HELP my parents want me to go to college!

[Kasi]

Well Thank you,

See that’s one of the reasons I don’t feel like I need college as much is becuase I can study anything I wish and I am not like most students who’s idea of good reading is one book a month. I love all of my schooling and I can learn tons on my own. I would love to travel so I will pray about it and maybe take up your insightful advice.

Thanks and God Bless,

 

[maria29]

**If you have an idea of what you’d like to do for a living then I recommend looking on monster.com or careerbuilder.com or even catholicjobs.com and see how many jobs you find in the field that you’d like to work in that do not require a college degree.

Maybe this will help you make a choice. that being said I have to say I have never regreted going to college. Yes I could have studied things on my own I suppose, but I loved the whole learning atmosphere that college provided. There are certain jobs that just require a college degree and there usually isn’t anyway around that. I guess you just need to figure out what you think you’d like to do**

 

[LSK]

ok I know I am anti-college but my mom is convinced that is the only way I will ever meet anyone! So I need advice! I only want to get married but there are not young catholics where I live. What are some good catholic colleges? Where I can get my MRS degree?

Thanks and God bless

look into AVE MARIA UNIVERSITY or John Paul II University in San Diego.

 

[Rach620]

I know that the decision to go to college can be a tough one to make, but I’d definitely advise that you approach it with humility, and that you’re very open to your parents’ recommendations on the issue. If they really want you to go, you should listen to their reasons–they’re probably more valid than you think.

On a related issue–I wanted to disagree with the posters on here who say that “college isn’t necessary for an education” and that you can learn on your own everything you would in college.

Perhaps that’s true if you’re going to school for a technical or business degree, and you’re only doing it to set yourself up for a certain career. That’s not an education, it’s career training (and this is really what a lot of colleges/universities are offering).

But if you truly want to become an educated person, there is **no **way that you can do it completely on your own. A huge part of learning is being taught from those who are wiser than ourselves. We just can’t figure things out on our own, or come to the right conclusions about many things, without learning them, usually in a class-setting, from someone who is more educated on the subject. There is a certain humility to being a student which many people on this forum seem to be taking for granted.

From personal experience, I’m thinking about my liberal arts courses, especially in theology and philosophy. I have had so many brilliant professors, and classes with other students like me in which I’ve learned so much that I know never could have figured out myself.

While it’s great to try to have for yourself a lifelong pursuit of learning…everyone needs to recognize that!

 

[mrsfrazier]

The fact remains that the girl is utterly uninterested in college. Her parents, also, seem to think that the primary reason for getting her to go to school is just to get her out in the world meeting people. As such, going to “get an education” is kind of off the map and spending money on an expensive private or Catholic school might be foolhardy (especially if it only gets her into debt). Rather, I’d propose that you consider finding a job post high school, maybe live at home till you can build up enough to move to another place where there are better socializing opportunities, and see how that goes for awhile. If you truly HAVE to go to college, find some community college or state run school which doesn’t cost a whole lot. As such, you’ll have the social environment, be able to try out the life and classes, and not waste a whole bunch of moolah on something that you could end up just giving up on, anyway.

I agree with your advice…

There is plenty of time for college, it doesn’t have to happen right away or even all 4 years at once.

 

[aboverubies]

Well Thank you,

See that’s one of the reasons I don’t feel like I need college as much is becuase I can study anything I wish and I am not like most students who’s idea of good reading is one book a month. I love all of my schooling and I can learn tons on my own. I would love to travel so I will pray about it and maybe take up your insightful advice.

