Given up on happiness

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O God, I humbly implore…
In my lack of trust, let me live faith.
In my disappointment, let me live hope.
In my bleakness, let me live joy.
In the emptiness of my heart, let me live love.
In my deprivations, let me value what is precious before You.
In my weakness and illness, grant me spiritual health.
In my anger and resentment, let me live generosity and forgiveness.
In my detachment, let me live community.
In the difficulties of commitment, let me be dedicated.
In my failures, let Your Spirit bless and heal.
In my successes, let Your will be served.
In human reality, let me live spiritual wisdom.
In maturity, let me become true child of the Father.
In my individuality, let me live in Eucharistic communion.
In the kind and warm things that I try to do, let Your grace flow.
In the confusion of my life, in my striving and good intentions
—regardless of my doubts, mistakes and infirmities, let me fully live Your will in vibrant, humble trust.
 
renatas said:
whats the sense anymore. I cant seem to have a happy life, no matter how much i pray. My marriage is ****, full of mistrust and i cant seem to get over my mothers death. She only died in July and i know it takes time.

i am angry with my older sister for being so selfish during my mom’s short illness, i am jealous over my stepson’s girlfriend. they just had a baby, shes only 19 and everyone is in such awe over her. i dont recall ever getting such a warm welcome from my husbands family and his mother still slips out his ex-wifes first name…whats the use anymore
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Praying for you Renatas…

O Lord, Holy Father, omnipotent and eternal God, I give You thanks and I bless Your holy name. I know I’m a poor miserable sinner but hear a cause that is just, pay heed to my cry, turn your ear to my prayer, no deceit is on my lips. Amen

Continued prayers for your intentions….

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come; Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death. Amen.

O my Jesus, forgive us our sins. Save us from the fires of Hell; lead all souls into Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy. Amen.

Lord Jesus, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for help. Amen

“If God brings it to you- God will bring you through it.”
 
Trishie said:
Coming to your thread this morning made me think, and I was wondering, how many people are actually happy, or for any length of time. My dear youngest son’s email last evening, having lost the love of his life, “Today was a bad day.” He’s keeping busy working, doing a course, socializing when he can, but his grief continues to be raw, and sometimes he cries at work, but gets on with it anyway. My other sons have their problems, the eldest serious ones, due to others’ actions, my husband always in pain, having arthritis, chronic fatigue and other problems also. I have a couple of illnesses myself, but I keep them to myself at home because my husband is so obviously sicker! We have no home and I miss having a garden, or having any finances to help my kids. And it’s true that my sons choices are their choices, but they’ve all left the Faith, raising their children without, although I’ve managed to get some in there generally to two who live near; and I find it difficult not to call myself a failure, as it’s what I really do feel. I know the theology about all that of course, but it doesn’t stop one from feeling like that. What I have, is ‘trying’. I always try. Sometimes I fall apart briefly, but always get back to trying. And I get on with helping people where I can. I go to daily Mass as much as I can, I pray, mostly for others. I don’t usually think about whether I’m happy, because it doesn’t do to. I empathise too much which makes life hard for me but means I’m concerned for others. Am I happy? Not as the world would say. Spiritually, I guess I’ve mostly felt battered…but I try, and I trust as much as I can, and pray for others, and try to help in the little ways available.

Renata, I wonder how happy we can expect to be in this life, or does God desire of us that we be generous, and warm, and cheerful, even at times heroicly generous? If it is so, may God help you with that. May God help you anyway. And I do understand. I don’t cry so much these days, but from many of the earlier years have a lake of tears out there somewhere! 🙂

Hugs, Trishie
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Happiness is a perception of life.We all have tragedies and trials in our lives and its how we deal with it that matters.We will all have highs and lows in our lives.When we look back on our lives we can see this.Trishie is incredibly brave,kind,thoughtful and caring of others,yet she has sufferd more tragedy and pain than many others I know.She remains positive in her faith and gives encouragement to others all around her.She is a true desciple,I look up to her for ways to conduct my life.Renata I am so sorry you feel this way.My love and prayers for you.God bless
Our Father who art in heaven
hallowed be thy name
thy kingdom come
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
give us this dya our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us
and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil Amen
 
