Help I feel trapped in the web of the CC

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Mintaka said:
It’s a common custom in the Latin Rite in the US and maybe Canada. It’s not recognized at all or even most parishes here, but it’s around. It’s not approved or disapproved.

Staying in the pew is approved and laudable, but not always logistically possible in all parishes.

“When in Rome, do as the Romans do”. Follow the custom of the parish you’re attending, unless you have good reason to do otherwise.
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adoremus.org/0209CDW_Blessing.html

It was disapproved by the Vatican a year ago. Attached is a link to the letter FROM the Vatican.

We should not encourage our confused and searching brother to begin a practice that is not in line with the practice of Holy Mother Church.
 
mikehere said:
That’s the thing…I did not go up…I never have…I sit in the pew…by the table w. the supplies…the servers table just happens to be next to where my wife chooses to sit…I was sitiing there while my wife & kids were kneeling after they had gone to commuion waiting for the left over hosts to be put in the tabernacle, & this commuinion person comes over w/ a host in her hand and asked me if I wanted “a commuion” I knew it was wrong & she had to also…she has sat in the front rows like we have for 10 yrs…& HAD to have known I’m not a Catholic…she is VERY active in the church - appears VERY informed / involved …it knocked me off my seat that she would do this…

Yesterday I met w/ a wonderful priest in person…something I never thought could ever happen…umong other things we talked about, he suggested this was from God…like a sign inviting me to pursue the Catholic faith…She may not have thought this out…just something God “made” her do…on impulse??? heavy stuff…coupled w/ much more…

I’m doing pretty good…also pretty scared of all this too at the same time

Again Thanks for reading / sharing w/ me…I will write more when I can

Mikehere
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Glad to hear you are meeting with a priest. Sounds like he is a good one.
Do keep in touch.

Peace
James
 
mikehere said:
That’s the thing…I did not go up…I never have…I sit in the pew…by the table w. the supplies…the servers table just happens to be next to where my wife chooses to sit…I was sitiing there while my wife & kids were kneeling after they had gone to commuion waiting for the left over hosts to be put in the tabernacle, & this commuinion person comes over w/ a host in her hand and asked me if I wanted “a commuion” I knew it was wrong & she had to also…she has sat in the front rows like we have for 10 yrs…& HAD to have known I’m not a Catholic…she is VERY active in the church - appears VERY informed / involved …it knocked me off my seat that she would do this…
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At my parish, the Eucharistic Ministers (or Priest) will TAKE the Eucharist to someone who is disabled (unable to stand/walk/etc); It sounds like they did the correct thing and ASKED you if you wanted to receive (perhaps they assumed you did - having seen you in mass all those years), and didn’t know any better - maybe they even thought they were being charitable and that you were somehow incapacitated - have YOU ever spoken to this person? Performing the role of Eucharistic Minister, at the moment, to one who has been properly trained and is striving to be holy, can position oneself into an extreme position of humility and charitableness (think about it!). Maybe she just didn’t know for sure, and didn’t want to be responsible for not offering - after all, would Jesus ever hold back from offering himself to anyone ??
 
Rob_Brown said:
Actually crossing your arms over your chest is the proper etiquette when you are not receiving the sacrament. It lets the Priest or Eucharistic Minister know that you would like a blessing and that you are not able to partake of Eucharist. It is not a questionable practice it is what you are supposed to do, it is an option open to those who are not able to partake, it is also in every description about the order of the liturgy of the Eucharist that I have ever seen, however staying in your seat is the other option and it is perfectly okay as well.
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We have gone over this about ten thousand times in this Forum, and the answer is no, no, no - the vast, vast, vast majority of priests have never even heard of this custom, it is absolutely not “proper etiquette” - it is a custom found in a very few American and Canadian parishes, but no where else on earth.

This is an international Forum with readers from Europe, Asia, South America, and other places where this custom does not exist - in the majority of places, joining the Communion line means that you want to receive Holy Communion, and hands over heart means that you want to receive on the tongue.
 
Mike,

I stumbled onto this thread while searching for something unrelated but I hope my story is helpful to you. I am an adult convert to Catholicism, I was baptized Catholic but was not brought to church nor was I catechized as a child. When I started my journey home to the Church I struggled at first with Catholic social teaching , especially in regards to sexuality. I actually was very easily swayed in this regard by the writings of Pope John Paul II. His teaching in this regard required no faith at all as the concepts of natural law are completely intellectually satisfying and well reasoned.

