Hello. I am seeking some advice on marriage issues

[Corinne3]

To "defender of truth:

Thank you. You are right!\ Thank you so much for being there for me, when hardly anyone is in my life. Thank you just so much. All your posts have not been in vain. You must know this. You have helped a fellow Catholic. And I appreciate you so much.

Thank you again,

 

[Corinne3]

I feel so honored that so many good Catholics, so much better than me are here to give me such good advice.

I just wanted to say a personal “thank you” for it.

 

[Corinne3]

Dear “defenderoftruth”

Please don’t go away. I need you.

 

[floresco]

He is trying very hard these days to be kinder, he has apologized and is bending over backwards in the home. Things are slightly better than last time I wrote. And I have no feelings that he has called or made any contact with said person again, since the 1 minute phone call. I am trying to let it go…and concentrate on having fun. Yes, I smile alot and enjoy my kids. We all had a great night together last night!

It is good to read that things are going so well. It sounds like your professional counsellors were right that your marriage was worth working on. I expect there will still be ups and downs because all marriages have them. I’ll continue praying that things keep getting better and better.

 

[Corinne3]

Thank you so very much Floresco!

 

[Joseph_L_Varga]

And **our whole entire marriage **he’s oagled other women everywhere we go. This has always killed me, then this, the affair…

Re-reading your posts, Corinne, this stands out to me (the bolded part). I would do two things in your place:

1. Find a job ASAP, in order not to be financially vulnerable.
2. Keep him out of my bedroom.

Praying for you and your family.

 

[Corinne3]

Good day to all, and thank you.

I am seeking a job eagerly and whole-heartedly, but there is nothing, simply nothing where I live. I feel it is a test, from the Lord…what else can it be?He is telling me to TRUST.

And no, he is not out of my bedroom. And I want it this way. Now anyways. Today. He is my husband. Yes, I was frantic when I found out about a further attempted contact to the whore, yes, I think I dealt with it as best I could, we dealt with it, and yes, I agree with Floresco on this point.

Thank you though so much for your response!

Love,
Corinne3

 

[Corinne3]

To defenderoftruth:

Gosh, you get so extremely riled up. But I thank you just so much. This is one reason I was writing, to get help from others to perhaps see what I wasn’t seeing. I still need help with this…to see what I maybe am blind to or not seeing. Still even today, June1, I need you guys. You are an answer to prayer in my life and I appreciate you all so much!

I do not know what I would do if I found any further contact between my hubby and this woman/whore/.slut/. Maybe I need to be just soooooo slammed first, before I take action. Maybe I am the type of woman to take it for sooooo long before I get it in my thick head…maybe I love tooooo much, waaay too much, for my own good. Maybe I am the type of mom who wants to show her kids you try forever to make a marriage work, and you just NEVER GIVE UP, ever, like God never does on each one of us, (granted as long as there is not abuse)…Just maybe this is me.

What do you think “defenderoftruth”?

Are YOu married currently? Do you have kids? I’d love to hear your story. Please share with me. It would really help me to hear it.

Love,
Corinne3

 

[floresco]

T Maybe I am the type of woman to take it for sooooo long before I get it in my thick head…maybe I love tooooo much, waaay too much, for my own good. Maybe I am the type of mom who wants to show her kids you try forever to make a marriage work, and you just NEVER GIVE UP, ever, like God never does on each one of us, (granted as long as there is not abuse)…Just maybe this is me.

We live in a society in which most people give up on marriage far too easily. I think it is great that you are being different. The way that you view marriage reflects the values of the Catholic Church rather than society. This is a wonderful gift to your children and I hope they learn this from you.

 

[Corinne3]

Hi Floresco, and thank you. Oh my gosh. Your words are like honey to my lips.

I am totally undeserving of any thanks or praise really, but I’ll take it. it makes me feel so good that you, one person thinks I may be doing the right thing. This means just so much to me. And frankly, so many, well everyone here, every single person has been so supportive to me, and I am so incredibly grateful. What a marvelous church we have, filled with such nice people! Thank you again, everyone. TB Crawford, wow, you are in England! Thank you for your wonderful prayers! Offered for me, a million miles away. And for even thinking of me in your daily life, this means just sooooo much, I can’t even tell you. Just to know my fellow Catholics from all around care. I get teary eyed even thinking about it. Thank you.

