He wont marry me

[whatevergirl]

I am happy to hear that your brother and SIL’s situation was resolved.
There might still be hope for us! But I am completely content if my doesn’t have the happy ending.

I think you have a great attitude about all of this. I don’t sense confusion or fear at all. Maybe you might be fearful…who isn’t fearful of dramatic change? But, so often, we stay in the wrong situation, out of fear of the unknown. The familiar, even if it is not right for us, becomes ‘‘safer’’ than the unknown. I think that you are going to be just fine, if you decide to leave. I pray that he will see what he might be losing, if it comes to that, and proposes. If not though, know you are going to be just fine in God’s hands. God bless, and again, praying for you. :hug1:

 

[frecklemom]

He has all the responsibilities of marriage. They live together and are raising their child together. They pool their resources just like a married couple would.

What responsibilities would he have if they officially married that he doesn’t have now?

Well, you didn’t answer you’re own question. The PROTECTION is the responsibility lacking with this guy and the protection is sealed with COMMITMENT under the law and the church. Just saying your committed and not following through with actions is not enough- ask anyone who’s been dumped before. And I’m not just referring to myself.

 

[Brooklyn]

Neither of you have any integrity before God right now; you’re both living in total disobedience to His Word and exposing your child to it. Sounds like you are both a perfect match. If you were more serious about God than your boy friend, then perhaps God would help you. I don’t know how you can play religion and pretend you have a relationship with God when you have been fornicating for at least 3 years.

You need to take 3 giant steps backward and have him move out or you move out, then quit playing the harlot and get right with God. Until you do those things; you will not progress forward in your spiritual life or your earthly life. I know that may sound harsh, but if you love God; it is shown by obedience not lip service.

God bless and i wil pray for both of you as I submit.

You are absolutely right and your words are not too harsh. The OP is putting her own soul in jeopardy and is setting a terrible example for her child. When someone is falling off a cliff that is not the time for sweet gentle words. It is time to wake up to reality. Nine years is way too long to be in this situation. It is time to do the right thing for the child if for no other reason.

 

[Brooklyn]

Derek, I am guessing you must be a very righteous man for calling me a harlot so freely. But I feel the need to tell you that your interpretation of a “harlot” is way off. I will not take any offense to the name calling but I will not tolerate it. If I wanted to be called names I would not be seeking advice in a Catholic let alone a Christian forum.

Thank you for offering prayer for the both of us. I find myself in a very difficult situation, I have made many mistakes that have lead me to this point but I am trying to do right. So your prayer is greatly appreciated.

You are in a difficult situation but it is of you own making and it won’t change until you take responsibility. You can’t wait any longer for your boyfriend to change. The one who matters now is your daughter and you have to do what is best for her. You are right now in complete defiance of your Creator. No matter how painful it may be you have to do the right thing and you don’t need anyone to tell you what that is.

It may seem harsh but you are in the role of an unpaid prostitute. You are giving your body away in a sinful situation and not getting paid for it.

 

[DerekD]

Derek, I am guessing you must be a very righteous man for calling me a harlot so freely. But I feel the need to tell you that your interpretation of a “harlot” is way off. I will not take any offense to the name calling but I will not tolerate it. If I wanted to be called names I would not be seeking advice in a Catholic let alone a Christian forum.

Thank you for offering prayer for the both of us. I find myself in a very difficult situation, I have made many mistakes that have lead me to this point but I am trying to do right. So your prayer is greatly appreciated.

Hi Gabbie,

I know I was harsh; it was intended to get your attention. I am righteous before God, where it counts, but not because of anything I did, but what Jesus did.

You must decide if honoring God is supreme in your life; if giving God glory is your strongest desire; if you are willing to forgo self.

You know these things; now is the time to act and I will continue to pray for that for you, your daughter and your boyfriend. Please don’t believe that a compromise, such as sleeping is different bedrooms, as some have suggested, will begin to be pleasing to God. You will put yourself in temptation. Also, plan on losing your boyfriend for His namesake; for if you are not prepared to give up all that is wrong and come to what is right, then you are not worthy to be His disciple as He has said.

May God bless you to give you the courage, strength, integrity and humility to do what is right in His sight according to His will and purpose for your life.

I will be praying as I hit submit.

DD

PS Gabbie, I lean on this verse a great deal and it provides a lot of comfort to me and I pray it will you as well; because when God says all things, this is the good, the bad and the ugly in our lives.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

 

[dulcissima]

Sheesh, people. She came on here saying that she knew her situation was not right and wanted to correct it. If you actually read everything that she wrote, that is what she is doing. I don’t approve of name calling in general, but name calling when someone is here asking for help in making things right might be an indication that your intentions are aimed more at putting her down than actually helping her.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I don’t believe Jesus ever called any woman a harlot.

 

[ChosenAndCalled]

“Dear Lord, I thank you that I am not a sinner like these other men.”

Gee…where have I heard that before.