Thanks and God Bless,

Sure you can study and learn heaps on your own! I think what the other posters are trying to point out though is that it is difficult to convey this knowledge and learning to an employer. A person might have a love of study and reading and have spent years improving their mind but how can an employer “see this”, “measure it”, “prove it”, “grade it”. Let’s say that a manager has two applicants vying for a position. Both are intelligent with a life-long love of learning and have applied themselves to their studies. Both present well in their interview and either one would be perfect for the position. How can the manager choose between them? Well…one has the golden ticket, a piece of paper, a qualification. The other has only their word that they have equal knowledge to a college graduate. It is no longer a difficult choice for the employer…

Kasi - you have time on your side! At 17 there is absolutely no need to rush into anything you’re not entirely sure about. Take your time. Take the pressure off yourself. Enjoy daydreaming about what life may bring you. Maybe you will end up going to college. Maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll go next year. Maybe you’ll go back after you’ve had a family years from now. None of us knows what sort of life God has in store for us. It’s exciting isn’t it?!

 

[Mintaka]

Join the Air Force! Not only do they pay you, get you away from home, and let you live on your own, I guarantee you’ll meet lots of guys.

 

[Little_Mary]

Join the Air Force! Not only do they pay you, get you away from home, and let you live on your own, I guarantee you’ll meet lots of guys.

Great idea! They’ll also pay your college tuition if you go ROTC.

I know you don’t want to hear this, but

Go to School!! Get your education now while you are young and do not yet have a family, etc. to distract you!!!

 

[hasikelee]

No offense, but most college students learn little to no skills that pertain to marriage or parenting. Unless you’re a major in a science, most colleges do not require biology or anatomy (I have a B.S. and never once took a bio or anat class, but rather physics classes). You learn how to balance a checkbook when you have a checking account, college doesn’t teach that either (I learned how to balance a checkbook in 6th grade math class and when I had my own checking account in high school, I already knew how to balance my check book). Also, college does not teach communication skills. If you decide to major in comm or psych, then you may learn these skills, but again, communication skills usually is learned by an individual on their own time and many do not seek to learn “proper” communication skills unless their in a failed relationship and realize that things (including their communication) need to change.

I also believe, as a college graduate, that college can be a hinderance to many for being a good spouse. Because there is that “independence” and that expectation to be independent after college, one can get very set in their ways so as to set themselves up for lacking compromise in a marriage, living as individuals instead of as a couple.

I have heard over and over again that in recent years the first year of the first baby’s life is the hardest on a marriage and that many couples don’t make it as a result of that first year. It may have to do with the fact that before the child, the individuals in the marriage could still live a rather independent life, and when a child is involved, that’s the first time they really have to start living as a unit instead of as individuals. When two strongwilled independent people have to agree on diaper rashes and discipline, etc., there can be real problems. College doesn’t teach a person to compromise, to know which battles to choose, to sacrafice oneself for another. Individual students may do that, but whether or not they are in college would not affect or alter a person’s personality and charity.

I think the OP has a lot of skills that many college grads do not. If she’s planning on continuing the family business, she already knows all that the family business is about. I just think if someone truly does not want to attend college immediately after high school, then that should be accepted. The OP never stated that she’d NEVER go to college, she’s open to the idea, she just doesn’t want to go at this point in her life.

None taken! As I was trying to mention in my tagalong post, you won’t find much argument from me regarding the necessity of traditional schooling.

Still, college education is an additional tool in the box and its benefits should be carefully weighed against the benefits of not going to college.

It really seems to be one of those things where she should ask herself, “why not?” Why not? Because she will become less Catholic? If that’s true, she needs to strengthen her faith, not hide from a secular world.

Why not? Because it will put her in debt? Well, that is subjective. There are junior colleges, part time colleges, online colleges, etc that she could attend. She doesn’t necessarily require a 4 year degree. Has she filed the fafsa or looked at her financial picture? She might get lucky and not have to pay a dime. What are her ACT/SAT scores?

Why not? Because it is a waste of time? That is also subjective. Because it will impede with her career? How so?

I guess when you hold up the choice to go to college and the choice to not go to college, things look pretty funny. Why not just go get some college education? She can be married and go to college, too.