I guess I am feeling sorry for myself. I had a hard child life and teenage years. My parents were older than the norm and I always felt that some day I would become an orphan and have no one to take care of me. Now at age 44, both of my parents are gone but I am thankful that I have a healthy son, who loves me. I am very let down that I cant count on my husband, or at least thats the way I think. We have had our troubles, and I spent so much time last year complaining and praying about them. Now things are Ok, and that is putting it mildly. I have no trust and question his whereabouts and do bring up the problems from last year. After, I dont know how many months, he tells me he loves me but I doubt it. I cant bring myself to being happy in fear of letting my guard down. Its terrible when you have lost your parents, you are an orphan and you feel alienated by your spouse, who at the time of our marriage vowed to love, honour etc. I feel marriages are disposable as no one now a days take it seriously. My husband holds grudges and says he never forgives OR forgets yet he is the one that put a huge twist in our marriage.
I pray almost every day that things will improve and that he will treat me as a wife the way God intended it to be. I am so jealous of couple that really love and totally devoted to one another. I remember in one conversation that I had with his ex-wife. He only married you out of convenience and he will never get over me!! How is that for one self esteem. I cant understand why God wont make things better or intervene in my hubby’s head he made a big mistake by the terrible cruel ways he interacts with me. Hubby is in law enforcement and he treats me like I am a criminal and speaks down to me. I work in health care in a catholic hospital where the missions and values are total opposite to his. I always wonder if the most terrible marriages ever do a 360??
I want to be happily married to my husband. He thinks I suffer from bi-polar disorder…I know I dont. I am happy and stable at work and do my job competently and interact with my coworkers in a harmonious environment, even though sometimes the wheels fall off because we are so busy. Any thoughts?
 
I think that your husband has his own perspective on life, and his own nature, and yes, I do know of wonderful and faithful marriages, many that are not disposable as you feel in your discouragement, Renata.

About changing people.
The one thing my mother ever said about marriage was: “Don’t ever imagine you can change a man. You may be able to influence him, but you’ll never change him.” And God can’t force your husband to change. The gift of free will is inviolate.

I’m never going to get the cuddles and the cherishing and affection I’d have liked as it isn’t in my husband’s nature. He also, quite honestly doesn’t have a 'sense of occasion". Quite honestly, weddings, births, anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, Easter, leave him cold, simply don’t compute. I can either rail against that or hurt myself on it, or simply accept that’s how it is. It isn’t ill-meant. He’d do something big. He’d pull me out from in front of a bus or stand in front of a bullet and me, except guns aren’t part of Australian culture. I do once in a while get a pat on the head. And I’ve learned to accept that while he doesn’t have a lot of the sweet characteristics, he’s very honest, and he has a basic goodness. He will do practical things to help others and me.

I can’t change him. I accept him for who he is. Trying to change anything only hurt me. Living with the reality is a challenge that forced me to grow, and I thank God for that, as it teaches one to love generusly without hope of return

The contempt your husband has for you…that’s about him. It could also be about some of the patterns your relationship got into, but it’s about him, his past experiences, and also perhaps his psychological make-up…although never diagnosed, any research I did kind of pretty much indicates my husband has Aspergers characteristics. That made it easier for me to live with certain things.

Because my husband is “thinking judging” he had contempt for me for years! I know how miserable that is. But because I chose to cheerful, understanding, not imposing expectations on him, he’s not the angy, contemptuous person he was, not a lot has changed, but he’s a lot kinder and more peaceful.

We can pray that your husband will open to receive the gift of forgiveness, compassion and empathy, but God can’t force that on him. It sounds like your husband is a 'thinking judging" sort of personality, whereas your are a feeling person…your choice of work shows that. Where people are extremes of those personality tendencies it can be hard to find middle ground…but I will continue to pray for you both, and for your peace and happiness.

Keeping you in prayer.
Love, Trishie 🙂 Hugs
 
Renata I am so sorry for your suffering.You have a lot to deal with,with your husband making you feel so miserable and down about yourself.As Trishie has said it is your husband NOT you that has the problems in his chracter.Pray to God for guidance.You are clearly a brave, good kind, caring person.I will keep you in my prayers.for things to improve.Talk to your priest in confidence.God bless

Father please help Renata who ius suffering so much unhappiness.Grant her strength and courage as she faces each individual trial.May her husband soften his heart and open his mind to show love and loyalty to his wife.We pray someone can help this couple on a practical level to communicate with each other with love and respect.Father perhaps the priest or someone else will influence them both to a better understanding of one another.I ask You to place Your healing hand upon this situation for Renata and her husband.Thankyou Father for hearing our prayers Amen
 
Lord Jesus please give healing to Renata who has been struggling with her husband’s rejection and is profoundly hurt by it.
Please give her Your healing, and new life and strength within.
Let Your light and love surround her and her son.
Please convert her husband’s heart so that he begins to understand and to reciprocate love [that is not judgemental or cruel, or self-serving and therefore not love].
Please break open his heart to all that is genuine love.
 
