and polite as I can be. We both have been taught from the cradle to treat people with respect. We instilled this in our chilldren, but this time it backfired. She just dismisses us as dumbells who can’t take a hint.:ehh: We both believe if you can’t say nothing nice, keep your mouth shut and smile:) . But I like the hug idea, she is such a racist that a hug from my husband, would be wonderfully interesting to watch. 😉 Because we will, as the two times before, no matter what be at the Church. Also the Pastor said the last time, if it wasn’t for our daughter, these children would not be Baptized in his Parish. (Example meaning if my daughter started to behave like them and become a “Sometimey Catholic” like her husband, which I doubt would ever happen, I Pray)
 
This problem actually began when daughter was only 15 and started to date him. She sent her son to an expensive Catholic High School, not for its Religious value, but to keep him away from the (nasty word for hispanics) and her comment, my daughter overheard was “I send him to that “blanken” school to keep him away from these things and look, he goes to the movies one night and brings home a little chiquita” I begged her not to get serious with this boy but they married over 5 years later. They did not like the wedding reception we had either, held in the Parish Hall was “cheap and low-class but what can you expect from THOSE peple” was her loud response. :banghead: Just some backround to see what I’m dealing with, thanks for listening
 
This woman is unbelievable. She sounds like Archie Bunker’s sister. I didn’t realize there were still such racist, bigots out there. Her son really needs to speak-up about this. His children shouldn’t be allowed to hear such hateful comments about their own family, and by extension, about them.
 
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