Going without sex is not the end of the world!

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Let’s all remember the crosses we must bear in this life, as “sad” as they may seem, are given to us by God to sanctify us so that we may be saved. It is much better to accept these extremely light burdens (even if they seem heavy now) rather than choose the much, much heavier and eternal burden that is a consequence of choosing not to embrace our Cross.

This is the essence of saving faith. No matter how difficult or sad the sacrifice seems, we trust God that He does not give us scorpions and that what He does give us (or allow us) is for our ultimate good (aka eternal salvation). When God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Abraham didn’t say it was too hard or too sad, he trusted God and set out to do it. That’s how we must be when we are given crosses that cause our first impulse to be to recoil from it.
 
I think the key is to neither belittle sex, nor give it any higher standing that what it should have.

Some people think that since there is more to life than sex, they are entitled to force long periods of continence on their spouse. Apparently they have no idea the “good” they are denying their spouse.

On the other hand there are other people who seem to think that if they don’t get sex when they want it - they’re better off dead.

I like West’s analogy that sex is like the chocolate chips in a chocolate chip cookie. How would you feel if you ordered a chocolate chip cookie at a bakery and you got a cookie with no chocolate chips? How 'bout a cookie with one chocolate chip in it? Or, to the other extreme, what if you were handed a handful of chocolate chips?

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t other cookies out there that are good. If you don’t want a chocolate chip cookie you order a sugar cookie, or a peanutbutter cookie.
 
deb1 said:
oh good.😃 I was afraid that you thought that I would leave my wonderful husband.

By the way, I like your little hugging smilies.🙂
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Thanks :). I like the huggy smilies the best I think.

I would hope no one would say that you must leave your husband- you should stay with him and lavish him with oceans of love. Or as Celine Dion would say, “luurrrrve” ;).
 
Black_Jaque said:
I think the key is to neither belittle sex, nor give it any higher standing that what it should have.

Some people think that since there is more to life than sex, they are entitled to force long periods of continence on their spouse. Apparently they have no idea the “good” they are denying their spouse.

On the other hand there are other people who seem to think that if they don’t get sex when they want it - they’re better off dead.

I like West’s analogy that sex is like the chocolate chips in a chocolate chip cookie. How would you feel if you ordered a chocolate chip cookie at a bakery and you got a cookie with no chocolate chips? How 'bout a cookie with one chocolate chip in it? Or, to the other extreme, what if you were handed a handful of chocolate chips?

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t other cookies out there that are good. If you don’t want a chocolate chip cookie you order a sugar cookie, or a peanutbutter cookie.
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um…your analogy made me hungry and now I am going to go into my pantry and open a bag of chocolate chips.:o i admit to having difficulty understanding the chocolate chip analogy but the word chocolate tends to make me start craving the stuff.
 
Black_Jaque said:
I think the key is to neither belittle sex, nor give it any higher standing that what it should have.

Some people think that since there is more to life than sex, they are entitled to force long periods of continence on their spouse. Apparently they have no idea the “good” they are denying their spouse.
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That’s a good point. If a married couple can come together licitly, they should not deny each other “the marriage debt” as St. Paul calls it. As long as a couple is physically and morally able to come together, it is good for their sanctification and salvation! 🙂
 
Agree - our culture, media, print copy and tv would have you think otherwise.

Think back to the time of malt shops, bobby socks, the Texaco star guys cleaning your Dad’s windshield on his 49 Buick. You could have a good time, be with your girl, treat her with respect, dance until you couldn’t breathe, and be home by 11:00pm. No stress, no worries, no guilt.

When did we lose the expectation that sex was shared as a gift of the bond between a husband and wife? Even then it was a mutual gift to be shared - each for the other - not one for the taking. That’s true love, that’s respect, that’s the dignity of the human person.

We are not animals. We can control ourselves and we should respect ourselves enough to do so. You can have many a meaningful relationship and indeed a life without it. It is not only possible, but millions of folks do it (or should I say don’t do it) everyday - and they are not only fine - they are wonderful.
 
i admit to having difficulty understanding the chocolate chip analogy
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That’s because the analogy was so poorly written! Mea Culpa.

