From your experence why does NFP feel better than contraception?

[Debora123]

Scandal—Scandal is an attitude or behavior that leads another to do evil. If someone is deliberately lead into a grave offense, that person’s tempter commits a grave sin (CCC 2284 and 2285). Jesus said, “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believes in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matthew 18:6).

General question: Are some of the posts in this thread scandalous? No reply to me, please. Simply ask yourself this question, examine your conscience and talk with your confessor.

I will reply to you.

I am here talking about MY experiences and expressing MY views - just like everyone else.

I’m not trying to get anyone here to drop NFP and use condoms. Much the contrary, I have said things like “I’m glad it works for you” to everyone who has said they personally use NFP. I’m not here to convince anyone… just to tell my story.

If you look, a lot of my posts here have been replies to questions people have asked me specifically. An even bigger number have been replies to people who have addressed something to me personally. A lot of them have been defensive statements I’ve made to people who have made wrong assumptions about me.

I have not said much unprovoked. No scandal from my part.

 

[LaSainte]

Oh my gosh!!! Thank you SO much for saying this!!! This is EXACTLY the problem we had and it feels so good to be understood or to know that we’re not the only ones who have struggled with this. Thank you!!

No problem! I get the impression that most people see those who have negative experiences with NFP do so because they just want sex whenever, wherever, all the time. In reality, there is much more to it than that. It’s not about being a nymphomaniac, far from it!

Also, I would like to reiterate along with Debora that I am not suggesting that anyone ignore Church teaching in any way. In fact, although I disagree with this teaching, I do comply with it for the sake of obedience. I just think the Church is too strict about this and I really hope they change the rules someday because it is quite a burden to carry, especially when you are really not in any position to have another child.

 

[SwizzleStick]

I posted the subject of scandal out of charity. If one is publicly and repeatedly disagreeing with the teachings of the Church, it seems prudent to me to examine one’s own conscience and talk (note I said talk, not confess) with one’s own confessor to seek guidance and counsel, especially concerning grave matter.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

It’s not a performance pressure. It’s an emotional thing much more than a physical thing.

If I thought it was a sin, I wouldn’t do it and wouldn’t have my husband do it.

No worries, I don’t feel picked on. I understand you’re doing what you think is best for me and I appreciate it.

Did you read the lInk re SPICE?

I thought the Church was wrong too.

The Church is not wrong.

ewtn.com/library/marriage/sipmarrg.htm

Procreation and the communion of love must never deliberately be separated

That a new human being should issue from it is certainly part of the solemn grandeur of this supremely intimate union. The wonderful, divinely-appointed relationship between the mysterious procreation of a new human being and this most intimate communion of love (which by itself alone already has its full importance), illuminates the grandeur and solemnity of this union.

Thus it is that in order to preserve the reverent attitude of the spouses toward the mystery in this union, this general connection between procreation and the communion of love must always be maintained even subjectively, at least as a general possibility of this act.

It is difficult to imagine a greater lack of reverence toward God than interfering with this mystery with desecrating hands in order to frustrate this mystery. How terrible to think of man wanting to destroy this unity which God has established so mysteriously, deeming those united in the highest earthly union of love worthy to take part in His creative power. To go against God’s purposes through a desecrating interference, perhaps even thus to throw back into the void a being that God had intended to exist - what sacrilegious presumption!

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I will reply to you.

I am here talking about MY experiences and expressing MY views - just like everyone else.

I’m not trying to get anyone here to drop NFP and use condoms. Much the contrary, I have said things like “I’m glad it works for you” to everyone who has said they personally use NFP. I’m not here to convince anyone… just to tell my story.
If you look, a lot of my posts here have been replies to questions people have asked me specifically. An even bigger number have been replies to people who have addressed something to me personally. A lot of them have been defensive statements I’ve made to people who have made wrong assumptions about me.

I have not said much unprovoked. No scandal from my part.

Again not picking on you at all…part of your story includes disagreement with the Church, reached through prayer.

Not to say at all that the following is the same thing…I saw a documentary regarding abortion on Front line on PBS. A woman was at the abortion clinic, telling her reason for wanting an abortion. She said she prayed to God and was peaceful with her choice.

Again, I don’t want to say it’s the same thing at all----but you could be giving credence that dissent is allowed.

Maybe you arrived at your decision subjectively instead of objectively? Of course we want our marriages to work and be happy. Subjectively, spontaneous intimacy might feel so right.
But feelings are not logical at times.

