Family Members refused at Baptism Party

[kaymart]

Thank you Maria, He (son-in-law) must stand up to his mother. and its true he must realize everytime she makes a dirty comment about “Hispanics” HE must tell his mother that Hispanic blood flows in “his children.” So in a sense she is mocking and cursing her own grandchildren. My daughter has always been proud of who she is. The problem I think, he is, at the very least, has been so verbally abused by her growing up (only child) I’ve known him since he was 16 and watch this boy get so nervous if she called looking for him. I never seen any “marks” on him that showed so I can’t not say that type of abuse. Oh and get this!, when he was a teenager she told me on the phone “It is MY responsibilty to make sure he gets home on time for dinner” :banghead: (funny I don’t recall giving birth to a son in 1977 ) But no matter what he is 28 years old and married father of 3 and needs to stand up for his wife and babies.

 

[MariaG]

If he has grown up being verbally abused, I can see where he would consider this normal behavoir. He may not realize the damage it is doing to his marriage, his wife, his children, or even himself!

While your daughter may have talked to him about it, has he heard? He may not truly realize how important it is to stand up for his wife and children even if he can’t stand up for himself.

Truly, if they could afford it, couseling would be great for your daughter and son-in-law on how to stand up to his mother.

Or write to Dr. Phil! He could help!

God Bless,
Maria

 

[La_Chiara]

kaymart:

Thank you Maria, He (son-in-law) must stand up to his mother. and its true he must realize everytime she makes a dirty comment about “Hispanics” HE must tell his mother that Hispanic blood flows in “his children.” So in a sense she is mocking and cursing her own grandchildren. My daughter has always been proud of who she is. The problem I think, he is, at the very least, has been so verbally abused by her growing up (only child) I’ve known him since he was 16 and watch this boy get so nervous if she called looking for him. I never seen any “marks” on him that showed so I can’t not say that type of abuse. Oh and get this!, when he was a teenager she told me on the phone “It is MY responsibilty to make sure he gets home on time for dinner” :banghead: (funny I don’t recall giving birth to a son in 1977 ) But no matter what he is 28 years old and married father of 3 and needs to stand up for his wife and babies.

This is such a complicated situation because kaymart is dealing with the repercussions on her immediate family of a woman who is distantly related. Kaymart’s daughter’s MIL is the problem. Kaymart’s adult SIL doesn’t stand up to his mother and protect his wife and her family–kaymart, her autistic brother, and Hispanic dad.

But kaymart sounds like she, unlike the other MIL, avoids increasing the hostility and adding to the conflict–for which she is to be commended. While she dislikes the situation, she really isn’t in a position to change the other offensive MIL or even her SIL. No matter how offensive or unacceptable their behavior, adults (like the MIL and the SIL) are responsible for their own behavior.

I wish I knew as a younger woman what I now know in my late 40s. I used to be more frustrated and angry by others’ behavior (especially family members’ and in-laws’). But now I “go with the flow” more and recognize that no one can get someone else to change. We can only change ourselves and our own behavior. I sense that kaymart has always known what I now know–that there is much to be said for being non-confrontational and non-antagonistic! Good for her!

NOTE: I am NOT saying that kaymart should not stand up to the other MIL and go to the baptism party (or whatever she chooses to do). Clearly, kaymart has good judgment and will continue to do the right thing after much deliberation.