Have you ever felt embarrassed to confess a sin to a priest?

  • Thread starter Thread starter joclucsylv
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Mrs Sally

As I write, there are sins in the past which were considered sins. Nowadays there seems to have crept in some leniency. To have confessed sins which a few years back were considered ethically and morally wrong to be told they are not sins (I am not referring to a priest being “un-scolding” in approach) and that I had only come in for a social, I find very odd, bewildering and confusing. It leads one into greater sin or to continuing in one’s action that a few years ago would have been frowned upon.

Some words of encouragement and advice in the right direction would be welcome, I am not suggesting “spiritual guidance in depth” should be given; as you rightly suggest this can be arranged for some other time. To reduce confessing to reciting a list because “there are people behind oneself in the queue” who “may appreciate it” is questionable.
 
KEVIN_WILCOX said:
It was much easier when the grill was in place. It supposed anonymity, but I remember once the priest asking me, “Is that you…?” I answered “Yes” and he said, “Come round” I then went round to the other side of the grill and confessed my sins. I had wanted to hide.
But I suppose it is much easier than in the Russian Orthodox Church where the priest covers the penitent with his vestments, then under the vestments the priest and the penitent “huddle together” and confession takes place. At least in the West we have separate chairs, sometimes there’s a screen between us.

Nowadays sometimes if it’s a child confessing the priest has a witness “just so as he’s protected from suspicion of misconduct” Perhaps in the traditional manner (with grill) this was not necessary.

I remember going into confess and because there was absolute silence starting my confession to be told, “Please wait until I’m finished confessing the other penitent”
Click to expand...
several parishes I’ve been to have the confessionals with the grill… I actually like them better 🙂 i’ts more humbling…
 
Sure I feel ashamed of myself, I think that’s some healthy guilt. I particularly feel stupid that I failed to identify a possible occasion of sin until I was knee deep in it.

I think you got some inappropriate advice about using the sacrament as a social outlet, and I encourage you to find a different priest. I got really lucky: Near me there is a parish that is run by a Jesuit community. Two of these priests are licensed clinical psychologists and teach at the college as well. The others are all godly men. I’ve never gotten bad advice, inappropriate leniency, or stupid suggestions in any of their confessionals. They point out consolation when it’s appropriate, assign penances that force you to think, or penances that are acts of mercy towards others, and I always leave there with some new insight and direction in terms of even a baby step I can take to attack causes and conditions.

And yes, they use the old-fashioned “box.” Personally, I like the box!
 
There is nothing new under the sun. We are all part of the same “human condition.” Once one truly accepts that, then it becomes easier to be less judging of self and others, and to release shame. It is important to admit our faults and sins to ourselves to another person, and not just before God. This allows us to heal the shame, and to become more connected and open as a person. My rule is that if I feel ashamed or reluctant to talk about something, then that is a very good indicator that I must examine myself, connect with God, and discuss the matter with another person.
 
Monica4316 said:
several parishes I’ve been to have the confessionals with the grill… I actually like them better 🙂 i’ts more humbling…
Click to expand...
It’s not so much about “it’s more humbling” It’s a different theology - without the grill it becomes a cult of the personality.
The “priest and me” rather than the penitent and God.

odile53

I find your entry emotionally uplifting - bringing me close to tears! Do you appreciate how fortunate you are?
 
bquinnan said:
Absolutely correct, but what if the priest tells you that something wasn’t a sin, and therefore doesn’t offer absolution for it? (That’s not a rhetorical question – I’m honestly not sure.)
Click to expand...
That is a problem. And in that case if whatever the priest said didn’t convince you he was right (sometimes we are overly scrupulous), then indeed going to a different priest and confessing those sins again is the prudent action. And if those sins are mortal, than finding the second priest becomes a matter of some urgency. Getting back to the original question of the thread–you would do best to make an appointment as soon as possible rather than waiting for a scheduled time and confess no matter how embarressed you are!
 