You know what happened with me? I resented having to be available spontaneously, yet not be accepting of a child. DH felt rejected if I wasn’t always available.

My OB at the time had me “upgrade” to the pill, she told me it was not abortifacient, and condoms lose their reliability on a long term relationship.

Liberated me always felt odd and strangely ashamed to pick up the prescription.

Finally, if the condoms end up not working, do you want for even a minute think of your little baby as a mistake or for even a second unwanted? From your avatar pic, they’ll probably be beautiful.

 

[Debora123]

You seem to imply you have advance knowledge of Deborah’s, and, presumably, every other contracepting couple’s, eternal fate, a decidedly unpleasant fate at that. Please refrain from such judgment, I know that verse well, I’m sure she does too.

Yes I do. People say that to me a lot around here and then claim they were not making any sort of implication.

Thanks Blacksword. I usually try to ignore those to a certain degree.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Yes I do. People say that to me a lot around here and then claim they were not making any sort of implication. …

It was an implication, just not the sort you and Blacksword thought. My implication was this:

The implication was not that at all. The implication is that you and 90% of the Catholics and folks in every other religion in the world might be in error with your views. Christ Himself said the gate was narrow. He who knows all said that. Why take the chance of choosing the road to destruction by ignoring the teachings of the Church because you and many others think you know better than the Church?

You seem to think that there is strength in numbers in choosing to ignore the teachings of the Church. You are entitled to that opinion, but what if you and all those others are wrong?

 

[lovemysix]

I differ from Debora 123 in that I am not prepared to say the Church is wrong about contraception.

But I am very similar to her in that NFP was a huge stressor in our marriage. Like Deborah, my husband and I did not have sexual intercourse (or even push the envelope in any way, shape, or form) before marriage. We were both virgins and happily so.

We entered our marriage very enthusiastic about NFP and truly believed in it. But after 10 pregnancies in 10 years after using CCL, Marquette, and Creighton and after working very diligently with several different practitioners, we threw in the towel on it. My health had deteriorated to the point where I had been diagnosed with a very serious chronic disease (which will likely shorten my lifespan and which was greatly exacerbated during both of my last two pregnancies—I have to believe my 4 miscarriages were probably related to that as well). The constant cycle of a long period of abstinence followed by what we though was finally a safe period which instantly resulted in pregnancy, followed by either the stress of pregnancy, the stress and loss of miscarriage, the stress of breastfeeding and postpartum depression, was wreaking havoc upon the entire family.

We also were undergoing extreme financial stress during some of this and ended up homeless for a short period of time.

After my 10th pregnancy (my 6th live birth), my husband decided to have a vasectomy. I never would have asked this of him. He always wanted a very large family, and I know what a massive sacrifice this was for him, but he had seen me in many nights of sheer physical agony and did not want me to continue in my physical downhill spiral due to repeated pregnancies. I am so grateful to him for putting my wellbeing and the wellbeing of our entire family above his own desires in this department.

We always had a really close relationship (he is my best friend), but our closeness has only increased since his vasectomy a number of years ago.

I personally felt much more used and much more objectified (not by my husband but by the method) when using NFP. I could never make love to my husband when it felt really wonderful for me but felt pressured to be available during the few times when we felt I wasn’t fertile (my fertility signs were such a mess, constant mucus and temps all over the place, yellow stamps didn’t do a bit of good for us). Although I would always rally and make myself available for my husband, he knew it wasn’t nearly as good for me. I can’t and won’t lie during lovemaking—he knows me too well, anyway!

Sometimes I think much of the Church teaching about selfishness in the sexual act has to do with the orgasm and therefore it doesn’t really resonate with me. I could rather easily give up having orgasms for the rest of my life, but I could not give up the kind of soul-melting physical, spiritual, and emotional kind of connection I feel when making love to my husband during my fertile times. I simply don’t feel the same way when not fertile, and although I don’t dislike making love when not fertile, the connection I feel when making love to him during my fertile times is basically indescribable. My very favorite part of lovemaking is the pleasure I give my husband, and when he knows I am experiencing the incredible soul-melding kind of union with him, it really melts his heart.

We both grew up in very conservative Catholic circles. We went to a very conservative small Catholic college. Therefore most of our family and friends use NFP. And 20 years into marriage, many of the are very, very unhappy. I am not naive enough to attribute all of their problems to NFP, but most of them have intimated to me or my husband that NFP has added a lot of stress to their marriages. Most of them have families larger than ours (8, 10, 12, one even has 14 kids) and over the course of the decades, NFP has not served the well to build their closeness.

