Help re: transgender family member

[Sarah_B_Good]

There are a lot of people who wouldn’t respond to a poster who accused them of saying such a repulsive and outrageous thing as you just accused me of saying. How is someone with this problem supposed to feel, reading that? This is your idea of supporting people, telling them that anyone who doesn’t believe it is possible for a man to become a woman or vice versa really despises them and hopes they kill themselves? You’re telling them that someone who only accepts that they are painfully confused about their gender but does not accept the idea they are really a gender that in reality they can never be does not accept them and therefore gives them a reason to kill themselves, as surely as if they were pushing them over a cliff?!? You ought to be ashamed of yourself!!

You are saying the end justifies the means, then? If someone can’t accept an aspect of who they are, then lie to them and tell them you can make them into someone else they’d rather be, and then they won’t commit suicide?

What about people who have body dysmorphic disorder? If you send them to a plastic surgeon to have their faces remade, does that fix their crippling anxiety about their appearance? No, it doesn’t. Why? *Because their problem wasn’t that they were ugly! *Their problem is that they are obsessed with the idea that they are ugly. Lying to them does not solve their problem. Giving in to the idea that they are right about their looks and everyone else is wrong doesn’t solve the problem.

I agree that others ought to go to great lengths to avoid shunning or practicing discimination against someone suffering from this kind of confusion about their gender. There is no excuse for demeaning someone for suffering from this kind of issue.

I cannot agree that supporting the pretense that someone’s gender can be changed is a moral choice. Objectively speaking, it is a lie. I can totally believe that they believe what they believe, but a person’s self-concept about their identity is not infallible or even immutable. More to the point, complicity with a false pretense does not solve the problem. Even after the experiment of transitioning, the suicide rate among these unfortunate people is still through the roof.

Truth is not always easy to hear. The irony is that you want transgendered people to hear “the truth” that they have accepted and are living “a lie,” and yet you are outraged when someone quite correctly informs you about the truth that rejecting people in this way does have detrimental consequences. You don’t want to believe that the attitudes you express have hurtful consequences, I understand that. But whatever your opinion about transgenderism, there is no controversy about the finding that the suicide rate is far higher for those who do not find acceptance. And I am not suggesting that this begins to addresses the morality of issue, only that facts are facts and pretending that lack of acceptance does not influence suicide rates only makes you feel better, but turns your back to the scientific evidence.

 

[gardenswithkids]

This is completely uncharitable in my opinion. No one here is advocating saying those words to anyone, but you already know that. Easter Joy and others** are advocating what the Catholic church teaches, **the Catholic church is clear that someone cannot change their gender. You are free to disagree of course, but please do so politely.

Perhaps since you said you have “personally seen” what happens that you have lost a loved one to suicide. I can only imagine how sad this must have made you or your family or friends. If you have I am sorry, still, we need to keep these discussions charitable. God bless.

Yes. And the Catholic Church also teaches that suicide is wrong. When faithful Catholics advocate that people stop one type of sin, they certainly aren’t encouraging them to embrace a mortal sin like suicide. People who feel inclined to hurt themselves because of what they think the Catholic Church teaches would do well to listen to *all that the Catholic Church teaches. They are beloved children of God. Their value and worth goes far beyond *their clothes, hair, make-up, breast size, etc.-- because, as fellow members of the human race, they were created in the image of God.

 

[EasterJoy]

Truth is not always easy to hear. The irony is that you want transgendered people to hear “the truth” that they have accepted and are living “a lie,” and yet you are outraged when someone quite correctly informs you about the truth that rejecting people in this way does have detrimental consequences. You don’t want to believe that the attitudes you express have hurtful consequences, I understand that. But whatever your opinion about transgenderism, there is no controversy about the finding that the suicide rate is far higher for those who do not find acceptance. And I am not suggesting that this begins to addresses the morality of issue, only that facts are facts and pretending that lack of acceptance does not influence suicide rates only makes you feel better, but turns your back to the scientific evidence.

I think I was very clear that it is not excusable to reject anybody. I think I have been pretty clear that busybodies who feel a need to go around “informing” people when they have the option of MYOB also have a hole in their upbringing. Please do remember that I"m in favor of addressing the sibling as Nicole when you grew up calling him Nick, if Nicole is what he wants to be called, and treating him with every courtesy except complicity in what your conscience deems to be a blatant falsehood. There is a compromise available, here. Surely if Nicole needs to have everyone pretend that the past never happened and that his immutable DNA is also a lie, changing pronouns is not going to fix that. The truth is always going to be there. Accepting that he has a “Y” and always will is an attainable goal, wouldn’t you say?

