His parents are homosexual

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annemarie12345

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Hi all,

Our daughter is in love with a man who was raised by lesbians and gay men. Both couples have been together for over 30 years and the young man is a very well adjusted individual and perfect for our daugher but for the fact his parents are homosexual.

What about future grandchildren? We do not want them brought up in such an environment. We do not believe homosexual ‘relationships’ to be good for children. Generally it is harmful to children, although this young man and his sister are remarkable. This must be because they had a mother and a father and not just two mums or two dads.

We really don’t know what to do about this problem as our daughter loves this man and has accepted his parents and their partners. All our extended family and friends are against homosexuality.

I have met the two mums and they are surprisingly normal. I find this situation peculiar as everything I have been taught about homosexual relationships has been proven wrong. These women have been together for thirty years and haven’t needed marriage or a civil partnership to keep them together. When I asked them if they would have liked to marry each other they said yes. I then asked why and they said ‘for their love to be seen as equal to that of a man and a woman’.

My husband is deeply against having anything to do with them and says that if they come to the wedding, he wont attend and neither will other relatives on his side! His view is that lesbians just want to be men and that gays just want to be women. However, I have actually found these two women to be normal.

What would you all do in such a situation? It has the potential to really divide our family.
 
I think what matters is how your daugher and future spouse plan to handle the situation regarding rearing their chidren in the Catholic faith and how they plan to explain this to their children at the appropriate time.

I find your post peculiar, actually.
 
april32010 said:
more than peculiar,it has an aroma.
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It most certainly does. The line “everything I have been taught about homosexual relationships has been proven wrong” was the “strongest smelling” to me.
 
anp1215 said:
It most certainly does. The line “everything I have been taught about homosexual relationships has been proven wrong” was the “strongest smelling” to me.
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What? Gays as good people? That is impossible!!! :eek::rolleyes:
 
The women you mention may appear normal in many respects, but it remains that they have chosen to act out their same-sex attraction by living together.

It is not impossible to obey God’s laws because He has given his life for us, and will grace us in any circumstances if we are open to it.

No matter how “nice” someone is, it doesn’t change the truth that they are living in sin by their choice.
 
Yes, Dorothy, they are living in sin by their choice.
How should we treat them? We obviously can’t change them and ignoring them or cutting them out of our lives is going to create nothing but problems. We can, or at least I can, accept them, but then what? I accept them, but not their homosexuality. So we all just remain friends for the sake of our children. I worry about future grandchildren though.
 
anp1215 said:
Yeah, because that’s totally what I meant.

If you didn’t find the passage peculiar, k.

I did, and so did others.
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What is peculiar about it? A lot of people stereotype those who are gays and then are surprised that they are for the most part, good people. We all have our sins, that doesn’t totally remove the good in us.
 
annemarie12345 said:
Yes, Dorothy, they are living in sin by their choice.
How should we treat them? We obviously can’t change them and ignoring them or cutting them out of our lives is going to create nothing but problems. We can, or at least I can, accept them, but then what? I accept them, but not their homosexuality. So we all just remain friends for the sake of our children. I worry about future grandchildren though.
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So, what have your daughter and her fiance discussed regarding how to handle it? Are they both practicing Catholics?
 
annemarie12345 said:
Yes, Dorothy, they are living in sin by their choice.
How should we treat them? We obviously can’t change them and ignoring them or cutting them out of our lives is going to create nothing but problems. We can, or at least I can, accept them, but then what? I accept them, but not their homosexuality. So we all just remain friends for the sake of our children. I worry about future grandchildren though.
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We treat them like every other person. Jesus said to love one another, even your enemies. Jesus loves them even if they are gays. He doesn’t want them to sin, but that doesn’t stop him from loving them. Our job is to love them. Jesus will judge them, and us, when the time comes. Judgement should never come from us. Every person you know has some despicable sin they have committed, or are continuously committing.
 
I was taught certain things about homosexuals and these two women are not what I expected lesbians to be like. For a start I never expected them to maintain a relationship for thirty years or to bring up two well adjusted children.
 