 

[lovemysix]

(cont)

Now to the part where I agree with the Church: I do think there is a pandora’s box that gets opened when contraception is “legalized”. And for this reason I think the Church is on to something. However, I also believe that she was on to something all those centuries when what was then known as the rhythm method was highly frowned upon (some of the early fathers condemned it) and that she is on to something when she says it should only be used for serious reasons. One of the things I have always loved about the Church is her recognition of the human condition, and I honestly believe the Church has not been in favor of NFP use for anything other than serious reasons because she recognizes how damaging it can be on relationships and in particular to a woman’s sexual needs.

Now I know that some women find it wonderful. And that makes me happy, because I am hippy enough to love the idea of the crunchiness of NFP. It is certainly a whole lot more “natural” and healthy than the Pill or any other hormonal method. We never used any form of ABC prior to my husband’s vasectomy, and quite honestly I can’t imagine that we ever would have. The condom would make me laugh, plus I don’ t think I could trust it, hormones are dangerous, and the diaphragm seems like a real hassle.

I know what we did was wrong in the eyes of the Church, and we confessed it with a very imperfect contrition: we don’t want to burn in hell. The priest absolved us, and we were TOTALLY honest with him about our very imperfect contrition. I hope Jesus will be more understanding about our inability to live the Church’s teaching on this than most of the “conservative” Catholics we know. We haven’t told any of our Catholic friends or family about what we have done, and we plan to keep it that way. To be honest, many of them would be infuriated because we are happier than just about any other couple we know (I don’t say this to be arrogant—I know how blessed we are and that what we have is very unusual. Not many get to live with their soulmate their entire lives and live in peace and harmony nearly all the time).

Now there are plenty who will say we really have a bad marriage and just don’t realize it. I don’t know what to say to that, honestly. All I know is what I know: my husband is the most generous and loving man I have ever met, and I am blessed to have him in my life. He is a fantastic father and a great friend, and there is nobody I would rather spend my life with. My children (unlike myself, who grew up in a divorced and very dysfunctional authoritarian Catholic family) are growing up with stability and peace in their home.

One of my NFP practicing friends recently told me one of her teenage children told her he never wants to get married becuase he sees how unhappy his parents are and doesn’t want that for himself. It would personally break my heart if any of my kids told me that.

The bottom line is that I believe NFP is not resonating with the masses because what the Church tells us we will experience when using either contraceptives or NFP is not what most couples are actually finding in their marriages, especially 20 and 30 years down the line. We were all fresh-faced NFP lovers in our early marriages, giving great hope to the Church and our NFP teachers, but now most of the couples I know only practice NFP because they don’t want to burn in hell.

And as long as people are afraid to say what is really going on for fear of committing the sin of “scandal”, the dishonesty about the effects of NFP will continue, and the masses will continue to use contraceptives because most can recognize the deception, even though it is being carried out with the best of intentions. The vast majority of couples I am speaking of would hail NFP as wonderful if asked about it by anybody outside our circle. I only know the ugly truth because I have lived behind the scenes of conservative Catholicism for so long.

So while NFP promoters lament that they need new marketing because they aren’t reaching the masses, I think that what really should be investigated is if there isn’t a bigger reason the NFP campaign hasn’t worked. Perhaps it is because the Church is on to something when she says it should only be used for grave reasons. Because it can really wreak havoc on marriages. I freely admit we get a big fat fail on this aspect of our lives and hope and pray for God’s mercy on us for not being able to either live the celibate life or continue getting pregnant once a year.

Sex is the “problem”, really. Everybody wants to have an intimate relationship with their spouse but few are able to handle the consequences of a pregnancy every year or two over the course of their childbearing years—or at least to handle it well. NFP is the Catholic answer to that dilemma, but it, too, has some serious negative effects. Basically any time you try to cheat Mother Nature, there is going to be a problem. We thought long and hard about this before my husband’s vasectomy—we are fully aware of the increased risks of prostate cancer, etc. However, in a risk vs. benefit analysis, the risk of me continuing to get pregnant yearly was greater than the risk of prostate cancer.

This is my story. Nobody really wants to hear it because it flies in the face of everything the NFP-promoting Church wants Catholic couples to believe, but it is my reality. And I refuse to believe I am causing scandal by sharing the truth. Continuing to carry on a charade for fear of creating scandal really infantilizes fellow Catholics.