Still, I think most of the whole education idea is a scam and a sham. For me, it is necessary because I want to be in the medical field. So I feel even more frustrated under the burden of substandard academics, expensive tuition, anti-catholic teachers and fuzzy relativist classes. It’s a grin and bear it attitude for now!

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Still, I think most of the whole education idea is a scam and a sham. For me, it is necessary because I want to be in the medical field. So I feel even more frustrated under the burden of substandard academics, expensive tuition, anti-catholic teachers and fuzzy relativist classes. It’s a grin and bear it attitude for now!

The flip side of your complaint is the attitude of the students we educators get into our college classrooms. To say that the effort that many students wanted to put forth on their own behalf was substandard would be charitable. I wish many of them had decided to save their tuition, because an education was not what they were looking for. This is at the community college, private college, and elite public college levels. I’ve worked at places that took a lot of work to get into and those that required a checkbook and the ability to fog a mirror to get into. The difference was less than you’d think. I do not mean to say that all of my students were like that, not by a long shot. I just could not get over how some of them treated what was a considerable financial investment. You’d have thought their schooling was still free and their time worth nothing.

I used to teach general chemistry at the college level, both to majors and to pre-professionals. I got so sick of the will-this-be-on-the-test and what-will-I-use*-this*-for attitude, I could have screamed. Suffice it to say that I would not want a nurse, doctor, or paramedic at my bedside who thought it was their God-given right to avoid working their brain one minute longer than was necessary to get their license. Some could not have reasoned their way out of a wet paper bag…and not because the Good Lord hadn’t given them the goods to do better. They were just that intellectually lazy. I would have not been surprised if some of them let a patient die because common sense and a little extra effort was not in the protocol where they worked.

To students who do not want to work in order to improve their intellect, I say let them save their money and not drag down the educational experience of everyone else forced to deal with them. If you want to meet people, suffice it to say that it doesn’t take a student body card to cruise the student union for dates.

If you don’t think college is worth the many thousands of dollars and many years that you will invest in it, then save your money, because it won’t be. If you save it instead of spend it, you’ll have the luxury of changing your mind some day. Use your time at some job to make yourself money or some volunteer work to do some good in the world, instead.

 

[chicago]

The flip side of your complaint is the attitude of the students we educators get into our college classrooms. To say that the effort that many students wanted to put forth on their own behalf was substandard would be charitable. I wish many of them had decided to save their tuition, because an education was not what they were looking for. This is at the community college, private college, and elite public college levels. I’ve worked at places that took a lot of work to get into and those that required a checkbook and the ability to fog a mirror to get into. The difference was less than you’d think. I do not mean to say that all of my students were like that, not by a long shot. I just could not get over how some of them treated what was a considerable financial investment. You’d have thought their schooling was still free and their time worth nothing.

The problem, I believe, is that a college education is no longer in and of itself something of real value. It has become so commonplace and industrialized as a business that it is merely expected as a norm among many. This has effected an overall dumbing down and professionalization of trade training for the institutions where what is expected by the purchaser in this agreement is mere basic accreditdation and validation rather than real education. That works for both sides in order to keep the flow of money coming in and the “step up” towards economic advancement and the protection of being part of a certain elite society. Really, the “higher education” model we now have needs to be torn up and taken back to the drawing board basics in order for it to ever be truly worthy of man.

To students who do not want to work in order to improve their intellect, I say let them save their money and not drag down the educational experience of everyone else forced to deal with them. If you want to meet people, suffice it to say that it doesn’t take a student body card to cruise the student union for dates.

Fair enough. Tell it to the college recruiters and people in the business office who want their money, though. It starts there.

If you don’t think college is worth the many thousands of dollars and many years that you will invest in it, then save your money, because it won’t be. If you save it instead of spend it, you’ll have the luxury of changing your mind some day. Use your time at some job to make yourself money or some volunteer work to do some good in the world, instead.

Exactly!