The fact is that people who go through the treatment currently called transitioning are not magically cured. More to the point, the ones who started out as men are still men and the ones who started out as women are still women. That is the science, so let’s not make a social and psychiatric experiment into the “scientific fact” and the immutable biology into a cultural construct, shall we?

I don’t have a problem, by the way, with allowing people who have chosen this treatment to use the bathroom that matches the construct they’re living. Why? For the simple reason that sexual assaults by the persons in question in one bathroom are very rare, whereas assaults on the persons in question in the other kind of bathroom are unfortunately too common. Even if some idiots were to try to get a chance to leer at someone by putting on gender-opposite clothing, it is not as if there is no privacy at all in a multi-user bathroom. (If the risk ration changes, we’ll probably need to invest in a whole lot of single-user bathroom facilities for anyone concerned about that. Oh well. We could manage that, as the multiplication of family bathrooms can show.)

 

[billcu1]

Yes. And the Catholic Church also teaches that suicide is wrong. When faithful Catholics advocate that people stop one type of sin, they certainly aren’t encouraging them to embrace a mortal sin like suicide. People who feel inclined to hurt themselves because of what they think the Catholic Church teaches would do well to listen to *all that the Catholic Church teaches. They are beloved children of God. Their value and worth goes far beyond *their clothes, hair, make-up, breast size, etc.-- because, as fellow members of the human race, they were created in the image of God.

Does the church teach that suicide is a mortal sin? There certainly is doubt from what I’ve heard. You must be in full knowledge and consent for mortal sin. If someone is contemplating suicide their “full faculties” are to me in question.

 

[EasterJoy]

Does the church teach that suicide is a mortal sin? There certainly is doubt from what I’ve heard. You must be in full knowledge and consent for mortal sin. If someone is contemplating suicide their “full faculties” are to me in question.

You can kill yourself in cold blood just as surely as you can kill someone else in full blood. You can be relieved of culpability in either case, but no one ought to assume that when they contemplate these actions.

From the CCC

*Suicide

2280 Everyone is responsible for his life before God who has given it to him.
It is God who remains the sovereign Master of life.
We are obliged to accept life gratefully and preserve it for his honor and the salvation of our souls.
We are stewards, not owners, of the life God has entrusted to us.
It is not ours to dispose of.

2281 Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life.
It is gravely contrary to the just love of self.
It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations.
Suicide is contrary to love for the living God.

2282 If suicide is committed with the intention of setting an example, especially to the young, it also takes on the gravity of scandal.
Voluntary co-operation in suicide is contrary to the moral law.
Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.

2283 We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. the Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.*

I can tell you from experience that it does depressed persons a grave disservice to ever tell them they have any moral right to kill themselves.

 

[billcu1]

You can kill yourself in cold blood just as surely as you can kill someone else in full blood. You can be relieved of culpability in either case, but no one ought to assume that when they contemplate these actions.

From the CCC

*Suicide

2280* Everyone is responsible for his life before God who has given it to him.
It is God who remains the sovereign Master of life.
We are obliged to accept life gratefully and preserve it for his honor and the salvation of our souls.
We are stewards, not owners, of the life God has entrusted to us.
It is not ours to dispose of.

2281 Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life.
It is gravely contrary to the just love of self.
It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations.
Suicide is contrary to love for the living God.

2282 If suicide is committed with the intention of setting an example, especially to the young, it also takes on the gravity of scandal.
Voluntary co-operation in suicide is contrary to the moral law.
Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.

2283 We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. the Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.

I can tell you from experience that it does depressed persons a grave disservice to ever tell them they have any moral right to kill themselves.

Thank you very much for the citations. I have never seen them. 2282 speaks of I believe what I meant changing the responsibility but not excusing the action. I thought it might be possible to totally excuse. But I didn’t know. Are you aware of any elaboration on 2283 ? I would like some abortionists to understand “it is not ours to dispose of”.

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you very much for the citations. I have never seen them. 2282 speaks of I believe what I meant changing the responsibility but not excusing the action. I thought it might be possible to totally excuse. But I didn’t know. Are you aware of any elaboration on 2283 ? I would like some abortionists to understand “it is not ours to dispose of”.

