Here we go again - another problem waiting to explode

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Talk to your priest about difficulties with getting to Mass. I wouldn’t blow this out of porportion, but you’ll always find voices online who insist you need to.
 
Talk to your priest. Chances are you will get a more charitable answer than some of the answers you could get here. Regardless, you will get sound truth rather than opinion.
 
Ironically, I went to my pastor some time ago about a very difficult personal issue and, to my surprise, he was more charitable than I expected. So charitable, in fact, that what he told me was in sharp contrast to anything I read on this website. As a result, I discussed it with another priest who told me the exact opposite. I am to the point where I sometimes don’t know who to believe. Most of the people on this website are more knowledgeable than my parish priest, but are often a bit too harsh and rigid. I try my best to sort through the advice and go with what makes the most sense to me.
I am surprised that no one responded directly to my last post including the story about my wife’s brother. That is really an important part of my issue.
 
TruthSkr said:
I am surprised that no one responded directly to my last post including the story about my wife’s brother. That is really an important part of my issue.
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I am sorry for their pain and will pray for healing in your family.
 
Frankly, I think our Lord would prefer I comfort my wife in this situation. It’s the Church that demands I go to Mass, the same Church that caused her such heartache.
 
Think about the OP’s poor wife. She’s already suffered too much, and would likely worry greatly about her husband if he went alone to church. And if, heaven forbid, something did happen to him, she would likely feel as though the Church had stolen something else from her. I can’t believe any of this would be the will of a loving God.

As for asking a priest about it, I suspect many of us have had the experience of different answers from different priests. We just have to do the best we can and trust to God’s mercy.

I’d suggest the OP go to a priest, get a dispensation to cover all the bases, and enjoy his meal, not forgetting to thank God for the opportunity to travel and enjoy good company.
 
Dear Billsannie, thank you so much for your response. Not only did you offer a solution (offered by others as well), but you did it with compassion. And that to me is the best part of your reply. God bless you. I believe this will be the final solution to this predicament.
 
Have you thought of going to Eucharistic Adoration together? Let Jesus heal her heart, since He is the only one who can.
 
I don’t know if she’d be receptive to this but it is a good idea. I know it’s best to do this when you’re not struggling but I’ve done it myself during hard times and it did help. Thanks for the suggestion.
 
TruthSkr said:
Ironically, I went to my pastor some time ago about a very difficult personal issue and, to my surprise, he was more charitable than I expected. So charitable, in fact, that what he told me was in sharp contrast to anything I read on this website.
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Welcome to CAF. It is the norm for priests to be kinder and more understanding than many of the people on this website, with a few exceptions, including the handful of actual priests who post here and are generally reasonable and understanding.

Frankly, for questions like “Is this a sin?” or “How should I handle going to Mass on vacation when it’s a problem to get there?” , you are better off going immediately to your priest with the question than coming here.
 
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How does one handle something like this?
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  1. Pray: Ask God what sacrifice he wants you to make: A. Potentially sacrifice the peace of your relationships.
    B. Sacrifice physically attending Mass for the peace of the party.
    C. Another plan altogether?
  2. Confess what you feel called to sacrifice to your Confessor.
  3. Listen to your Confessor’s advice, because he is God’s messenger.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Folks, there are some harsh replies to our brother.

Did you understand that the place he is traveling is considered dangerous for people to go away from the resort? Even if it were not, the Church does not require that we cause a family blow-up in order to attend Mass while on vacation. The non-Catholics (and non-practicing Catholics) can respect someone greatly and still wish to have dinner together while on vacation.

I am a late supper person, all of my family is, so eating dinner at 8 or 9 or 10 pm would not be a big deal. Not every family is like me. The Church does not require us to be.
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How do you know it is dangerous

If one can make it to mass reasonably, they are obligated to do so
 
Camehome4john6 said:
Talk to your priest. Chances are you will get a more charitable answer than some of the answers you could get here. Regardless, you will get sound truth rather than opinion.
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Not necessarily. Different priests will give different answers. I know of a bishop that told his niece that it was ok to receive communion even though she was actively living in mortal sin.

Priests are often wring
 
TruthSkr said:
Frankly, I think our Lord would prefer I comfort my wife in this situation. It’s the Church that demands I go to Mass, the same Church that caused her such heartache.
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Well you have your mind made up.
Evil Humans caused her heartache not Jesus
 
Tis_Bearself said:
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TruthSkr:
Ironically, I went to my pastor some time ago about a very difficult personal issue and, to my surprise, he was more charitable than I expected. So charitable, in fact, that what he told me was in sharp contrast to anything I read on this website.
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Frankly, for questions like “Is this a sin?” or “How should I handle going to Mass on vacation when it’s a problem to get there?” , you are better off going immediately to your priest with the question than coming here.
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Yes, especially when your priest is able to give permission for something. If he gives a dispensation from attending a Mass then there is no obligation, regardless of the opinion of anyone here or even of another priest.

Still, this situation reminds me of an important juncture in my own unsuccessful marriage. Our first marital conflicts were over Sunday Obligation with my wife insisting that it was a lower priority than her needs and our social obligations, despite being a Catholic herself (albeit a convert, during our engagement). She eventually “won” that battle, and in doing so severely undermined my standing in the household. For instance, after we had children I could not treat Mass as an “obligation” for the children and the family either - Mass was only when my wife felt like it, which became increasingly rare. A house divided. :confused:

If I could change one thing from my own marriage, it would be to always observe Sunday obligation myself (with the usual exceptions), without deferring to my wife’s feelings, out of “kindness” or to avoid a confrontation. Deferring to her didn’t do any good for the marriage in the long run anyway.
 
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Well, from an “outside perspective”:
TruthSkr said:
They all feel that attending Mass on vacation is ridiculous.
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That statement makes me wonder if they are just using the examples of pedophile clergy to rationalize sinful behavior. There is no pain expressed in that statement, just mockery of the faith.

And what next? Will she expect you to “comfort her” by committing other mortal sins such as eating meat on Fridays in Lent, by using artificial birth control, etc.? I’m not trying to be uncharitable, I’m just trying to point out a “slippery slope” that could ensue under a worst case scenario.

I can understand getting a dispensation to miss Mass due to safety concerns, but over a meal that can be rescheduled?
 
That’s just it. The meal could possibly be rescheduled, but that still leaves the risk of leaving the resort to go to Mass. The U.S. Department of State gives the Bahamas a Level 2 Advisory - Exercise Increased Caution - for high levels of crime, including robbery and physical assault. In order to get to Mass the OP would have to travel alone to an unfamiliar part of town, using public transportation. At the very least this is not prudent. Add the worry and stress it would cause his wife and it sounds like quite an unreasonable risk to take.
 
I’m sorry for your pain, for your wife’s pain and that of her family.
It’s sounds like they’re reeling :cry:
I’ll remember you all in my prayers :pray:t2:
 
Go to Mass. If the others, get upset because it’s at dinnertime, that’s on them not you. Your first obligation is to God.
 
Regarding your wife’s deep seeded and unresolved issues, these aren’t things you can help her with. She needs God’s help (He’s the only one who can heal her heart) as well as professional help.
 
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