 

[BLB_Oregon]

The problem, I believe, is that a college education is no longer in and of itself something of real value. It has become so commonplace and industrialized as a business that it is merely expected as a norm among many. This has effected an overall dumbing down and professionalization of trade training for the institutions where what is expected by the purchaser in this agreement is mere basic accreditdation and validation rather than real education. That works for both sides in order to keep the flow of money coming in and the “step up” towards economic advancement and the protection of being part of a certain elite society. Really, the “higher education” model we now have needs to be torn up and taken back to the drawing board basics in order for it to ever be truly worthy of man.

In the meantime, though, a person who wants more from their education will usually find their professors and instructors more than ready to give it. It is such a joy to find a kindred soul, someone who wants to really master the field that you have made your life. A real education is nearly always there for the taking–presuming you have chosen an institution where the mentors have themselves mastered the subject. The only sad part is that so many professors and instructors have been rebuffed in their offers so many times, you sometimes have to know to ask, and how to ask.

The “higher education” model is being re-invented, but it still depends too much on the “lecture” model, which was invented back when there weren’t enough books to go around. On that point, we can agree.

I would not go so far as to say that something which is common is therefore of lesser value. Rather, it is often held in lower esteem than it deserves. Example: the vote, civil rights, basic freedoms, baptism, marriage, and even the Mass. People treat even these profound and sacred things as commodities…and truly, they get what they bring to them and in accordance with the esteem in which they hold them. That this is done is a tragedy, and to be avoided, but it does not necessarily indicate a loss in the intrinsic worth of the thing itself.

Still, just as someone who does not believe in the True Presence should refrain from receiving communion, I think a person who does not believe in higher education should likewise wait until they do. It is a gross analogy, and not meant to put education on a level with grace, but to point out how the realities of the human heart and will operate similarly in both instances.

 

[Julianna]

Originally posted by gmarie21
I also believe, as a college graduate, that college can be a hinderance to many for being a good spouse. Because there is that “independence” and that expectation to be independent after college, one can get very set in their ways so as to set themselves up for lacking compromise in a marriage, living as individuals instead of as a couple.

Do you believe it is a hinderance for males with regard to being a good spouse?

Not jumping the gun and getting married right away could be a hinderance for being a good spouse for both. An engagement over 1 yr is a good idea, 2 even better. You get to know each other better and as we know, the rest of “family” on each side blends into the marriage, and each person brings their own baggage and quirks.

Holding off on children for the same amount of time also gives couples a chance to be “a couple”. Yes, I agree that a baby changes everything…so a couple who has college and/or job training behind them (something besides a high school diploma or GED, which is not worth much these days), should a baby come along right away…their financial picture won’t be so bleak. Each of them can work with a good benefit package, the family leave act, and a 401K to boot. Love goes right out the window when the rent is due and the baby is hungry. A wife who does not have a marketable skill will not add much to the bills should the need arise; same goes with a husband who does not have the same, hence the arguements ensue…the marriage is in trouble. It happens more often then not.

The OP, IMHO seems to be too immature to even be thinking about marriage…and at 17 is just ridiculas IMHO…a real man wants a woman who in a financial bind can be there to help the family, not whine and ask her “daddy” for money. A real man would be embarrassed that his wife would go to her daddy. As his “helpmate”, I would be out there looking for work, to help my family.

This isn’t 1955. As nice as it sounds…the economy this day and age (unless your name is Trump or Hilton) will not get a young family very far.

Keep in mind this is just my opinion.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Not jumping the gun and getting married right away could be a hinderance for being a good spouse for both. An engagement over 1 yr is a good idea, 2 even better.

I have to disagree. While a long courtship may be a very good idea, once a couple has made the decision to marry, I feel they should not wait too long. That is a long time to be on fire. Assuming the courtship was not rushed through, six months to a year is a good time frame.

 

[maria29]

I have to disagree. While a long courtship may be a very good idea, once a couple has made the decision to marry, I feel they should not wait too long. That is a long time to be on fire. Assuming the courtship was not rushed through, six months to a year is a good time frame.