 

[crazzeto]

Is her situation typically desirable? No. Does that put us in a position to judge it? Nope. Lets focus on the task at hand. Personally I’m quite concerned that after 9 years and a kid he doesn’t want to get married.

It really could be a case of “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. Yes, it’sa completely tactless saying, I do not agree with it personally and I hate saying it. But unfortunetly that is exactly what popped in my mind when I read this posting. Again, I would advise leaving, whether or not right now you want to make it a permenant move.

If the above tactless statement is an accurate apprasial of his mentality, then moving out and breaking things off will be exactly the kind of kick in the pants he needs. If it isn’t, and he really just isn’t going to marry anyone period. then you’re better off leaving now and getting out of an undesirable, I think at least unhealthy situation and just moving on with your life.

I’m not saying it’s easy, it’ll be anything but. But I truely thing it might well be your best option now. God bless, and I hope for the best.

 

[Brooklyn]

“Dear Lord, I thank you that I am not a sinner like these other men.”

Gee…where have I heard that before.

No one is calling any one names and no one is looking down their noses at anyone else. But if someone has cancer, don’t you think he or she needs to know that? The OP knows she is living in sin and that she is cut off from God, she has known this for 9 years and has done nothing about it and she is harming her daughter as well by not doing what she knows is right.

Christ did say go and sin no more, and that is what we are saying.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Some of us recognized that she was at the point this was starting to dawn on her. We don’t need to hit her over the head with the facts. It is counterproductive. There is a slight chance that he might see the light and this could be a wakeup call for them all that could lead him to convert and they could be a true family in every sense of the word.

Calling names isn’t going to get them there.

We welcome people back when they see the right road. We dont’ need to remind them how far they strayed.

Chances are dim from what she’s said that this man will get his act together. She needs to change things. How many more years is she going to live on false hope? 9 more years? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

She is beginning to realize that. We don’t need to be cruel to her. We need to lovingly help her see a better choice for herself and her child. And maybe for her guy if he wants it.

 

[Brooklyn]

Some of us recognized that she was at the point this was starting to dawn on her. We don’t need to hit her over the head with the facts. It is counterproductive. There is a slight chance that he might see the light and this could be a wakeup call for them all that could lead him to convert and they could be a true family in every sense of the word.

This thread is getting rather long, so maybe you’ve forgotten what the OP originally wrote. I will remind you:

"Hello, my name is Gaby and I have been dating my now live-in boyfriend for nine years and he wont even discuss marriage! We have a beautiful three year old daughter and lately we have been discussing baby number two.

She is “dating” her live-in boyfriend, and they are now discussing having another child!!! Does that sound like reality is setting in? I don’t think so. She badly needs to see how wrong her path in life is.

At the end of her post she writes:

I don’t know if I’ll ever marry, maybe that ship has sailed. But, I don’t want to settle, I don’t think I should. I have made so many compromises for this relationship because I love him but he isn’t doing them for me. Everyday I pray for an answer to the “should I go or should I stay?” question and nothing.

She has a child and all she is thinking about is herself, what it is she wants in life. She isn’t considering anyone but herself, and she needs desperately to see that. She would even bring a second child into this desperate situation. She is living in complete defiance to the law of God, and she can’t figure out why God doesn’t answer her prayer, as if the answer is anything other than repent and sin no more!

The OP needs to do a lot of growing up, and I certainly hope and pray for the sake of her child that she does, and please, please, don’t bring another child into this situation!

 

[GabbieDear]

No one is calling any one names and no one is looking down their noses at anyone else. But if someone has cancer, don’t you think he or she needs to know that? The OP knows she is living in sin and that she is cut off from God, she has known this for 9 years and has done nothing about it and she is harming her daughter as well by not doing what she knows is right.

Christ did say go and sin no more, and that is what we are saying.

You are throwing words around like “prostitute” and still have the audacity to say no one is calling anyone names. There is a way to make your point across in a more tasteful manner. And I am not just saying that because it’s me but because it’s so unnecessary. People come here for advice and some might be more sensitive than others and you might really be doing damage. Judging is not your responsibility.

 

[Brooklyn]

You are throwing words around like “prostitute” and still have the audacity to say no one is calling anyone names. There is a way to make your point across in a more tasteful manner. And I am not just saying that because it’s me but because it’s so unnecessary. People come here for advice and some might be more sensitive than others and you might really be doing damage. Judging is not your responsibility.

I think you are the one who is acting very self righteously. You are completely destroying your life and that of your daughter, and all you can think about is the fact that I call things what they are. You are acting as an unpaid prostitute. I’m sorry if that doesn’t sit right with you, but that is the truth.

I am giving you the best advice anyone could give. You are living cut off from God, your life is a mess and you are destroying your daughter’s life, and unless you repents and change your way of life, it will only get worse. It is because of situations like yours that so many kids don’t even know the difference between right and wrong. They go out and repeat what their parents did, they either bring unwanted children into the world and or they have abortions. Millions of lives have been and are being destroyed this way.