To: defenderoftruth:

Please friend, I am waiting to hear from you, and just how you are today, and to answer my question above. Please tell me your marital status if you please. I’d love to know.

 

[Joseph_L_Varga]

And no, he is not out of my bedroom. And I want it this way. Now anyways. Today. He is my husband. Yes, I was frantic when I found out about a further attempted contact to the whore, yes, I think I dealt with it as best I could, we dealt with it, and yes, I agree with Floresco on this point.

Thank you though so much for your response!

Love,
Corinne3

Corinne, here’s where I am coming from. I think it’s relevant to anyone who has to deal with a cheating spouse, but I may be wrong. During 1989-90, I was married outside of the Church (invalid marriage due to lack of form). My wife, whom I dearly loved, cheated on me. She denied it, even after I got diagnosed with gonorrhea. She insisted, “you must have used an unsanitary public restroom, that’s how you got infected”. Now, I never sit down in public restrooms, so I knew this was not true. After I was treated and the gonorrhea went away, the symptoms returned later. We checked up with my physician friend (I’m a pharmacist, myself), it was probably a double infection with gonorrhea and chlamydia, and chlamydia is known to be temporarily suppressed by the antibiotics I was taking, without actually being cured. So, when my symptoms returned, I was put on a different regimen of antibiotics, and this time I was cured successfully and completely. I also went to get tested for HIV virus, and I was waiting for the test results with some understandable anxiety. The test came back negative, and I could finally put behind this sad chapter in my life. Of course, what’s different from your case, my civil marriage was not valid in the eyes of the Church. This made the divorce somewhat easier, although I must admit I was hoping to eventually marry my wife in the Church. It never came to that, I divorced her instead. She never, ever admitted cheating on me. And in retrospect, I realize how lucky I was that I was only infected with bacteria (gonorrhea, chlamydia), which can be cured by antibiotics. Today it’s SO MUCH DIFFERENT. Today, our society is SATURATED WITH STDs. 20 years ago, HIV, HPV, and genital herpes very very uncommon in my part of the world. I got lucky that I didn’t catch one of those. HPV, genital herpes, HIV, and hepatitis C are all viruses, and we still don’t have a cure against them. HIV/AIDS and hepatitis C are transmitted by blood, during sexual intercourse and oral sex. All you need is a small wound on the organs that come into contact. HPV and genital herpes are transmitted simply by skin contact, and it is very common for one partner to infect the other one, when using condoms and having sexual intercourse. The condoms will not protect, because skin contact of the uncovered pubic areas is all it takes to transmit HPV and genital herpes. In addition, there’s an explosion today of genital herpes infection of the mouth and the eyes, and HPV infection of the mouth. Head and neck cancer which tests positive for HPV virus, is some 6 times more prevalent today than 10 years ago. A clinical oncologist friend of mine who treats head and neck cancer told me that it’s simply the worst kind of cancer anyone can have, a cancer that causes the most horrific kind of disfigurement and suffering. A cancer that forces surgeons to remove the patient’s tongue, often throat surgery that renders the patient unable to eat and swallow solid foods, a cancer that attacks one’s face so that parts of one’s face must be surgically removed… It is worse than cervical cancer, which is also caused by HPV. Guess how do those HPV viruses get into someone’s mouth and throat, to cause head and neck cancer…

Here you have it, I shared what I know, and I warned you. Good luck, and may God guide you in whatever decisions you make.

 

[tbcrawford]

Hi Floresco, and thank you. Oh my gosh. Your words are like honey to my lips.