Hail Mary full of grace
the Lord is with thee
blessed art thou among women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,Jesus
Holy Mary Mother of God
pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death
Amen
 
Father help me to recover where injury goes beyond ordinary forgiveness and my heart is in some way crushed, and my life changed and devalued. Help me to find a way to forgive when I cannot smile or encounter the offending person with warmth because he has destroyed something in me.

Father please help me to forgive when I cannot forgive…and I cannot forgive because he does not understand how badly he has hurt me, and does not seek in any real way to acknowledge or try to heal the hurt he imposed on me. And even when I tried to tell him from the bottom of my heart but he would not listen, please help me to forgive.

Father help me to forgive when the one who hurt my life does not even remember how badly he have wounded me, and goes on with his life without concern, while I remain still held in some kind of time capsule with the consequences of his unfeeling and uncaring and attack.

Father please free us, free me, in forgiveness that comes from Your Son, innocent, and murdered, but forgiving.
 
Hail, Mary, full of grace! The Lord is with thee;
blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.
 
when will he open his eyes. How can someone be so cruel to their wife yet be so loving to other memebers of their family like their own parents, their own sister and their own kids. He says its me, I “push his bottons”. Right. He roars at me when I ask him a simple question…:confused:

what will it take??? for him to see how mean he is towards me. Even when I had the flu, I still had to take my son to school, pick him up and make sure dinner was cooked, and he was home himself. He is wearing me thin, I pray and pray and nothing. I feel like God really doesnt care.
 
Not God, but your husband.

Loving God, please have compassion on Renata’s wounded heart.You made our hearts for love, but Renata’s heart receives only hurt from her husband. Please grant Your healing and strength to her.

Our God, perhaps the dynamic, the pattern built up between this couple from past reactions and interactions has left one or both, reacting in a certain way to each other and each other’s responses and approaches. Perhaps Renata’s husband doesn’t recognize in her anything that contradicts the perception he has of her if he is so patterned to seeing her in a particular way. It often happens in families. Perhaps emotional reactions in the past have hardened him and he is someone who doesn’t respect emotional appeals etc. Though neither may know what the problem is, You do, our God, so please help them. Neither is happy in this unequal relationship.

Our God, You know how difficult it can be for a couple to change dynamics to healthier ones in relationships.We can, even in innocence, interact with others in a way that brings out the worst in them and becomes, in the end, a habit of perceiving someone in a certain way. If this explains the way this relationship functions, our God please help to break the pattern and help create a healthier, respectful one.

Whatever causes this painful difficulty in Renata’s marriage, please make it clear to her, and to him, so that with guidance and care the relationship can find healing.

Loving God, please help this couple to bring love, peace and happiness into this marriage.
 
Praying for you and your husband …

Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Hail, Mary, full of grace! The Lord is with thee;
blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.
 
Praying for you Renatas…

Hail, Mary, full of grace! The Lord is with thee;
blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.
 
We are supposed to give each other that. It isn’t God’s task but ours.
It depends on who we choose, and we don’t always choose the most suitable partner.
That isn’t God’s fault.

I don’t look for happiness from my husband. I used to, but I learned that was rather pointless! He is who he is, and does the best he can as he is, just as I do, and he could have chosen more suitably…except that I do put a lot of effort into meeting his needs whether I feel like it or not at times. We weren’t the best choice for each other, but we make good of it. I’m probably a better person for not having the kind of husband who might have suited what I would feel my needs to be, and vice versa, but making that extra stretch, to be wisely and judiciously and kindly respectful of the difference, we’ve had to become less selfish, less self-absorbed, and more generous even when we don’t feel like it.

Say you chose a pet, and found you had a cat but really prefer dogs. No amount of wishing will change the nature of your animal, nor will prayer, but you have to adapt your behaviour and your emotions to make the best of the one you have.

I will continue to pray for you and your husband, and also that you can find some way to emotionally move forward, and that he will become more empathetic…but happiness has to come from within, not from another person.
 
Renata pray for God’s grace and ask our Blessed Lady to help you
Hail, Mary, full of grace! The Lord is with thee;
blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.Amen
 
Lord, may Your Holy Spirit motivate renatas to seek out Your Son in the Blessed Sacrament and spend time before Him. Grant her peace of spirit and the joy of the resurrection in her heart. May she focus her energy on those things which she can change. Lord, grant her the grace to accept those things over which she has no power, and to daily visit with You in prayer, to restore her soul. Grant this through the perfect intercession of our Lord and Savior jesus Christ, Who lives and reigns with You, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, One God for ever and ever. Amen! Alleluia!
 
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