**I think it all depends on the couple…For example my husband and i were engaged for 2 years but had we gotten married while i was in college i would have lost about $8,000 in financial aid ( and this is not because my husband made a lot of money at the time.)

But i do agree with you about how lazy people are in college…I worked in Production/ computer lab at my university and it was amazing how many people who were SENIORS were asking me for help with their projects when they should have known themselves how to do it!( i was also a sophomore at this time and my response many times was see this book its called a MANUAL!)

I think its important to always form a relationship with your Professors and make time to go see them during office hours. I’ve had some of the best conversations during those times and many of my professors have gone the extra mile for me…

Again to the OP i would suggest going on Monster.com or careerbuilders and see how many jobs require a college diploma in the field you want to work in…**

 

[Julianna]

I have to disagree. While a long courtship may be a very good idea, once a couple has made the decision to marry, I feel they should not wait too long. That is a long time to be on fire. Assuming the courtship was not rushed through, six months to a year is a good time frame.

not sure what you meant by “that is a long time to be on fire”.

If you meet someone, and date for awhile, say 6 months…if an enagement is announced at that time (IMHO too early)…another 18 months is plenty long enough to get to know each other, the family, plan the wedding, save for a place to live, etc. If the engagement is announced after 1 yr…it will take yet another year to get things ready for the wedding, a place to live…etc. etc. Two years goes by like nothing…with college graduations happening, settling in to new jobs…planning a wedding…it flies by. If you’re in a leased apartment or home, and have signed a year lease…the deposit will be forfieted because the lease has been broken…(the man as well as the woman)…now is the time to save those extra pennies.

There is a lot to do once the engagement is announced and time will fly by.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

not sure what you meant by “that is a long time to be on fire”.

If you meet someone, and date for awhile, say 6 months…if an enagement is announced at that time (IMHO too early)…another 18 months is plenty long enough to get to know each other, the family, plan the wedding, save for a place to live, etc. If the engagement is announced after 1 yr…it will take yet another year to get things ready for the wedding, a place to live…etc. etc. Two years goes by like nothing…with college graduations happening, settling in to new jobs…planning a wedding…it flies by. If you’re in a leased apartment or home, and have signed a year lease…the deposit will be forfieted because the lease has been broken…(the man as well as the woman)…now is the time to save those extra pennies.

There is a lot to do once the engagement is announced and time will fly by.

I guess I always put the “get to know each other” part before you get engaged. You really ought to be very sure that this is the right person to make your spouse before you announce an engagement. Calling off a wedding is not easy to do. If you put the engagement ring on too soon, I think there is too much pressure to make it work out. Unless you are dealing with something like a military deployment, I’d put off the ring until all those ducks are lined up. (Can I say, “Been there, done that”?)

By “on fire”, I mean that someone you want to marry is naturally someone you are very attracted to and will feel a desire to have marital relations with. Putting those intense desires on hold for two years without the option of pulling back and maybe socializing with somebody else or thinking about marrying anybody else is a long time. Again, if military deployment or schooling forces a long-distance separation for much of that, that is another matter. (“Been there, done that”, too.)

Obviously, if a couple gets engaged at Christmas one year, it may be 18 months before they can arrange a time and place for a summer wedding. If they had done their homework before putting the ring on, though–meaning, they didn’t say “yes” to the ring until they were ready to say “I do”-- I would see nothing wrong with marrying that following summer.

As for saving for a place to live, and so on, I wish more young people would think in those terms before they ever met someone. Alas, we think the carefree days will last forever.