KEVIN_WILCOX said:
Mrs Sally

As I write, there are sins in the past which were considered sins. Nowadays there seems to have crept in some leniency. To have confessed sins which a few years back were considered ethically and morally wrong to be told they are not sins (I am not referring to a priest being “un-scolding” in approach) and that I had only come in for a social, I find very odd, bewildering and confusing. It leads one into greater sin or to continuing in one’s action that a few years ago would have been frowned upon.

Some words of encouragement and advice in the right direction would be welcome, I am not suggesting “spiritual guidance in depth” should be given; as you rightly suggest this can be arranged for some other time. To reduce confessing to reciting a list because “there are people behind oneself in the queue” who “may appreciate it” is questionable.
Click to expand...
I agreethat there are moral absolutes, and your priest should know them and call you on them. The confession you described is not usual, but I thought it had happened some time in the past and you have since been to confession with a more orthodox priest. If not, I do suggest you seek one out.

In general, confession is not a long process and on our part really isn’t much more than saying our sins in number and kind before our absolution and penance. The priest may ask for more explaination, but we don’t have to go into every circumstancial detail. Usually that means we are trying to excuse ourselves – kinda like when we broke the lamp as a small child, started in on some involved story and mom says “I don’t want to hear it”. 😛

Yes, most priests do give a few words of advice, admonishment, or encouragement, but we really aren’t required/expected to do more than recite our sins before absolution. The part about being penitent comes before we go to confession and the penance part comes after we leave the box.
 
Isn’t it funny how centered we become on ourselves.
Over 2 thousand years, or more, we think we have invented new sins that have never before been thought of. Most priests will tell us “how bored” they become of hearing the same sins all the time!
Once again I come back to the use of the grill/screen in confessional. It removes it from the personal, i.e. what will this person in front of me think of me? Will they like me if I tell them my dirtiest secrets?
It keeps it to the anonymous. I am not trying to “win this other person over” to liking me.
 
KEVIN_WILCOX said:
Please explain.
Click to expand...
Reconciliation is only possible if we are repentant, confess our sins, receive absolution, and “pay” the remitance for our sins. When we realize we have sined, our conscience convicts us and hopefully we become repentant. It is this repenance that drives us to the confessional line, so this happens before we get in line to see the priest.

After we are absolved, we must do the penance (pay the remitance) given to us by the priest. We do this after we leave the priest.

So the part that we do with the priest is state our sins (number and kind) and receive absolution. That could potentially only take 5 minutes and still be a good confession.
 
Thank you - clearly said.

I hate the “new rite” that seems to be sneaking in, one that teaches - we are all going to Heaven but if you want to go into the confessional for a chat with Father to feel good about yourself, you’re welcome. You haven’t said it, nowhere near. Grateful.
 
Yes, I have been embarrassed to confess to our priest…but the shocking thing he said was “You’re too honest”!!! That was the last time I went to him (he was our pastor too).
 
Stavros said:
I had one of the most intense confessions last night, and I was seriously reeling the entire way home. Here’s the issue - I just started going to Mass at this new parish a few months ago. And one of the priests? Smoking hot. To the point where I’ve confessed “impure thoughts” to the other priest before. Not mentioning names or specifics, but honesty in the fact that these impure thoughts are distracting me from focusing on Christ, both inside and outside of the church.

Last night, I really needed to go to confession to unburden myself of some of my weekly brain clutter. The only priest to confess to? Yep, Fr. Smoking Hot. So I knelt down and started with a few basic neglect sins, then all of a sudden all of my fears and worries and stresses just poured out. I even mentioned the “impure thoughts”, although I didn’t get into specifics again.

After talking for a long while, he actually drilled down and found some of the the “real” issues behind some of my stresses and my patterns, and gave me some solutions to help with them. And he reminded me of his Fatherly role in the parish, and how he represents Christ opening his arms with his love. Well, that’s some perspective.

