Father Ripperger Four Stages of Courtship

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Watched a documentary titled “A Courtship” where a young woman wanted this idealized version of dating and she found a man who was not her father to be her spiritual father, moved into his family home. This man pre screens potential suitors.

Fascinating documentary.

In the end, this is a lovely young woman who is imprisoned by fairy tales.

Yes, be open to dates or introductions arranged by your family and friends, they know you well and may be able to connect dots you would not have found on your own. For some people, hiring a matchmaker is a great idea. Neither of these mean that women are property of their father.
 
I’m not sure, but you may have to go back further than your grandparents to find this “traditional” courtship.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Watched a documentary titled “A Courtship” where a young woman wanted this idealized version of dating
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I just looked this up and the lady in question was 33 (!) I was expecting her to be more like 18.
I would hope if a woman is still unmarried at 33, and there isn’t some extenuating circumstance, then she would either be able to go about the screening herself or hire a “match” service, perhaps a Catholic matchmaking service.
 
My 30 year old son said about this documentary “if I met a single woman and asked her out when she replied that her father had to grant permission, I’d run the other way”.
 
Yeah, I’d expect her more to frame it as, “My dad is old fashioned, he’s a bit of a silly old bear and likes to meet the fellows I date. We love him dearly though. Would you like to come over for Sunday dinner? My mom makes the best lasagna” etc.

And I would not expect the conversation to turn into a political quiz show. More like “So, Jennifer said you work for XYZ company, what do you do there?”

Basically, every old “meet the family” scene from a TCM movie, ever.
 
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Sure, meeting the family earlier is smarter, but not for the first date!!
 
Well, that depends. If your priority is a guy who gets along well with your family and fits in with them, then you might want to start with what’s important to you.

Also, I know everybody laughs at old 50s “educational” films, but if you can get past the old fashioned clothes etc, the dating one is not half bad. I did have dates like this - and other dates I wish in hindsight had been more like this and less like the immoral mess they turned into.


 
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PolycarpOfSmyrna said:
What is the point of asking the permission of the father to marry a 30 year old woman who is a lawyer, medical doctor, etc.? Do you see how this method is really dependant, in a way, on women not being in the working place?
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I was 31 years old when I got married and my husband was 35. I had served in the military, completed college, lived on my own and was working full-time. I sought my parents’ advice and looked for their approval in my own decision to marry, but I think it would have been bizarre for my husband to have asked for permission. Honestly, the whole idea of that seems un-Catholic.

We also weren’t “friends first”. We were two Catholics in our thirties, who we’re looking for marriage. We evaluated each other and our relationship through that lens.
 
babochka said:
We also weren’t “friends first”. We were two Catholics in our thirties, who we’re looking for marriage. We evaluated each other and our relationship through that lens.
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I think this too is subjective to the couple.
I was most defiinitely “friends first” with my husband. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to get married att all when we met - much less get married to him!
I found the emphasis many people put on marriage and commitment to be creepy, to be honest.
 
Well, yeah, if it’s just talking politics for fun, that’s one thing. And I think there are some US folks, especially those in government, who can do this, although I think Europeans may be better at not making it a life or death argument. Since the Obama administration it’s been increasingly difficult in USA to have any sort of a political discussion that doesn’t end in tears or a blowup, unless you go to a political event where the main point is everybody drinks and talks politics without anybody getting angry. I have to seek those events out. I certainly cannot have such talks with any of my ordinary non-lawyer outside-the-Beltway friends. They all get too upset.

The film Little Lady mentioned called “A Courtship” actually had a man acting as a surrogate “father” to a 33-year-old and screening her potential dates by putting them on the spot, “what do you think about Obama’s policy on blablabla” etc. A “wrong” answer would get the guy tossed in the reject bin. Which is just stupid.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
I think this too is subjective to the couple.
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Exactly! There isn’t an approved “Catholic” way of finding a spouse. The right path will be different for each couple.

And obviously, friendship was important. In fact, one of the things that I liked about him was the fact that he was friends with his ex-girlfriend. In fact, she’s the one who set us up. Except she wasn’t “ex” quite yet. 🤣 And if things had not worked out for us romantically, I would have been pleased to have him as a friend.
 
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I think I’ve pointed out before on this forum too, these sorts of standards effectively eliminate any young woman who doesn’t have the right sort of family. There are plenty of practicing Catholic women (myself included) out there who come from abusive families. Or simply non-Catholic families who don’t approve of Catholic values. Or single parent families, or families in which the father is not practicing and also may not support Catholic values.

Focusing on the approval of the father assumes that every eligible woman has a suitable father figure in her life. And I have unfortunately dealt with people in real life who take that sort of attitude that any woman who isn’t willing and able to get her father’s approval - even people like me who aren’t in contact with our parents for good reason - is automatically not someone you want to marry. (Not just saying it’s something you personally can’t handle, mind, but that a woman who doesn’t seek her father’s permission can’t be a good wife or mother or doesn’t really like you or something…)
 
DarkLight said:
Focusing on the approval of the father assumes that every eligible woman has a suitable father figure in her life. And I have unfortunately dealt with people in real life who take that sort of attitude that any woman who isn’t willing and able to get her father’s approval - even people like me who aren’t in contact with our parents for good reason - is automatically not someone you want to marry. (Not just saying it’s something you personally can’t handle, mind, but that a woman who doesn’t seek her father’s permission can’t be a good wife or mother or doesn’t really like you or something…)
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I’m kind of surprised that this whole wackadoodle idea of “courtship” has found traction among Catholics.

I’ve seen it among the purity movement of Christian Reconstructionists but never expected it to be adopted by Catholics.
 
I will watch this video. I am curious whether I am following sny of these four stages.

I am dating the Traditional way, based on books from before VC II.

First, I asked for the priest’s permission, then her father’s. After a few months just being friends, we finally started dating.

Regarding, behavior, there is always someone near us. Physical contact is limited to hand in hand. And we mostly talk about religion, life of saints and practical things about our most probable future marriage (house, kids, etc.).

Next steps are already decided: engagement very soon and then Matrimony.

Edit - Fr. Ripperger is always a win.
 
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I’ve seen the second video before. That was funny and cute at the same time. I like the scene on the porch at the end and he fumbles saying goodnight and the voice over, “Maybe you’d like to try that again?”
 
Aulef said:
I am dating the Traditional way, based on books from before VC II.
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Can you share what some of those books are?

While I don’t doubt that your method is a traditional way, practiced in some place and in some time, I have difficulty calling it THE Traditional way, as if it was some sort of “Church approved” method of finding a spouse. My parents and grandparents definitely didn’t follow this practice; nor did my husband’s parents and grandparents.
Aulef said:
First, I asked for the priest’s permission
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Why would this be necessary or desirable? What if your priest doesn’t know the young (or not young) woman in question? Do you mean for yourself? Such as discerning with your spiritual director if you’re ready for dating/marriage?
 
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Sarcelle said:
I’m kind of surprised that this whole wackadoodle idea of “courtship” has found traction among Catholics.
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Yep. Whackadoodle for sure. I’ve had to use that word more often recently.

What is up with Catholics and these bizarro ideas??!
 
Have you noticed that it is almost always American Catholics that have these wackadoodle ideas?

It’s the Fundamentalist influence.
 
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