Christopher West compares sex *is to a marriage *as chocolate chips are to a chocolate chip cookie. I left the “is to a marriage” part out. Sorry.

But what West is getting at is that sex within a marriage is not the whole of a marriage, nor is it the glue that binds a marriage. However, sex is the defining characteristic of marriage. Sex is what make a marriage different from all other friendships.

Does that make any better sense?
 
Black_Jaque said:
That’s because the analogy was so poorly written! Mea Culpa.

Christopher West compares sex *is to a marriage *as chocolate chips are to a chocolate chip cookie. I left the “is to a marriage” part out. Sorry.

But what West is getting at is that sex within a marriage is not the whole of a marriage, nor is it the glue that binds a marriage. However, sex is the defining characteristic of marriage. Sex is what make a marriage different from all other friendships.

Does that make any better sense?
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What if I want frozen yoghurt?
 
Black_Jaque said:
That’s because the analogy was so poorly written! Mea Culpa.

Christopher West compares sex *is to a marriage *as chocolate chips are to a chocolate chip cookie. I left the “is to a marriage” part out. Sorry.

But what West is getting at is that sex within a marriage is not the whole of a marriage, nor is it the glue that binds a marriage. However, sex is the defining characteristic of marriage. Sex is what make a marriage different from all other friendships.

Does that make any better sense?
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yes. much better. 🙂

i am not suggesting that couples who don’t have to, live without sex. I certainly like that part of my marriage.😛

But I am saying that if for some reason a person has to live without sex, that it isn’t the worse thing in the world.

Perhaps you have been on threads in which it has been suggested that people suffering with ssa live celibate lives. Occasionally this suggestion is met with outrage and anger. I don’t understand this attitude.:confused:
 
Ahimsa said:
Don’t get me wrong. Men can be celibate, too. We call it “being masters of our domain.”😃
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hehe. “king of the castle”.

answer: prayer. pray. praying. more prayer. PRAY! until it goes away.

need more? pray more.

need more? fasting to add to the prayer. learn to fast from things. makes prayer stronger.

yet more? Mary. she’s like my anti-lust kryptonite. call on her. i dunno about you other guys, but nothing kills the mood more for me than thinking about your mom. especially the one with holy army boots…
 
What if I want frozen yoghurt?
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That’s fine! Then you order frozen yogurt. But you don’t dupe a person into living the rest of their lives with you by signing up for chocolate chip cookies. You can’t go back and change your order.
 
I agree with you also Deb. I have also had to live celibately within my marriage for a time. And my husband was at home! We managed and are none the worse for it. Now, we did understand it would be temporary, but we didn’t know how long it would last. We found that it is possible to kiss, hug, and snuggle without exploding–kinda like being engaged! LOL

No one has a “right” to have sex–really not even a married person! If their spouse is sick, injured, not around, even just “not in the mood” that day, they cannot demand sex. Doing so amounts to violence! Certainly, for “not in the mood”, there are legitimate ways to change your spouse’s mood. 😊 But other than that, there is no right to sex!

Many people, throughout time and the world, have lived long and happy lives without ever having sex–and they aren’t all hermits in the desert!
 
Perhaps you have been on threads in which it has been suggested that people suffering with ssa live celibate lives. Occasionally this suggestion is met with outrage and anger. I don’t understand this attitude.
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I’ve seen what you are referring to.

Sex is a difficult thing to understand. It is so great that it is consecrated. Sex can be a little taste of heaven here on Earth. But, as great as that may be, there are things better than sex. Heaven for one.

So if you understand just how good sex is - so good that to deny it to a spouse can be a mortal sin - you can appreciate what you are asking of a person when you expect them to give it up. It goes to the core of our being. To deny sex will cause tempers to flare.

Now, if sex is THAT good, what does that say about the things that are better than sex?

Rather than “going without” perhaps we should put it in terms of “trading up”. A priest doesn’t “give up” sex. A priest trades sex in for something better.

Now, how this all applies to people with ssa I’m not certain. But maybe if you offer the suggestion that their living chaste, celebate lives is an opportunity for something better you won’t get the angry response.
 