If the Church ever really hopes to address the issue of contraceptive use by over 90% of its members, I believe she is going to need to listen to the stories of real people sharing their real hardships. Pretending all is well in the world of NFP’ers hasn’t gotten anybody anywhere.

 

[Blacksword]

(cont)

Now I know that some women find it wonderful. And that makes me happy, because I am hippy enough to love the idea of the crunchiness of NFP. It is certainly a whole lot more “natural” and healthy than the Pill or any other hormonal method. We never used any form of ABC prior to my husband’s vasectomy, and quite honestly I can’t imagine that we ever would have. The condom would make me laugh, plus I don’ t think I could trust it, hormones are dangerous, and the diaphragm seems like a real hassle.

I know what we did was wrong in the eyes of the Church, and we confessed it with a very imperfect contrition: we don’t want to burn in hell. The priest absolved us, and we were TOTALLY honest with him about our very imperfect contrition. I hope Jesus will be more understanding about our inability to live the Church’s teaching on this than most of the “conservative” Catholics we know. We haven’t told any of our Catholic friends or family about what we have done, and we plan to keep it that way. To be honest, many of them would be infuriated because we are happier than just about any other couple we know (I don’t say this to be arrogant—I know how blessed we are and that what we have is very unusual. Not many get to live with their soulmate their entire lives and live in peace and harmony nearly all the time).

Now there are plenty who will say we really have a bad marriage and just don’t realize it. I don’t know what to say to that, honestly. All I know is what I know: my husband is the most generous and loving man I have ever met, and I am blessed to have him in my life. He is a fantastic father and a great friend, and there is nobody I would rather spend my life with. My children (unlike myself, who grew up in a divorced and very dysfunctional authoritarian Catholic family) are growing up with stability and peace in their home.

One of my NFP practicing friends recently told me one of her teenage children told her he never wants to get married becuase he sees how unhappy his parents are and doesn’t want that for himself. It would personally break my heart if any of my kids told me that.

The bottom line is that I believe NFP is not resonating with the masses because what the Church tells us we will experience when using either contraceptives or NFP is not what most couples are actually finding in their marriages, especially 20 and 30 years down the line. We were all fresh-faced NFP lovers in our early marriages, giving great hope to the Church and our NFP teachers, but now most of the couples I know only practice NFP because they don’t want to burn in hell.

And as long as people are afraid to say what is really going on for fear of committing the sin of “scandal”, the dishonesty about the effects of NFP will continue, and the masses will continue to use contraceptives because most can recognize the deception, even though it is being carried out with the best of intentions. The vast majority of couples I am speaking of would hail NFP as wonderful if asked about it by anybody outside our circle. I only know the ugly truth because I have lived behind the scenes of conservative Catholicism for so long.

So while NFP promoters lament that they need new marketing because they aren’t reaching the masses, I think that what really should be investigated is if there isn’t a bigger reason the NFP campaign hasn’t worked. Perhaps it is because the Church is on to something when she says it should only be used for grave reasons. Because it can really wreak havoc on marriages. I freely admit we get a big fat fail on this aspect of our lives and hope and pray for God’s mercy on us for not being able to either live the celibate life or continue getting pregnant once a year.

Sex is the “problem”, really. Everybody wants to have an intimate relationship with their spouse but few are able to handle the consequences of a pregnancy every year or two over the course of their childbearing years—or at least to handle it well. NFP is the Catholic answer to that dilemma, but it, too, has some serious negative effects. Basically any time you try to cheat Mother Nature, there is going to be a problem. We thought long and hard about this before my husband’s vasectomy—we are fully aware of the increased risks of prostate cancer, etc. However, in a risk vs. benefit analysis, the risk of me continuing to get pregnant yearly was greater than the risk of prostate cancer.

This is my story. Nobody really wants to hear it because it flies in the face of everything the NFP-promoting Church wants Catholic couples to believe, but it is my reality. And I refuse to believe I am causing scandal by sharing the truth. Continuing to carry on a charade for fear of creating scandal really infantilizes fellow Catholics.

If the Church ever really hopes to address the issue of contraceptive use by over 90% of its members, I believe she is going to need to listen to the stories of real people sharing their real hardships. Pretending all is well in the world of NFP’ers hasn’t gotten anybody anywhere.