What do you think our Lord would say?

 

[dulcissima]

I think you are the one who is acting very self righteously. The OP is completely destroying her life and that of her daughter, and all you can think about is the fact that I call things what they are. She is acting as an unpaid prostitute. I’m sorry if that doesn’t sit right with you, but that is the truth.

I am giving her the best advice anyone could give her. She is living cut off from God, her life is a mess and she is destroying her daughter’s life, and unless she repents and changes her way of life, it will only get worse. It is because of situations like the OP that so many kids don’t even know the difference between right and wrong. They go out and repeat what their parents did, they either bring unwanted children into the world and or they have abortions. Millions of lives have been and are being destroyed this way.

What do you think our Lord would tell her? How do you make her see how selfish and how wrong she is?

Maybe you are confused and haven’t read all of the posts. That is the OP that you are replying to. Maybe you also missed where she said this:

"I have been patient and have waited quietly. This make me terribly sad because he is a good man, he is a great father but I know that he is a horrible partner. And in my heart of hearts I know that he doesn’t want to marry me.

Someone said that I have always known what to do, and I think that might be right. All I need is the courage to do it. "

She is tuning into her conscience here. I think gentle responses are more appropriate than telling her she is an unpaid prostitue or harlot.

 

[Brooklyn]

Maybe you are confused and haven’t read all of the posts. That is the OP that you are replying to. Maybe you also missed where she said this:

"I have been patient and have waited quietly. This make me terribly sad because he is a good man, he is a great father but I know that he is a horrible partner. And in my heart of hearts I know that he doesn’t want to marry me.

Someone said that I have always known what to do, and I think that might be right. All I need is the courage to do it. "

She is tuning into her conscience here. I think gentle responses are more appropriate than telling her she is an unpaid prostitue or harlot.

I did realize it was the OP and I changed my post.

What about the fact that she is thinking about having another baby? I think the time for “gentle” responses has passed. There are too many lives at stake here. When a house is on fire, you can’t worry about breaking a few doors and windows in order to save the people. And her house is definitely on fire.

 

[GabbieDear]

I think you are the one who is acting very self righteously. The OP is completely destroying her life and that of her daughter, and all you can think about is the fact that I call things what they are. She is acting as an unpaid prostitute. I’m sorry if that doesn’t sit right with you, but that is the truth.

I am giving her the best advice anyone could give her. She is living cut off from God, her life is a mess and she is destroying her daughter’s life, and unless she repents and changes her way of life, it will only get worse. It is because of situations like the OP that so many kids don’t even know the difference between right and wrong. They go out and repeat what their parents did, they either bring unwanted children into the world and or they have abortions. Millions of lives have been and are being destroyed this way.

What do you think our Lord would tell her? How do you make her see how selfish and how wrong she is?

If you would pay a little more attention you would have noticed that I am in fact the “OP”

You are not giving any advice you have only stated the obvious (what I already know) and have quoted my post. I haven’t been on these boards long but I can tell you that some people here actually have the gift of advice and I have taken all their advice with an open heart.

 

[Brooklyn]

If you would pay a little more attention you would have noticed that I am in fact the “OP”

You are not giving any advice you have only stated the obvious (what I already know) and have quoted my post. I haven’t been on these boards long but I can tell you that some people here actually have the gift of advice and I have taken all their advice with an open heart.

I changed my post to direct it to you I am glad to hear that you are taking people’s advice, and I do hope that you will get your life right with God. There is no other way of doing it. Your boyfriend is not going to change, at least not while things are status quo. You have to get out of the situation immediately, at least for the sake of your daughter. And please - no more children in this situation!

BTW, if you already “know” everything that I have written, if you know that you are living in sin and that there is no hope in your current situation, what is it that you are questioning?

 

[sharmin]

Sorry, but the “don’t judge” advice is useless in this case.

I don’t lack that kind of integrity. I haven’t slept around in my 30 years, and I sure as heck didn’t choose to lead some girl on about marriage for nine years all the while making a child with her. I could have done all these things, it’s like an all-you-can-eat buffet out there regarding sex/lifestyles. Contrary to our modern society’s viewpoint, having a kid is serious business and should be done via marriage.

This guy’s sins are serious and indicate a deeply flawed character. His actions define him. You don’t need to be someone to judge their actions.

So no live-in father is better than a flawed one? So a broken home is better than what they have? I think that logic is flawed and is NOT in the best interest of the child.

 

[ChosenAndCalled]

I think Brooklyn and a few others are confusing “Rebuke” with “Rebuke in love”. There’s a world of difference that most everyone else sees.

Do you see one post that praises her for her lifestyle? Or, thinks she doesn’t need to consider changes? We don’t need to continually condemn her - she seems to know right and wrong and is learning.

The objections are with the self-righteous tones and belicose attitudes, not the argument that sin is bad.