I am totally undeserving of any thanks or praise really, but I’ll take it. it makes me feel so good that you, one person thinks I may be doing the right thing. This means just so much to me. And frankly, so many, well everyone here, every single person has been so supportive to me, and I am so incredibly grateful. What a marvelous church we have, filled with such nice people! Thank you again, everyone. TB Crawford, wow, you are in England! Thank you for your wonderful prayers! Offered for me, a million miles away. And for even thinking of me in your daily life, this means just sooooo much, I can’t even tell you. Just to know my fellow Catholics from all around care. I get teary eyed even thinking about it. Thank you.

To: defenderoftruth:

Please friend, I am waiting to hear from you, and just how you are today, and to answer my question above. Please tell me your marital status if you please. I’d love to know.

Dear Corinne I think your husband is very lucky to have you as his wife.

‘Sometimes we do not know what we have until we no longer have it’

I sincerely hope and pray your husband regrest his unfaithfulness and confesses his sins and treats you with respect as Our Lord commanded a husband treat his wife.You are a remarkable wonderful lady.So loyal and faithful and despite being so terribly hurt you have tried ‘everything’ to make your marriage work.At the end of the day it is up to him now.HE must choose the right path.He has been given many mnay chances & opportunities to be faithful.If He breaks the marriage vowas again it is probably time to chat with your priest about your marriage.If you do separate again you do not have to seek divorce but you have evry right to live separately in security and calm.But i pray your H will change and be faithful to you and treat you as a wife should be treated.

You are a wonderful example to each of us of the sanctity of marriage and the suffering you have had to endure yet you are still striving to make your marriage work is testament to your faith and strong character.‘If God brings it to you He wil bring you through it’.You have my prayers and love and friendship God blessxx

Holy Spirit, come into Corinnes heart; draw it to Thee by Thy power, O my God, and grant her charity with filial fear. Preserve her, O ineffable Love, from every evil thought; warm her, inflame her with Thy dear love, and every pain will seem light to her. My Father, my sweet Lord, help my friend Corinne in all her actions. Jesus, love, Jesus, love. Amen.

 

[Corinne3]

Dear TB Crawford!

You are such a dear~
Thank you again… things are actually going much better just lately. It’s just got to be prayer~ from you all included~ I tend to be a worrier, one thing I need to stop doing—with God’s help…

I’d love to know more about you…what is it like living in England?

I went to school there.

Take Care~

 

[defenderoftruth]

I’m happily (most of the time) married and have been for 7 years we have two girls 1-6 year old, and 1-9 mo. old, (NFP between them plus two miscarriages) and one on the way almost 26 weeks pregnant. My husband is VERY devout but unfortunately it’s devoutly Anglo-catholic (continuing anglican) (no women priests or homosexuals, they say the rosary, pray to saints, have confession etc.) He doesn’t believe in praying to Saints (“their dead”) etc. but because he’s not “forced” to believe it it’s ok with him to attend church there. The ONLY thing we fight about is church I want badly to convert to the Catholic Church he says NO WAY!!! (he hates the Papacy and believes in the “invisible” church theory etc.) So as long as I try to convert he’s freaks out. So I’ve just decided to pray for him/my kids and myself. (and not to bring it up since he’s soooooooo against it) Hopefully it’ll change…“with God nothing is impossible”. St. Rita and St. Monica PRAY FOR US! I’ve gotten the “convert anyway” but I’m a housewife with (gonna be three) small children who don’t need to see daddy flip out all the time it would be more detrimental than good. (I would be in the church but my husband will continue to be on the attack daily) not a good thing.

There it is.

DoT

 

[Corinne3]

Hi to you today “defenderoftruth”

You sure have your trials too don’t you?

My advice is to convert even without him going along. This is what I did, and friend, it was THE best decision in my life.

Thank you again soooo much for your support and advice in my thread. YOU were very instrumental and are in my decision.

Thank you!

It;s so good to know there is someone there for you.

I hope to be there for you, of anyone who needs my prayers and help.

Love,
Corinne

 

[Ailina]

We live in a society in which most people give up on marriage far too easily. I think it is great that you are being different. The way that you view marriage reflects the values of the Catholic Church rather than society. This is a wonderful gift to your children and I hope they learn this from you.