They are spiritual. They believe in God, but not a judgemental God. It’s all very confusing to me. We weren’t brought up this way. We were taught to hate these homosexuals becasue of various reasons. I am behind with the times. I know my husband will not tolerate them. He has a hard enough time with our daughter being ‘spiritual’.
I just can’t see us being a happy family for future grandchildren. This saddens me more than anything.
 
annemarie12345 said:
Hi all,

We really don’t know what to do about this problem as our daughter loves this man and has accepted his parents and their partners. All our extended family and friends are against homosexuality.

My husband is deeply against having anything to do with them and says that if they come to the wedding, he wont attend and neither will other relatives on his side! His view is that lesbians just want to be men and that gays just want to be women. However, I have actually found these two women to be normal.

What would you all do in such a situation? It has the potential to really divide our family.
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When I got married to my husband we invited a couple who are friends of my family. They are gay, because we knew that my husband’s father would not be happy with gay people there,we didn’t tell him that they were gay. I know that doesn’t help your situation as your husband already knows, and the people who are gay are family. I only tell you, as I do appreciate your situation. I don’t agree with the lifestyle they keep (they too present as ‘mormal!’ but I believe that 'We have all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God" and I would like people to still like dispite my sins.
Also along the same lines “Let he who is without sins cast the first stone”
I also read something in a book that I have found very useful and often think about it, “Hate the sin, but love the sinner!” I think that is what Jesus would want us to do (WWJD- What would Jesus do)

I would also explain to your husband and his family, that your daughter wants her dad to be at her wedding, and obviously her groom wants his family to be there. Two of our bridesmaids parents had split up and their mum said that it would not be good for her and her husband to be at the church so we had to choose who we wanted. I felt really bad at having to choose between them, I thought their daughters would want them both there. Even 8 years later I still resent being put in that position. PLEASE ask your husband not to put his daughter in that position. If he can’t be nice, for one day then it says more about him, than the gay couples!
 
annemarie12345 said:
They are spiritual. They believe in God, but not a judgemental God. It’s all very confusing to me. We weren’t brought up this way. We were taught to hate these homosexuals becasue of various reasons. I am behind with the times. I know my husband will not tolerate them. He has a hard enough time with our daughter being ‘spiritual’.
I just can’t see us being a happy family for future grandchildren. This saddens me more than anything.
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We shouldn’t have been taught to hate. There is nothing in the Bible that says we should hate. Jesus said love our enemies. Jesus is the judge and he will judge. We are not to judge, we are only to love.
 
Weird post. OP says both couples have been together for 30 years, which places them in the 1970’s. It would have been very unusual for a gay couple of either gender to have children at that time.

The OP says the lesbian half of the parents are normal. She hasn’t mentioned the gay male part yet. While women can be monogamous in a lesbian relationship, it is very rare that gay men are monogamous, even if they are in “committed” relationships. Gay men know the truth, and their “marriages” are not like heterosexual marriages. Both partners will likely carry on having sexual encounters other than their partner.

However unusual this thread is, with all the gay people having and adopting children these days, the situation is bound to increase over time.
 
Imagine that that the groom, instead of having been raised by homosexual partners, had instead been raised by heterosexual partners who could not marry in the Catholic church because one of them could not obtain an annulment, but nonetheless sinfully decided to live together for 30 years.

How would you deal with that situation?
 
annemarie12345 said:
Yes, Dorothy, they are living in sin by their choice.
How should we treat them? We obviously can’t change them and ignoring them or cutting them out of our lives is going to create nothing but problems. We can, or at least I can, accept them, but then what? I accept them, but not their homosexuality. So we all just remain friends for the sake of our children. I worry about future grandchildren though.
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I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was advocating being unkind. My response was referring to the OP’s inference that they were nice people and that it changed her view of homosexual persons.

And I’m sure a priest can help her with advice about her concern of relatives not attending the wedding, and their hard feelings.
 
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