Wow, all I can say is wow. Thank you for your heartbreaking and insightful post. I will pray for your family, and am glad you have now found some measure of peace and happiness. Your post should give all serious food for thought and prayer.

 

[LaSainte]

WOW. Thank you SO much for your honesty regarding this issue and may God bless you and your marriage. Amazing post.

 

[Bookcat]

As Paul tells us in Romans 12…we need to weep with those who weep …so we need to be very loving and understanding of various sufferings and difficulties of others…with great love.

But we also must always remember that if it is not according to the truth it is not charity.

And as Paul also notes in Romans 12 we while we are to let love be genuine we are to hate what is evil and hold fast to what is good…indeed to overcome evil with good.

(overcoming even the difficulties and struggles (a kind of evil)…with good)

This means too that we are to therefore love persons…in all sorts of situations…even those where they have made objectively gravely evil choices or embrace various ways of acting that are not according to the truth…(such as when they appear to be some solution …though they are not…). Calling them in love to the loving heart of Christ who forgives when we repent etc…turning our wills etc away from sin. Or even if they do not repent…still loving them and praying for them…doing what we can for them as fellow human beings.

But the choices they have made remain disordered. No intention can make them good.

The choice of contraception etc is not any solution in the eyes of God. And the reality of contraception and sterilization as a grave sin etc is a difficult for some reality…but a reality none the less. Despite what a particular persons opinion or desire or feelings may be.

Let us love one another and overcome evil with good.

 

[Good_Daughter]

This thread was started by an OP looking for positive experiences with NFP. By the third post we were already getting the negative side of NFP, which is the exact opposite of what the OP asked for!

I tried to get back on topic as the OP indicated a preference for on-topic posts, but those who most strongly disagree with Catholic teaching and/or feel most negatively about NFP seem to need alot of press, even in ‘pro-NFP’ threads.

NFP is neither promoted nor taught where I live. As an NFP user, I look for encouragement on forums like this. I was hopeful when I read the* title *of this thread, but the idea of a positive NFP thread seems repulsive to some posters and they’ve been quick to let us know it.

I’m all for people debating Catholic teaching on marital sexuality and expressing their feelings honestly on such matters. There’s already a ton of places to do that on these forums, so please, let this thread be about positive NFP experiences like it was meant to be. Some of us sacrifice so much to make NFP work and we would appreciate others saving their negativity for a more appropriate time and place.

 

[Debora123]

This is my story. Nobody really wants to hear it because it flies in the face of everything the NFP-promoting Church wants Catholic couples to believe, but it is my reality. And I refuse to believe I am causing scandal by sharing the truth. Continuing to carry on a charade for fear of creating scandal really infantilizes fellow Catholics.

If the Church ever really hopes to address the issue of contraceptive use by over 90% of its members, I believe she is going to need to listen to the stories of real people sharing their real hardships. Pretending all is well in the world of NFP’ers hasn’t gotten anybody anywhere.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, lovemysix. Yours is one of many similar stories I have heard once I’ve opened up to others about my hardships with the method.

I too have felt lied to by the Church.

I was told NFP would be good for my marriage. I was told NFP would bring my husband and I closer as a couple. I was told NFP would give me the best and most satisfying sex life.

My husband and I did everything right in our lives. We followed all the rules, we went to Church and confession regularly, we prayed the rosary together every week, we didn’t have premarital sex, and we spent $500 on an NFP machine and took NFP classes against our better judgement. We trusted the Church.

It was an extreme disappointment when something that was supposed to be good and wonderful turned out being a major stressor that would leave us both in tears for nights in a row. Sex became something we dreaded, even though we had followed all the rules and done everything right.

We both went through a phase where we were angry and hurt at the faith that we felt had failed us. We sought spiritual counseling with our parish priest and thankfully we are able to see it a different way now.

As you said, we shouldn’t blame the Church for any of this and we should recognize that the intentions were only in our best interest. I believe that NFP can and does work great for a lot of people. But for others, not so much.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Hi Good Daughter…

I just wanted to share with you that when we were first married we used contraception:

We also, missed mass for years at a time, fought about frequency of sex, committed other lustful acts. Were basically not good Catholics…but we were nice people, we didn’t cheat on taxes, steal candy from stores, jay walk etc.

We were slightly ignorant re the teachings of the Church…we convinced ourselves they were optional. But I learned the truth in school.