I continued to struggle with the idea of the real presence though. That bread and wine could become the flesh and blood of God is not reasonable. I did accept it though, I decided to believe it, if that makes sense. I also reasoned that that the power of this sacrament is in no way dependent on my feeble capacity for faith. The Eucharist does not need me believe in it for it to be real. I also developed the habit of praying for the faith to really believe before presenting myself for communion. I did this in my mind after saying out loud ; “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” My inability to fully accept transubstantiation was my unworthiness not any different than my other sinful tendencies like lust or pride or sloth. I confessed all of this and I presented myself unworthy of receiving the flesh and blood of Christ just like everyone in line. I also prayed before the exposed host when my church offered adoration in the evening and even served as an EMHC for a while. In short, I immersed myself in the culture of the Eucharist and made the decision that I was flawed not the Eucharist. The change in my mind was gradual but the change came. I got to the point where I knew that I would get on hands and knees and lick the floor of the church if a drop was spilled from one of the challises during mass. My greatest reward came very recently. My Lutheran neighbor’s father (who is Catholic) had a stroke my neighbor came to me to find out about having a priest visit him in the hospital. This lead me to later offer to visit him in his home to bring him the Eucharist and I did so one Sunday. I received as normal and offered the EMHC the pix I obtained for the occasion. I carried the pix back to the pew and knelt in prayer holding the pix (and it’s holy contents) between my folded hands. As knelt I was overwhelmed with joy and was nearly completely unaware of my surroundings (including my own 2 small children) and I felt a hand in my hands. If you can imagine kneeling before the bodily Christ and holding one of his hands in yours, that is what I experienced. It was a supernatural experience that I doubt I will experience again in my life but it is on my mind and in my heart every Sunday when I receive Holy Communion. The odd thing is that this has never seemed to me to be proof of the real presence but more of a glimpse of the fullness of the truth I decided to seek against the advice of the part of me even seeks proof.

May God bless you and lead home so you may live your vocation of leading you wife children to heaven. Conversion is miracle but miracles happen every day.
 
Mike,

I am sorry to say that I had just skimmed this thread and haven’t read everything. But I thought maybe my two cents would be useful. (although someone else may have already suggested this…if so I apologize) You might consider reading Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn. It’s an amazing story and a quick read. He wrestled with so many issues about the CC.

Thank you so much for your eagerness to learn. I understand how you could have felt so much pain feeling left out and pushed aside. I admit that for a long time I felt the same way in my Church and I’ve been Catholic my whole life. I only just recently started asking these same questions. I’m praying for you!
 
Hi…Thanks for readin…& for your thoughts…I’m still here almost everyday…I have been twice to visit w/a priest now… very helpful once I got up the nerve to do it…Some more praying by the Eucharist in a chapel near my work, & e-mailin almost everyday with a good friend I’ve made on line here at caf has helped too… I am getting it figured out.

The part I am strugglin w/ now is how to tell my wife…this has been going on a long time…& I have learned a ton…thanks to all of you. Turning my ship around is just takin a while that’s all. I hope to find the right place & time soon. I am still dumbfounded as to how she could accept / believe in / practice all that I’ve learned about her faith… all this time… & never thought to share it with me - even if she does not know the doctrine…this just does not seem like it makes any sense to me. Especially considering our exchanges back when I used to try to talk religion w/ her…

I may never understand, & that’s ok…it just seems like a square peg in a round hole to me…oh well…

God has given me numerous signs in the last few weeks this is truely what he is asking me to do…very powerful stuff. I am still incredibly fearful of all this, but sense a compulsion to keep moving forward too…time is what I need & I’ll get it…

Thanks again
Mikehere
 
mikehere said:
Hi…Thanks for readin…& for your thoughts…I’m still here almost everyday…I have been twice to visit w/a priest now… very helpful once I got up the nerve to do it…Some more praying by the Eucharist in a chapel near my work, & e-mailin almost everyday with a good friend I’ve made on line here at caf has helped too… I am getting it figured out.

**The part I am strugglin w/ now is how to tell my wife…this has been going on a long time…& I have learned a ton…thanks to all of you. Turning my ship around is just takin a while that’s all. I hope to find the right place & time soon. I am still dumbfounded as to how she could accept / believe in / practice all that I’ve learned about her faith… all this time… & never thought to share it with me - even if she does not know the doctrine…this just does not seem like it makes any sense to me. Especially considering our exchanges back when I used to try to talk religion w/ her… **

I may never understand, & that’s ok…it just seems like a square peg in a round hole to me…oh well…

God has given me numerous signs in the last few weeks this is truely what he is asking me to do…very powerful stuff. I am still incredibly fearful of all this, but sense a compulsion to keep moving forward too…time is what I need & I’ll get it…

Thanks again
Mikehere
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Mike,
Thanks for checking in. Sounds wonderful.
As I was reading the bolded section above, I thought, “Sunday is St Valentines Day”. Maybe a good day to tell your lady. Maybe not, but it’s a thought.