If you look at the catechism online, it isn’t hard to look up the footnotes. Besides scriptural citations, they are typically primary sources such as encyclicals, documents from church councils and writings of Doctors of the Church:
vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM

This is a nice site, too. In my experience, it is very well-maintained:
scborromeo.org/ccc.htm

 

[Brygida]

I think I was very clear that it is not excusable to reject anybody. I think I have been pretty clear that busybodies who feel a need to go around “informing” people when they have the option of MYOB also have a hole in their upbringing. Please do remember that I"m in favor of addressing the sibling as Nicole when you grew up calling him Nick, if Nicole is what he wants to be called, and treating him with every courtesy except complicity in what your conscience deems to be a blatant falsehood. There is a compromise available, here. Surely if Nicole needs to have everyone pretend that the past never happened and that his immutable DNA is also a lie, changing pronouns is not going to fix that. The truth is always going to be there. Accepting that he has a “Y” and always will is an attainable goal, wouldn’t you say?

The fact is that people who go through the treatment currently called transitioning are not magically cured. More to the point, the ones who started out as men are still men and the ones who started out as women are still women. That is the science, so let’s not make a social and psychiatric experiment into the “scientific fact” and the immutable biology into a cultural construct, shall we?

I don’t have a problem, by the way, with allowing people who have chosen this treatment to use the bathroom that matches the construct they’re living. Why? For the simple reason that sexual assaults by the persons in question in one bathroom are very rare, whereas assaults on the persons in question in the other kind of bathroom are unfortunately too common. Even if some idiots were to try to get a chance to leer at someone by putting on gender-opposite clothing, it is not as if there is no privacy at all in a multi-user bathroom. (If the risk ration changes, we’ll probably need to invest in a whole lot of single-user bathroom facilities for anyone concerned about that. Oh well. We could manage that, as the multiplication of family bathrooms can show.)

I am clinical psychologist with 50 years of experience working with LGBT peoples, now retired old lady. Obvious to you I’m sure that English is not my first language, but if I may, I would like to clarify some issues that seem quite misunderstood.

Hormone therapy and surgical interventions, including sex reassignment surgery are not meant to be cures. Any transgendered person who seeks these treatment and procedures as a “cure” is not properly counseled and prepared and will not likely be approved by a trained therapist for such interventions. It is very true that one cannot change his/her past, and cannot alter his/her DNA, but this is not the point of such treatments. These medical treatments and surgical interventions are meant to help the transgendered individual feel more comfortable in his/her own body and thus live a more authentic life. While these individuals may “pass” quite successfully, they still will identify as transgendered men or women. They do not claim as you have suggested that anything magical has occurred with the help of modern science. There is no “cure” so to speak, and a responsible therapist would never recommend these procedures for individuals view such procedures as a “cure.”

One should not confuse a transgendered person’s desire to be able to use the restroom that corresponds with their gender identify with the inability to grasp the limitations of the procedures modern medicine can provide.

I would be most happy to answer any questions you may have on the subject. That we may understand our brothers and sisters and see God love within them. May God bless you and keep you. You sister in Christ, Brygida.

 

[billcu1]

I am clinical psychologist with 50 years of experience working with LGBT peoples, now retired old lady. Obvious to you I’m sure that English is not my first language, but if I may, I would like to clarify some issues that seem quite misunderstood.

Hormone therapy and surgical interventions, including sex reassignment surgery are not meant to be cures. Any transgendered person who seeks these treatment and procedures as a “cure” is not properly counseled and prepared and will not likely be approved by a trained therapist for such interventions. It is very true that one cannot change his/her past, and cannot alter his/her DNA, but this is not the point of such treatments. These medical treatments and surgical interventions are meant to help the transgendered individual feel more comfortable in his/her own body and thus live a more authentic life. While these individuals may “pass” quite successfully, they still will identify as transgendered men or women. They do not claim as you have suggested that anything magical has occurred with the help of modern science. There is no “cure” so to speak, and a responsible therapist would never recommend these procedures for individuals view such procedures as a “cure.”

One should not confuse a transgendered person’s desire to be able to use the restroom that corresponds with their gender identify with the inability to grasp the limitations of the procedures modern medicine can provide.

I would be most happy to answer any questions you may have on the subject. That we may understand our brothers and sisters and see God love within them. May God bless you and keep you. You sister in Christ, Brygida.