At some point we reconverted, my DH before me…but we still contracepted because, “My cycles are so irregular…”

Finally DH’s spiritual advisor told him…“when are you going to stop using what you are using.” I stopped the pill (at this point I was taking it for ovarian cysts…but the contraceptive aspect was welcomed by us). DD came along shortly after.

I learned Billings on my own after DD was born. I never found it hard or cumbersome or mechanical. I finally figured out how my body worked…I wish I knew earlier…

We now do Creighton, I upgraded really because of health issues, I had 2 miscarriages and a preemie all in one year. The miscarriages were very heartbreaking, the preemie was very stressful. But he is such a joy, and doing really well.

Really, these past 3 years have been difficult with NFP…not because of the sex, but my health issues. I tend to have shorter luteal phases and longer mucus phases. We’ve monitored my cycles with my NFP only doctor, and my creighton instructor.

Lately I’ve been having symptoms of a cyst, and lo and behold, I do have one. I also have symptoms of other problems I needed a biopsy yesterday. I’m a bit worried of the results…I hope I do not need a hysterectomy.

Honestly, I get frustrated at the NFP arguments. I get frustrated at myself for my inability to present Church teaching well…I try, but I guess I’m no good at it.

Sigh…

Funny thing is no one around us even knows what NFP is, when we had our third, we were criticized for being to irresponsible. My FIL told my DH, “Why do you want 3 kids?” almost 3 years later FIL is crazy about DS. Makes me chuckle inside.

There’s my ramble and NFP story. Take care.

 

[Debora123]

Again not picking on you at all…part of your story includes disagreement with the Church, reached through prayer.

Not to say at all that the following is the same thing…I saw a documentary regarding abortion on Front line on PBS. A woman was at the abortion clinic, telling her reason for wanting an abortion. She said she prayed to God and was peaceful with her choice.

Again, I don’t want to say it’s the same thing at all----but you could be giving credence that dissent is allowed.

Maybe you arrived at your decision subjectively instead of objectively? Of course we want our marriages to work and be happy. Subjectively, spontaneous intimacy might feel so right.
But feelings are not logical at times.

I pray for guidance and I believe that I am doing the right thing for my marriage.
I am sure God will judge me fairly when the time comes.

You know what happened with me? I resented having to be available spontaneously, yet not be accepting of a child. DH felt rejected if I wasn’t always available.

My OB at the time had me “upgrade” to the pill, she told me it was not abortifacient, and condoms lose their reliability on a long term relationship.

Liberated me always felt odd and strangely ashamed to pick up the prescription.

That must have been a difficult cross to carry but seems like you came out of it ok and are now enjoying a great method that works for you. Good for you!

I don’t blame you for feeling “strangely ashamed” of the prescription for hormonal BC. I’m definitely not a fan and would discourage any woman from using it.

Finally, if the condoms end up not working, do you want for even a minute think of your little baby as a mistake or for even a second unwanted? From your avatar pic, they’ll probably be beautiful.

If an accidental pregnancy comes along, I will love and accept my child just as much as any NFPer would if their method ends up not working.

Thank you very much for the compliment, that was very sweet of you.

 

[Debora123]

Honestly, I get frustrated at the NFP arguments. I get frustrated at myself for my inability to present Church teaching well…I try, but I guess I’m no good at it.

Not to fret. You do a better job at reaching people than many around here because you have a very kind, humble heart and others can sense that.

 

[ahs]

Guilty! (…for getting off topic a few times…)

Okay, so if the OP is still reading, here is my NFP story:

My wife and I abstained before marriage, and a few months before the wedding she began studying NFP (Couple to Couple League). Our initial intention was to use it to conceive right away. Which we did…and we were blessed with a beautiful baby just a few days before out 1st Anniversary.

Our financial situation was bleak, but we survived. She and I both worked full time and made the bills on time. We avoided pregnancy for several months until I got a better job and we felt we could be ready for another baby. Her fertility didn’t come back for many months after baby #1, so we really didn’t do alot of NFP before baby #2 was conceived. We were “planning” on waiting a couple more months than we did. But, like I have mentioned in other posts, when your ‘just reason’ becomes less just…your ability to abstain disappears (at least that is the case for us).

Well, more time passed, I got an even better job and my wife was able to stop working, and I get plenty time off. We had baby #3 just over a couple years ago (the 3 we currently have on the ground are almost exactly 2 yrs apart).