Also - It’s a funny thing about faith and people raised in a particular faith, but I have found that we can have a hard time explaining why we believe or why de do certain things, even things, devotions, that we love. We either don;t know enough to explain it right or we can’t explain it in a way that will make sense to someone not grounded in the faith.

Anyway - Don’t feel too badly about this. It may well be that you will be the one to explain things to your wife so that she will understand her faith more fully.

Peace
James
 
Hi Mike,

I’ve been thinking of you and I’m glad to see you are still around, still plugging away 🙂

I think James could well be right…YOU may be the one to help your wife understand her faith in ways she never has before.

This is what is happening with my mother in law as we go through the RCIA classes. (She is my sponsor) She’s a cradle Catholic and is learning that she really didn’t know as much about the teachings of the church and the whys and what fors as she thought she did. I have been a reading machine of late and I pass the books along to her so she can read them. She told me today that she is amazed at how much she is learning, how much she is understanding that she never did before, just took for granted or did/thought because that’s what she was told to do. She said she is falling in love with the CC for what she feels like is the first time. I think that’s really neat.

The woman who runs the RCIA class at my parish says that often the convert teaches much to the “older timers”.

Anyway, good luck in finding the opportunity and the words to share with your wife. I too think Valentine’s Day would be great…what a gift!

Take care~
 
Well guys here I am…Getting ready to join…

I told my wife on Valentines day as James & Lemon suggested… it went good, but lots of tears for us both ( happy ones) . Thanks so much for the push you two…I needed it, & God put you there to help me at just the right time. 🙂 Tx ! She had no idea I had been working on this… Wow has it changed our relasionship huge for the better.
We have been talking and sharing like never before. I think I had been rejecting her just as much as she rejected me over this - it’s all healing now…

Last Sun we went to church together where I’ll be doing my instruction …(not her regular church) She was totally supportive, & very happy with me for wanting to do this / finding my own way…I think she is a little intimidated though by me knowing more than she about the church…but it’s all good.

The kneeling & sigining are new and strange to me, but also feel somehow right too at the same time. I am very relieved to have shared what I’ve been up to all this time. I also have found a good leader / advisor in the Priest I am working with…He’s perfect for me.

Thought you all might like to know what’s been happening…

So Long for now, & thanks again for all your help along the way…

Mike
 
This is so wonderful to hear, Mike! God moves in his own way with each of us. I know everyone who has read you story and/or responded has been praying for you and your wife. It’s always amazing and edifying when we see the fruit of our prayers, yours, ours and your dear wife’s, come together like this. Thanks be to God!
 
mikehere said:
Well guys here I am…Getting ready to join…

I told my wife on Valentines day as James & Lemon suggested… it went good, but lots of tears for us both ( happy ones) . Thanks so much for the push you two…I needed it, & God put you there to help me at just the right time. 🙂 Tx ! She had no idea I had been working on this… Wow has it changed our relasionship huge for the better.
We have been talking and sharing like never before. I think I had been rejecting her just as much as she rejected me over this - it’s all healing now…

Last Sun we went to church together where I’ll be doing my instruction …(not her regular church) She was totally supportive, & very happy with me for wanting to do this / finding my own way…I think she is a little intimidated though by me knowing more than she about the church…but it’s all good.

The kneeling & sigining are new and strange to me, but also feel somehow right too at the same time. I am very relieved to have shared what I’ve been up to all this time. I also have found a good leader / advisor in the Priest I am working with…He’s perfect for me.

Thought you all might like to know what’s been happening…

So Long for now, & thanks again for all your help along the way…

Mike
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Mike - Glad to have helped.
You’ve just made my day.

WELCOME HOME!!!

Peace
James
 
Thought you all might like to know what’s been happening…
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this is astonishing, best, wonderful news! happy you!! happy wife!!!

God is sooooo good to us, Mike. he’s so amazingly wonderfully awesomely GOOD to us.
 
Doing the Snoopy Happy Dance

Hey Mike!

I’m thrilled beyond words with the news that you shared with your wife and how well things are going!

