Help needed with doubt and resentment

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AussieGirl

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Hey, I’m sorry this is long!

I’m in a bit of a rut on my faith journey at the moment and I know a lot of it is due to my own sin/fault, etc. I’m not quite sure what’s going to make the difference for me to get me to a place of peace and decision, but hopefully I’ll settle down at some point.

I was raised Catholic, then left the church due to feeling like I couldn’t sustain it and suspicion/disbelief in its teachings, turning a bit agnostic in the process. Since then, I found my way back to a Christian faith through Protestant churches, during which time I had my perceptions of Catholicism shattered to the point that I believed it was a false Gospel… but there has been something within me that wanted to give Catholicism a right of reply (if only for sentimental cultural/familial reasons, as well as hoping the Church was not as bad as its accusers say because otherwise a lot of people would be going to hell). So, I’ve been doing some research into it and am understanding some teachings better (admittedly, there was a lot that I missed the first time around). There is a part of me that would love to believe Catholicism is true and to return to it but I have fluctuations between nearly getting on board with it, and then taking a few steps backwards and feeling like what I’m learning is having no effect at all. I’m conscious that a bias towards something doesn’t make it true, and sometimes God seems to answer my prayers in “Protestant” ways… (i.e., that seem to negate “religion”, rituals, Confession, etc)

I know I’m never going to have all the answers. I also know I have some other factors at play that make a return to Catholicism a bit awkward (e.g., I’d have to do a big and uncomfortable confession, and I also work in a “non-denominational” [but fairly Protestant] Christian organisation, and would probably need to eat some humble pie re: the comments I’ve made about Catholicism to friends in the past).

What I’m particularly struggling with, though, is the resentment that God seems to be working a lot in the lives of non-Catholic Christians while I have battled (e.g., with anxiety, OCD, some scrupulosity, and self-focused pride dressed up as false modesty) in this faith journey. Honestly, I resent their peace and sense of forgiveness, and I am angry at God that there doesn’t seem to be any incentive for them to move towards Catholicism if it’s the fullness of truth while I’m busting a gut trying to make sense of what the truth is and who is deceiving me.

I should be grateful that God shows grace and mercy to us all and responds to those who genuinely seek Him, I know 🙂 He has been far more gracious to me than I will ever be able to acknowledge.

I know my attitude is all wrong and am struggling to let go of it. I know my heart is not in a good state at the moment and I have to let go of what’s happening with other people.

I have to trust that when I ask God to guide me, He actually will, and that it’s not all up to me to work it out - but if anyone has had a similar experience or can see something else glaringly wrong with me, I’d appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut and prayers!

Thank you 🙂
 
PS: Regardless of my desire to be “right” here, I must acknowledge that I have A LOT to thank my Protestant friends for on this journey. It was through them that I encountered the Bible and Jesus in a different way than I ever had, because as a younger Catholic I was so focused on the rules around things like Confession, mortal sin, etc. I know that if I end up back in the Catholic church, the (name removed by moderator)ut of these friends will have made it a better and more sustainable experience because of what they’ve taught me about living out your faith EVERY day and about loving God rather than just trying to follow rules. I am also grateful for my Catholic upbringing because - although I have fallen in many ways - it taught me to care about what God thinks and to examine the conscience, which has hopefully stopped me from doing at least SOME destructive things!
 
Standard therapy: Get yourself before Christ in the Most Blessed Sacrament. Sit. Read. Pray. Tell Him your doubts, your fears, your aggravation.

Then, be as patient with Him as He has been with you.

And, as Fr. Benedict Groeschel C.F.R. taught:
“When you are aware that He is there, you will be changed.”
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Thank you 🙂

I have had more of a desire to go to Adoration in the last few weeks than I ever have (probably because I had been suspicious that it might have been idolatry). I’ve only been a few times in my life, with varying degrees of belief in His presence, so I guess I should just keep going and keep being open to the hope that He is really there. I’ve heard stories of people (including friends) having profound experiences of His presence in the Blessed Sacrament so I guess it does happen.

Yes, I am so impatient!!! Thank you for this reminder!
 
AussieGirl said:
I have had more of a desire to go to Adoration in the last few weeks than I ever have (probably because I had been suspicious that it might have been idolatry).
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Adoration becomes whatever you want it to become. If you think it is like idolatry, then it will be, if you think it is a waste of time, then it will be. If however, you take it to be the body of our Lord, you are on the start of a profound journey.
 
Not that I did, but I most certainly did not intend to sound flip, or as though I was blowing your recent history off. You are clearly in a crisis of faith - sadly very common in these days of scandal and a world which disbelieves. However, if you desire to be Christian, there is simply no better place to be than in Christ’s presence.

Sadly, in retrospect, the reformation was essentially an attack on the Eucharist, and this “poison” has trickled down through the centuries and still influences the thought of many Christians today.

simply go, and be as childlike as you can. Understand than many men and women in history have shed their blood, sacrificed their very lives, for belief in what appears to be bread, but which indeed is our Lord.

We believe this primarily because He said it. However, there are a plethora of other reasons to beieve. Still, once the Holy Spirit convicts you of Christ’s presence, you will know that you have nowhere else to go and that you are spiritually home.

Prayers for you on your journey of faith.
 
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Thank you, Eric. I guess in my mind, it either is idolatry or it isn’t, rather than it being what I want it to be… but I can appreciate where you are coming from - especially regarding it being a waste of time if I see it as such.

I was just speculating that perhaps God is opening my heart towards this teaching that Christ Himself truly is present in the Blessed Sacrament, because I have actually wanted to go. That said, I do speculate a lot, and I know I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t trying to get something out of it (even if it is clarity) for myself rather than purely going to worship our Lord. Yes, I know I have a lot to work on 🙂
 
Thank you 🙂 No, that’s cool - I appreciated you being straight up.

