Correct. Obviously I cannot know what my reaction will be in the remaining part of my life. However, it is very unlikely that I would undergo some radical change. I already “died” once, when my heart stopped due to a heart attack, and had to be dragged back, pretty drastically. It made no difference to my attitude. Then I had another heart-attack, and that made no difference either. I was actually joking through the whole process of angioplasty. So, you see, I am on pretty firm ground when I assume that only a direct approach on God’s part would make a difference for me.
The lure of an afterlife is not strong, especially as described. The threat of hell is not frightening enough. The arguments presented by the apologists are I find weak, contrived, contradictory and nonsensical. As a matter of fact, the presented arguments are not just ineffective, they push me further away from belief.
I keep remembering the wonderful Calvin and Hobbes cartoon, where Hobbes says: “The strongest evidence that there are other intelligent beings in the Universe is the fact that they never came to visit us”. Paraphrasing it: “The strongest evidence that there is no God is the fact that he never came down and kicked the living daylight out of the apologists for spreading such nonsense about him”.
So what else is there? The direct, and 100% surefire approach.
Well there is a lot going on here. We are all being tested and formed in patience and understanding (even, dare I say, love?) through this process of ‘gentle persuasion’. Those are things that God sees too and wills to have happen. Watching a universe grow, watching a plant grow, watching your child grow, each from its own intrinsic principles of growth and maturation - those are things which are good and beautiful and which have to be included in an evaluation of whether God’s approach is ‘effective’ or not. ‘Effective’ is always with respect to some end goal, and in this case the end goal is a rather complex one (which ultimately includes all of creation!), of which we only understand small bits and pieces.
This is all fine and dandy. I was told (by the apologists) that God “wishes” everyone to be saved. He does not “want” it, after all who could resist God’s will? But yet, he wishes. This is not my concoction, it was told to me innumerable times by the apologists.
Now, there are two possibilities, either the apologists are wrong or they are right. If they are wrong (meaning that God does not wish everyone to be saved) then this whole conversation is just blowing smoke. If they are right, then God does not “wish”
my salvation strongly enough, to nudge me in the right direction. Yet, God is supposed to be agape. And agape is to act in someone else’s best interest. It would be definitely in my best interest to be saved. It would cost God nothing. And yet, God does not do anything to achieve it. Nothing, that would be effective. So where does that leave me?