My husband (cradle Catholic) is also a bit intimidated by how much I know about facets of the Catholic teachings that he never truly understood, just did because he was told to or that was the way it was, you didn’t question, you just did. I’m thankful that we are now enjoying learning together. I think that’s an added plus.

I also wanted to tell you that I understand what you mean about genuflecting and crossing yourself feeling strange. In the beginning I felt like a fraud when I did those things. As time has gone on it’s coming more and more naturally. I noticed this past weekend that for the first time I just did it and did not really have to think about it. The traditions are becoming part of who I am now and that feels great.

I hope you continue to stay in touch and let us know how things are going for you and where you are in your journey.

Again, congratulations and I’m thrilled for you that you have your wife standing beside you as you walk this path.

{{{hugs}}}
 
mikehere said:
Well guys here I am…Getting ready to join…

I told my wife on Valentines day as James & Lemon suggested… it went good, but lots of tears for us both ( happy ones) . Thanks so much for the push you two…I needed it, & God put you there to help me at just the right time. 🙂 Tx ! She had no idea I had been working on this… Wow has it changed our relasionship huge for the better.
We have been talking and sharing like never before. I think I had been rejecting her just as much as she rejected me over this - it’s all healing now…

Last Sun we went to church together where I’ll be doing my instruction …(not her regular church) She was totally supportive, & very happy with me for wanting to do this / finding my own way…I think she is a little intimidated though by me knowing more than she about the church…but it’s all good.

The kneeling & sigining are new and strange to me, but also feel somehow right too at the same time. I am very relieved to have shared what I’ve been up to all this time. I also have found a good leader / advisor in the Priest I am working with…He’s perfect for me.

Thought you all might like to know what’s been happening…

So Long for now, & thanks again for all your help along the way…

Mike
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Sorry, Mike, that I didn’t see your thread sooner, but I’ll save all that for later. I’m a convert, too.

As far as going away… not so fast! Too much of this chosen faith that needs to be learned and understood to think RCIA will finish the job.

What I want to say is this. It’s almost impossible to take it all in at once. The greatest saying that helped me along my faith journey is “The Church is patient.” Remember this or you will either go nuts or into denial. Be assured 2000 years of knowledge and thinking and inspiration can’t be absorbed in a few hours a week. Take you time.

You have had a great experience here, really. It takes time to take all this stuff in. Especially if you’ve had a contrary view for a long time.

Peace!
 
Thanks guys… 🙂

You hung in there with me through this… and showed me there really are people in the church who do care. Something I never believed in until God sent you into my life.

Met w/ the Priest again yesterday and all is well…I keep learing simple things most of you probably take for granted, but that make all the difference in the world to me. I feel a tremendous sense of gratitude, and responsibility to seek God’s mission for me in his church.

I’ll keep in touch…Thanks Again everyone…’

Mikehere
 
I have to go out so haven’t read the entire thread, but I really wanted to recommend Scott & Kimberly Hahn’s Home to Rome–a book about the conversion of him and his wife to Catholicism. It really explains in a way that I think will be helpful to you about many aspects of the Catholic Church. There were times when he had experiences similar to yours, and it’s an easy read, so I think it would be helpful to you.

There are a couple more things I want to say, but I want to read the rest of the thread first. Sorry if this is repetitious!
 
mikehere said:
Thanks guys… 🙂
You hung in there with me through this… and showed me there really are people in the church who do care. Something I never believed in until God sent you into my life.
Met w/ the Priest again yesterday and all is well…I keep learing simple things most of you probably take for granted, but that make all the difference in the world to me. I feel a tremendous sense of gratitude, and responsibility to seek God’s mission for me in his church.
I’ll keep in touch…Thanks Again everyone…’
Mikehere
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Good to hear, Mike; we will keep you and your family in our prayers!👍

-G
 
St_Francis said:
I have to go out so haven’t read the entire thread, but I really wanted to recommend Scott & Kimberly Hahn’s Home to Rome–a book about the conversion of him and his wife to Catholicism. It really explains in a way that I think will be helpful to you about many aspects of the Catholic Church. There were times when he had experiences similar to yours, and it’s an easy read, so I think it would be helpful to you.

There are a couple more things I want to say, but I want to read the rest of the thread first. Sorry if this is repetitious!
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Did you mean Rome, Sweet Home? I read that book and it was Kimberly’s comment in it that got me moving on my faith journey again. Excellent book about conversion. Every convert should read it!
 
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