I would like to ask a technical question. IDK how much relevancy the DSM or psychology as a “science” or philosophy has. And the political influence is terrible but concerning Gender Dysphoria. Do you notice affectivity issues in transgenders? Is this connation or cognitively related? It will probably eventually be removed from a future DSM anyway.

 

[EasterJoy]

I am clinical psychologist with 50 years of experience working with LGBT peoples, now retired old lady. Obvious to you I’m sure that English is not my first language, but if I may, I would like to clarify some issues that seem quite misunderstood.

Hormone therapy and surgical interventions, including sex reassignment surgery are not meant to be cures. Any transgendered person who seeks these treatment and procedures as a “cure” is not properly counseled and prepared and will not likely be approved by a trained therapist for such interventions. It is very true that one cannot change his/her past, and cannot alter his/her DNA, but this is not the point of such treatments. These medical treatments and surgical interventions are meant to help the transgendered individual feel more comfortable in his/her own body and thus live a more authentic life. While these individuals may “pass” quite successfully, they still will identify as transgendered men or women. They do not claim as you have suggested that anything magical has occurred with the help of modern science. There is no “cure” so to speak, and a responsible therapist would never recommend these procedures for individuals view such procedures as a “cure.”

One should not confuse a transgendered person’s desire to be able to use the restroom that corresponds with their gender identify with the inability to grasp the limitations of the procedures modern medicine can provide.

I would be most happy to answer any questions you may have on the subject. That we may understand our brothers and sisters and see God love within them. May God bless you and keep you. You sister in Christ, Brygida.

Thank you. How is the concept of “passing” reconciled with the concept of authenticity? How does authenticity require medication to suppress one’s body and surgery to remove parts of it? How is it that it is the external reality that has to be altered in order to reach a feeling of authenticity rather than the interior attitude towards one’s body? What happens to the persona that is…what is the term used? Left behind? Shed? Suppressed? What is someone who becomes Nicole doing about Nick? How does Nick exist in the person’s mind? How does affection people had for Nick exist in the person’s mind? Is it felt the way actors might feel about the characters that everyone permanently associates with them?

Also, could you compare and contrast gender dysphoria with body dysphoria? I mean how they differ in terms of the challenge itself and also the strategies that would be considered for coping with each one. Do you see much overlap in those two conditions? Where does species dysphoria fit into this picture? Is that something of a similar kind or something as different as a stab in the heart is from a heart attack?

 

[billcu1]

Thank you. How is the concept of “passing” reconciled with the concept of authenticity? How does authenticity require medication to suppress one’s body and surgery to remove parts of it? How is it that it is the external reality that has to be altered in order to reach a feeling of authenticity rather than the interior attitude towards one’s body? What happens to the persona that is…what is the term used? Left behind? Shed? Suppressed? What is someone who becomes Nicole doing about Nick? How does Nick exist in the person’s mind? How does affection people had for Nick exist in the person’s mind? Is it felt the way actors might feel about the characters that everyone permanently associates with them?

Also, could you compare and contrast gender dysphoria with body dysphoria? I mean how they differ in terms of the challenge itself and also the strategies that would be considered for coping with each one. Do you see much overlap in those two conditions? Where does species dysphoria fit into this picture? Is that something of a similar kind or something as different as a stab in the heart is from a heart attack?

“Body integrity Identity Disorder” IDK who gets these terms.

 

[Brygida]

I would like to ask a technical question. IDK how much relevancy the DSM or psychology as a “science” or philosophy has. And the political influence is terrible but concerning Gender Dysphoria. Do you notice affectivity issues in transgenders? Is this connation or cognitively related? It will probably eventually be removed from a future DSM anyway.

Yes of course. I am happy to answer your question. Among those individuals diagnosed with gender dysphoria, the most common Axis I comorbidity is major depressive disorder, followed by dysthymic disorder, both of which are indeed affective disorders and are widespread among this particular population. Other affective disorders such as bipolar I & II are not common in this community.

I am assuming that you ask whether correlation is indicative of causation or intrinsic to gender dysphoria itself, which I would say is not supported by the evidence. The feeling of being “trapped” in body that does not match internal sense of gender is quite understandably distressing to the individual and I think understandably may lead to above mentioned affective disorders. Further evidence suggests that in many people symptoms of these affective disorders are diminished by transition therapies, such as hormonal therapy and surgical interventions.