Yes, I have been thinking that Christ’s words in John 6 and a belief in the Eucharist might have to be THE thing that I focus on in amongst the MANY things about Catholicism that I’m still grappling with despite having more of an intellectual understanding of them than I previously did.

I wholeheartedly appreciate your prayers 🙂
 
AussieGirl said:
I guess in my mind, it either is idolatry or it isn’t, rather than it being what I want it to be…
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It helps us to focus our mind on our Lord, but you have to do something.
 
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Simply bear in mind that, for nearing 2,000 years, belief in Christ’s presence in the Eucharist has been absolutely unwavering. Periodic attacks against Christ in the Eucharist are launched, but up to this date, all have failed. With your perseverance in prayer, this attack will fail as well.

Doubt and resentment will evaporate like the morning dew. Love will blossom like the wildflowers. Remember here that flowers do not bloom overnight!
 
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Praying for you, fellow Aussie.
God grant you peace and trust in His love and truth.
 
Indeed - I get very caught up on my sin and inability to work it out rather than focusing on Him! Appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut!
 
Thank you 🙂 Yes, I get frustrated that if it’s so important, I need to believe it urgently… but perhaps God, being outside of time, is less concerned with time even though I am hung up on not being there yet.
 
I think most us of would agree that we too were at some point “trying to get something out of it”.
Sitting before the exposed Eucharist simply adoring Christ can be difficult for those of us who are easily distracted or are not comfortable not doing anything. Jesus knows this, He knows our hearts and our deepest desires. That being said, if you decide to go to Adoration just be you with distractions and all.
I agree that other Christian faiths seem to have it all together. My cousin’s who were once Catholic can pray out loud with simple heartfelt words that just seem to flow so beautifully and for the longest time I was envious. But I love Christ through the Catholic faith. Years ago I fell away from the Church but I believe with all I am that the Blessed Mother directed me back to her son.
AussieGirl, just bring your heart to Him either in Adoration or sitting quietly in your room. He is there and knows the deepest desires of your heart. Trusting Him will eventually come. I can tell you though that what brought me to the strong faith I have today was reading "Divine Mercy In My Soul by Sister (now Saint) Faustina.
May our God direct you and give you peace.
 
Hello,

In order to help accept and live the Fullness of Truth in Catholicism, consider speculating/resolving what is the greatest creation of the Creator of everything, and what must the Creator logically do in order to fulfill that creation?

God be with you!
 
With ALL “feelings” aside, it is a matter of Truth. I think you should read St. Francis De Sales “The Catholic Controversy.” This great Saint, through Scripture, charity, and wisdom explains beautifully why you should be Catholic.

I once bounced around at various Protestant churches, and while each were well intended and could make a person “feel good” they all lacked one thing, the Divine authority from God to start a church. If God Himself has not come back to earth to formally denounce His Church, then by whose authority do Protestants found new churches? That’s a very important question. And I’m not knocking their intentions, just simply pointing out that not one of them had Divine Revelation or letters from God to do so. That is a big uh oh.

And claiming to be non denominational does not lesson this fact. Anyone who can read Scripture can clearly see there is a level of authority, a clear line between ecclesial authority and laity. From whom do non denominational preachers derive their authority to bind what all faithful must believe, because if the Lord revealed a Divine Truth it is to be believed by all the members of His Church, no exceptions.

So if any peacher outside the Catholic faith tells you the Most Holy & Blessed Eucharist is not the Body & Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, does he possess the Divine authority to bind “his” interpretation to every Christian on Earth? The Catholic Church says yes we have that authority and can back it up with the laying on of hands ordaining priests in every generation all the way back to Jesus and the Apostles, and even in the OT.

Jesus wants you to base your faith on Truth, not feelings. Just remember, even when He walked the earth, people in His presence did not get the warm and fuzzies everytime they encountered Him. I can say with all certainty that when He gave His Bread of Life discourse, I bet not one person in His presence had warm feelings then! Jesus let them walk away and even asked His Apostles if they wanted to leave too. St. Peters response is the same as ours should be, where else can we go?

The Catholic Church gave us the Bible.
The Catholic Church honors the Mother of God.
The Catholic Church hears & forgives sins.
The Catholic Church upholds sanctify of life.
The Catholic Church upholds holy matrimony.
The Catholic Church is the most charitable.
The Catholic Church has Saints in every generation…
The Catholic Church has anointing of the sick.
The Catholic Church excorsises demons.
The Catholic Church has Mass around the world 24 hours a day, 365 days a year!

Yes, the Catholic Church is offering the whole world the Body & Blood of Christ, the Lamb of God, the Bread of Life non stop to the whole wide world all day every day!
 
I would suggest you read the early church fathers. Read what they wrote and you will be amazed at how much they are Catholic and not Protestant.

I would also focus on Eucharist and Reconciliation. Read more about them. They are breathtaking sacraments that sadly Protestants have nothing even close.

As for your Protestant friends having more peace, etc., I understand. I had more peace when I was Protestant because I didn’t think I could lose my salvation. I enjoyed church more because Protestants are friendlier and more focused on socializing. I’ve been Catholic for about 10 years, and other Catholics who have come into the church enjoy being Catholic waaay more than I do.

But the bottom line is, did Jesus give us a church and scripture, or just scripture? (Honestly, Christianity couldn’t have survived with scripture alone, considering most people were illiterate and didn’t have any books for hundreds and hundreds of years.) If he gave us a church, and we want to follow him, then we must make our way back to the church he established.
 
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