Help re: transgender family member

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veilofveronica

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Hi all,
My now “sister in law” came out as transgendered to the family about three years ago. I love and care about her, but don’t agree with her lifestyle. How do you mesh both? I am convinced most cases of transgender identity is due to mental health issues, which she also has and doesn’t seem to be getting the proper help for.

She’s asked my daughter (almost three) to call her auntie and we just went with it as my daughter is too young to understand…but how will I explain this when she’s older?

I want her to know I care and don’t judge her, but at the same time, don’t want to appear that I support this lifestyle.

Thanks
 
Is this your spouse’s sister? How does he/she feel about it? It’s hard to give in law advice without knowing how the partner whose family it is feels about the situation.
 
veilofveronica said:
Hi all,
My now “sister in law” came out as transgendered to the family about three years ago. I love and care about her, but don’t agree with her lifestyle. How do you mesh both? I am convinced most cases of transgender identity is due to mental health issues, which she also has and doesn’t seem to be getting the proper help for.

She’s asked my daughter (almost three) to call her auntie and we just went with it as my daughter is too young to understand…but how will I explain this when she’s older?

I want her to know I care and don’t judge her, but at the same time, don’t want to appear that I support this lifestyle.

Thanks
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I’d say if she asked her that without you OKing it first, that’s probably the first thing to address. I’d be very upset with someone addressing that with my young child without my (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
veilofveronica said:
Hi all,
My now “sister in law” came out as transgendered to the family about three years ago. I love and care about her, but don’t agree with her lifestyle. How do you mesh both? I am convinced most cases of transgender identity is due to mental health issues, which she also has and doesn’t seem to be getting the proper help for.

She’s asked my daughter (almost three) to call her auntie and we just went with it as my daughter is too young to understand…but how will I explain this when she’s older?

I want her to know I care and don’t judge her, but at the same time, don’t want to appear that I support this lifestyle.

Thanks
Click to expand...
Wow. Hum. Ok I’m a lil confused a biological man transgender woman right? Well with the politics I would expect them to remove “gender dysphoria” from the DSM eventually. Does she understand this might later have an effect on your daughter? She needs to think of that. No by no means judge her. This is a real illness as you say. Related to people who can walk but always have to be in a wheelchair or with crutches. How your daughter is effected is your concern. God Bless +
 
veilofveronica said:
Hi all,
My now “sister in law” came out as transgendered to the family about three years ago. I love and care about her, but don’t agree with her lifestyle. How do you mesh both? I am convinced most cases of transgender identity is due to mental health issues, which she also has and doesn’t seem to be getting the proper help for.

She’s asked my daughter (almost three) to call her auntie and we just went with it as my daughter is too young to understand…but how will I explain this when she’s older?

I want her to know I care and don’t judge her, but at the same time, don’t want to appear that I support this lifestyle.

Thanks
Click to expand...
How is this person related to you? I’m not clear on the relationship.
 
veilofveronica said:
I want her to know I care and don’t judge her, but at the same time, don’t want to appear that I support this lifestyle.

Thanks
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You are supporting it by calling him her. Males are him and females are her. Have a talk with him about your child. Stuff like that should be addressed ASAP, as in while it’s happening, if possible. You say, “Don’t do that, it will confuse her.”
 
veilofveronica said:
Hi all,
My now “sister in law” came out as transgendered to the family about three years ago. I love and care about her, but don’t agree with her lifestyle. How do you mesh both? I am convinced most cases of transgender identity is due to mental health issues, which she also has and doesn’t seem to be getting the proper help for.

She’s asked my daughter (almost three) to call her auntie and we just went with it as my daughter is too young to understand…but how will I explain this when she’s older?

I want her to know I care and don’t judge her, but at the same time, don’t want to appear that I support this lifestyle.

Thanks
Click to expand...
Let her call her auntie. Hug your SIL and support her. She changed genders not grew another head.
 