In my own therapeutic experience, the most common indicators of continued depressive symptoms are related to perceived success of transition, support of friends and family, treatment by/acceptance of society in general and other environmental factors.

Regarding the DSM, I believe that the change from Gender Identity Disorder to Gender Dysphoria was an appropriate change because it is more precise wording. As we continue to learn more about this condition, the DSM may further refine, but I do not believe that it will or ought be removed from DSM. I do not envision such a thing occurring. One must remember that the DSM not only creates a common vocabulary among mental health professionals, but also provides a common guidance in treatment modalities.

I hope I have understood and answered your questions to your satisfaction. Please feel free to clarify if I have misunderstood or provided inadequate response.

God bless, Brygida

 

[Brygida]

Thank you. How is the concept of “passing” reconciled with the concept of authenticity? How does authenticity require medication to suppress one’s body and surgery to remove parts of it? How is it that it is the external reality that has to be altered in order to reach a feeling of authenticity rather than the interior attitude towards one’s body? What happens to the persona that is…what is the term used? Left behind? Shed? Suppressed? What is someone who becomes Nicole doing about Nick? How does Nick exist in the person’s mind? How does affection people had for Nick exist in the person’s mind? Is it felt the way actors might feel about the characters that everyone permanently associates with them?

Also, could you compare and contrast gender dysphoria with body dysphoria? I mean how they differ in terms of the challenge itself and also the strategies that would be considered for coping with each one. Do you see much overlap in those two conditions? Where does species dysphoria fit into this picture? Is that something of a similar kind or something as different as a stab in the heart is from a heart attack?

My apologies. I have commitments this morning, including a celebration of the Mass and small speaking engagement. I am very happy to devote time to your concerns and will respond to with haste when able later today. Thank you kindly for your patience.

God bless you this glorious day.
Brygida

 

[EasterJoy]

God bless, you offer a unique and interesting perspective.

However the primary focus and question in this thread is not what is best for a grown and mature adult. The primary focus of this thread is what is best for a young child. When you wrote about “support of friends and family” do you mean that a 3-4 year old is bound to be supportive? A parent cannot have a child go along with something that is against Catholic church teaching just to be supportive of a grown adults feelings and make them feel better.

It would be to a young child’s detriment to call a man “auntie” it is disordered and confusing.

How your family treats your uncle who thinks he is a woman or your aunt who thinks a woman can marry a woman or your grandpa who has an opinion about it all teaches you about how you deal charitably with both unbelievers and believers who refuse correction (and are not ultimately yours to correct).

Sometimes I think small children are as equipped to deal with these things as anyone is. A child will feel more secure when she learns that her family can support her as a person while not supporting everything she thinks, says or does. It also teaches her the kind of expectations that she can realistically place on others.

No matter what your cultural boundaries are, we can all describe a family member who would think it their right to espouse the opposite or a classmate or teacher who will, so this is a lesson that may as well be learned in preschool.

 

[billcu1]

Yes of course. I am happy to answer your question. Among those individuals diagnosed with gender dysphoria, the most common Axis I comorbidity is major depressive disorder, followed by dysthymic disorder, both of which are indeed affective disorders and are widespread among this particular population. Other affective disorders such as bipolar I & II are not common in this community.

I am assuming that you ask whether correlation is indicative of causation or intrinsic to gender dysphoria itself, which I would say is not supported by the evidence. The feeling of being “trapped” in body that does not match internal sense of gender is quite understandably distressing to the individual and I think understandably may lead to above mentioned affective disorders. Further evidence suggests that in many people symptoms of these affective disorders are diminished by transition therapies, such as hormonal therapy and surgical interventions.

In my own therapeutic experience, the most common indicators of continued depressive symptoms are related to perceived success of transition, support of friends and family, treatment by/acceptance of society in general and other environmental factors.

Regarding the DSM, I believe that the change from Gender Identity Disorder to Gender Dysphoria was an appropriate change because it is more precise wording. As we continue to learn more about this condition, the DSM may further refine, but I do not believe that it will or ought be removed from DSM. I do not envision such a thing occurring. One must remember that the DSM not only creates a common vocabulary among mental health professionals, but also provides a common guidance in treatment modalities.

I hope I have understood and answered your questions to your satisfaction. Please feel free to clarify if I have misunderstood or provided inadequate response.