I agree with you deb. It wouldn’t be the end of the world…When I think of people who have no food or running, clean water…going a lifetime without sex almost looks laughable in comparison.

I think our society wants us to be dependant on instant gratification…whatever it may be. Impotent? Here’s a pill. Losing interest? Here’s a pill. Wanna have endless amounts of sex and not be married…? Here’s a condom. We have a society that hates waiting–for anything. Sex is just another thing that many don’t like waiting on…and with it in our faces day in and day out, it can make celibate people feel …‘hey are we missing out on something?’ It’s a shame that society has become so fast paced…it has ceased to see the beauty in patience.:o
 
Black_Jaque said:
I’ve seen what you are referring to.

Sex is a difficult thing to understand. It is so great that it is consecrated. Sex can be a little taste of heaven here on Earth. But, as great as that may be, there are things better than sex. Heaven for one.

So if you understand just how good sex is - so good that to deny it to a spouse can be a mortal sin - you can appreciate what you are asking of a person when you expect them to give it up. It goes to the core of our being. To deny sex will cause tempers to flare.

Now, if sex is THAT good, what does that say about the things that are better than sex?

Rather than “going without” perhaps we should put it in terms of “trading up”. A priest doesn’t “give up” sex. A priest trades sex in for something better.

Now, how this all applies to people with ssa I’m not certain. But maybe if you offer the suggestion that their living chaste, celebate lives is an opportunity for something better you won’t get the angry response.
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You said that well black jaque. 🙂 Perhaps you could get onto the thread that is entitled 'Am I going to hell for being a father?" Maybe you could help the op more then we on the thread are.
 
Awesome thread Deb! 👍 Although being over here in family life you will miss out on some great posters like urban-hermit. I don’t know that I have ever seen him over here.

Try not to take too much to heart what the OP in that other thread was saying about celibacy. He was speaking entirely in anger. Your good efforts are paying off. He is beginning to open up, just a tiny bit for now…

Church teaching on sexuality is so incredibly beautiful! I revel in it now, but I remember when I thought that sex was the be-all-end-all too. I was pretty stubborn for a long time! I couldn’t tell you positively what it was that finally cracked my shell. But I am sure glad that there were people lightly tapping the whole time!

May the Truth continue to lead everyone to the true beauty of God’s amazing gift.:signofcross:
 
Ahimsa said:
I’m just speaking speculatively. Since women and men are biologically different (I think we all agree with that), then it’s possible that their sexualities are different. (We know that their sexualities are different, in a few ways.) These differences might mean that women find it less difficult to be celibate than men.
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This is typically used by men as an excuse, albiet a fallacious one. Being biologically different does not mean it is any harder for men or easier for women. What business would women have to comment on how difficult something is for men? What business would men have to comment on how difficult something is for women? It is like asking if my blue is the same color as your blue.
These differences, nonetheless, would not mean that men are off the hook.
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Very true, if “off the hook” refers to obligation to live life pure and chaste. In fact, if it were truly the case that God has given one class of people a disproportionate cross to bear (which in His infinite wisdom sometimes chooses to do), their reward for bearing that cross faithfully if they in turn choose to do so as well is also that much more disproportionate.
 
There are some medical reasons to masturbate. Masturbation or regular sex is good for the prostate and can prevent prostate blockage.

Storing seminal fluids for long periods can also cause prostate congestion, which in turn can lead to urinary and ejaculatory pain. Regular ejaculations, either through masturbation or intercourse, can help ward off this condition.

So what do men do? There could be some serious side effects by abstaining.
 
outfctrl said:
There are some medical reasons to masturbate. Masturbation or regular sex is good for the prostate and can prevent prostate blockage.

Storing seminal fluids for long periods can also cause prostate congestion, which in turn can lead to urinary and ejaculatory pain. Regular ejaculations, either through masturbation or intercourse, can help ward off this condition.

So what do men do? There could be some serious side effects by abstaining.
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oh no, lets don’t turn this into a masturbation thread, please.😦

i was thinking about abstaining from sexual relations, masturbation was not even in my mind when i started this thread and bringing it up will cause the thread to go off into tangents that i don’t want it to.
 
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