 

[MTA]

Dear Kasi,
I only want to speak of my experiences, what you make of it is up to you.
Currently I am 24 years old, married to a wonderful catholic man and a nurse (schooling in Europe is a bit different to the US, so I hope I can still make myself understood).
When I was 18 I finished high school, while I was still at school for the last three months I met my (now) hubby. I, too, believed (and still do) that I didn’t need to go to uni, I wanted to get married and be a SAHM, like my mom. I honestly thought that we would be married in less than a year (I guess I was a bit immature ). Anyway, even though we were madly in love, we realised that marriage wouldn’t be an option for a few years, due to my husbands studies at uni. My parents wanted me to go to uni as well, they thought I would walk through it and I know they only wanted the best for me. So, I gave it a try for my parents sake, still knowing it wasn’t for me. By accident I came across an advertisement at uni for nursing school (in Austria you don’t go to college to be a nurse, it’s similar to school). So I enrolled in that course, studied for three years and absolutely love it. I have been working for almost two years, earning my own money, getting married in the meantime and my husband (who still studies) and I have a lovely home. I know, once we have children, I want to be a SAHM, but I guess (and I am only speaking for myself) I learned a lot (taking care of others, how to spend my money and my time, household chores, …) which is going to help me once we have a family.
My husband is very proud of me and I think if I hadn’t had the opportunity to study and have this wonderful job, we couldn’t have married so soon.
To sum it up, the Lord has been working in a very different way to what I thought my life what be like.
I wish you all the best, that you trust the Lord and find a good husband (with or without a college degree ).

 

[Amy_Marie]

Hi Kasi,

You and I are very similar; however, my family did not tell me to go to college right out of High school. After I graduated, I took a semester off and worked at a retail store. I knew that I felt called to married life, but didn’t know what to do with myself before marriage. I enrolled in a few courses at a community college and looked into some programs that interested me. I love caring for people, and also have a slightly obssesive compulsive interest in dental hygiene( an interest in the dental field in general). I am now taking courses for an Associates Degree in Dental Hygiene. Associate Degrees usually only require two years,or four semesters, of study; however, in health careers, it takes five to six semesters to complete all the courses necessary. I’m learning a skill ( getting a degree and license) that will help me get a job in the dental field.
Community Colleges allow you to take many different courses to see what interests you without having to pay out the rear.
Going to a University just to get a MRS degree is silly in my opinion. $30,000 or so a year for four years, that’s one expensive husband! Kind of makes staying at home once your married and have kids difficult when you are still paying for an education you didn’t want in the first place. Go to a University for the education. If you’re not interested, don’t go. Join a young adults group at church, join Ave Maria singles, volunteer, put yourself out there, pray for your vocation, put your heart into the family business, enjoy your life. I’m sure you will find an awesome Catholic man. Just look at how many are on here that are looking for awesome Catholic women.

Good luck girl, I will pray for you!!

 

[hasikelee]

To students who do not want to work in order to improve their intellect, I say let them save their money and not drag down the educational experience of everyone else forced to deal with them. If you want to meet people, suffice it to say that it doesn’t take a student body card to cruise the student union for dates.

If you don’t think college is worth the many thousands of dollars and many years that you will invest in it, then save your money, because it won’t be. If you save it instead of spend it, you’ll have the luxury of changing your mind some day. Use your time at some job to make yourself money or some volunteer work to do some good in the world, instead.

We must be thinking of two different ideas of college.

Excepting my amazing anatomy class & lab, there is not one thing I have learned in college up to this date. And no, we are not talking about “what you put in is what you get out.” My college experience has been nothing but a review of 8th grade, complete with the misguided youth suffering identity issues and teacher/student politics.

So I still stand by my declaration: grin and bear it. I pray everytime I attend classes that I will be able to stay in the race long enough to reach either a school or a level where I will be challenged and actually have to learn. I call it medical and law school.

Maybe some on here who have attended medical and law school will not burst my hopeful bubble by anouncing it is just as bad at that level, too.

Of course, I should not be such a pessimist. I mean, without the completely unchallenging courses, I would have been unable to continue my own business plus work at a job for 40-80hrs a week, plus have a life.