So even though I was totally freaked out when I walked in there, I’m feeling much better about my spirituality and much better about my choice to go to this new parish. Only once have I ever gone to confession and walked out thinking, that was a waste of time. Every time, I’ve learned something new, about myself, my faith, or my sins. It’s worth the time, and the more I do it, not only do I become better at confessing, but I become stronger in not doing the things I should confess to. I’ve stopped so much of the big sins, and have started cleaning my mental house to get rid of the things that are keeping me from being as close to God as He wants me to be.
Click to expand...
I envy those here and those in the USA. Those that can confess in their own language. I can´t. I do however go to confession here. God bless:thumbsup:👍👍
 
RosarioD said:
Yes, I have been embarrassed to confess to our priest…but the shocking thing he said was “You’re too honest”!!! That was the last time I went to him (he was our pastor too).
Click to expand...
I remember St Therese of Lisieux going to confession and being asked by the sarcastic priest confessor “Do you want to become a saint?”
She says too few people don’t become saints because they don’t choose it.

Seems you can’t be a saint if you want to be acceptable and understood. You have to join with Jesus on the cross.
 
and one need to understand what He went through for us.

I talk about the Lent, Good Friday and to realize this: we must be the beacons of light where others stumbles in the darkness, trust HIM and carry our cross like He did for all of us.
 
I was away from the church for 20 years; I was scared to even walk in the Church must less confess all that. But remember the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. It is he that is trying to keep us from receiving the Grace of the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Penance).

I went in (small parish–50 families) and, of course, even if you use the screen/kneeler they know your voice. But they know they are persona Christi and are in a meditative state when they hear. He said I didn’t have to remember everything, just think about some of the grave things you’ve done and gave a brief counsel and gave absolution and penance.

Don’t be embarrased. If the priest tells you he is bored of Confession, you better find another priest or go to another parish. Don’t forget, even if you have only venial sins, that you should still go to confession and receive the great Graces again. Didn’t you read the saints stories that tell you some of them went every day?
 
joclucsylv said:
Yes, I admit it. Some of my sins are really embarassing to confess. Does anyone else feel like I do?
Click to expand...
There have been many times in the past, especially in my younger years, that I have been mortified to confess the sins I had committed. It is humiliating, but it is good to accept the humiliation as part of your penance. It can also be a good deterrent to avoid those sins in the future.
 
With no mortal sin on one’s soul to confess how often should one go to Confession?
How often do people attend?

If one receives Holy Communion once a week - should one go weekly?
Or once a year - Easter?
Twice a year - Christmas and Easter?
Before receiving on all major Feast Days?

Unfortunately in many parishes the 3rd rite of reconciliation (i.e. the entire congregation receiving reconciliation as one body) has become the norm.

There have been priests in the past who have told me people going to Mass every day they consider “weird”; questioning, haven’t the “frequenters” anything better to do? That they should “get a life.”

One doesn’t want to “make waves”, and one doesn’t want to ask this priest how often he recommends.
 
KEVIN_WILCOX said:
With no mortal sin on one’s soul to confess how often should one go to Confession?
How often do people attend?

If one receives Holy Communion once a week - should one go weekly?
Or once a year - Easter?
Twice a year - Christmas and Easter?
Before receiving on all major Feast Days?

Unfortunately in many parishes the 3rd rite of reconciliation (i.e. the entire congregation receiving reconciliation as one body) has become the norm.

There have been priests in the past who have told me people going to Mass every day they consider “weird”; questioning, haven’t the “frequenters” anything better to do? That they should “get a life.”

One doesn’t want to “make waves”, and one doesn’t want to ask this priest how often he recommends.
Click to expand...
If you have no mortal sin to confess, you technically don’t need to go to confession. But like all sacraments, it confers graces and gives us strength. We should make it a habit to go regularly. For me, that means once a month. When it gets longer, I start to get complacent about my bad habits. 😦
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top