I agree with Serap, who noted awhile back that it seems you have an agenda. So I’m just going to ask you- what do YOU think? How would you answer all these questions?
I don’t think your hypothetical situation is all that realistic. If the wife preferred not to stay home, there are two possibilities- either the husband wants to stay home, or doesn’t. If he does, what makes you think that a wife wouldn’t consider him staying home as an option?
In response to your first question, most men would not want to stay home anyway. But if he and his wife both did, they would either work out a compromise (both working part time) or one of them would stay home. And yes, I think if a woman wants to stay home and it’s financially possible, she should be the one to do it. Not only does it make sense if they have multiple children, but there is a biological connection a woman has to her child that a man does not. And even in the case of adoption, a mother’s role isn’t exactly the same as a father’s. Aside from some exceptions, generally women are the more nurturing ones, whether they have a career or not.
I think you are looking for people to give you simple answers to a very complex situation, and it just isn’t possible. As several others have pointed out, each family’s circumstances are different, and in a good marriage what is best for the family as a whole is more important than individual preferences.