IMO I would let her call her auntie. And then when she learns about stuff like this, tell her that “auntie” is used instead of uncle because he would be really upset, not because it is alright to switch genders. Although he is really not a “she”, i wouldn’t recommend making your daughter address him with male pronouns. We don’t seem to realize how hurtful it is when we use the “wrong” pronouns. They just don’t “decide” to switch genders, it’s a mental struggle. Your daughter will learn about it one day

I usually try to avoid pronouns in general when talking about transgenders (but I’ll use the name they want me to use, because it is just a name)
 
Lea101 said:
IMO I would let her call her auntie. And then when she learns about stuff like this, tell her that “auntie” is used instead of uncle because he would be really upset, not because it is alright to switch genders. Although he is really not a “she”, i wouldn’t recommend making your daughter address him with male pronouns. We don’t seem to realize how hurtful it is when we use the “wrong” pronouns. They just don’t “decide” to switch genders, it’s a mental struggle. Your daughter will learn about it one day

I usually try to avoid pronouns in general when talking about transgenders (but I’ll use the name they want me to use, because it is just a name)
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I usually just use the pronouns to address people that they prefer as an act of courtesy and kindness. A Transgender person is not going to change their mind about something that has obviously been a great struggle for them just because I insist on using what they feel is the “wrong” pronoun. Doing so would just be hurtful.
 
NM505StKate said:
Let her call her auntie. Hug your SIL and support her. She changed genders not grew another head.
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“She changed genders not grew another head.”

:lol: Ok. Just grew something else maybe. Is enabling just? IDK I don’t that I know of know any transgenders. Part of the theory of Liberalism is that it’s all flowers, roses, rainbows, love. There’s sense of superiority of “Knowing what’s the right thing, a divine gift if you will.” This is what the 21 st century is all about. Politics always has to be involved.

I’ve heard over 40% suicide rates from liberal college think tanks. 10% in other studies. IDK. Well may God be With you.
 
I agree that your daughter is too young to understand at three years old, but I wouldn’t wait too long to address it. I wouldn’t say there’s a specific age, but when she starts asking questions and gets curious, I wouldn’t lie or dodge it, I would be honest and explain as best as you can. You don’t have to go into every little detail, but be clear about it. I’ve always been a proponent of talking about these kinds of issues to kids as early as possible, because if you don’t teach them that this kind of thing is not normal and morally wrong, then they will learn the opposite from another source (either the media, their friends in school, or both). For now, calling this person by whatever pronoun is probably fine, but as your daughter gets older you’ll have to address that as well. It’s a tough situation, no doubt, but if you teach them at an early age about these kinds of hot-button issues I think there’s a better chance they grow up faithful to the teachings of the Church and not buying into the media’s propaganda or political correctness. Just my opinion.
 
NM505StKate said:
Let her call her auntie. Hug your SIL and support her. She changed genders not grew another head.
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The person changed genders, please tell me how? The DNA of this person will always be that of a male - as well as the reproductive organs. The only thing this person is doing is crossdressing and acting as a member of the opposite sex.

If I put on a rabbits costume and claimed I was a rabbit, would you call me Mr. Bunny? Or would you say that I was daft and suggest I get some medical help? All this is getting ridiculous and quite out of hand.
 
Adonia said:
The person changed genders, please tell me how? The DNA of this person will always be that of a male - as well as the reproductive organs. The only thing this person is doing is crossdressing and acting as a member of the opposite sex.

If I put on a rabbits costume and claimed I was a rabbit, would you call me Mr. Bunny? Or would you say that I was daft and suggest I get some medical help? All this is getting ridiculous and quite out of hand.
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Exactly!
 
Many families refer to aunts and uncles by simply using the person’s name alone without naming the relationship title.
 
NM505StKate said:
Let her call her auntie. Hug your SIL and support her. She changed genders not grew another head.
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That is just the thing: It is just as impossible to change genders as it is to grow another head. The Vatican has confirmed that operations and other medical treatments meant to relieve the deep-seated unease of someone suffering from gender dysphoria does not in fact change the patient’s gender. If a person of color convinced some physicians to bleach out all sign they were born with certain DNA, that wouldn’t mean they actually have the phenotype they appear to have. It would mean they feel better pretending they have a genetic make-up that they were not born with, but it wouldn’t change who they are.
 
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