God bless, Brygida

To me a lay person, the difference in dysthymia and major depression would be major depressive would be worse and more present. You do indeed have a unique insight here. Thank you for sharing. I have heard suicide rates spanning from 11% to in the 40-45% range. That’s a big difference. Now IDK about placebo rates but in your opinion is the suicide rates significantly higher in the transgender populace that the non-transgender populace? IDK if you look at “transables” or persons with who need wheelchairs, crutches and so on although there’s nothing wrong. As Catholics we of course do not agree with “mutilation” which would be the surgery aspect. Is there another route these persons can take to relieve their anxieties ? The credibility of the suicide rates is my main question.

Bill

 

[EasterJoy]

I enjoy your posts and your reasoning, I just completely disagree with you here, especially that a small child is just as equipped to deal with these things as anyone. Children need much adult guidance, especially for issues that may be extremely difficult for them to process.

When young children are forced to deal with things sometimes their parents have no choice but to have their child cope. However, there are complex emotional and spiritual matters that in my opinion families would be better to wait and discuss with each child as they are ready, things such as sexuality, homosexuality, abortion, transgender issues, and suicide. These are all matters that yes, a child will confront eventually but I would never dump any of them in the lap of a preschooler unless I had to (next door neighbor started wearing dresses so was forced to explain it, grandfather committed suicide) otherwise i would wait. God bless your day.

Just to clarify, I am talking about the situation where Uncle Nick starts showing up at family events in a dress and asking to be called Aunt Nicole, not getting your four-year-old tickets to a taping of a daytime shock psychology show. The child is old enough to know Uncle Nick and to know he’s your brother. It is very important that your child sees you are not shunning Uncle Nick, not saying he is a bad person for having this confusion, and so on. Remember, Uncle Nick is being told by doctors that acting like this is correct. He means well and he’s trying to do the best he can. It’s not like he’s showing up drunk or being abusive.

If my four-year-old’s grandfather committed suicide, by the way, I wouldn’t get into the cause of death if the child wasn’t a witness. I would just reassure the child that Grandpa had something serious but not something that one of us would catch.

It is OK, by the way, to answer a child’s question with: “Well, it is complicated. I don’t have an explanation that would help you. Maybe by the time you’re older I will, but right now, I don’t. I can reassure you that _____, which I know worries you, but there are other things I don’t know or can’t explain.” If you don’t know how to explain something, say so. Don’t serve up a bad explanation that you know isn’t really right or that won’t help.

By saying that a 4 year old is as equipped as anyone, I mean that they are rather used to situations they do not understand and know they can’t control. They are used to not getting a say in how other people act, to just muddling through and doing what they know how to do: being kind, not giving an opinion when it wasn’t asked for, and simply going with the flow of what life throws at them. Sometimes, adults have a much harder time coping with the world not being what they know it ought to be than four-year-olds have.

 

[Brygida]

Thank you. How is the concept of “passing” reconciled with the concept of authenticity? How does authenticity require medication to suppress one’s body and surgery to remove parts of it? How is it that it is the external reality that has to be altered in order to reach a feeling of authenticity rather than the interior attitude towards one’s body? What happens to the persona that is…what is the term used? Left behind? Shed? Suppressed? What is someone who becomes Nicole doing about Nick? How does Nick exist in the person’s mind? How does affection people had for Nick exist in the person’s mind? Is it felt the way actors might feel about the characters that everyone permanently associates with them?

Also, could you compare and contrast gender dysphoria with body dysphoria? I mean how they differ in terms of the challenge itself and also the strategies that would be considered for coping with each one. Do you see much overlap in those two conditions? Where does species dysphoria fit into this picture? Is that something of a similar kind or something as different as a stab in the heart is from a heart attack?

You have asked many questions, all of which are characterised by a lack of understanding of gender dysphoria, and I would have you know that such scepticism is a very normal and understandable reaction. I certainly fault you not in that regard. Rather than answering your questions one by one, I shall try to provide you with a better understanding of this condition and clarify anything that might elicit further questions you may have. I suggest this because all of my answers to your inquiries require at least very basic overview of the underlying theory so please to bear with. I promise that I will try the best to avoid jargon and highly technical aspects.

This is a difficult issue for most of us to even conceive of, because our own sense of gender identity is so ingrained and intertwined with our personalities and general sense of self that we cannot even imagine such a conflict could exist. Because we feel no conflict, we believe that our bodies are the determinative factor, but the truth is that our sense of self, more specifically our gender identity is a function of our brains, the development of which may cause incongruent manifestations.