Yeah, well, I gave up when my then husband told me he intended to start dating. On top of going out to visit the swingers he associated with in another city. Except I didn’t know he was swinging and doing other things with them, until I found the pics on his pass-word protected computer, which he forgot to shut off after our last big fight because he was going to see the swingers yet again.

There is only so much a spouse can take. The annulment decision I received just in time for Christmas re-affirmed the fact that I made the right choice. Especially for my children, because it wasn’t exactly a model of Christian marriage, was it?

 

[floresco]

Yeah, well, I gave up when my then husband told me he intended to start dating. On top of going out to visit the swingers he associated with in another city. Except I didn’t know he was swinging and doing other things with them, until I found the pics on his pass-word protected computer, which he forgot to shut off after our last big fight because he was going to see the swingers yet again.

I’m sorry that you had such a bad experience of marriage. It seems to greatly affect the sort of advice that you give. You believe that giving up on your marriage was the right decision so you seem inclined to tell everyone with problems to give up on their marriages.

It is very good that Corinne is still working on her marriage and has not given up. The Catholic Church teaches this as the ideal. This thread is not about you. It is about someone in a different situation.

 

[Ailina]

I’m sorry that you had such a bad experience of marriage. It seems to greatly affect the sort of advice that you give. You believe that giving up on your marriage was the right decision so** you seem inclined to tell everyone with problems to give up on their marriages. **

It is very good that Corinne is still working on her marriage and has not given up. The Catholic Church teaches this as the ideal. This thread is not about you. It is about someone in a different situation.

Really? Where did I tell Corinne to give up on her marriage? Or anyone else. I did say that setting up healthy boundaries are essential, but that is not the same as giving up on marriage.

I facilitate a group for people broken from broken marriages. In far too many cases, people did not set up healthy boundaries earlier in their marriages, and put up with some very unhealthy behavior from spouses who ended up abandoning them after all. Sometimes there is nothing to stay for, and it would be a wiser decision to leave sooner rather than later. Quite often, the families left behind are facing massive debt from a selfish spouse who did not care.

I must also add that you too are offering advice based on your own experience. As is everyone here. There is nothing wrong with that at all.

 

[floresco]

Really? Where did I tell Corinne to give up on her marriage? Or anyone else.

That seemed to be the implication of this comment you wrote:

There is a saying I’ve learned to recite when my marriage broke down: Let go and let God. By that I mean: sometimes there is nothing more we can do for our husbands than let go of a terrible marriage. We can and should continue to pray for them, but also need to realize that there is nothing more we can do for them within the marriage itself. Jesus does not expect us to put up with unending emotional abuse and trauma, or so I would hope. That is the lesson I learned in my marriage after sticking it out far too long.

 

[Ailina]

I think you should include the original post I was responding to, in order for this to be taken in context:

Originally Posted by floresco View Post
Certainly Mark ought to stop contacting the stripper and he must not lie to her. But Corinne has more to think about than demanding that he earn her trust. If she wants to do the right thing, then she must think about his salvation. What can she do to encourage Mark to come closer to God? How can she help Mark to fight against the sin that entangles him? And if this means more pain for her, Jesus will be with her sharing that pain, holding her close.
Floresco,

There is a saying I’ve learned to recite when my marriage broke down: Let go and let God. By that I mean: sometimes there is nothing more we can do for our husbands than let go of a terrible marriage. We can and should continue to pray for them, but also need to realize that there is nothing more we can do for them within the marriage itself. Jesus does not expect us to put up with unending emotional abuse and trauma, or so I would hope. That is the lesson I learned in my marriage after sticking it out far too long.

Corinne has every right to demand that her husband work on rebuilding her trust. It was he who broke it, and so he must be the one to repair it. She cannot blindly trust him because HE was taught her NOT to.

I stand by my words. If a spouse keeps breaking his marriage vows, no matter how hard the other spouse tries to win him/her back (a string of counsellers, marriage encounters, etc.), then sometimes the wisest thing is to let go of the marriage and let GOD TAKE OVER.