But, with 3 children, my wife and I both started to feel the pressures of parenthood. Until our oldest recently started to be able to help out, my wife was REALLY stressed out and another pregnancy would have taken her over a cliff. So, we practiced periodic continence with CCL method again for quite awhile this time. And this seemed to be our major, huge, enlightening, grow-together period.

The abstinence this last time was tough on both of us at first, but we really learned alot about each other that we didn’t know…even after 5 and 6 years of marriage (now 7). For awhile, our marital acts were very calculated and it almost felt like we were on someone’s schedule. But, as we talked it out, we were able to find where it was actually our lack of communication skills and our desires for “self” rather than “spouse” that was leading to that feeling. Our communication improved dramatically and our intimacy started growing and getting better and better. Our marriage bond was also strengthened more than I realized it could be. Even before we were married I would have told anyone that I’d die for her…but now I KNOW I would. When we took our vows, we knew we were becoming one flesh, but now I actually feel it! We learned to love each other deeply in so many ways…ways that never dawned on us before…even after having been married several years. It makes me excited and eager to learn what else we have in store throughout the rest of out lives together.

Anyway, I’m happy to say that we are now expecting #4. Our youngest will be 3 when the baby is born. And our oldest will be 7…which means she can change diapers!!!

 

[Odell]

LOL, well there’s a pretty central point to this discussion: who are you, after all, to judge how healthy your sex life is? You’re just the actual, and only, two people experiencing this sex life after all. Doesn’t it make sense that other, uninvolved people who don’t even know you have a much better knowledge of how your life is going in this department than you do?!

The central point to this thred was hijacked. I’m really tired of the posters venting on why nfp don’t work start your own thred That being said I have a homesexual friend who claims to have a healty lovemaking sex life. Who am I to say otherwise?

Guilty! (…for getting off topic a few times…)

Okay, so if the OP is still reading, here is my NFP story:

My wife and I abstained before marriage, and a few months before the wedding she began studying NFP (Couple to Couple League). Our initial intention was to use it to conceive right away. Which we did…and we were blessed with a beautiful baby just a few days before out 1st Anniversary.

Our financial situation was bleak, but we survived. She and I both worked full time and made the bills on time. We avoided pregnancy for several months until I got a better job and we felt we could be ready for another baby. Her fertility didn’t come back for many months after baby #1, so we really didn’t do alot of NFP before baby #2 was conceived. We were “planning” on waiting a couple more months than we did. But, like I have mentioned in other posts, when your ‘just reason’ becomes less just…your ability to abstain disappears (at least that is the case for us).

Well, more time passed, I got an even better job and my wife was able to stop working, and I get plenty time off. We had baby #3 just over a couple years ago (the 3 we currently have on the ground are almost exactly 2 yrs apart).

But, with 3 children, my wife and I both started to feel the pressures of parenthood. Until our oldest recently started to be able to help out, my wife was REALLY stressed out and another pregnancy would have taken her over a cliff. So, we practiced periodic continence with CCL method again for quite awhile this time. And this seemed to be our major, huge, enlightening, grow-together period.

The abstinence this last time was tough on both of us at first, but we really learned alot about each other that we didn’t know…even after 5 and 6 years of marriage (now 7). For awhile, our marital acts were very calculated and it almost felt like we were on someone’s schedule. But, as we talked it out, we were able to find where it was actually our lack of communication skills and our desires for “self” rather than “spouse” that was leading to that feeling. Our communication improved dramatically and our intimacy started growing and getting better and better. Our marriage bond was also strengthened more than I realized it could be. Even before we were married I would have told anyone that I’d die for her…but now I KNOW I would. When we took our vows, we knew we were becoming one flesh, but now I actually feel it! We learned to love each other deeply in so many ways…ways that never dawned on us before…even after having been married several years. It makes me excited and eager to learn what else we have in store throughout the rest of out lives together.

Anyway, I’m happy to say that we are now expecting #4. Our youngest will be 3 when the baby is born. And our oldest will be 7…which means she can change diapers!!!

Wow who knew periodic continence could bring you closer to your spouse what did you ever do when your wife was ovulating and the lovemaking was not there:shrug:

 

[Corki]

The central point to this thred was hijacked. I’m really tired of the posters venting on why nfp don’t work start your own thred That being said I have a homesexual friend who claims to have a healty lovemaking sex life. Who am I to say otherwise?

There’s a few people that just can’t resist an NFP thread as an opportunity to challenge Church teaching. Patience, brother.