I will not go into the studies, which would require lengthy explanations, but we know from such studies that male and female brains not only show functional differences, but also structural differences particularly in regard to the hypothalamus, amygdala and corpus callosum. Individuals with gender dysphoria show functional and structural differences consistent with the opposite sex of that to which they were born. There is much more to say about this, but I will leave it there for the time.

The question then focuses on treatment. How do we help these individuals?

 

[Brygida]

Perhaps this is enough to say for now. I would simply ask you to pray about this. I will be most happy to answer all of your questions in good time and invite you to voice your questions and skepticism. I work with LGBT community for many many years. I did not reach my level of understanding overnight.

I am educated woman with multiple PhDs, but I will confess that the more education and the deeper the wisdom I have gained, the more I am aware of the vastness of God’s creation and how much more there is that is quite beyond our understanding as human beings. Contemplative prayer has been the greatest gift for me in understanding and assisting my clients over the many years. Always stillness, silencing our minds, opening our hearts in prayer, receptive to the love through which comes our greatest understanding.

 

[mommy_k]

What I gleamed from this that there are other medically diagnosed illnesses or conditions present in a transgendred person. There for I would give the same dignity to this person any other person suffering from something similar. If I had a relative that was depressed and had negative behaviors resulting from the depression, I would guard my child from the negative behaviors.

I would not allow a young child to be around some one with a major illness that has a chance of affecting her emotional or physical self. This is not saying I would not personaly treat the relative with Christianlove…I also have to treat my child with love and guidance and there are some thngs in life that need to be put on the back burner until the child grows and can understand this concept.

If this was my relative, I would explain this to them in a kind way. That although, we love them this concept is too advanced for our 4 year old to grasp. I woud also ask the relative what the solution to this could be. In my mind it would be to dress gender neutral and not be called aunt when with the child.But I would allow them to come up with this plan. If the 4 year old is important to them, they may think of this.

 

[EasterJoy]

Both situations are problematic as I see it though. I would quit bringing my four year old to family events where he sees Uncle Nick and is forced to call him “Aunt Nicole.” I can still attend, just not the four year old.

I lived this situation, I had to consult a priest because this situation actually happened to a loved one. I was given instruction that I, as an adult was to love and embrace this person. However I was cautioned that I was to keep my young impressionable children away they are not to call this person by their other-gender name because it is disordered. There is an attempt by many to force this lifestyle into the hearts and minds of young impressionable children, and Christians are falling prey to thinking they have to go along with it or they are unkind. There is a difference between an adult shunning someone, and a child keeping distance because they are not emotionally mature enough to understand it is disordered.

Agree to disagree here, thank you for the interesting discussion. God bless.

What I gleamed from this that there are other medically diagnosed illnesses or conditions present in a transgendred person. There for I would give the same dignity to this person any other person suffering from something similar. If I had a relative that was depressed and had negative behaviors resulting from the depression, I would guard my child from the negative behaviors.

I would not allow a young child to be around some one with a major illness that has a chance of affecting her emotional or physical self. This is not saying I would not personaly treat the relative with Christianlove…I also have to treat my child with love and guidance and there are some thngs in life that need to be put on the back burner until the child grows and can understand this concept.

If this was my relative, I would explain this to them in a kind way. That although, we love them this concept is too advanced for our 4 year old to grasp. I woud also ask the relative what the solution to this could be. In my mind it would be to dress gender neutral and not be called aunt when with the child.But I would allow them to come up with this plan. If the 4 year old is important to them, they may think of this.

I will concede that this is one of those situations that has to be handled on a case-by-case basis. The way the whole family is handling the situation and the way the parent discerns the individual child could be expected to take it makes a huge difference. Some children roll with what others are doing without feeling any need to conform, whereas others are upset by any perceived conflict, seek to imitate anything they see that is novel, or have other personality traits that could make a given family gathering a bad experience for them on the whole.

Yes, in the end the child is the one who is the most vulnerable and dependent on others to care for him or her, the one whose long-term welfare must be seen to first. By “child,” I do not just mean four year olds, either. The parents have a duty to all their children for as long as they are minors. Those children going through a passage of life where anything that generates drama has a certain glamour could be more vulnerable to harm than a much younger child. Situations like this are a reason parents have authority over their children while they are minors.